Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with, shall we say, more colorful metaphors, "double dumb-ass on you" and so forth. — Spock, Star Trek IV
A slip of the tongue was probably the trigger for a conversation I overheard the other night on our way to the baseball game. I tuned in when MJ was explaining to 9yo Emma that she is allowed to use "bad" words. Someone asked by whom she was allowed, and she replied, "My mom." My grandma asked her not to use them in front of her. My mom asked for clarification about when she is allowed to use them. MJ admitted (with that word describing her tone of voice) that she isn't supposed to use them in front of grandparents.
The truth is, she is "allowed" to use whatever language she wants, whenever she wants. I have asked her to moderate her language around small kids and people who are sensitive to language (including grandparents), but she is free to disregard this request. In most cases, probably for her own reasons rather than mine, she watches what she says at family gatherings. But sometimes she slips and sometimes she lets fly.
I swear with some regularity, but I tend to use profanity to create impact in my speech. And indiscriminately while driving. Frank swears freely.
It's about personal expression. We (including our kids) are free to speak as we will. People who are offended are free—no, welcome—to ask us to stop, just as I asked a drunk guy at the game to stop dropping F bombs around Emma (he did).
And in the case of our daughters, it's about learning. We all experiment with language. Our speech rhythms and habits change over the course of our lifetimes. The societal rule that says kids don't get to experiment with profanity until they turn 18 or 21 or whatever is just silly. And unrealistic.
Did you wait until you were 18?
Finally, it's about comfort. I want my kids to be themselves around me. If a "colorful metaphor" will help them do that, I have no problem with that.
9 comments:
Fuckin' A right!! :-)
Shelby is 9 and is free to use whatever kind of language she chooses...since she was itty bitty. She always intuitively knew when it was inappropriate to use that language, which is pretty cool I think.
Probably doesn't help that Clint and I cuss like sailors.
Holly used to tell me and her brothers not to use bad words. Keith never really has. I do.
Years passed. Holly embarrasses me sometimes. I think she'll settle out after a while, but she's probably the worst of us and then I'm second worst.
Marty's phone message used to be him stammering and "uh..." and then "Shit. Uh, this is Marty. Leave a message."
I asked him to change it, because it said "shit."
He did. But he changed it to something that starts off organized and efficient sounding, and then says that he wanted it to be known that this message didn't say "shit." Then he says "Oh! God damn it."
I'm afraid asking him to change it wouldn't be a step in the cleaner direction.
Oh my, I had no idea this post would inspire the sailors in our midst! LOL. Too funny.
Sandra, I love your Marty story! Now that I know what his voice sounds like, I can hear him saying both messages. Too cute.
Thanks for the post! Kade (now 6) has been known to use language uncommonly heard from the mouths of those so young. My personal favorites are both from Futurama and he uses them quite frequently. They are: "Bite my shinny metal ass." and "Oh your god!" I think his favorite single word is crap which he uses when playing Mario. He is pretty good about not using it while playing with our 'religious' friends and while with the previous generation to ours. I look forward to the laughter (sometimes in private) we will have as he gets more stashed in his vocabulary. Kai is totally clean, but his humor is off! Fun times our children bring :)
I have a vivid memory of a jr. high school assembly where the girls' (?!) vice (!?) principal suggested to us that instead of using profanity, we should say "oh, peanuts!" or "oh, popcorn!" There was a moment of jaw-drop silence, followed by unmistakably derisive laughter.
For about 2 weeks after, we swore profusely and left trails of popcorn and peanuts to mark our paths from class to class. Miss Sulack was livid.
Fuck her if she can't take a joke.
(It was 1963.)
Wait until I was 18? Hardly! At the tender age of 6, my favorite expression was "fucking bastard." I'm not sure that I knew what it meant and my parents certainly never said those words. But, wtf, it caused a small sensation!
Ross and I don't swear overly much at home (I tempered my sailor's mouth when we started going out), but we have no trouble letting fly in appropriate company.
When Michelle was about 18 months old (and not talking much at all), she was looking for a toy or doll she wanted. When she couldn't find it, she stamped her foot and clearly said "Dammit!" I laughed because that was pretty much the only expression my mother used around us kids (and obviously, I had been saying it, too). I called my mum and told her that was her legacy to her granddaughter. *g*
We talk about how there's a right time and place for certain words, and that you just need to be sensitive to the context and the people around you.
Only one of my children swears at all, though, and the funny thing is that he's also the most sensitive to what *he* considers bad words. He steers clear of "fuck" but strangely is quite happy to let a "goddammit" or "jesus christ" fly. Sometimes it's all Scott and I can do to keep from cracking up.
Thanks for sharing this link Ronnie.
The previous commenter said "We talk about how there's a right time and place for certain words, and that you just need to be sensitive to the context and the people around you."
We certainly talk about not using certain words around ppl who would be offended and as far as I know he hasn't ever upset anyone but me. And it's not as if I don't cuss myself! What bothers me is the strings of expletives he lets loose and when I'm feeling super sensitive to it and needing some peace, he can't seem to (or doesn't want to) reign it in.
So obviously my issue. I suppose it's more about balancing my need for peace with his need to vent freely.
Thanks again for some more words to chew on.
"...when I'm feeling super sensitive to it and needing some peace..."
Umm, yeah. Funny how it is at those very moments that our kids hit their extremes, isn't it? It's not a coincidence!
Just breathe, baby. Cheerfully step into the next room (or to the far side of the RV, as it were), take a minute to wish things were different, and then step back to What Is.
And you could always try echoing his every curse word with "peanuts and popcorn!" :-)
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