Best of 2009 Blog Challenge

Here we go, all in one post, 31 days' worth of the Best of 2009.

December 1 Trip

So many to choose from! Do I have to pick just one? Yes? Okay. I'll pick visiting family and attending Good Vibrations in San Diego in September.

December 2 Restaurant moment

Frank talked about our hot date at Ruth's Chris, so I'll pick a more routine but no less special kind of night. The four of us regularly dine together at Romio's in downtown Everett. We feel comfortable there, which makes for a relaxed and chatty family meal. Blissfully ordinary.

December 3 Article

Another tough choice, but the one that wins by virtue of coming to mind first is Why Don't Students Like School? Well, Duhhhh..." by Peter Gray.

December 4 Book

Fiction: "The School of Essential Ingredients" by Erica Bauermeister. I reviewed it here.

Nonfiction: "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach.

December 5 Night out

Partying with Beth and Dana and Shonna and Jacinta and Robin at Casa Que Pasa. In memory, the night is one long laugh.

December 6 Workshop or conference

LIFE is Good, Vancouver, WA, May 2009. It was an exceptional weekend. MJ said, "It was as fun as camp!" High praise indeed.

December 7 Blog find of the year

Linda Hessel's "navel gazing" blog, Cottonwood. I am thrilled to have another place to read Linda's thoughts.

December 8 Moment of peace.

The class I took in Vipassana meditation. The sessions were themselves calm and interesting and soothing, but the tools I learned there have provided many hundreds of peaceful moments, during and since, and many thousands more to come.

December 9 Challenge

Being laid off threw me for an emotional loop. Getting hired again has done it again. The whole unemployment cycle has been the proverbial growth experience.

December 10 Album of the year

No album (yet?), but it's The Greybeards that have really rocked my world. Making music with my friends is FUN.

Note: If you really want some album recommendations, check out Craig's Top 28 Moments in Music :: 2009.

December 11 The best place

Where the unschoolers are.

December 12 New food

I can't think of one.

December 13 Change you made to the place you live

We converted the homeschool room (itself formerly known as the diningroom) into a music room where the keyboard and guitars and amps can be in a constant state of readiness.

December 14 Rush

The whole frickin' year was a rush, let me tell you. But if I'm picking one specific rush, it would have to be learning to shoot a bow and arrow and actually hitting the target. I can tell that there will come a time when archery is a passion of mine, but for this year I just had the appetizer.

December 15 Best packaging

???

Oh, I know! The conference bag for Good Vibrations was mega-cool.

December 16 Tea of the year

The fruity stuff Gillian kept me supplied with while I was at her house earlier this month. Tea cozy!

December 17 Word or phrase

You probably know the old curse/blessing: May you live in interesting times. Well, I do.

December 18 Shop

Everett Optometry Clinic. I got new glasses! With this slick little sunglasses attachment! And trial hypoallergenic contact lenses!

It's been a long time without all of these things.

December 19 Car ride

I'd have to say it's the ones I don't have to take now that MJ is driving herself around. We are all loving her new independence.

December 20 New person

Nope, I can't choose just one, so I'll just give a shoutout to all the new babies in my world, especially Gabriella, Rudy, Jackson, Ryan, and Connor.

December 21 Project

Three-way tie here:

1. The Maier Family Cookbook, 2009 Reunion Edition. Sonya gets primary credit on this, but I'm proud of my desktop publishing contribution. I also ran the reunion Web site and organized lodging for the Marty Maier branch, all while preparing...

2. My "RATS in the House" talk for LIFE is Good. (RATS stands for Respect, Acceptance, Trust, and Support.)

3. The Greybeards performance at Good Vibrations.

December 22 Startup

Guadalupe's Coffee Roaster! (I'm the startup in this case; Dana has been selling her fine coffees for a long time.)

December 23 Web tool

Facebook. By all means, Facebook. It has filled a need I didn't know I had.

December 24 Learning experience

Life.

December 25 Gift

Friendship.

December 26 Insight or aha! moment

There were many. I'll go with Chloe's return to school and the chance it provided me to see what a mostly positive experience school can be when the student is there by choice and without pressure.

But I'm glad she's home again. :-)

December 27 Social web moment

Exchanging double entendres on Facebook was really fun.

December 28 Stationery

I love paper, but the only kind I use anymore is printer paper and notebook paper and sticky notes and the backs of envelopes. The Internet is my real stationery.

December 29 Laugh

Giggling with my girls. This happens with some regularity, so I can't pick just one time.

December 30 Ad

I hate commercials. But, okay, I like the one where the guys rent puppies to help them pick up girls. "Ohhhhhh, he's so cute!"

December 31 Resolution you wish you'd stuck with

Ahem. See here. It's not that I didn't stick with them, but my consistent application of these new habits is spotty.

Unconscious mutterings #361

I'm trying this out for the first time this week. Click here if you want to play.

1. Classified :: Biology


2. Praised :: Punished


3. Censored :: Lame


4. 2010 :: Ready or not


5. Lamp :: Worm (this makes perfect sense if you visit Moltara on Neopets)


6. Alternate :: Reality


7. Script :: Handwriting


8. Handsome :: Duck (NO idea!)


9. Eager :: Minds


10. Meeting :: Place

Literal minded? Me? Nah.

NYR #1: I love you because

I have a friend who went to a psychology/self-improvement seminar once. The facilitator had everyone write on a sticky note a negative trait about themselves that they wished to improve. My friend wrote, "Judgmental." Then they all stuck their notes to their shirts and wandered around chatting with each other. After a bit, the facilitator asked people to talk about what that had been like, having their worst failings exposed in that way. A man stood up and said, "I was feeling okay until I talked to somebody whose tag said 'Judgmental'!"

Well, another of my friends, Crystal, posted this to Facebook about me the other day:

[I] was given many gifts in 2009. One was a statement made by Ronnie Maier. I said, "Ya'll love me anyway..." She replied, "We love you because..."

Those 4-words birthed an entire new story for my world. It was a moment where I realized that people will love me for exactly who I am and some won't love me at all and that I don't really want those people to love me anyway. I want people to love me for everything I am and chose to be. I can be loved simply because I am me.

I've brought this here to my blog because I, too, am subject to judgmentalism. We all are. It is both critical to our survival and the most prevalent and pain-inducing of our human frailties. But I want Crystal's words here to remind me that even our smallest interactions can have a profound effect on other people. Whether that effect is good or bad is largely under our control. In this case (a comment on someone's Facebook status), I said something loving, and it mattered. That feels really good!

But I wonder how many times I've caused pain during one of those small interactions. I wonder how many times I've neglected to offer someone the benefit of the doubt the way I know I do with unschoolers. I wonder how many times I've failed to love someone because. I wonder how many times I've done these things to myself.

All this wondering has led to my first resolution for 2010. I want to muffle the critic in my head, or at the very least disconnect her from my mouth. It comes down to a simple intention: Be kinder.

My how Christmas has changed

MJ started receiving "Merry Christmas" text messages at 6:28 a.m.

When we finished opening presents, we took turns getting on Facebook. A great many of our friends apparently did the same.

And in and around all this newfangled communication, the old-school telephone has been getting its usual good use.

