Birth dance

A lovely, lovely quote from Sara McGrath.

"I never felt drawn to the warrior woman approach to labor and birth. I didn't want to fight. I wanted to dance."

Full post

A literary feast

MJ brought home a treasure from the library: Erica Bauermeister's utterly delicious debut novel, The School of Essential Ingredients. The flavors and scents and feelings and dreams contained in this book are beyond description, and yet Ms. Bauermeister describes every one, in poignant and lyrical fashion. I give it my strongest recommendation, accompanied by the suggestion that you not read too much about the story before you read the story itself.

Here is just one very small sample of the numerous passages—pick a page, any page!—that moved me:

Over the hours, the labor pains had sharpened... She kept thinking the waves would slow or break for a moment, but they didn't, one after another until there was nowhere left to go but in, to dive down and hope for air on the other side, but there was no air, no way out, just a desperate reaching and grasping until finally she felt something deep inside her—not physical, not emotional, simply her—break into pieces. And into the arms of that cracked-apart person that had been Claire, they placed a baby and a love came out of her, through the pieces, that she didn't even know was possible.

Warning: After reading this book, you will almost certainly be headed for the market in search of your own essential ingredients. Buon appetito!

Red Alert

"According to WHO, 28 countries—including Croatia, Ireland, Kuwait, and Portugal—have lower maternal mortality rates [than the United States]. Forty-one countries have lower infant mortality rates."

"Even in an elective cesarean, a woman is almost three times more likely to die than in a vaginal birth. Beyond the immediate health risks, having a C-section decreases a woman's chance to become pregnant again and doubles the risk of an unexplained stillbirth in later pregnancies. In 2 to 6 percent of cesareans, a doctor accidentally cuts into a baby. Babies born from an elective C-section are twice as likely as babies born vaginally to end up in neonatal intensive care."

From this article in the Utne Reader.

Warning: The article opens with a disturbing birth tragedy.

Just wait a few more days

5 Reasons to Avoid Induction of Labor

More happy belly times

...because Ginger told me to. :-)

1. WAS YOUR SECOND PREGNANCY PLANNED?
Wellll, we were planning another baby. Just maybe not right that minute. MJ was only nine months old!

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME?
Yes. Wouldn't have cared if I weren't.

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?
Shock. Concern. Then pure joy.

4. HOW OLD WERE YOU?
28.

5. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?
I was at the doctor for some other reason. As an afterthought, I said, "I've also been feeling a little queasy, kind of like I felt when I was pregnant." Hmmm.

6. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?
Frank. We got into the shower together to contemplate our new circumstances.

7. DUE DATE?
March 6th, I think. But I just knew she was going to arrive in February.

You remember how sure I was that MJ was a boy? Right.

8. ACTUAL DATE BABY WAS BORN?
March 11th.

9. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?
Every damn day for more than two months. Then I felt like Superwoman.

10. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?
Hmm. Sleep mostly.

11. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST?
Working.

12. WHAT WAS YOUR SECOND CHILD'S SEX?
Girl.

13. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?
Not even a little bit.

14. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY?
I have no idea. Not so much that it was a problem, not so little that it didn't show.

15. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?
Gawd, I don't even remember. That whole time is a sleep-deprived blur.

16. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
n/a

17. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?
Not a one.

18. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Group Health Hospital, Redmond, Washington

19. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?
From the first twinges to the happy moment, 10 hours.

Favorite memory: Feeling those first contractions as I was tucking MJ into bed. Also, Frank's lack of concern when I told him I was having said contractions. He was quite sure we were at least 24 hours from actual delivery and went off to bed.

20. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?
Frank. "No, really, Frank, it's time to get up now."

21. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Frank and Cherie, the midwife, and a platoon of medical people I was pretty much oblivious to.

22. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?
Natural.

23. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?
Yes, an injection of some narcotic that did little to ease the pain but a lot to interfere with my ability to cope with the pain. If anybody had told me how little time was actually left, I wouldn't have had it.

24. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?
Ummm. A little under 7 lbs., I think.

25. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN?
7:00 a.m. straight up

26. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?
Chloe Barbara Pierce Maier

27. HOW OLD IS YOUR SECOND BORN TODAY?
Almost 15

Happy belly times

I stole this from Ginger's Facebook, not sure where she got it.

I love, love, LOVE talking about my pregnancies. I think a lot of women are like that. Hey, Mary, can I run a "Birth Stories" funshop at LIFE is Good?

As if I need more to do that weekend...

