Stolen photo: MJ at the Spaghetti Feast

I posted back in May about MJ's stint working the annual Sons of Italy Spaghetti Feast charity fundraiser. Here's a photo, ruthlessly swiped from Erin's blog. That's my brother, Chris, on the left.

MJ's Summerhill

Today, Frank and I were very pleased to finally be in a position to do something special for MJ! After consulting with my cousin—Seattle professional photographer extraordinaire Cory Parris—we went shopping for the perfect digital SLR. (Okay, perfect in our price range.) MJ liked the feel and function of the Nikon D40, which was second on Cory's recommendation list after the Canon EOS Digital Rebel XT, but the Nikon was a bit lighter, fit her hands better, and had a more intuitive menu.

We got home from the store about two minutes ago. Being electronics savvy, MJ popped in the memory card and battery and headed immediately outside to learn by doing. That's an unschooler for you!

Update 9:30 p.m—Some early shots:

8 more things about me

I keep coming up with "I should have used that!" ideas for that "8 things about me" post. Here are eight more:

9. Standing ovations make me cry.

10. I would often rather watch a movie I've seen before and loved than try a new one. Same deal with books. Comfort entertainment. And introducing other people to my old favorites is always a thrill.

11. I have recently discovered caramel Frappucinos, which pretty much makes me part of the Starbucks Nation. This is not an entirely happy development, since I had previously taken some pride in being a coffee rebel in the town where it all started. But it's not my fault! MJ and her friend Kyla, the rotten pushers, are the ones who gave me my first-one's-free sample.

12. I realized recently—thanks to a MySpace personality quiz sent by nephew Eric—that I no longer own a single t-shirt bearing the name of a rock band. This, too, is not an entirely happy development. I'd better head for Hot Topic!

13. The first boy I ever kissed was Jeff Wenzel in the 2nd grade. He lived on the next street over from me, and we used to walk to school together. I evidently had good taste in men even then: I met Jeff again at our 10-year high school reunion (some years ago now), and he's still a really nice guy, dad to a couple of girls, living back east somewhere.

14. I'm terribly appearance conscious. It's a perpetual struggle for me to overcome that enough to live my life the way I want to live it. I've been pretty successful, I think, but the struggle goes on.

15. I think it's immoral to: send a child to school against her will, drive a gas-guzzler, protest abortion while interfering with conception-prevention programs, hit a child, torture a prisoner, smoke in a crowd (unless it's a crowd of smokers), leave your dog's poop on my lawn, suspend habeas corpus, hog the left lane, water your lawn in such a way that the water runs down the sidewalk or street, buy an "American" car on principle even when it's manufactured in Mexico, restrict a kid's speech, park so you're crowding another car, talk about doing God's will when you're sanctioning war or murder or cruelty (or any combination of the three), or wear white after Labor Day. (This is far being from an exhaustive list, and that last is a joke!)

16. Two of my all-time favorite scenes from movies and literature are:

• Bartleby's orientation speech in "Accepted"
• Fred and George's flamboyant departure from Hogwarts in "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"

...

On testing

I have lots stored up to say about standardized testing someday. For now, you can read this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rick-ayers-/testing-and-competition_b_54216.html

Long live John McClane!

The STUN group gives "Live Free or Die Hard" an assortment of thumbs up! We all really enjoyed this movie. Sure, it's a sequel, but it's a *good* sequel, arguably better than the two sequels that came before it. And it makes for a fun trip to the movies, especially in such good company!

WWFSMD?

Frank and I found the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster site wildly entertaining. (Thanks, Zenmomma!) Frank says he's a convert. At long last, it's the definitive response to Intelligent Design.

Click here to see our favorite church t-shirt.

Pride in Seattle

MJ and I have just returned home from the Pride Parade and Festival in downtown Seattle. It was a pretty fun morning. Neither of us had been before, so we got to see what it's all about. In a nutshell, that's community, equality, fun, and a good dose of fabulous. :-)

We got downtown about 10:30 and parked near good ol' (now defunct) Book Publishing Company, where Frank and I met lo these many years ago. MJ and I walked through Denny Park, Seattle's first park, where Frank and I announced our engagement to our coworkers of the time. Nice memories! It was raining lightly as we strolled down Westlake to the parade route, but that soon stopped, and the weather cooperated for the rest of our visit.

We met some nice folks along the parade route, a woman and her partner who were eventually joined by a man and his partner. Those two turned out to be the only men in our immediate vicinity. This meant that we heard more whooping and hollering for the attractive women in the parade than we did for the guys, but I think MJ and I found the guys the most entertaining. The more flamboyant, the better! One of our favorites was a man who wasn't even in the parade; he merely ran out to throw a donation into the big rainbow flag that was carried by at one point. But what a run he had! We cheered wildly for him, much to his amusement.

Another favorite was the guy who was wearing a gigantic hoop skirt decorated with balloons. His outfit was enhanced (and possibly endangered) by the fact that he was on ten-foot stilts! And then there was the gorgeous guy, riding shirtless on the backseat of his partner's motorcycle. And, of course, there was "Mom" Finley, doing the announcing in drag just half a block from us. He even managed a costume change at one point, but we were too far away to see how that was accomplished.