I love how gadgets and gizmos and the Internet have given us so many more ways to say we love each other!

The evidence

One of my best gifts ever!

Awwww...

A Godiva breakfast

A pause in the frenzy

For remembrance

(Re)Action shot

The Doings Report

MJ and I went up to Vancouver Island to visit Effie, Fergus, Craig, and Gillian for a couple of days. It was a lovely little retreat. We were in the midst of a cold (for us) snap, so our walks on the nature trail adjacent to their house were frosty and intriguing, with fabulous ice sculptures decorating the rocky areas and ice thick enough to stand on over some (but not all) of the ponds and puddles. But the best times were indoors, where we played games and talked and laughed and made concoctions and just generally bonded. Craig posted some photos here.

We got back to the mainland ferry dock to find the MR2 had a flat. MJ and I got the car jacked up and the lug nuts loosened (aka, the hard parts), and then a BC Ferries guy showed up to help. This was fine and nice of him except he was the type to lecture while he worked. "You know, you oughta..." I would have preferred to finish up myself and skip the lecture.

We had a pretty quiet week at home after that, doing a little Christmas shopping and I don't remember what else. Then we had baking day in anticipation of a cookie exchange at Randi and Kauleen's house. Frank and I continued north from there for Greybeards rehearsals at the Anguishes' house. It was really fun to see everybody, and I fell in love all over again with making music.

(In case you hadn't heard, a variant of the Greybeards are playing at Zenmomma's Non-Con and 50th Birthday Bash Extravaganza. Alex and Jeff and Marc can't make it up, so Scotty and future Greybeards Matteo and Chris are filling in. Should be a fun party!)

The border guards are beginning to take mild interest in the frequency with which we cross the border. "When was the last time you visited Canada?" they ask, I suppose to see if we evince any nervousness about replying. Should I have warned them we're probably going back up for more rehearsal in mid-January? :-)

While we were gone, MJ and Chloe had a party. Yes, we knew about it, and I made a point of letting our neighbors know we knew about it. Seems like it ended up more girls' sleepover than the dreaded wild teen party.

This week has been about finishing up the shopping. I'm really pleased with how much Christmas we've been able to squeeze out of our limited budget, but it means I have too much wrapping to do! At some point, I started a little tradition of providing my nieces and daughters with a couple of small gifts to help them survive the endless hours until the official gift-opening time Christmas Eve. We're up to eight girls now, so that tradition alone leads to a lot of wrapping. Oh, well, I love it anyway!

Friday fill-in

1. No, we will NOT give up.

2. Much measuring and mixing is going on at the old kitchen table.

3. I watched the steam rising from the hot cup of coffee and thought: I can already tell this isn't going to be strong enough.

4. Almost everything is going to be okay.

5. I'll take two, thank you.

6. It's a messy, marvelous world, at least from my point of view.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to samples, tomorrow my plans include a cookie party and a light flirtation with a Canadian border guard, and Sunday, I want to rock with the Greybeards! And roll.

Dedicated to Christmas

Here's what today is all about at our house:

Rosie's Christmas Cookies
This is only the third time we've made these in more than 18 years in this house. That might have something to do with the fact that the first time we made them, MJ and Chloe were about 5 and 3. It was messy. I had to leave the room. By the time Frank and the girls were done, there was flour literally from ceiling to floor, and the rug in our breakfast nook (where most of the mixing took place) looked like a Destin beach. And then there was the girls' hair! Oy. We made paste in the bathtub.

A year or two ago, we were finally ready to try again. The girls were tidier and more skilled, and we had by then incorporated a big mixer into our kitchen (no more hand stirring!). It was a piece of cake, or rather, a full yield of some yummy cookies.

Nina's Chess Pie
I'm trying a simple variation on this one today. I'll let you know how it turns out.

And last but not least:



Tons and tons of wrapping. I'm not sure how we ended up with so much to wrap when we slashed our gift list down to the bone this year, but there you go.

This is why I believe in Santa Claus.

12 days of Christmas, MJ style

Have you been receiving your daily gifts from MJ? Check out her blog. (Hint: She loves comments!)

Our holiday letter

I am once again foregoing holiday cards. But here's the letter I would have included had I been sending them out, with the added bonus of links to more details.



"Let the unexpected changes of 2009 commence!"
Ronnie the Fate Tempter
January 9, 2009

Dear family and friends,

Holiday greetings from the Maier family! I'm sitting here, listening to the rain, thinking back over a challenging and amazing year and feeling glad so many of you were a part of it.

We started the year with both girls away from home, something that happens more and more as they get older, due in no small part to the fact that our unschooling lifestyle has led to our having friends all over the country. This time it was the Santa Cruz area, south of San Francisco, where they celebrated the arrival of the New Year at friend Harper's. Chloe (15) came home with bus-driver Frank soon after (he spent the interim sailing and having some alone time), but MJ (17) stayed forever, or so it felt to me at the time. She did some camping and learned to shoot large guns. Yes, really.

And then we hit a sad note with the death of Frank's dad, Marty. He had been pretty frail for a while and just sort of faded away, fortunately with all of his kids by his side. The girls and I joined Frank in New Orleans for the funeral, and Frank's brother Chuck's family came into town from Houston, too. It was a huge comfort to have the whole family together.

We got home and immediately (and I do mean immediately) learned that I had been laid off from my shiny new job at Microsoft. And thus we discovered that grief and stress really do not go well together.

Compared to those tough times, the rest of the year has been a lark!

After six years as an unschooler, Chloe decided to give the local high school a whirl. She took a variety of classes, ranging from guitar and drama to Algebra and science. It only took her a couple of weeks to get what she wanted out of the deal (mostly the assurance that (1) she can excel in school if she wants to, and (2) she hasn't been missing anything she cares about very much), but she chose to stay and complete the six-week grading period. Then, in true unschooler fashion, she promptly flew to Georgia to hang out with friends.

But before that, some other friends came to visit. This set a pattern for the year: we have had unschoolers here just about every month, and if we didn't, it was because we went to them. In fact, Frank and I just thought it through, and some number of us "went to them" in every month except February. We're ending the year in kind, with MJ and me just back from a visit to Vancouver Island and the girls planning to spend New Year's Eve in Salem, Oregon.

But we can stop anytime we want. Really.

It's been a big year for conferences. In April, a much-altered Chloe and I attended Sakura Con, Seattle's annual anime and manga convention. May brought our annual jaunt to Vancouver, Wash., for the LIFE is Good Unschooling Conference, and in September we traveled to the Good Vibrations Unschooling Conference in San Diego. Between the two conferences, I gave two speeches and hosted two funshops, and Frank sat on the Dads Panel in S.D., which all went well and was fun (at least after the fact), but the main high at these events is always the chance to connect with so many wonderful people who parent with joy and kindness. Not to mention the amazing kids they travel with!

We've also had several chances to connect with family this year, having hosted Frank's nephew Jerry, his wife, Cori, and their wonderful 3-year-old bundle of energy, Molly, for two weeks this summer, with Jerry's sister, Lori, and her husband, Bobby, in for a couple of (hot!) days at the end, all in advance of the big Maier Family Reunion in Manzanita. After that, my dad and his wife, Reneé, came for a too brief visit, sadly interrupted by my unfortunate need to complete a work contract.