Anyway, here's the meme:

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED?
Yes, but it was still a total surprise. I had been on the pill for a long time, went off in prep for pregnancy, then didn't think I was ovulating. Wrong!

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME?
Yes. Wouldn't have cared if I weren't.

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?
Disbelief. I did like Juno and drank gallons so I could take another pregnancy test. Then pure joy.

4. HOW OLD WERE YOU?
26

5. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?
Ha. Funny story. I had been feeling totally crappy, to the point where it was affecting my work. My (female) manager eyeballed me and said, "Could you be pregnant?" "No," I said, laughing. Then I'm pretty sure my face froze. "Oh, wait..."

6. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?
A woman at work. I don't even remember her name now, or why she ended up knowing I was in the bathroom stall peeing on a stick. But she was technically first. Then I went home and told Frank.

7. DUE DATE?
September 10th. I didn't find out until after MJ was born, fortunately, that September 10th was the day the first Marjorie died.

8. ACTUAL DATE BABY WAS BORN?
September 15th.

9. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?
Every damn day for more than two months. Then I felt like Superwoman.

10. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?
Hot and sour soup. Banana splits. Bananas. And later in the pregnancy, hamburgers. Jerry would buzz down to Ray's Drive-in for me almost every afternoon.

11. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST?
Chicken. I still occasionally have trouble with the smell of cooking chicken. Later, not sleeping irritated me the most.

12. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX?
Despite my complete certainty that it was a boy and the baby's pregnancy nickname of "Wolfgang," we had a girl.

Stephanie and me in unison in the birthing suite, crooning: "It's a giiiirrrrrlllll." We were all thrilled.

I still kind of miss the boy she wasn't, though. He was very real to me.

13. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?
Not even a little bit.

14. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY?
I have no idea. Not so much that it was a problem, not so little that it didn't show.

15. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?
Three of them: work, my side, Frank's side. Best quote, from Deb Maier's card to us after MJ was born: "For that rare flower in the Maier garden, a girl!"

16. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
I knew about all 3 in advance.

17. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?
Tiny bit of early spotting, spent one day in bed being terrified. The cord was double-wrapped around her neck when she was born, but the midwife dealt with that so matter-of-factly that I was never worried.

18. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Group Health Hospital, Redmond, Washington

19. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?
From the first twinges to the happy moment, 36 hours.

Favorite memory: Frank and Jerry in our living room, timing my contractions with dueling G-Shock watches.

20. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?
Frank.

21. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Frank, Mom, Steph, the midwife Linda, and a platoon of medical people I was pretty much oblivious to.

22. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?
Natural.

23. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?
No.

24. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?
Ummm. Hmm, haven't had to pull that number from memory for a while. It was about 7 lbs., but I'd have to go look it up to get the exact weight.

25. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN?
11:36 a.m. I can still picture the clock that was across from my bed.

26. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?
Marjorie Caitlin Pierce Maier

27. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY?
16

NaBloPoMo "M"

M is for M to the J



Here is it, the moment you've all been waiting for...

The Story of MJ's Arrival

Our story starts with the pill, or rather without it, and how I was convinced my confused body wasn't ovulating, so we were just going to have to wait to get pregnant.

Or maybe our story starts with a nice night Frank and I had together just after the Christmas craziness.

Or maybe our story starts with the stomach flu I suffered in January. "It's just not going away," I whined to my manager at work. "Could you be pregnant?" asked she. "Nah."

Oh, wait...

Or maybe our story starts with nephew-son Jerry. He was living with us and very sweet about taking care of me. He would run to Ray's Drive-in for my afternoon hamburger fix. (Hamburgers and ice cream sundaes were my cravings. And hot and sour soup.)

Or maybe our story starts with car repairs. You know how some women nest before they deliver? Well, I went out and worked on the car. Nine months and one week pregnant, and I was out there replacing bulbs and air filters and I don't even remember what all. The car had only been in our possession for about a week, purchased used from friends Bobby and Diane—a new family car for a couple that had up until then found increasingly creative ways to cart around large objects and a family of three (counting Jerry and an increasingly pregnant woman) in a two-seater car. (Sidenote: We also helped Jerry buy his first car the day we bought the Tercel. The previous owner: "When is your baby due?" "Today." He went pale.)

Or maybe our story starts with my dad and his wife, Reneé, who were up visiting from San Diego hoping to be in attendance for the big event. They were sleeping on our sofabed when I felt the first contractions Sunday night. I think they were even more excited than I was.