After the parade, we joined the crowd hiking down to Seattle Center for the festival (greatly scaled back after a significant financial snafu last year). We made one frantic (on my part) stop at a little bakery on 4th. I said, "Do you have a bathroom if I buy something?" Fortunately, the answer was in the affirmative! Relieved, and with croissant in hand, we rejoined the crowd. And a colorful crowd it was, too. Rainbows were everywhere, and lots of Mardi Gras beads, and people and dogs in feather boas. We saw one itty-bitty dog in a furry pink sweater terrorizing a dog three times her size.

The only "off" note in the whole day: the so-called Christian group with their signs and bullhorns telling all the gays they're going to Hell. I didn't find it very Christ-like behavior, and it was definitely in stark contrast to the six or seven mainstream church groups who marched in the parade promoting their "open and affirming" congregations. But a couple of women were doing their best to silence the hate messages by standing beneath the protest leader's soapbox, screaming at the tops of their lungs. They were doing a pretty good job of it; I'm sure they'll be quite hoarse tonight.

Anyway, it was a fun and educational day. It didn't rock me the way the Komen Walk did, but I had a good time. It's always nice to be back in Seattle. We miss living there!

Verity dances

Here's a friend's daughter, showing us her moves.

http://thebluchers.typepad.com/veritys_pages/2007/06/verity-dances.html

Bouts of appreciation

Credit where credit is due: I've stolen both the title and the idea for this blog post from unschooling dad and writer Arun in Australia. I hope he doesn't mind!

On June 14th, Arun said, "...but i still try to remember my old morning trips [past the cemetery] to spur me into bouts of appreciation," and then went on to beautifully express his appreciation for his partner and children. Here's my go.

For Frank...

• that he can create hilarious song lyrics as he sings them.


• that he's there for us in spite of the heavy load he carries (see his 8 things comment).


• that he never stops looking for fun and adventure.


• that he always goes along with my brainstorms and even enjoys them...usually.

For MJ...

• that she covers every inch of her walls with images she loves.


• that she is never too busy to help me with my new MySpace page.


• that she must have music wherever she goes but plays stuff from the 80's sometimes to make me happy.


• that she constantly pushes past her own boundaries (and takes us with her).

For Chloe...

• that she's always -- ALWAYS -- ready to laugh, even when she's crying.


• that she can talk about manga at light speed, indefinitely.


• that she loves being awake alone at night but hates it when I go to bed.


• that she gives the best back scratches in the 'verse.

Gremlins

I am so frustrated! From overly complex password resets, to tech guys who repeatedly send links to Web pages that don't answer my question, to a bizarro phone problem that keeps me from calling home ('though I can call any other number in the world), my day has been pocked with problems.

Can I go home now?

Positive discipline vs. unschooling

I've been "fussing" ever since I posted that recommendation for "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen. So here's a clarification.

If you are using traditional parenting (e.g., punishments), your life, your child's life, and your relationship with your child will be Vastly Improved if you use positive discipline.

If you are already using positive discipline, you're ready for the next step! Just BE with your child. Say "yes" all the time. Look at your child with love. Have fun together. Be a team. Read Parenting a Free Child, which is an even better book.

And if you are using traditional parenting and you're ready to hit a home run, skip "Positive Displine" and go straight to "Parenting a Free Child."

Chiara's arrival date!

Chiara bought her plane tickets!!! She'll be arriving 7/27 and staying for a month!!! We're so excited!!!

A dream of a happy family

I dreamt last night that I pulled into a gas station behind a woman (my younger self?) who was at her wit's end coping with two toddlers. She was feeling such despair over her inability to control them, and I was able to empathize completely. For too long, Frank and I were lost, bombarded with all of the traditional parenting advice plus kinder, gentler, newer advice that directly contradicted all that. Faced with kids who were increasingly unhappy, we were left feeling pretty unhappy ourselves and helpless to change it. I remember feeling so frustrated with all the conflicting advice. If you're not supposed to spank and you're not supposed to use timeouts, then what do you do?!

There is an answer! We found it in a wonderful book called "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen. For us, PD was only the beginning—it started us on a path of respecting our kids that ultimately led to unschooling—and now I don't think it goes far enough. But it's a place to start if you—like the mom in my dream—are unhappy with your current discipline routine.

[Caveat #1, to the unschoolers in my audience: I know. I know. But it's a start.]

First, I want you to know that with PD, you parents will get your own way most of the time. That is, your kids will "behave," and they will be changed, dressed, fed, and groomed more or less when you want them to be. They will even be reasonably happy about it. No more fights! No more power struggles!

With that said, you will have the most success if you can go into this with the goal of making your kids happier. If your goal is getting your own way, you'll see some initial success and then problems will crop up. Kids can sense when they're being manipulated; they'll respond better in the long term if you're not trying to trick them into doing what you want.

Basic principles
[Caveat #2: I strongly recommend reading Jane Nelsen's book. I am only nutshelling here.]

CHOICES
You will be amazed at the difference it will make in your life if your toddler has choices every step of the way. "Do you want to get dressed now or after breakfast?" "Do you want oatmeal or scrambled eggs?" "Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red shirt?" "Do you want to wear a diaper or a pull-up?" "Do you want to stand up while I change your diaper or lie down?" It can go on and on.

It sounds time consuming, I know. But you'll be exchanging all those questions for the power struggles you're having now. It's much faster and MUCH more fun!

With all this new control over his life, and seeing your genuine interest in giving him the control he desires, the fight will go out of him. You'll be partners instead of adversaries.