And did I mention the unschooler party on Vancouver Island, or the numerous trips to Oregon, or MJ and Chloe's trip to South Carolina for another unschooler party? No? I must have been too tired!

As you can see, we've been very busy this year. It's probably a good thing I haven't been able to find much work; I wouldn't have known where to fit it in! Still, I'm very glad to report that it looks like I have a long-term contract lined up for the new year.

This is getting long, but how can I close without talking about the music... And the words (MJ completed NaNoWriMo). And the meditation. And the driver's license. And the babies (Gabriella, Rudy, Jackson, Ryan, Connor, and probably a couple more new friends all arrived in 2009). And then there's the college planning both girls are doing (MJ is thinking psychology and Chloe is thinking set design) and the hints we're getting about what the next several years might look like.

It's a lot, and it all adds up to a happy, healthy, busy life with more fun and adventure than we sometimes know what to do with. But that's not a bad thing to cope with, eh?

Wishing you all a happy, healthy, and not too busy holiday season and a New Year that is very fun and as adventurous as you would choose it to be!

Ronnie and the krewe

False false prophets

A gift of "could this get any more ridiculous?"

"The 1,073 e-mails examined by the [Associated Press] show that [University of East Anglia] scientists harbored private doubts, however slight and fleeting, even as they told the world they were certain about climate change. However, the exchanges don't undercut the vast body of evidence showing the world is warming because of man-made greenhouse gas emissions." [emphasis mine]

E-mails stolen from climate scientists show pettiness, not fraud

Friday fill-in

Another gift of fill-ins



1. Good times: helping Effie and Fergus make reindeer and sheep poop.

2. Welcome to my home. Pardon the mess: it's the maid's lifetime off.

3. Sleigh bells ring somewhere, but it's not a sound we hear much in the Puget Sound area.

4. You may not know this about me, but I enjoy spending time with kids. Yes, really. Just a little.

5. Once more unto the breach, dear friends. I will probably return to work before the end of the year.

6. Am I happy to have paychecks in my future? Indeed. Am I happy my dedicated family time is coming to an end? Not so much.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to catching up with Frank and Chloe, tomorrow my plans include a Minshull family Christmas gathering, and Sunday, I want to wing it!

Linky linky

A gift of jumps

I'd prefer a female driver, thanks
"...males were involved in roughly 6.1 million crashes in 2007, of which more than 40,000 were fatal. By comparison, females were involved in about 4.4 million crashes and logged about 14,000 fatal car accidents."

Insecurity at the airport
"We have asked TSA to find the tools terrorists use and prevent both from boarding a passenger plane. We have unintentionally created an agency that now seeks efficiency and compliance more than any weapon or explosive."

Fun, it is
"Convert your English into Yoda-speak."

And speaking of Star Wars
"If they had Facebook in Star Wars..."

You can just rock me tae sleep tonight
"So as you curl up in bed tonight, think about the trillion tiny, thriving, vigorous bugs that are nestling with you all over your skin. They're there to help you. Really."

Wordless Wednesday

A gift of sneaking one in
(yes, I posted this late)

Engage

A gift of boldly going

Virgin Galactic unveils the VSS Enterprise:

Photo credit: Robyn Beck

The continuing mission

Phone home

A gift of insight

I caught a tiny bit of some self-improvement show on PBS last night, a woman talking about different emotional types. She was describing her "empath" type, which, hmm, sounded rather familiar, as did her "intellectual" type. (As a Gemini, I would be shocked if I ever fit into only one type.) Anyway, at one point she said, "Empaths always want to go home."

Well, that struck a chord. For years and years my reaction to a particular type of sadness (despair? discouragement? feeling like I can't be good enough?) has been a strong desire to go home. I say "I want to go home" out loud with some regularity, even whilst sitting in my own livingroom. This definitely does not refer to my childhood home. Instead, I think it's a desire for internal peace.

Abort... maybe...

A gift of wimping out

I started NaBloPoMo because I was in the mood to blog. Then it went away. Unless the writing mood returns tomorrow, I am calling it quits.

It's a good thing I'm blogging without obligation or I'd feel really lame right about now.

Okay fine

A gift of obligation

I don't feel like blogging, but I'll only "win" NaBloPoMo if I post every day.

There. Done.

P.S. Frank has put more effort into his post for today. Go see.

Friday fill-in

A gift of fill-ins



1. You get what you need. You just might find. If you try sometimes.

2. It's only right to be kind.

3. It's cheer-and-stress time.

4. My fear of dentistry is slightly ridiculous!

5. I feel more optimistic than I did the other day.

6. Here's your moment of Zen...goodnight!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to having my dental cleaning over with, and the series finale of Monk (*sniff*), tomorrow my plans include odds and ends, and Sunday, I want to watch the Seahawks win without freezing!

F-e-m-a-l-e power! F-e-m-a-l-e power!

A gift of girls

We saw some friends today. They have two daughters, 4 and 8. It was so fun! We spent a long time playing in the kids' area at the downtown REI, and then we spent some more time playing in the lobby of their hotel.

On Tuesday, MJ and Chloe and I went up to Bellingham to get acquainted with some people in the Bellingham Radical Unschoolers group (BRU-Ha-Ha). There were three little girls there, 5 and 4 and 18 months. We built with Kapla blocks and ran around the house, and MJ let the 4yo listen to her iPod. (Rudy was there, too, but I'll save him as a gift for another day.)

On Thanksgiving, we were at my mom's and got to spend time with three of my six local nieces (for a total of eight granddaughters for my mom). These three nieces are 10 and 6 and 3. We drank Martinelli's and ate fudge (among other things) and watched a movie.

We have for several years been surrounded by little girls. I love it! This is not to in any way disparage little boys, because I love hanging out with them, too. But I suppose because I have daughters, there is just something amazing about having so many girls in our sphere, some essentially female chemistry that gets going when we get so many of them together in one place or, as with this week, have visits with so many in quick succession.

Frank is perpetually outnumbered. I don't think he minds it too much.

A long day on the set of Castle

A gift of goofiness

Wordless Wednesday

New unschooling summer camp

A friend of mine is starting a new summer camp for unschooled teens. It will be in East Tennessee probably the first week of August 2010. For breaking news, go here.

Blessings and commandments

A gift of choices
The theme for National Blog Posting Month in December is mitzvah. Not being terribly knowledgeable about Judaism, I started by researching the word itself. According to Wikipedia, it has in more recent times come to mean an act of kindness. (Wikipedia actually says "act of human kindness," but I think we can assume the "human" part is understood.)

Traditionally, though, a mitzvah is a commandment of Jewish law. The plural is mitzvot, and the plural is appropriate because there are a lot of them.

So. If I am to participate in NaBloPoMo, I can write about gifts or rules. Hmm, let me think... ;-)

Actually, I don't find either theme terribly inspiring, so I'm not sure this is going to be my month for NaBloPoMo. But if I proceed, with 31 days to account for, I'll probably hit on both over the course of the month.

I might also loop in some posts using the prompts here. The prompt for today is Best Trip of 2009. I don't have to do that one because Frank took care of it. I'll just add that we also had a few impromptu drives to Oregon and British Columbia that were really fun and added a lot to our Joy Quotient for the year.

