I have a friend who went to a psychology/self-improvement seminar once. The facilitator had everyone write on a sticky note a negative trait about themselves that they wished to improve. My friend wrote, "Judgmental." Then they all stuck their notes to their shirts and wandered around chatting with each other. After a bit, the facilitator asked people to talk about what that had been like, having their worst failings exposed in that way. A man stood up and said, "I was feeling okay until I talked to somebody whose tag said 'Judgmental'!"
Well, another of my friends, Crystal, posted this to Facebook about me the other day:
[I] was given many gifts in 2009. One was a statement made by Ronnie Maier. I said, "Ya'll love me anyway..." She replied, "We love you because..."
Those 4-words birthed an entire new story for my world. It was a moment where I realized that people will love me for exactly who I am and some won't love me at all and that I don't really want those people to love me anyway. I want people to love me for everything I am and chose to be. I can be loved simply because I am me.
I've brought this here to my blog because I, too, am subject to judgmentalism. We all are. It is both critical to our survival and the most prevalent and pain-inducing of our human frailties. But I want Crystal's words here to remind me that even our smallest interactions can have a profound effect on other people. Whether that effect is good or bad is largely under our control. In this case (a comment on someone's Facebook status), I said something loving, and it mattered. That feels really good!
But I wonder how many times I've caused pain during one of those small interactions. I wonder how many times I've neglected to offer someone the benefit of the doubt the way I know I do with unschoolers. I wonder how many times I've failed to love someone because. I wonder how many times I've done these things to myself.
All this wondering has led to my first resolution for 2010. I want to muffle the critic in my head, or at the very least disconnect her from my mouth. It comes down to a simple intention: Be kinder.
Traveling, sleeping
2 hours ago
3 comments:
Great blog entry. Love the resolution.
2008 was all about judgement for me. It was the year i put in my dreads and made some choices i had previously sworn I never would. It really changed my perspective. Not to say that critic isn't still there, but now it's immediately followed by a more loving voice rewriting the judgement from a more loving standpoint.
i love what you had to say about giving non-unschoolers the same benefit of the doubt. it is so much easier to not judge people whom we know are already aware and working hard. i find it harder to keep the inner critic quiet with others as well.
Nice post Ronnie...good reminder!
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