Sunday system check

• What I'm reading: Sandra Dodd's Big Book of Unschooling
• What I'm listening to: AC/DC "Hell's Bells," "Back in Black," and "You Shook Me All Night Long"
• What I'm watching: Sunday Night Football, Cards vs. Giants
• What's for dinner: pork chops, mashed potatoes, veggies

Schrödinger's rapist

In an open letter to nice guys everywhere, Phaedra Starling writes:

"So when you, a stranger, approach me, I have to ask myself: Will this man rape me?

"Do you think I’m overreacting? One in every six American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. I bet you don’t think you know any rapists... Consider: if every rapist commits an average of ten rapes (a horrifying number, isn’t it?) then the concentration of rapists in the population is still a little over one in sixty... How do I know that you, the nice guy who wants nothing more than companionship and True Love, are not this rapist?

"I don’t.

"When you approach me in public, you are Schrödinger’s Rapist...

"Fortunately, you’re a good guy. We’ve already established that. Now that you’re aware that there’s a problem, you are going to go out of your way to fix it, and to make the women with whom you interact feel as safe as possible."

She continues with five things nice guys can do to help. Read her whole post.

Health care for all

"Because in one party, in one demographic, in one protest movement, we are all brothers and sisters. We are united in membership in the party that insists that every chance at life be afforded to every American seeking that chance.

"We are united in membership in the party that insists on the right of everyone to the startling, transcendent blessings of the technological advance of medical science. We are united in membership in the party that is for life, that is against death, that is for lower premiums, that is against higher deductibles, that is for the peace of mind that can be provided only by the elimination of the fear that cost will decide whether we live or we die!

"Because that's the point, isn't it? It is hard enough to recover, to fight past pain and to stave off death, if just for a season or a week or a day. It is so hard, that eventually for you, for me, for this president, for these blue dogs, for these protestors it is so hard to recover, that for all of us there will come a time when we will not recover. So, why are we making it harder?"

Keith Olbermann, "Countdown" 10/7/09 segment 5 of 5

Friday fill-in

1. The crickets sing but not in Washington.

2. I love you, sunshine, wherever you are.

3. I want to get far away from the people who are mean to their kids (and take their kids with me).

4. Pigs can't fly; this was a dream.

5. But as for me, I'll trust my kids.

6. What I come from is only a fraction of what I am.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to Sharona on Monk and the premiere of White Collar, tomorrow my plans include a full day of fun, and Sunday, I want to enjoy Sunday!

Chloe's WABAC machine

Chloe just found the diary she kept during her final months in school before we started homeschooling. She says she devoted five pages to complaining about my insistence on her going to school one day in October even though she was sick. Three months later, we were unschooling.

This is why I don't plan too far ahead.

This is too funny

It's pretty impressive, too! Be patient, the funny part starts about a minute in.

Chit chat

After a long Twitter-free spell, I have been tweeting again the past couple of days. My desire to communicate minutiae seems to come in waves, and for whatever reason (etiquette?), I do not wish to use Facebook for these tweetish communications. (My status updates on FB tend to be about chunks of time—e.g., "Ronnie Maier has her kids back!!"—rather than random moments here and there—e.g., "I am trimming my toenails.")

But what do I do when my desire to blab details exceeds my tweet tolerance level? I write a megatweet blog post, obviously. It probably makes for pretty boring stuff, but I suppose Blogging Without Obligation means I'm not obliged to be especially interesting.

I read "The Five Languages of Love" tonight. I first heard about this book from Beth Fuller and have been enjoying a broader appreciation of all Frank does for me since then. It's been lovely to take every clean dish as an "I love you." You know? But now Frank and I have both figured out our official Love Language profiles, and it turns out that "Acts of Service" isn't his love language any more than it is mine. Oh, well, I still appreciate those clean dishes.

Interestingly, Frank and I scored almost identically for our profiles, with "Physical Touch" and "Quality Time" tied for the top position. Gary Chapman, the author, says partners don't necessarily enjoy such fluency in each other's love language, so this might be a contributing factor to why Frank and I get on so well. It also seems possible that one of us started out with one of those as primary and the other with the other, but that after more than two decades of adjusting to each other's needs, our priorities have been adapted.

The other two languages are "Affirmations" and "Receiving Gifts."

Chloe and I went to the library this evening and each brought home huge armloads of books. Hers are mostly about getting into college, something that is very much on both girls' minds right now. Mine are mostly about geology, just because.

I missed House and Castle last night. (Monday is "guys named after buildings" night on TV.)

Our house still smells like bacon, 14 hours after breakfast.

After a surprisingly pleasant couple of days, the damp is rolling in again. MJ has been hogging the "We're season ticketholders and don't you forget it even if we might want to after that game against the Cardinals" Seahawks throw blanket, so I'm sitting here wrapped in the dragonfly-dotted fleece blanket I won in the LIFE is Good silent auction last May. Cozy! All in all, though, I'd rather be in Arizona with Uncle Scott. (But I still wouldn't root for the Cards.)