Friends who let you sleep over are a blessing indeed.

Helping kids with anger

Disclaimer: I react very strongly to the anger of others and therefore often have trouble responding calmly. It should be noted then that the following process represents an ideal to reach for rather than a claim that I have any special ability to reach it.

Step 1: Stop the insanity. Or kick it up a notch. If physical violence is occurring, stop it. Be quiet and act. Intervention might mean stepping between two combatants, moving one kid away, or doing something so startling that the kids stop fighting to look at you. A sudden chicken dance might work.

Step 2: Reflect. "Whoa, you are really angry." This is SO important with small kids, I can't even begin to tell you. They are often so overwhelmed by their emotions that they don't have any words for them. Plus, you show quite clearly that you SEE them.

Step 3: Deflect. "Here, hit this pillow instead of your brother." A kid who is hitting needs an outlet, badly. To expect an angry kid to stop and stifle the way adults do is crazy, not to mention psychologically contraindicated.

Step 4: Provide deeper reflection and empathy. "I understand. I get so frustrated when things like that happen." Remember that anger is almost always a cover for some other emotion. You can help SO much by helping the child identify the underlying emotion.

Step 5: Suggest and model alternatives. "When I'm angry, stomping my feet helps." Then do some stomping. As the atmosphere lightens up, try for playful: "And when I’m REALLY mad, I growl like a giant."

Step 6: Love 'em up. What will reassure your kid that expressing anger is okay? Hugs? Quiet time playing with cars? Snuggles on the couch? A bike ride together? Whatever it is, do that.

Step 7: Repeat as needed. If learning to deal with anger were easy, there wouldn't be so many people in therapy. Remember that your child is not (NOT!) going to get it on the first try. You will (WILL!) need to go through this process again and again. Be patient. Take the long view.

Related post: Averting intensity

Birth dance

A lovely, lovely quote from Sara McGrath.

"I never felt drawn to the warrior woman approach to labor and birth. I didn't want to fight. I wanted to dance."

Full post

More unschoolers

The unschooling community is growing and growing, and this is being reflected in the blogosphere. Accordingly, I've added some links to my lists of unschooler blogs in the sidebar.

If you're using my Updated Unschooler Blogs list to find recent posts, you might have to check it a little bit more frequently, or click the Show All at the bottom to make sure you haven't missed anybody.

If you're a blogging unschooler (or an unschooling blogger) and your blog is not listed, please let me know! I am not deliberately excluding anybody. I want your blog on the list!

Sunday system check

• What I'm reading: Prince of Dreams by Lisa Kleypas - not one of her best but I was in the mood
• What I'm listening to: just finished talking to Cherie
• What I'm watching: a goal-line stand
• In the meantime: I am going to do some laundry today. I am, I am.
• What's for dinner: no plan yet, probably leftovers

Friday fill-in

1. Wait! Wait, don't forget to do your Friday fill-ins.

2. Sleepless nights are followed at once by coffee.

3. The trouble is like the beauty: in the eye of the beholder.

4. Molly and my nephews are too many miles away.

5. With a faint pop, her daydreams about January traveling came to an end. Except for Non-Con. She's still going to Non-Con. Dammit.

6. Most days in the Pacific Northwest winter are shadowy and ominous.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to continuing my entirely passive participation in Buy Nothing Day, tomorrow my plans include doing just whatever I want, and Sunday, I want to watch the Hawks win for once pretty please!

Thursday 13

13 Things I Am Grateful For This Year

1. Frank's voice. Our conversations. His jokes. His singing. His writing. His quiet words of reassurance when I'm down. All of these have been threaded through my life for more than half my life, and I appreciate them more every day.

2. MJ's walls. Song lyrics. Quotes in Latin. Her own art. Other people's art. Photos. Magazine clippings. Postcards. Posters. She's made her room into a temple of self-expression and creativity. Every time I go in there, I notice something new and get a lovely and intriguing little glimpse into her thoughts, dreams, preferences, or whims. It's fun and inspiring.

3. Chloe's imagination. Thanks to the discovery of an old notebook, we've been reintroduced to Chloeland these last couple of days, the place where everything works the way Chloe thinks it should. She started talking about Chloeland when she was very small, and we would regularly be visited by emissaries from there. It is a rich place indeed and but one example of how her imagination has added color to our lives.

4. Being laid off. It is more than synthetic happiness when I include this on my gratitude list. My layoff has led directly to a year full of personal growth and some much needed healing of some very old wounds. It has also given me the time for a year packed to the rafters with fun, family, traveling, and houseguests.

5. Having a job. It looks like I'll be returning to work sometime in December. Paychecks are good, too.

6. Stan Wilson. I wish this book were still in print so it would be easier for everybody to read it.

7. Friends. Above all, friends. So many people have helped make this year so fun. My gratitude includes (but is by no means limited to):

Exchanging e-mail with Steph. Steph is the one who loves me even though I share my lesser side with her.

Bra shopping with Dana. Finding the right support is important!

Making music with Shonna and Robin and Jacinta. My chicks! Even though Jacinta won't sing.

Visiting the gum wall with the Waynforths. Tasty!

Movie meetups with the Boswells. We are so compatible at the movie theater, we have even run into each other there accidentally.

Midnight concoctions with the Mayers. And everything that goes along with them.

Trick-or-treating Winkler style. This is SO fun!

Crashing in Corvallis. A home away from home with a ready-made unschooling community is a haven indeed.

8. Hard work by Flo Gascon and Mary Gold. Every unschooling conference I've been to has been special. The two I attended this year? Stunningly good! No year that includes LIFE is Good and Good Vibrations can be a bad year!

9. Hard work by cousin Sonya. Last spring, I helped in a very minor way to bring to a conclusion two years of effort by Sonya. The result? A lovely, lovely family cookbook, full of stories, photos, and some damned fine recipes.

10. Music and the people who make it. This year, we added three guitars and numerous percussion devices to our house, not to mention a variety of amps and cables and other paraphernalia. These represent a year of family musical learning and experiences that I will never forget! Discovering guitar with Chloe. Playing "I Don't Like Reggae (I Love It!)" with the family. The 2nd annual LIFE is Groovy drum circle. That first impromptu Greybeards performance. Several *extremely* fun Greybeards rehearsals. And then our exhilarating and hilarious dance party performance at Good Vibrations. Wow! Wow! Wow!

11. Facebook. I'm surrounded by friends every single day. It's amazingly fun. And the double entendres are hard to beat!

Poke!

12. Unschooling. Unschooling. Unschooling.

13. Relatively good news. Tom's cancer? Not grateful for that. That Tom's cancer won't be taking him from us? Very grateful for that.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Conditional vs. unconditional friends

"In the long run, I find that the closest friends in my social network become more unconditional over time. My path of personal growth and exploration naturally weeds out the conditional connections, i.e. the people who are only willing to have me in their reality if I align with their particular prejudices." — Steve Pavlina

From his recent post about social networking

(Meme)nto mori

Frank helped get this meme going around again. You're supposed to post the sixth photo from the sixth photo folder on your computer. Well, my computer doesn't have six folders of photos, but I grabbed the sixth photo in the last (third) folder. It's a good one!