NATURAL AND LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
The other important concepts in PD are natural and logical consequences. For almost everything, you can present your toddler with a logical consequence. These should be be Related, Respectful, and Reasonable—the three R's.

For example, if he throws a toy, you say, "If you throw the toy, it has to go in timeout." Then if he throws it again, you say, "Okay, we're going to put this toy up on top of the refrigerator for ten minutes." The consequence is logical because it's related to the offense, respectful in that he was informed what the consequence would be (and treated kindly both in the informing and the execution), and reasonable in that putting the toy in timeout is not excessively punitive. He has other toys.

{Side note: As an alternative to imposing consequences at all, you could take him outside where he can throw the toy all he wants!}

With natural consequences, the child is allowed to experience what naturally happens as a consequence of her action or choice. I'll use a wonderful example from the book. A little girl announced one winter day that she was going swimming in the kiddie pool in the backyard. Her grandmother watched as she changed into her swimsuit, marched outside, and plopped her bottom down into the chilly water in the pool. Then she stood right back up again, said "It's much too cold for swimming," and came inside to warm up. There was no need for the grandmother to dissuade her, prohibit her, or even warn her (although I would have warned her). There was certainly no need for the grandmother to punish her. I imagine the icy water accomplished that all on its own! :-)

Another example: Imagine you have a kid who simply hates to have his diaper changed, who throws hissy fits at each and every diaper change. First I want to remind you that you will have FAR fewer battles over diaper changing once he has all those choices mentioned above! But let's say there's a day where he's not going for any of the choices and it's past time to leave for daycare. I think your first step is offering one last choice: "Do you want to have your diaper changed now or in the car at daycare?" If even that won't fly, then you can say, "If you won't let me change your diaper, your bottom might get sore," or "If you keep wearing that smelly diaper, the car will stink!" Give him the chance to avoid the consequence, and if he chooses not to, then let him experience the consequence! Comfort yourself with "What's the worst that could happen?" If your daycare people object to his arriving with a dirty diaper, offer them an extra couple of bucks for each morning it happens. So, the worst case would be $10 a week in exchange for a much more positive relationship with your son. A small price to pay!

Another alternative would be to set up a logical consequence that is just unpleasant enough to be motivating. "We can't go inside the daycare until your diaper is clean, so we'll just sit here in the car until you're ready for me to change it." Then make the car as boring a place as possible. Hum a little song to keep yourself from cajoling or arguing with him and just SIT. I'll wager he'll be ready to cooperate in less than five minutes.

RECOVERY
We all have days where we lose it. We say mean things, stomp around in a huff, or dole out punishments that are too harsh. It is SO important to recover from those bad moments. Apologize to your child! Give her a chance to tell you how you hurt her. See her side. Take steps to handle things better when/if there's a next time.

Another good resource
You might also enjoy "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It contains so many wonderful tips for communicating with your kids, presented in a clear, easy-to-browse format. One of my favorite tips for toddlers is writing down what they want. It's amazing how powerful the written word is! One of my nieces was ready to melt down once because she wanted to come to my house and couldn't. I whipped out a piece of paper and wrote, "Madison wants to come over soon." She calmed right down! And I made sure to follow through with an invite a few days later. This tip works really well at the toy store, too—simply make a list of all the cool toys your child desires. The list itself is pretty satisfying. (Just make sure you in no way imply that list equals promise to buy!)

Another example is the upset child. Reflective listening works SO well. When one of my girls was really upset, simply having me say something understanding—such as, "You're really sad about this"—would calm her faster than any attempt at rationalizing away her feelings or distracting her from them. In Chloe's case, after having her emotion named, she'd cry harder for about ten seconds, and then she'd be done. Poof. There was usually no need for me to fix anything, or make anything up to her, or do much of anything but hug her.

Speaking of which...

When in doubt, HUG
This is an instant remedy for a power-struggle moment. Just hug your kid. I used to sing "One, Two, Buckle My Shoe" while I hugged my toddler, swaying back and forth. After two times through the song, we'd both be calm enough to find a mutually acceptable solution.

And if all else fails, GIVE IN
I'm not talking about spoiling your tantrum-throwing child here. I'm talking about recognizing that a kid who is arguing with you THAT passionately, even after you've respectfully explained your difficulties with his plan/desire/choice and offered reasonable alternatives, is telling you loud and clear that This Is Really Important to Him. Respect that! Make it happen!

One of the biggest flaws of traditional parenting is the idea that the parents' needs and desires come first. Who died and made you king or queen? Instead, just go along with what your kids want. It's good for you! It will take you wonderful places you never imagined going and show you that kids know best a lot of the time.

One example: We weren't bothered by the rainfall Saturday night, because MJ insisted on backing into our slot at the drive-in (even though I really wanted to sit in my seat).

Another example: I got to go to England.

Listen to your kids! :-)

What unschooling looked like this weekend

The chosen unschooling day for this month is Saturday, June 16th, but I'll include Friday and Sunday, just 'cause fun stuff went on then, too.