Or maybe our story starts with Stephanie's car. She and I went shopping on Monday to try to stimulate my exceedingly slow labor. She drove us from mall to bank. It was very bouncy (something I'd never noticed about her car before and couldn't detect after). But I suppose it was stimulating.

Or maybe our story starts with dueling Casio G-Shock watches. Jerry and Frank spent a couple of hours timing my contractions Monday night while I experimented with different positions under some deluded idea that I could get comfortable.

Or maybe our story starts with our arrival at the hospital about 26 hours after my labor started only to discover that I wasn't dilated. At all. The nurses sent me off to walk the halls for an hour. It was a surreal time, walking along very slowly with Frank at my side, thinking I was in such pain. (Ha!) At my next exam, I showed some progress, so they admitted me.

Or maybe our story starts with the arrival of my mom and Stephanie. Except I'm a little fuzzy on when that happened.

Or maybe our story starts with "These contractions are pissing me off" as I sat in the tub in the dimly lit room. (I have no idea if the "dimly lit" part is true. I only know that it's dimly lit in my memory; I didn't become aware of the daylight until after MJ was born.) My mom was on the phone to somebody (note to self: if there's ever a next time, do not allow people to call the birthing room) and yet another contraction hit and suddenly I had just had enough.

Or maybe our story starts with "Somebody tell me it's too late for drugs." Definitely.

But our story definitely starts at 11:36 a.m. on Tuesday, September 15, 1992. The big moment. I had Stephanie on one side and Frank and my mom on the other. The room was full of people (again, only an impression). The cord was wrapped around the baby's neck. "Oop, we have the cord wrapped here," said the unflappable midwife, cutting the cord early while my mom hid behind me so I couldn't see her terror. I was never worried, either because I was too tired or because the midwife was calm.

And then MJ was born. "It's a girl," said the midwife. "It's a girrrlll," Stephanie and I crooned in unison.

They put her on my tummy (another reassurance, because they definitely wouldn't have done that if she'd been in danger). She was a little gray but pinked up quickly as they did their measurements. Then they gave her back to me and we started bonding. I don't remember his words, but I remember that Frank spoke. And even though she'd been ignoring a dozen voices all around her, at the sound of his MJ turned to look.

She was daddy's girl even then.

NaBloPoMo "C"

C is for Chloe, of course



Here is *my* story, the story of Chloe's arrival.

On March 10th, 1994, I was hugely pregnant and ready to be done. At about 9 p.m., I was tucking an 18-month old MJ into bed. While I was singing to her, I felt the first contraction, so I cuddled MJ an extra long time, knowing it was her last night as an only child.

Then I found Frank and told him I was in labor. Unimpressed, he went to bed. This sounds somewhat, well, heartless until you recall that labor lasted a very long time the first time around. So, I muddled through the first few hours alone. I called the hospital and checked in there, and the nurse cautioned me not to wait "too long." I wasn't worried. I had a bath and paced and tried to doze.

Finally, about 2 a.m., I woke Frank, called Grandma Mary to come and finish out her night on our livingroom couch, and called Grandma Cherie to meet us at the hospital to help coach. By the time we got there at close to 3, things were getting pretty interesting, and I had my doubts about my ability to walk from car to hospital.

In some part of my brain, however, I still thought I had hours—days—of labor left, and the pain was INTENSE, so I let them give me a shot of something. This didn't seem to do much for me except to make me less capable of managing the pain.

But the birthing suites at Group Health Hospital in Redmond are pretty nice places. I spent the next couple of hours in a tub of warm water. When the midwife saw me pushing, she said, "Don't push!" I responded by channeling Linda Blair and snarling, "I WANT TO!"

"Time to get out of the tub," said the midwife.

At this point, I lost control of my birthing experience. Funny how that happens in hospitals. I was firmly encouraged into bed despite the fact that horizontal is not the best position for delivery, and a fetal monitor was strapped across my belly even though I hated the feel of it. But the baby came anyway, as babies will usually do.

Then the big moment. 7:00 a.m. straight up. I let out a scream, which I vaguely remember a nurse rolling her eyes over. And then Chloe was there. They gave her to me to hold for a too-brief moment and then took her over to the table where they did their initial measurements and such. Chloe started to cry. In my woozy state, the exactly right response to this was to sing the Beatles' Rocky Raccoon, a song that we sang to MJ most every night while tucking her in. In other words, Chloe had been listening to that song once a night for months.

The midwife was perfectly delighted with my song choice and joined in. Frank joined in. And Chloe stopped crying. Minutes later, she was nursing for the first time, and all was right with my world.

And now, knowing the person she is, it still seems exactly right that I greeted her with a song.