This was taken at the first Maier family reunion in Manzanita, Oregon, summer of 2007.

Front row left to right: Aunt Loretta, Aunt Helen, Aunt Ruth, Aunt Grace
Back row left to right: Uncle Ed, Uncle Ferd, Uncle Pat, Aunt Jorene, Uncle Morrie

Ferd, Pat, Morrie, Loretta, and Grace are Marty's surviving siblings. Ed is Loretta's husband; Jorene and Ruth are Morrie's and Pat's wives, respectively; and Helen is Uncle Paul's widow.

The Doings Report

Time flies. It's been two weeks since my last Doings Report. This means three things:

• My days and weeks are even more unstructured than I thought.
• Thanksgiving is in two and a half days.
• Christmas is really %*#(@# close.

But this is no time to panic!

We are really liking having an additional licensed driver in the house. MJ and Chloe get to go places, and Frank and I can stay home! Wow, wow, wow! They are no longer dependent on our energy and willingness, and we are guilt-free since they find going off on their own really fun! So far, we haven't had any car conflicts, but that might get a little trickier once I am back at work.

Which leads to that bit of news: It looks like I have a job. Nothing is finalized yet, but I hope to be returning to my old team for a longish-term writing project within the next couple of weeks. I have some mixed feelings, of course, because I LOVE being home with my family. But paychecks are good, too.

With their new freedom of the road, MJ and Chloe have been getting out and about some. They've done a little shopping, a little visiting of friends and family, and a little roadtripping. MJ has actually been up to Bellingham twice this week, once for an unschooler gathering at Village Books, and once with Chloe for a friend's music show at a coffeeshop. Due to some sort of mixup, the show didn't happen, but they had cocoa and a roadtrip together and it was all good.

The unschooler gathering MJ went to was notable because it was a visit with some women and their smaller children that was originally on my calendar. Then I came down with this cold and couldn't go. MJ decided to go up anyway, even though she expected to be the only teenager there. She had a good time and got to record her first solo roadtrip in her (imaginary) driving log.

Last night, the four of us went down to Seattle and had Thai food in Fremont. We met up with TJ, an unschooling dad from Vermont who has been here scouting out a new home for his family. His wife's brother Shane and Shane's girlfriend, Kalena, joined us. We missed Heather and the boys, but we had lots of good conversation and delicious food. It will be so nice having another unschooling family in the northwest fold!

MJ's NaNoWriMo effort continues. She announced this morning that she has to kill someone today. :-) Chloe has, I think, shifted her writing energy to the stage. She installed some script-writing software on the laptop, anyway! She's also been doing research into stage design. This included attending "Chasing Nicolette" at the Village Theatre with my grandma, and then returning on her own for a repeat performance. The set for the play is evidently pretty fascinating, being a rotating castle. She was thrilled at yesterday's performance when they experienced some technical difficulties with the set, and she got glimpses from her front-row seat of their busy repair efforts.

Frank has been writing, writing, writing. He's been blogging, beautifully, about things he's grateful for. I can't wait to see this Wednesday's effort! He's also been arguing a little politics and advocating a little unschooling, doing his part to make the world a better place. He's gaining quite a following in the unschooling community, something I find gratifying but he's not entirely comfortable with.

As for me, from one perspective, I have been doing next to nothing. From another, I have been learning a lot. It didn't really happen during our busy summer, but I think I've been discovering unschooling these last weeks, or at least deschooling. I read and read and read—a mix of fiction and non—and I watch a big variety of stuff on the television, and I look up all kinds of stuff on the Internet. I am aware of being idle, and a part of me (the schooled part?) is going, "DO SOMETHING," but I have never felt more engaged with my own brain. I think if I had more time without work demands I might move into the kind of creativity and activity that I see in my kids. Ah, well, maybe I can keep work from taking over too much.

Tom update: The radiation therapy is not agreeing with his guts at all. They have postponed his next round until his system settles down a bit. Please send him lots of "feel better" thoughts.

Christmas in November

Jessica has crossed the equator and is rounding Christmas Island, concluding the first month and first leg of her 8-month nonstop solo circumnavigation. Her blog is fascinating, especially to sailors, teens, and parents of teens.

This is Jess undergoing her traditional salt-water dunking as she crossed the equator:

Sunday system check

• What I'm reading: The Secret by Julie Garwood - an old favorite
• What I'm listening to: the banter of teenagers
• What I'm watching: the humiliation of the Seahawks
• In the meantime: dropping Chloe off at the theater to see "Chasing Nicolette" again, front row center on her own nickel
• What's for dinner: Jai Thai in Fremont with TJ

Friday fill-in

1. We need world peace and health care for all. Sad that both seem so far out of reach.

2. I finally saw "13 Going on 30," and it made me smile. "Juno" wasn't a fluke: Jennifer Garner learned to act somewhere along the line.

3. If you want respect from your kids, stop telling them what to do.

4. I had to cancel/postpone two unschooler gatherings this week because of this stupid cold.

5. Massachusetts has a proposed 5% sales tax on elective cosmetic surgery; I think it's silly to get worked up about it either way.

6. Happy kids makes for a happy holiday.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging out with my family, tomorrow my plans include more rest so I can get well, and Sunday, I want to watch the Hawks and have some Thai food with TJ!

Joyce on chores

Wise words from unschooling advocate Joyce Fetteroll. The full post this comes from is on Sandra's site here.

Think about how you’d want a friend to ask for your help fixing a car or doing something you didn’t really enjoy. You could probably think of dozens of other things you’d rather do with your time. And that’s something your friend should realize and appreciate.

So how could your friend ask for help? And how should she treat you while you helped? And how should she treat you after, to acknowledge that she really appreciated you giving her some of your valuable time to do something she knew you really didn't want to do?

What if she asked you to keep her company and you spent a couple hours of pleasant conversation. What if she asked for you to hand her things and hold things while she worked? What if when you made a mistake or didn’t do something the way she wanted it done, she apologized for asking you to do something that wasn’t as easy or interesting for you as she thought it would be? What if she thanked you sincerely when she was done? And then invited you in for some tea and conversation or let you return to what you wanted to do or whatever she felt she could do as a sign of her appreciation? Would you feel like helping her again if she asked?

Now turn that around. What if you had another friend who demanded that you help her work on her car. You’re her friend and you have certain responsibilities. And what if you couldn’t help to her standards and she got angry with you when you failed? What if you really hated working on cars and wanted it over and done? And you felt like doing as little as possible so you could get out of there sooner? What if when she was done she was angry with you and said “You should be helping more and I shouldn’t even need to ask.

Which friend would you be likely to help next time?

Which friend is building a relationship with you and which is tearing it down?

Sunday morning music... on Wednesday

Direct link to YouTube

Mistakes

I make mistakes every single day.
Much of my life has been spent denying that this is necessarily true, and striving, striving, ever striving to make it not true. But it is True, true with a capital T.

I err, therefore I am.

Enjoying a brief moment of accepting—nay, embracing—this truth, I said to MJ and Frank, "We all make mistakes every single day." Frank quipped, "Speak for yourself." MJ said, "Yeaaah," as in, "This is news?"

I love unschooling.

