Make a joyful light

I met a little girl in my dreams last night. Looking back on it now, I can theorize labels for this girl and know that she was probably on the Aspergers spectrum. Whatever. In my dream, she was simply my friend. She carried with her at all times one of those little keychain LED flashlights that you squeeze to light up. That flashlight was a cause for concern in her family, and I was caught up in the concern.

So, she and her siblings and I were hanging out together at the mall. We were having a blast and there were many distractions, and I was able to manipulate my little friend into giving me her flashlight for a while. But then we walked into THE toy store, the kind of toy store that kids fantasize about. FAO Schwartz on crack. My friend was suddenly a dancing ball of energy, hopping up and down and tugging manically on the pocket where I'd put her flashlight. I laughed and hugged her and promptly gave her back her light, which she proceeded to flash happily over and over again.

In the way of dreams, her dad appeared beside us and said something to her in that indulgent-scolding voice that all parents probably use from time to time. It's a voice that says, "I'm letting you do this just this once, but I find your need to do it amusing." I turned to him and said, "Steve, that's how she shows you her joy." And the light dawned for him, too, and we were all settling into enjoying the very pretty lights when my alarm went off and I woke up.

I think it is no accident that we use "light" words when we talk about joy, and no coincidence that a light symbolized joy in my dream. Our faces light up. We beam smiles. We glow with happiness. Joy dawns on our faces.

One of my favorite things about the unschooling community is that our friends amplify my kids' joy the way I amplified the little girl's joy in my dream. They do this all the time, not only by recognizing MJ's and Chloe's expressions of joy but by joining into it. At its roots, to enjoy means to put joy into, and our friends do that, too. MJ and Chloe have friends of all ages, all over the place, who are their friends in joy. They play and laugh together and trust each other. It is stunningly beautiful to watch.

And these friends help me see with better eyes. I can look back over our unschooling years and remember so many times when the words or simple presence of unschooling friends—people who habitually, deliberately, look for and find the best in people—showed me the path out of fear-based, critical parenting and into acceptance and fun and doing life together. Unschoolers remind me in a thousand ways to enjoy my kids, and my partnership, and my life. They show me the light.

Do you see it?