Friday
MJ went with me to work. While I did my "chores," she hung out in a nearby empty office, listening to music, reading, and writing, then the two of us went to cousin Sonya's for a product party. Sonya's friend Sarah is selling Body Shop items, with the focus of this party being our fabulous feet. So, MJ and I did the beauty thang for a couple of hours, soaking and slathering our feet, and then (in my case) spending what was probably a silly amount of money on lotions. We'll see what I end up actually using. :-)

Conversation at the party covered a wide range of subjects: free trade, product testing on animals, child-rearing philosophies, the "terrible" twos (I have never found them terrible), Sonya stories (I had the best ones, since—except for her mom, Grace—I was the one there who has known Son longest), recent Popes, Germany (there were a couple German women there), international moves, and Catholic marriage and annulment rules.

Hmm. I have no idea how Chloe spent her day. Well, I have some idea—I'm sure it included reading, writing, and/or activities on the laptop—but I don't know exactly. Okay, I asked her. Friday evening, she watched "Shop Around the Corner" with Frank, and then she spent the night watching "Inuyasha" anime and Akira Kurosawa's "Seven Samurai"—the latter having been inspired by her recent passion for eating ramen, added to a mention of Toshiro Mifune (one of the stars of "Seven Samurai" and Japan's greatest film samurai) in one of her manga books. She also read and wrote fanfiction.

Saturday
MJ and I got up early, grabbed Chloe (who was still up), and hustled down to Qwest Field for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. What a great time! We joined the 5K walk (there are also competitive runs) and found ourselves part of a phenomenal crowd of people. We got to the start line about 20 minutes early (despite being definite last-minute registrants), so it wasn't until we had hiked up the viaduct and could look back that we got to see exactly what we were involved in. There was a sea of pink and white shirts as far as the eye could see! The turnout was tremendous! I think half of Seattle was there!

The course goes up onto the Alaskan Way Viaduct, with all its great views of the waterfront, West Seattle, the ferries, and the Sound, and then loops back down around to the party at Qwest Field. Being up on the viaduct was really fun. When they weren't walking arm in arm with me, the girls were right up on the side ledge, looking down at the waterfront and (on the return half) the walkers coming up behind us. We waved like madwomen and watched all the amazing people: men, women, and kids of all ages, races, religions, and sexual orientation, with most people wearing hot pink signs bearing the names of the breast cancer survivors and victims they were walking to honor. We saw teams from businesses, the Teamsters, a mosque, and a bunch of family-and-friend groups. Very inspiring! You can all count on being invited to join our team next year!

Jean Enersen, a local newswoman, was one of the masters of ceremony. She said Seattle has both a higher-than-average breast cancer rate and a higher-than-average cure rate (90%!). And the race brings in more than two million dollars!

After the race, we enjoyed the Seattle Seahawks Blue Thunder drumcorp at the finish line, then wandered inside the stadium for the rare treat of being down on the football field. There was a big band orchestra playing, and the field was dotted with sponsor booths where some fun free stuff was available: bagels and water from the organizers, Yoplait yogurt, key chains from the Boeing credit union, signed Seagals posters, pink bracelets from the Shane Co., and Swedish Fish from Swedish Hospital.

We returned home (after a quick indulgence stop at Starbucks—love those caramel Frappucinos!), had a moment's rest, and then got ready for a swimming party. One of MJ's volleyball teammates hosted a little bash at her family's indoor pool. We all enjoyed each other's tasty food contributions, the kids and the coach swam for hours, the rest of us chatted, and a visitor dog ended up nearly getting stuck in the oily, smelly mud of the nearby slough. Great fun!

Chloe napped some at the party, which I'm sure the other parents found a bit odd, but then I found their school stories a bit odd, too. One girl on the team was recently punished by the school for a "Step 4" offense, meaning an offense that is worse than Steps 1 through 3. Other Step 4 offenses include things like vandalism and assault. She was humiliated in front of the whole school and prohibited from attending the last school dance, and her parents were asked to come in for a conference. Her offense? Chewing gum on her way off school property at the end of the day.

Another mom talked about the wasted time spent at her daughter's school on some loosey-goosey behavior review. Kids are given the opportunity to publicly tattle on any other kids who interfered with their schooling, then the accused kids get disciplined, and a note is sent home to their parents that says they didn't "make their day." The mom says the system is rife with flaws, including excessive tattling by certain kids and the fact that students spend half an hour a day or more on this process, which amounts to 90 hours each school year!

The girls and Frank and I discussed all this in depth on the way home.

After a quiet hour or two at home—Frank and Chloe napped, MJ and I watched TV—we went out to the drive-in picture show. Going to the drive-in is always a fun family evening marred by inconsiderate moviegoers (headlights and engines on during the show, cigarette smoke wafting into our car, people leaving early to avoid the exit line that can also be avoided by waiting five minutes after the end, etc.), and last night was no exception. Also, the movies were, at best, mindless entertainment ("Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" and "Ocean's Thirteen"). But no regrets! We pulled the van in backward, lifted the hatch, and sprawled on cushions and pillows in a big heap of Maiers. The back door makes a great rainshield, too!

There was an SUV full of kids in the stall next to us. They were cleancut and attractive, around 16 or 17 years old, wearing Hollister t-shirts and blowing their lungs away on clouds of cigarette smoke. Sad.

We got home about 2 a.m. and collapsed into our beds. Well, MJ collapsed on the couch because she is in the middle of rearranging her room; her bed is covered with posters and photos awaiting attachment to the walls.