If I'm still not working in November, I'm thinking about doing NaNoWriMo. But I might settle for NaBloPoMo. Both girls are also contemplating NNWM, so we may find ourselves entering into some serious computer negotiations. Anybody got a laptop we can borrow for a month? If not, I'll have to encourage Chloe to resume her nightowl thing. ;-)

Not being that much of a nightowl myself, I'm done now. Good night!

You're free to go, but put down the candy bar

So, Jessica has sailed off from Sydney on her circumnavigation attempt. I can imagine the clutch of fear her parents felt watching her go, and I give them props for letting her go anyway. But it's hard to reconcile that feat of courageous parenting with this note from Jessica's blog:

"For a while again this afternoon we were completely becalmed... It's been so long since I've had any time just to take it easy for a while and the freedom was amazing, no deadlines, nothing to rush off to, I can eat whatever I like whenever I like, no one to send me off to bed!"
(emphasis mine)

I can't imagine trusting my kid enough to SAIL AROUND THE WORLD without assistance but not trusting her enough to choose her own food and bedtime. Oy.

Coping with traditional parenting

Pulling this out of one of my Good Vibrations posts so I can link to it directly.

Strangers in a Strange Land chat. Shonna and I hosted this circle chat yesterday. We went in hoping to encourage and benefit from some brainstorming about how to help other people's kids when we see them being victimized by harsh parenting. I think it went pretty well. Here are the tools we discussed. Which of these is the best to pull out in any given situation will depend on the situation and your resources at the moment.

• Empathize with the parent. We've all been there in that overwhelmed moment, and we all know snapshot moments do not necessarily reflect the whole of the parent-child relationship. Also, those of us (yours truly) who started out as traditional parents can (should be able to) empathize more than most.
• Validate the child's experience. A small verbal expression of your understanding of the child's perspective can provide a lot of comfort to the child, and it just might help the parent make a shift, too. For example, suppose you see a child in a store crying because he's been denied candy or a toy. You can say, "It's hard to see all these cool things and not be able to take them home, isn't it?"
• Say "I've been there. Here are some resources that have helped me a lot," and then hand over a card that lists a few of your favorite parenting Web sites. This one lets you immediately withdraw from the situation; the parent doesn't have/get to respond.
• Say (even if it's not true), "You know, the exact same thing happened with us. Here's what worked for us..." and then describe the parenting that you wish you were seeing.
• Interject with a little comment that might jolt the parent into taking a breath. My example was Count to a million, Mom.

Click here to see the second edition of "Coping with traditional parenting."
Also see Transitioning from the traditional - tips for moving toward more peaceful parenting.

The Doings Report

We're finishing up our quiet, empty-nest week. We barely did anything, a true vacation. It's been lovely.

Thursday evening, I helped out at a special event at Belle Provence, a lovely Mill Creek gift store run by some friends. I enjoy these occasional forays into retail, but boy, did I have sore feet by the end of it. Gotta get some dressy flats!

Friday night, Frank and I went out for dinner together at Romio's. I do like going there, it's such a neighborhood joint despite being part of a chain. I've run into my doctor there previously, and Friday we saw a couple of teachers from Whittier Elementary, the girls' old stomping grounds. And Costa, the manager, greets us as if we're regulars. Plus, the food is yummy. I had GASP pizza (garlic, artichoke hearts, sun-dried tomatoes, and pesto), and Frank had chicken fettucini.

Frank has a cold, so I went down and sold our Seahawks tickets. What a good decision! Terrible, terrible game. Frank and I are watching from the comfort of our livingroom and have some cash to show for it. I feel sort of bad for the dad and lad who bought our tickets, though.

The girls finished up their week on the South Carolina beach yesterday and are now back in Gainesville, Georgia. They have been having a really, really good time.

We do our reverse-airport-run tomorrow. We'll drop off the Zen car at the hotel where the Golds are spending Monday night, visit with them for a while, pick up MJ and Chloe, and pick up the Mayers. I'm looking forward to it!

A vote for families

We received our ballots today for the general election on November 3, so this seems like a good time to share with my Washington readers my intention to vote to approve Referendum 71 and my deep hope that you will, too. This referendum will continue the domestic partnership law previously approved by our state legislature. It provides equal protection to all families so partners and their children can be covered by the health insurance policy of the head of household, so family members can visit each other in the hospital, so partners can take family leave to care for their sick partners or children, and so loving parents can adopt children in need.

In the case of my dear cousins Randi and Kauleen, it will enable Kauleen to adopt her own son!

Let me repeat that: If this is returned into law, Kauleen can adopt her own son. I must say, I find it outrageous that anyone could have a problem with that.

Please, join me in removing this obstacle to the health and security of our friends, neighbors, and family members.