A literary feast

MJ brought home a treasure from the library: Erica Bauermeister's utterly delicious debut novel, The School of Essential Ingredients. The flavors and scents and feelings and dreams contained in this book are beyond description, and yet Ms. Bauermeister describes every one, in poignant and lyrical fashion. I give it my strongest recommendation, accompanied by the suggestion that you not read too much about the story before you read the story itself.

Here is just one very small sample of the numerous passages—pick a page, any page!—that moved me:

Over the hours, the labor pains had sharpened... She kept thinking the waves would slow or break for a moment, but they didn't, one after another until there was nowhere left to go but in, to dive down and hope for air on the other side, but there was no air, no way out, just a desperate reaching and grasping until finally she felt something deep inside her—not physical, not emotional, simply her—break into pieces. And into the arms of that cracked-apart person that had been Claire, they placed a baby and a love came out of her, through the pieces, that she didn't even know was possible.

Warning: After reading this book, you will almost certainly be headed for the market in search of your own essential ingredients. Buon appetito!

Now let's talk about breasts

New government task force recommendations about mammograms and breast self-exams: Wait until 50, and don't bother.

But wait! you say. Weren't you just telling us how skeptical you are of government health recommendations?

Why, yes! Yes, I was. The difference here is that these government recommendations match what my own research tells me.

Vaccines again

As I have said in previous posts, or at least in comments on previous posts, I am not anti-vaccine. Most of the vaccines my kids have had, I would authorize again (if on a much different schedule). However, I do have vaccine concerns. This blog post from Bill Maher sums up nicely what many of those concerns are.

Vaccines: A Conversation Worth Having

Off the leash

When MJ was a toddler, Frank and I would take her walking in the mall. She would gleefully run ahead of us two or three store-widths, seem to reach the end of an invisible leash, come scampering back, and then do it again. And again. And again.

It was one of her favorite games.

What she was playing with was separation. She was getting her first small taste of life without parents, and we were getting our first small taste of the joy and discomfort that come with watching a child move into independence. We were also discovering a pattern of separation-and-return that has been repeated time and again over the course of our kids' lives.

That first invisible leash was MJ's own. She set the length, and it was well within my comfort zone. She had more stranger fear than I did, so I enjoyed (if I had but known it) a lovely little stretch of time where she never challenged my own standard of safety. Bliss!

And then she got older.

Yeah. That happens. Suddenly, she was tugging on my invisible leash, wanting to go farther in the mall, wanting to go around the block without me, wanting to walk to Safeway—three whole blocks!—alone, wanting to stay home alone, and on and on. And then I blinked, and she was 13, and her leash-tugging was about parties at boys' houses, and sleepover parties in hotels in downtown Seattle, and unaccompanied bus and train and plane trips to gatherings in other states.

Simultaneously with these more physical moves toward independence, she began asserting her dominion over her own mind. She wanted to think and dream and worry without talking to me about it. She wanted to hear my opinions only when she asked for them, thank you very much, and she didn't care to be burdened with all my endless worries, especially that dorky one about the disintegration of the parent-teen relationship.

The more I clung, the more I tried to shorten that invisible leash, the worse our relationship got. I panicked. I got emotional. We fought. She complained about me to other people. I was in despair, all my worst nightmares about teenagers coming true.

Interestingly, it was some advice I got about demanding respect and setting limits that snapped me out of it. That is what everybody says. That is what everybody does. Does it work? HELL NO.

Instead, I backed off. I said yes even when my discomfort made me want to say no. I started waiting for her to come to me. I started being really aware and somewhat cautious of when I touched or hugged her. I let her do the initiating (or not). When she talked, I tried to listen and enjoy without offering opinions. That last might have been key, actually. She wanted to try things her way for a while, without my two cents' worth. It was a reasonable thing to want!

As soon as I removed my energy (not my love) from the equation, it got a lot less dramatic. Things settled down almost immediately and improved by leaps over the next couple months. Slowly, she began talking to me again. She gave me credit for trying.

Eventually, she even talked to me about that time, about the pressure she had been putting on herself to grow up fast-faster-fastest, and how much she had been figuring out about herself and the world and interpersonal relationships. Turns out it was HUGE period of growth in her life. Oh, how I regret that I wasn't a calm shelter during that time instead of something else she had to wrestle with!

But she made it through even so. She is very strong, resourceful and smart. And nowadays, whether I like it or not, she's off the leash. The separation-and-return cycle has given way to a level of independence that lacks only material practicalities to make it complete. I am still here for her. I still provide whatever support I can (and always will), and when she chooses something that makes me uncomfortable, she sometimes still hears about it (and probably always will). There's no doubt which of those she appreciates more. ;-)

And we're friends-but-not-friends. I don't know that I will ever be one of her friends, one of those people you rely on for playtime and somebody to hang with and somebody to lend an ear when you need to complain about your mother. But I'm her mother with whom she is friendly, and that's a lovely thing indeed.

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For more of my writings about teens and unschooling, see my web site.

A terrific trio

For a friend

"It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been hurting this way: I can change. Perhaps not enough people have noticed my pain and taken it seriously, but I have noticed, and that is enough. My pain doesn’t make me alive, it shuts out countless possibilities by blocking them from my life. I deserve to be healed. I don’t need rescuing; I need help. There is always someone willing to help. I may not understand what is happening to me now, but if I undertake the healing journey, understanding will come." - Deepak Chopra

Selfishness at its ugliest

I just came across an article that suggested that we should not have public health care because of the quantities of currently uninsured people who are likely to flood into our country's already overburdened health centers, seeking the care they have long postponed.

Spreading the gratitude around

A cousin writes that she is "sending thanks out to everyone who has served our country or has supported family members in the military. They rarely get the credit and recognition they deserve."

My response: "I'd like to see them get more benefits. I think twice yearly national holidays with full media coverage, lots of speeches, assemblies in every school, and special attention at every major sporting event and performance is enough credit and recognition. No other group gets so much."

Beyond that, I think these twice yearly, lip-service-only holidays contribute to a culture of war by honoring only service in the cause of war. Here is my post from last year where I go into more detail about my feelings about this.

I refuse to celebrate [veterans of WWII] as the greatest generation because in doing so we are celebrating courage and sacrifice in the cause of war. And we are miseducating the young to believe that military heroism is the noblest form of heroism, when it should be remembered only as the tragic accompaniment of horrendous policies driven by power and profit.
~ Howard Zinn

Here is the list of some of the people I am honoring today for their service in the cause of equality and peace:

• Ella Baker - Godmother of Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC)
• Jimmy Carter - ethical President, effective advocate of peace
• César Chávez - founder, United Farm Workers
• Esmé Raji Codell - author, educator, friend to children and creative teachers everywhere
• Anne Nicol Gaylor - co-founder, Freedom From Religion Foundation
• John Holt - education reformer, father of unschooling
• Richard Oakes - key player in the Occupation of Alcatraz
• Margaret Sanger - activist for birth control freedoms
• Gloria Steinem - feminist, author, political activist

My new website

Thanks to some inspiration from Randi, I have created a new Web site on Google Sites.

Dragonfly Kaizen

The future direction of this site is still to be determined. But right now you can find there a hotlinked table of contents for my unschooling writings on this blog. It was pretty fun making that; I had no idea I had so much stuff!