Sunday
Father's Day! We slept in until 11, so we didn't have time for much more this morning than getting ready to go out to the beach. We spent a pleasant afternoon at my mom's, helping Tom, Frank, Erik, and Chris celebrate fatherhood. Pork roast, pesto, and a pack of kids. (That last item was not on the menu!)

This evening, I'm cycling loads of laundry and blogging, MJ and Frank are gone to play volleyball at the Baptist church in Seattle, and Chloe is developing her latest manga idea—one based on her own life. She says she is exaggerating all of our character traits to make us more interesting. :-)

Academic translations
I hope this isn't necessary! The benefits of and learning involved in a busy weekend like this should be obvious!

But maybe not. A few years back, we had a busy period, and I got concerned that my kids weren't learning anything because we never had time to do what I thought of as our "learning routine"—that time spent at home with access to books, the Internet, the library, the TV, the art and math and science supplies, and what have you. I posted this concern to one of the unschooling discussion groups and got myself (gently) scolded. "Let me get this straight," another mom responded. "Your kids are busy and happy, with lots of activities and social time, with their parents right by their sides to support them and answer questions, but you're worried they aren't learning?"

I had to be reminded to see the trees for the forest!

The kind of learning that happens during a weekend like the one we've just had isn't easy to quantify. It's about community, contribution, and involvement. It's about conversational skills and tolerance (e.g., how to be polite when someone thinks daycare or school is the best place for her kid), traditions and routines, exploration and experimentation, and finding balance in a busy world. It's about LIFE.

For the sticklers, it was also about physical fitness, medicine, women's health, skin care, interpersonal communication, general science (e.g., our discussion of tachyon beams at the drive-in), sociology, comparative religion, art, fashion design (Chloe has to costume her manga creations), interior decorating, parenting skills (something that ought to be taught in school!), creative writing, Japanese history and culture, German geography and language, mathematics, educational (?) philosophies, and, of course, community service.

To learn how to donate to Susan G. Komen, click here.

The perils of Books on CD

Well, I have another week of work under my belt (and I received my first paycheck yesterday). I spent my commutes this week listening to a Jennifer Crusie romance novel*. This little experiment was a rousing success in one respect: I actually found myself getting irritated that there were so few traffic jams this week!

On the con side, I was wishing for traffic jams this week! I think maybe this is working too well...

Also, I must look like a lunatic to the drivers around me, laughing out loud as I scoot down the freeway.

* For any who are interested, the book is Anyone But You, and it turned out to be a series romance I had read before. I kept thinking it sounded familiar, so I finally went and looked on my "keeper" shelf. Sure enough, there it was. It's a pretty entertaining novella.

Sailing the Seattle seas

Frank and MJ crewed aboard the s/v Don Quixote last night in Elliot Bay Marina's Thursday night series race. Don Quixote is the catamaran that belongs to our pals Toast and Dean and their wonderful daughters, Jaime, Mera, and Aeron (my boon companions at the unschooling conference). It sounds like it was a wonderful evening. They raced in the cruising class, which pretty much translates to "noncompetitive." Frank said they even gave way so some guy could get past them at the breakwater. This is not the sort of attitude you would find among the more hardcore racers! I could tell he really enjoyed the laid-back approach.

He was also pretty taken with catamaran sailing. He and MJ each got a turn at the helm, and he said it's a very stable ride—enough so that the kids were running all around the boat. Nice breezes let them clip along doing about 8 knots. Speedy!

I had to work a little late to make up for my less dedicated days earlier in the week, but I got home enough before the sailors that Chloe and I had a little date. We tried out our new On Demand cable and discovered an incomparable 80's treat on the Free Movies list: Xanadu! Does anybody remember this incredible, forgettable movie? Olivia Newton-John, Gene Kelly, and the Electric Light Orchestra, plus a bunch of roller skates. Trippy.