Why Vote to Approve R-71

Friday fill-in

1. So, Frank, are we going out to dinner tonight or what?

2. A new adventure is what's up ahead.

3. I love to do too many things to list them all here.

4. I suppose Glenn Beck is a human... of some sort.

5. I walk a happy path.

6. Joy is the true elixir of life! Drink up!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a date with Frank and then some time with Shawn and Gus, tomorrow my plans include doing as little as possible, and Sunday, I want to help the Seahaws beat the Cardinals—oh crud, I used the wrong color for this FF—and prep the house for the Monday return of girls and Mayers!

Complaint-free Friday

This is an interesting idea.

From the Kindness Center:
Today is "Complaint Free Friday." To participate you will need a piece of paper, a pen and self-awareness. If you catch yourself complaining or speaking unkind words (about yourself, others, or the world), please write down three things you are grateful for. This simple technique is a powerful way to generate positive energy and an attitude of gratitude.

Just wait a few more days

5 Reasons to Avoid Induction of Labor

This is silly too

I'm a labeler

Way down in the sidebar is a section called "Labels" which I have just updated to better reflect the labels I have used on my blog posts over the years. Labels also appear at the bottom of most of my blog posts (for example, the blognews label at the bottom of this post). Click a label to see a collection of related writings.

A note to any current or former indexers reading this: Feel free to let me know if you find a post that is missing a likely label. Thanks!

Doing it Mongolian style

Click here for a lovely, funny, enlightening article about a Canadian woman's breastfeeding journey in Mongolia.

Wordless Wednesday

You better think

Excerpts from Does the Vaccine Matter?, an excellent exploration of the efficacy of our current pandemic preparations, from the new issue of The Atlantic:

"When Lisa Jackson, a physician and senior investigator with the Group Health Research Center, in Seattle, began wondering aloud to colleagues if maybe something was amiss with the estimate of 50 percent mortality reduction for people who get flu vaccine, the [opposition] she got sounded more like doctrine than science... [In] 2004, Jackson and three colleagues set out to determine whether the mortality difference between the vaccinated and the unvaccinated might be caused by a phenomenon known as the 'healthy user effect.' ... Jackson’s findings showed that outside of flu season, the baseline risk of death among people who did not get vaccinated was approximately 60 percent higher than among those who did, lending support to the hypothesis that on average, healthy people chose to get the vaccine, while the 'frail elderly' didn’t or couldn’t. In fact, the healthy-user effect explained the entire benefit that other researchers were attributing to flu vaccine, suggesting that the vaccine itself might not reduce mortality at all."

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"The history of flu vaccination suggests other reasons to doubt claims that it dramatically reduces mortality. In 2004, for example, vaccine production fell behind, causing a 40 percent drop in immunization rates. Yet mortality did not rise. In addition, vaccine 'mismatches' occurred in 1968 and 1997: in both years, the vaccine that had been produced in the summer protected against one set of viruses, but come winter, a different set was circulating. In effect, nobody was vaccinated. Yet death rates from all causes, including flu and the various illnesses it can exacerbate, did not budge."

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"Unfortunately, the very people who most need protection from the flu also have immune systems that are least likely to respond to vaccine. Studies show that young, healthy people mount a glorious immune response to seasonal flu vaccine, and their response reduces their chances of getting the flu and may lessen the severity of symptoms if they do get it. But they aren’t the people who die from seasonal flu. By contrast, the elderly, particularly those over age 70, don’t have a good immune response to vaccine—and they’re the ones who account for most flu deaths."

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"This is the curious state of debate about the government’s two main weapons [flu vaccines and anti-viral drugs] in the fight against pandemic flu. At first, government officials declare that both vaccines and drugs are effective. When faced with contrary evidence, the adherents acknowledge that the science is not as crisp as they might wish. Then, in response to calls for placebo-controlled trials, which would provide clear results one way or the other, the proponents say such studies would deprive patients of vaccines and drugs that have already been deemed effective."

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"In the U.S., by contrast, our reliance on vaccination may have the opposite effect: breeding feelings of invulnerability, and leading some people to ignore simple measures like better-than-normal hygiene, staying away from those who are sick, and staying home when they feel ill. Likewise, our encouragement of early treatment with antiviral drugs will likely lead many people to show up at the hospital at first sniffle. 'There’s no worse place to go than the hospital during flu season,' says [flu researcher Sumit] Majumdar. Those who don’t have the flu are more likely to catch it there, and those who do will spread it around, he says."

Go ahead

I discovered a new Web site from the people who brought you LOL Cats and the Fail Blog. It's called It Made My Day (IMMD).

Two fun samples:

Me and my 9 year old cousin were watching old footage of John and Yoko performing today. During Yoko’s singing she turned to me and asked ‘What’s wrong with that guy?’ IMMD.

I was eating a donut with a friend’s 15 month old daughter. She asked what the hole was for and I asked “What do you think?” she said ” That’s where you put the bacon”. IMMD