Vote for Idzie!

Go here and vote for my friend Idzie and her blog, "Yes, I Can Write."

Nomnomnom

This gives you a clue to my diet recently.

Milestone

MJ drove herself to her ortho appointment while Frank slept and I made my Internet rounds. Wow!

Update 11:51 a.m. - And now MJ and Chloe have gone off without us to get their teeth cleaned. MJ is even going to ask about a billing issue!

This is surreal.

The Doings Report

Oh, where to start?

As mentioned previously, MJ is now a licensed driver. She is very excited, and we are already reaping the benefits: she gassed up the car and made a run to the library one day, and today she took herself off to the beach for a last-minute gathering there that Frank and I c/wouldn't muster the gumption to attend.

Papa Tom received a cancer diagnosis that was initially pretty scary, but the news since then has all been good. It hasn't spread to his organs and it is a slow mover, which means he can live with it for years and years. He'll have one round of radiation next week to kill a tumor on or near his spine that is causing him pain. Other than that, his treatment will be drug-based, noninvasive and pretty easy. We are all so relieved!

The girls and I spent Halloween in Oregon while Frank held down the fort here. Halloween night, the girls were trick-or-treating with friends at "The Winch," a house in Portland occupied by once and future NBTSC'ers. Aside from MJ the Very Sexy Cop, they were all characters from their friend Zephyr's recent and much-loved novel, The Tomato Soup Chronicles. Chloe was Dr. Vincent and Lani and Qacei were Toxic Teen Lesbian Zombie Vampire Chainsaw Bitches. Yes, really.



I spent Halloween night at the Wahoo Winkler Bed and Breakfast and got to go trick-or-treating with two of my favorite girls, Vivian and Sabine. It was lovely! This is how conversations at doorsteps went:

Neighbor: "Oh, a zebra and a fairy!"
Vivian (firmly): "I'm a pixie." Then candy would exchange hands and the girls would run down the walk to greet us.
Sabine: "This is SO fun!"

Sunday, MJ, Chloe, Qacei, and I continued down to Corvallis for a visit with the Golds. Mary cooked (!), Karma the dog entertained, and some of us got a decent start on our NaNoWriMo attempts.

Monday, we attended a party at Diana's to celebrate Holly's 18th birthday. Scotty and his friend Jack played some music, I ran around with Jack's son, Miles (~4), and we all ate goodies and wished Holly a fond farewell. She is moving on to England for her next adventure.

I had a date with niece Ella Tuesday night, a belated celebration of her sixth birthday. We went shopping at Toys'R'Us and then came back here for some mac'n'cheese. It was so fun, I've decided to make Birthday Date Night a tradition with those nieces and daughters who are interested.

Chloe came down with the flu. It must have been the swine flu since, according to CDC stats, that's just about the only flu out there right now. She had fever for one day and head and body aches for three. That was it. So far, the rest of us are fine.

We have been in self-imposed quarantine the rest of this week, though. It's been pretty nice!

Hormones

I was privy to a fairly innocuous but nevertheless unfortunate comment about teens on Facebook today. A friend of mine, evidently after a small detonation in her house, had posted self-encouraging words about honoring her daughter’s will and just continuing to love her. A friend of hers responded with this:

Welcome to the teenage years! I think, regardless of upbringing, something temporarily happens to brain cells during “teenage” years. It’s payback time being on the parents’ side of it now. :-) I’m happy for the personal growth it creates in all of us...young & ‘old’.

Uh huh.

I don’t know what prompted my friend to post as she did. But I do know, with absolute certainty, that she is not dismissing her daughter’s emotions and desires as merely the product of biological development. To do so would be EXACTLY THE SAME as responding to a woman’s anger by saying, “Oh, is it that time of the month?” Anyone who has ever tried this tactic knows just how well it goes over (and by the way, how is your concussion doing?).

It’s disrespectful, and it’s dismissive. And since most kids can’t get away with braining their parents, it creates in them intense feelings of powerlessness.

This friend of a friend is not really wrong. I get it. In general, teens are experiencing surging hormones and undergoing some significant brain development, especially in the area of impulse control. And biological processes can definitely make our responses more intense.

But none of that changes the fact that the person in front of you is feeling frustrated, or sad, or excited, or angry for a reason. A nonbiological reason.

The other day, MJ was irritated with me.

Let’s stop there for a minute because that’s just what this woman did. She heard my friend’s daughter was upset and started talking about biology. Sorry, but upset+biology is not enough information! She forgot to ask "Why?"

The other day, MJ was irritated with me because I was criticizing offering some golden nuggets of wisdom about her driving. I got irritated with her for being irritated. We snarled growled snapped reacted to these irritations and then gave each other the silent treatment took some time to cool off.

Hey, it happens (and yes, it is often my fault).

Later, we were able to talk it over and move on. But just imagine for a moment how much harder that would have been if I had thought or, heaven forbid, said something like, “This is just hormones getting in the way” or “Her brain isn’t developed enough to understand what’s really going on here.”

My skull and I are so glad I don’t think that way!

I can’t say MJ is glad because I don’t know that it has ever occurred to her that someone might try to dismiss her feelings because of her age. Good grief.

Oh, wait, I forgot what culture I live in. Yeah, she's probably glad.

What we've found is that the undeniable hormonal changes and brain development of the teen years don't ever explain away the emotions our teens feel or the desires they have. Knowing this helps us treat their experiences with respect, and treat their concerns as real and valid even when—no, especially when—we don't quite understand why a given issue is so important to them.

This is so cool!

XKCD's timeline graphs of some popular films. Click to see them big enough to read the very cool details.



Original on XKCD

Red Alert

"According to WHO, 28 countries—including Croatia, Ireland, Kuwait, and Portugal—have lower maternal mortality rates [than the United States]. Forty-one countries have lower infant mortality rates."

"Even in an elective cesarean, a woman is almost three times more likely to die than in a vaginal birth. Beyond the immediate health risks, having a C-section decreases a woman's chance to become pregnant again and doubles the risk of an unexplained stillbirth in later pregnancies. In 2 to 6 percent of cesareans, a doctor accidentally cuts into a baby. Babies born from an elective C-section are twice as likely as babies born vaginally to end up in neonatal intensive care."

From this article in the Utne Reader.

Warning: The article opens with a disturbing birth tragedy.

Gotta have it

Yes, he is real. Starting in April 2010, your kid can have her (or his) very own Sugar Daddy Ken to go with those anatomically optimistic Barbie dolls.

Want not

White House Kitchen Garden yields over 740 pounds of food

Friday fill-in

1. It was a dark and stormy night, but they didn't let that stop them.

2. She was swearing off romance novels, so I offered to take the books myself.

3. Rushing out, I noticed I was once again caught up in somebody else's schedule without regard to my own priorities, so I slooooowed down. And then I was late, and the world came to an end.

4. Are the Greybeards playing again?...I think I heard a howl!

5. Shhhh... The grownups are listening.

6. Put down the liver and give me something good to eat!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to our last NaNoWriMo-free evening for a while, tomorrow my plans include driving, writing, mooching, and perhaps some trick-or-treating, and Sunday, I want to be with good people in a good place!