8 things about me

My unschooling buddy Schuyler has meme-tagged me.

~~~Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.~~~

1. I want to go live in England with Schuyler! I have a little fantasy of living in a flat in Epping, a little town that is at one end of one of the Tube lines. I could live the village life but have amazing, exciting London a 30-minute Tube ride away. Loverly!

2. I also want to live in Sunny Valley, Oregon. I fell in love with Sunny Valley when we traveled down to southern Oregon several years ago for the wedding of one of Frank's many cousins. It's a gorgeous spot just up the road from Grants Pass. You climb a big hill and there it is, in all its green glory. One of Oregon's historic covered bridges is located there, but it's the woods I really love. Too bad they charge Seattle prices for homes there!

3. A recent development: I feel guilty for wearing comfortable clothes. Just don't ask me to explain it!

4. I wear comfortable clothes all the time. If Levi Strauss ever goes out of business, I'll be devastated.

5. I proofread everything: books, billboards, Web sites, cereal boxes. Words are my passion and all, but even I get a little tired of the editor in my head. It would be nice to just *read a book* without thinking, "The author should have used the subjunctive there!" or "It's its not it's!"

6. Our experience on the Zombie Princess might have put me off sailing forever.

7. On my bulletin board at work, I have pictures of Boris Karloff, Beethoven, a nun playing paddleball, a mermaid, an American Indian, and a stick-figure writer whose arms are tied to his torso. I also have a quote from Shakespeare in Love that reads, "The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster... Strangely enough, it all turns out well."

8. I want to marry Frank again. We talked about doing it this summer—it's our 17th anniversary August 24th, and 17 years is our age difference—but the summer filled up with other events. Sometime soon, though.

----------------------------------
As a rule, I don't pass chain letters on, so I won't tag anybody. But feel free to put your 8 in the comments or on your own blog!

A cool new word

I just found a fun blog. She posts weird words and people use the comments to supply made-up definitions, then she picks a winner and reveals the real definition. But I really loved learning the meaning of "mattoid," which is (in the words of the blog's author) "a thoroughly fascinating creature. It's a person who swings erratically between genius and fool."

Manic-depressiveness of the intellect...

We've been STUNned

We had our first STUN meeting today. It was so fun! It was a small group, but all the kids got on like gangbusters, and we ended up spending four hours together. Success! Next week, it's supposed to be sunny, so we're having our meeting out at Lake Roesiger Park.

I can't get over how excited *I* am by this group. It was something I thought I was doing for the kids, but it's turned into a really fun thing for me. Once again, parenthood leads to fulfillment in surprising ways.

After STUN, the girls and I went shopping with my mom. It was a mutual birthday event for mom and me, with the girls along for fun. The best part was our lovely visit over Panda Express and Cinnabons. Socializing, American style.

At work yesterday, I found out that my solitude is already coming to an end: I'll have an officemate when I return to work tomorrow. I hope we're compatible.

Traffic pet peeves

Now that I'm back in traffic, I have to get a few pet peeves off my chest. I'm sure the brilliant and competent readers of my blog are not the offenders who so plague my commutes, but perhaps this list will be sent anonymously to a few cretins. ;-)

THE BIGGIE: Keep right except to pass!!!
I don't know why this is so difficult a concept for Washington drivers. Actually, I do know. It's because everybody stays in the left lane, so people are afraid to move right for fear they'll never be able to get back into the left lane again. From this fear springs traffic backups that stretch for miles.

Imagine what a change it would be if all the left-lane hogs moved right, allowing free flow of faster traffic and getting all those faster cars off the road sooner. Seattle's traffic problems would be solved! ('Cause adding more lanes sure isn't going to do it when people sit three or four or eight across, all doing the same speed.)

In a related topic: Being passed is not a challenge
I'm not sure if it's a reflection of the narcissistic nature of our society or what, but I have certainly observed that many people seem to take it personally when I pass them. They speed up enough that I'm no longer passing them, and sometimes they even go fast enough to pass me! Like commuting is a race or something. Like they and I have a relationship or something. Relax, people. I'm not trying to beat you, and I don't need to pass you. I just want to do my speed and get myself home to my family. If you want to go consistently faster than me, I will happily tuck in behind you.

In another related topic: Pay attention to your right foot
People who don't pick one speed and stick to it (as much as traffic allows) are a pain in the rear for the rest of us. If you don't have the skill to hold a steady speed, try setting your cruise control. And if you slow down for hills and curves, KEEP RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS.

And in one last related topic: The freeway system was designed for speed
Curves that require slower speeds than the speed limit are marked. If they're not marked, you can do the speed limit (at least) all the way through them. And even on those tighter curves, loosen up a little! Learn how to "drive the line"! It's fun!

Think of the carpool lane as a fast lane
Too many people act like driving in the carpool lane is a treat they've earned merely by having the right number of people in their car. What are you, six? No. The carpool lane is supposed to encourage better traffic flow. It's not supposed to be a fourth lane for doing exactly the same speed as everybody else. If you aren't going faster than the traffic in the left lane (or the middle lane, or the right lane), move right!

Yield does not equal Merge, and vice versa
Many people seem to have been absent the day they taught traffic signs in Driver's Ed. Here's a refresher:

A Yield sign means you must slow down and prepare to stop if other cars are coming. It also means that YOU MUST STOP if other cars are coming.

A Merge sign means you should match your speed* to the speed of the traffic you are joining and get your butt out there. Do not expect the other drivers to match their speed to yours, and DO NOT STOP. Both practices will get you creamed.

* This means you will need to pick your spot and then either speed up or slow down to slide right into it. You do the adjusting. Here's a great instruction page for merging. Pay attention to step 4.

And to all you drivers in the mainline who think you have to slow down or even, science forbid, stop for merging traffic, KNOCK IT OFF! It's dangerous. I mean, of course you're going to adjust to someone who is merging poorly, but don't encourage them to merge poorly by being overly polite. You have the right of way.