Waste not

Some pretty sad sights in here. (Click Hide on the first image to get rid of the text, then click the arrow to the left of the image to move through the slide show.)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/gallery/2009/jul/19/food-waste?picture=350496027

Cruisin'

Well she got her daddy's car
And she cruised through the hamburger stand now
Seems she forgot all about the library
Like she told her old man now
And with the radio blastin'
Goes cruisin' just as fast as she can now
And she'll have fun, fun, fun
Til her daddy takes the... minivan?... away.

MJ passed her driving test today (on her first try!) and is now a licensed driver. She and Chloe are out rattin' the streets.

My inner control freak is, well, freaking out. Huh. So that's what this feels like.

And we may never recover from the insurance increase. :-)

But I'm very happy for her. Freedom! What a glorious thing!

Late night is all right

I love common sense. Here is an excerpt from M.S. Beltran's article in HEM, Homeschooled Teens Can Rest Easier.

I suppose the old "early to bed, early to rise" adage held true in days when people had to get a tremendous amount of work done when the daylight was available. But in this day and age, with electric lights and a host of other modern conveniences, we are no longer reliant upon the sun's appearance. Many families now have one or more parents working late shifts, with varying schedules; why in our sleep-deprived society should these parents sacrifice a couple of extra hours of much-needed rest in the morning to force children to rise at a more "proper" hour? Is it really beneficial to the child?

Not necessarily, science is showing. During puberty, the hormone melatonin that induces sleep is released by the body at a later hour than during the pre-pubescent years. Dr. William C. Dement writes in his book, The Promise of Sleep (Dell Publishing; ISBN: 0440509017): "...there is a change in the biological clock during the teen years. Adolescents tend to be classic night owls, staying up late and sleeping in late. This pattern is caused by a biologically driven shift in the circadian cycle that gives teens a troublesome kick in alertness at about the time the folks around them (younger and older) are getting sleepy and going to bed. Most teenagers will not start feeling sleepy for an hour or more after adults do." (p. 117) In essence, asking teens to go to bed and rise early as they once did naturally is asking them to fight their own changing biological clocks.

All grown up

This is my 1004th published post on this blog. I meant to notice when I hit 1000, but I blew right on past it. I don't think these milestones mean much more than that I like the sound of my own voice, but we'll tie it in with this post by declaring that my blog is officially a grownup! I'm sure that will be as meaningful here as that label is anywhere else.

I wasn't going to do the meme for grownups that is going around, but as so often happens, Frank has inspired me. Here are my responses.

Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids? Here's a list of questions for the people who are a little older. Copy and paste into your own note, then answer the questions. Finally, tag your friends (including me, please!). The usual thing, in other words.

If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Our credit card, which we use for convenience (especially for groceries and gas) and then pay off each month. I dislike paying this one for three reasons: it is our largest bill, it comes with the threat of significant late fees, and it is not automated. So far, these things haven't prompted me to switch to using the debit card, but that's always a possibility.

2. Do you miss being a child?
No.

3. Chore you hate the most?
Most chores are not as bad as I make them out to be when I'm avoiding them. However, I hate—HATE—cleaning pans in which bacon has been prepared. If Frank weren't willing to do this, we would only have bacon at IHOP.

4. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
I'll just steal Frank's answer here: Romio's Restaurant, nice local Italian-ish place. Last nicer romantic dinner was Ruth's Chris.

5. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I would attachment parent and radically unschool from the beginning of my kids' lives.

6. Name of your first grade teacher?
I don't know. I don't remember her at all. First grade was the school year after my folks split up, and I understand divorce is a common cause of a little amnesia in kids. Also, I was only at that school for one year, so her name wasn't reinforced in my memory in later years.

7. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Figuring out how to cope with my big lottery win.

8. What did you want to be when you grew up?
Writer. I toyed with being a lawyer, and I actually took some classes toward a degree in computer science, but writing was always the real dream.

9. How many colleges did you attend?
Two so far, Washington State University and the University of Washington.

10.Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
I'm still in my nightshirt. It's pretty old, so it's really soft and loose, and it has long sleeves. Cozy!

11. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
I don't expend much energy thinking about gas prices.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I woke up before my alarm this morning, so my first thought had to do with the coffee I drank yesterday that probably contributed to my restless night and early morning.

Frank said, "I think I heard Ronnie's alarm. I dunno why she sets one." I know! I know! I set one because I need to check e-mail first thing in the morning in order to check for new job listings from the agency.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
I wondered how long Frank was going to stay up.

14. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Jon Stewart. President Obama.

Those are both people whose political philosophies are very close to my own. I like to think I could nudge them a little closer.

15. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
I've dented my vehicle, and my vehicle has been crashed into. Oh, yeah, one time I did the crashing but it was still the other guy's fault. He pulled out in front of me and then stopped. At a green light. I actually discovered the one situation where you can rear-end someone and not get a ticket for it.

16. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
Not so far, or rather, not any more than I do when I am working. Most of my efforts toward improving the world involve writing checks and spreading the word on the Interwebs. I devote a fair amount of time to promoting unschooling; I think it's one of the very best things I can do for humanity.

17. Get up early or sleep in?
Whatever. I am not fond of early wakeups, but my day has 24 hours in it no matter what.

18. What is your favorite cartoon character?
I always liked the roadrunner.

19. Favorite thing to do at night?
Read. It's probably my favorite thing to do during the day, too. :-)

20. When did you first start feeling old?
I don't feel old.

21. Favorite lunch meat?
I loved Frank's oyster answer. My favorite sandwich at Subway is the Subway Club.

22. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
A headache! Ba-doom.

I haven't been in a Wal-Mart in years. Change that to "the grocery store" and my answer is "milk." Change it to "Target" and my answer is "something more than was on my list."

23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
I don't think it's necessary—commitment to a partner is not dependent on (or guaranteed by) marriage—but I certainly don't think it's outdated.

24. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
If I actually had one of these, I would refuse to answer this question, but I'll play along.

I have a soft spot for "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" with Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees. Pure, glorious, spangled cheese!

I discovered recently that some people actually hate "Weekend at Bernie's." This is inconceivable to me. I love that movie. Terry Kiser should have had an Oscar for his performance as Bernie. Oh! And I should have included Bernie's frozen smirk in my list of memorable movie smiles.

25. What's your favorite drink?
Varies by situation. For breakfast, orange juice. For thirst, water. For a pick-me-up, a caramel macchiato. For taking the edge off, a Mike's Hard Lemonade or a strawberry margarita.

26. Who from high school would you like to run into?
I'd like to know what Colleen Campbell is doing. Paging Dr. Campbell!

27. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
I don't often get to control the radio. When I do, it goes to KZOK for some classic rock. When the commercials come on, I drift until I find a song I like.

28. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
Neither. I don't like soap operas any more.

29. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Frank knows.

30. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
N/A.

31. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes?
No.

32. Last book you finished reading?
I think it was "Black Hills" by Nora Roberts. It was pretty good, not her best.

33. Do you have a teddy bear?
I suppose technically my teddy bear belongs to MJ now. But I do have three little lions and a cuddly bat. They are very popular with my younger visitors.

34. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
On a boat!

35. Do you go to church?
For weddings and funerals.

36. How old are you?
44.