There are worse things than missing an exit or exiting inadvertently
Did you know that the freeway in an urban area has an exit every mile or so? And did you also know that most exits lead to on-ramps that put you right back on the freeway if you so choose? Yes, it's a pretty cool system! So don't risk your own life or anybody else's over exit confusion. Take a breath, take the detour, and get where you're going safe and sound and barely a minute later.

If there's no room for me on the other side of the intersection, there's no room for you
We'll move off the freeways now to our gridlocked surface streets. Folks, if I stop at a green light and refrain from crossing an intersection because there's no room for me over there, that does NOT give you license to make your right-turn in front of me from the cross-street or cut in front of me from another lane. You will cause the gridlock I was trying to prevent, and anyway, it is still my turn! Until my light turns red, I get to go when the traffic moves, not you.

Take your freaking turn at the four-way stop
People in the Northwest are polite. I get it. I like it. But jeezum Pete, let's not get carried away! The rules at a four-way stop are simple and clear. You have the right of way when:
1) You are the first to arrive at the intersection, or
2) You and another driver get to the intersection at the same time but you are on his right, or
3) You've had time to make a complete stop and the driver across from you has the right of way and is crossing the intersection. (Your waiting for your "whole" turn to cycle around in this instance serves no purpose. The cross traffic has to wait anyway.)

To observe any rules but these, even for the sake of politeness, leads to nothing but confusion and delays and frustration. If it's your turn, take it!

Got other pet peeves?
Add them to the comments. We can all take this chance to let off a little steam.

Weekend connections

(Obviously, today has been my day for blogging! I've even written a couple of posts I'm saving for another, less loquacious day.)

We've had a good weekend!

Friday night, Frank and I had a date. An honest-to-goodness, grown-up date! It was great. We went to the Celtic Bayou in Redmond, an Irish/Cajun pub we've been wanting to try. The spicy shrimp appetizer and Frank's crawfish etouffee were WAY better than my beer and corned beef and cabbage, so we have to recommend their Cajun food over their Irish food, but it was a good meal nevertheless. And the bread pudding is Really Good! Next time, we'll just have appetizers and dessert!

Saturday, we split up for separate commitments. Frank and MJ went to their last volleyball game (they lost, but it was a good game). They thought there would be a party afterward at the restaurant owned by the team's sponsor, but that didn't come off, so Frank used the extra free time to install my fancy toilet seat. It was a classic home improvement project—three times more challenging than expected, with two trips to Home Depot—but he ultimately met with success. It's a great addition to our house!

I went with my mom over to Thorp (a teeny little town in Eastern Washington, just this side of Ellensburg) for my cousin Thom's graduation party. He got a BA in psychology from Central Washington University. The party was held at our Uncle Ross and Aunt Patti's house and was a nice gathering indeed. It rained on us some, which is not very usual for the area, but that passed and the sun came out as the afternoon continued. My grandma especially enjoyed the day; you could see her loving every minute of having her brood around her. Five of her six kids were there, plus an assortment of grandkids. Nice!

As for Chloe, well, she had intended to go to the party with us, but the reality of her 8:30 wakeup call proved to be too much for her. Instead, she hung out at home and did her own thing. She and MJ have really been bonding over something recently, but I'm not sure what! They spend hours camped out in the basement (which looks like a tornado went through), watching an odd mix of movies (e.g., Sabrina and the Blair Witch) and hunching over the laptop together.

Today has been FUN, FUN, FUN. I've spent an amazing amount of time with my family considering I've barely left the computer. :-) In addition to blog posting and finally getting STUN initiated, I've got us all registered for the 2008 LIFE is Good Unschooling Conference. Yes, it's a year away, but we're still Very Excited about it. Counting down... And it's fun to think about the flow of time then: after the conference, I'll have four days of work left before my 100-day break.

We also made a trip to the library today. I needed to stock up on Books on CD (or CDs on Tape, as I persist in calling them) so I can bear the upcoming week's commuting. I'm considering riding the bus one day a week, too, which—despite some major transit improvements in our area—would involve four hours on the bus. I'd definitely need some entertainment for that!

A busy week ahead: In addition to working, I'm getting my hair cut Tuesday night (way belatedly), we have our first STUN meeting Wednesday, the girls and I are taking Grandma for her Birthday Shopping Day Wednesday afternoon, I've got an appointment to donate blood on Friday afternoon, and cousin Sonya is having a product party Friday night. And that doesn't count whatever we come up with for the weekend!

Quotes

"I should begin by explaining what I mean by 'our culture.' Rather than burden you with a definition, I'll give you a simple test that you can use wherever you go in the world. If the food in that part of the world is under lock and key, and the people who live there have to work to get it, then you're among people of our culture. If you happen to be in a jungle in the interior of Brazil or New Guinea, however, you'll find that the food is not under lock and key. It's simply out there for the taking, and anyone who wants some can just go and get it. The people who live in these areas, often called aboriginals, stone-age peoples, or tribal peoples, clearly belong to a culture radically different from our own."

-- Daniel Quinn, author of "Ishmael" and "If They Give You Lined Paper, Write Sideways," in a speech given at a homeschooling conference
------------------------------------------------
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly alive."

-- Thich Nhat Hanh
------------------------------------------------
"It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education."

-- Albert Einstein
------------------------------------------------
"In the end, the secret to learning is so simple: forget about it. Think only about whatever you love. Follow it, do it, dream about it. One day, you will glance up at your collection of Japanese literature, or trip over the solar oven you built, and it will hit you: learning was there all the time, happening by itself."

-- Grace Llewellyn in The Teenage Liberation Handbook
------------------------------------------------
"Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life. . . I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be."

-- Anna Quindlen in a column written in 2000
------------------------------------------------
"So, if you sleep until you're 18... Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school–those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that."

-- Uncle Frank (Steve Carell) in "Little Miss Sunshine"
------------------------------------------------
"Well, we busted out of class, had to get away from those fools. We learned more from a three-minute record, baby, than we ever learned in school."

--Bruce Springsteen in "No Surrender"

The 99 percent solution

I've been reading Howard Zinn's seminal book, A People's History of the United States, and wanted to share an excerpt.

"One percent of the nation owns a third of the wealth. The rest of the wealth is distributed in such a way as to turn those in the 99 percent against one another...

"How skillful to tax the middle class to pay for the relief of the poor, building resentment on top of humiliation! How adroit to bus poor black youngsters into poor white neighborhoods, in a violent exchange of impoverished schools, while the schools of the rich remain untouched and the wealth of the nation, doled out carefully where children need free milk, is drained for billion-dollar aircraft carriers. How ingenious to meet the demands of blacks and women for equality by giving them small special benefits, and setting them in competition with everyone else for jobs made scarce by an irrational, wasteful system. How wise to turn the fear and anger of the majority toward a class of criminals bred—by economic inequity—faster than they can be put away, deflecting attention from the huge thefts of national resources carried out within the law by men in executive offices."

He goes on to offer a hopeful message of change-by-rebellion. I'm not sure I share his optimism. Maybe sometimes.

A STUNning new beginning

The girls and I have founded a new unschooling organization, STUN (SnoCo Teen Unschoolers Network). You can read all about it here: http:\\teenunschoolers.blogspot.com. Please pass the word to any unschoolers in the area!

Returning to work

I started back with my favorite Microsoft team on Monday. This contract should take me through another year to my next 100-day break (SUMMER VACATION!!!).

I have my own office! It won't last, but I'm enjoying every minute of it while it does. A good friend of mine is contemplating returning to this group, too; I'd love to share the space with her.

It is mostly being good to be back. I enjoy the people in this group, I enjoy the work, and my professional hat fits pretty comfortably. But I hate the traffic (you can look forward to a pet traffic peeves post soon), and I miss Frank and the girls. But at least we can IM again now!

Returning to real life

My first weekend home was spent running around!

My grandma went to the hospital with shortness of breath and chest pain. They checked her out and let her come home (with her promise to see her doctor ASAP), but we kept an eye on her nevertheless.

MJ ended up with quite the social weekend, despite her agreement to dogsit for my mom. She enlisted some help from Chloe and cousin Megan and some taxi service from Frank and me. (Angelo didn't seem to mind having a variety of caretakers, but it made for some juggling for us.) Friday night, she went to Seattle with friends to see Rolling, a documentary about ecstasy (XTC, the recreational drug). It turned out to be showing at a theater that is associated with a bar, so they couldn't get in. That was cool, too, though, because the producer was there and felt really bad for them, so they each got a t-shirt, a poster, and a promise for a copy of the DVD.

Saturday night—late Saturday night—they went to see Rocky Horror in the midnight show at the Admiral. Frank and I drove them down and got the fun of watching the, er, cast arrive. Then we hung out in the van, reading and napping, until the show let out.

Sunday, I spent some time preparing myself for my return to work on Monday. This involved mental preparation mostly. :-)

Returning to Washington

Here's the report on the second half of my Nebraska trip:

Saturday, Cherie and Steve hosted a dinner party. The guests were a couple of couples who just might be the only other liberals in Nebraska. :-) We had a most convivial evening, with good company, good food, and an impromptu song-fest in honor of the blue moon.

Sunday, Cherie and Steve took me to Pioneer Village in Minden. This is a large complex of buildings stuffed with antiques and not-so-antiques. The founder, Harold Warp, made a fortune in the war with his flexible plastic and proceeded to spend a big chunk of his money gathering goods for the museum. The exhibits are arranged more or less chronologically and include planes, trains, automobiles, snowmobiles, motorcycles, farm equipment, clothing, toys, linens, buttons, furniture, art, and houses (yes, whole houses, including a soddy). It's a pretty impressive place!




Monday was a quiet day on the pond, a last chance to visit, bond, play with the pets, and watch Firefly episodes. Oh, yes, and pack.




Tuesday morning, I hit the road for home. Some highlights of the drive home:

* A whopper of a thunderstorm, complete with big ol' hailstones, as I drove through Denver. It just figured it would hit in one of the few places where I was driving in traffic!

* The gorgeous drive on US 40, up over Berthoud Pass (11,307 feet up!), through Steamboat Springs (where they are busily enjoying Mud Season), and onto the astonishingly gorgeous high plateau.

* My blissful visit to the canyon area of Dinosaur National Monument. I pretty much had the place to myself and got to enjoy my hike and the stunning views at the end of it in absolute silence. Well, except for when the swallows would occasionally whooooosh by on hunting runs. What a great day! (And Crocs are great-- and quiet--for easy hikes, by the way!)





* More incredible scenery on US 40 through Utah, especially where it passes Starvation and Strawberry Reservoirs and drifts over the Daniels pass.

* Crossing Idaho into the blinding sunset, which would have been less scary if the truckers had shown any acknowledgement of the fact that they were driving blind!

* The sudden white-gray flash as an owl swooped in front of the van out of the dark.

* Pushing myself *just* a bit too hard to get into Oregon for night 2. I should have stopped at Boise.

* The odd twist of finding eastern Oregon and Washington the brownest places of my trip.

* Visiting Margie's grave in the 95-degree heat in Yakima. I'm glad to remember Margie, but it always gives me a jolt to see my daughter's name on a gravestone!

* A lovely little visit with Jorene, Morrie, Ferd, Bill, Sheila, and the boys in Selah. (Thanks, guys!)

* Coming home. Frank and the girls had a clean house and a little birthday celebration waiting for me. My gift? A new toilet seat. Hee hee hee! That sounds BAD, doesn't it, but it's what I wanted really! It has a heated seat and a built-in bidet system. Very decadent!