Friday fill-in

Changing fill-ins
My answers in this Friday Fill-in will share the NaBloPoMo theme of "Change."



1. It's January; let the unexpected changes of 2009 commence!

2. Peaceful transitions is what I crave most right now.

3. Cork and wine go together like life and change.

4. Support from friends and family is so nourishing.

5. Let us dare to dare.

6. Something that won't change: Frank and the girls are my home.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to Monk and Psych, back on our schedule at last, tomorrow my plans include seeing Frank off and helping Chloe transform her room, and Sunday, I want to see how it goes!

Shifts

Changing locations
It's been kind of a tumultuous few days in the Pacific Northwest.

Remember all the rain I was whining about? Well, travel and trucking in the region are mostly at a standstill with many of our major highways, including Interstate 5, closed due to flooding, mudslides, and/or avalanche danger. The trains aren't running either. Fortunately, my mom and Tom were able to get home from the coast today, so they're back where they belong, and Chloe is done dogsitting, so she's back where she belongs.

Unfortunately, MJ is still not where she belongs. She and Harper and friends left his place today for some camping. I hope they get decent, or at least dry, weather down there. She comes home on the 17th.

And Saturday, Frank leaves for New Orleans to see his dad, who is very sick. We're not sure how long he has nor how long Frank will be gone. Frank wrote a lovely post about his dad here. Marty is the world's best father-in-law—he's one of the best men I know—so this is a pretty sad time for us.

Your own personal Jesus

Changing water into whine
So, I know I complained about the snow a little. A lot. Endlessly. But now it's raining. A lot. Endlessly.

Somebody tell me again why we live here?

I guess it could be because, at our coldest, we never have to (never could) iceskate down the sidewalk.

And I guess it could be because there are no damn hurricanes.

And I guess it could be because the majority here usually votes the way I vote (a benefit that cannot be overvalued).

And I guess it could be because here is where the money is.

And I guess it could be because I bloomed where I was planted.

But some people went swimming in their outdoor pools for the solstice. And about this time six years ago, we were basking in the warm sunshine in San Diego on our first expedition as unschoolers. (Happy Unniversary to Us!) And we just received an ad from St. Croix that has pictures of, well, paradise (except for the damn hurricanes).

And here I sit, watching the rain come down, while coworkers share tips on keeping their basements from flooding.

And Winter is only about two weeks old!

Hydrology

Changing beverages
Almost a year ago (!), I stopped drinking Coke. After the initial cravings, I haven't missed it. But finding something to drink instead has been something of a journey. At work, I've been drinking root beer with lunch. And at home, I've been toying with Squirt as a (mostly inadequate) Lemonsoda substitute.

I never said I was going to eliminate sugar from my diet. :-)

But the biggest change has been wrought by the snow, our new thermostat (aka, "cooler house"), and my new "red not orange not maroon fire-engine red" teapot. Hot drinks have suddenly been very attractive, and the new teapot is just fun to use. So, I've been drinking tea. Fruity ones are my favorite. I have some varietal Twinings fruit ones purchased abroad (la-de-da) that I'm not sure I can replace, so those get parcelled out like gold. The rest of the time, I like a nice lemon, orange spice, or Wild Berry Zinger.

Thanks for the warmth, Erin!

I've adapted

Changing terms
I've just been writing up the process my manager and I followed last month to ready our program (programme) documentation for use in places where they spell funny, such as Great Britain, Australia, and Canada.

Normally, this work is completed by vendors who specialize (specialise) in translation and localization (localisation). But the vendor wanted several weeks and many dollars (pounds) to do it, so David and I took on the task. It took us about two weeks, and we got it right the first time, which is not always true of the vendors.

Yes, I'm feeling smug, and yes, I know it's unattractive. I just can't help myself.

But don't you think they should write me a check (cheque) for the money we saved them?

Dither dither dither

Changing my mind
- I'm going to watch the playoff games today.
- No, I'm not, I have to work.
- But I could work while I watch.
- No, I really have to work.

- I'm going to cook beans but I know I won't really enjoy them.
- Hey, these are really good! (Tony's!)

- I'm doing NaBloPoMo this month, so I really gotta post today.
- I'm sick of this computer. Maybe I won't do NaBloPoMo this month.
- Oh, all right, just a quick one.

Butts up

Changing diapers
Note: I've just discovered the theme for NaBloPoMo this month is Change. Since I coincidentally blogged about that very thing for the first couple days of January, I've decided to continue blogging on that subject this month. Every day? Maybe, maybe not.

I miss changing diapers. The Ghost of Ronnie Past—the one who spent four and half years diapering butts—is lurking behind me, shrieking,
"What?! Are you crazy?"

But I miss it just the same.

I got to change Lila several times at our New Year's Eve sleepover and was reminded of all the good stuff. Every diaper change was a moment of connection. Every one was an opportunity for play, for singing a little song, for blowing raspberries on baby belly. Every one was a chance for surprises, entertainment, commiseration, laughter.

Frank invented a diaper-changing song when ours were babies. It goes like this:

Butts up, baby, butts up,
Gimme your butt, gimme gimme your butt,
Gimme gimme
Butts up, baby, butts up... (etc.)

Lila found it highly entertaining. (Who wouldn't?)

One time she was resistant, so I diapered her bear instead. That was so funny, she laid herself right down for her turn.

It was so fun!

Yes, yes, of course I remember the downsides. Meconium. Changing a baby who doesn't want to be changed. Changing a poopy diaper when you're so tired you want to cry.

"I'll give you a thousand dollars if you'll do it."

But the rest is good stuff.

Careless schmareless

Changing perspectives
My daughters are the thrilled owners of an extensive (although not yet complete) Joss Whedon collection. Their joy in their ownership of these items is boundless. Truly prized possessions.

And yet they leave the DVDs lying about.

When I was tidying up in preparation for my little NYE soirée, I put away a lot of "Buffy" discs. I found myself thinking some fairly, um, traditional things about my girls. The word "careless" came up a lot. It got me thinking.

Careless. It's an interesting accusation. Someone is careless with her things if she does not keep them to the standards set by... somebody else. Some random arbiter of how things should be kept. And carelessness is to be avoided or else!

Or else what? MJ and Chloe have been leaving discs out for years, and, despite my oft-repeated gloomy predictions of damage, they have not suffered a single casualty. Or if there have been casualties, they have dealt with them matter-of-factly and without assistance.

In other words, their treatment of their CDs and DVDs is an entirely appropriate level of care.

Huh. Imagine that.

The other part of this is that they seem to be free of the rather desperate feeling that these things are irreplaceable. My "Firefly" DVD set (my personal Joss Whedon collection) is terribly, terribly precious to me. I guard it. I worry about it. I think about buying a replacement just in case. MJ and Chloe have none of that. These things they own are just things, nice to have but easy to replace should the need arise.

Perhaps what they are is carefree.

But even that has as one of its definitions "irresponsible." Why? How did we get so mired in this feeling that all this care is required and that every possession must be protected to the nth degree?

When we were on the boat, we became slightly acquainted with a retired couple from up north who had sold their house and moved onto their boat in Slidell. They had pared down their houseful of belongings to the precious few that would fit aboard or in a small rented storage unit. Katrina came. They lost it all. All the care in the world hadn't done them any good.

I am not suggesting, of course, that we all start leaving our toys out in the rain. But maybe our kids should have the chance to show us how to care about what's really important.

Friday fill-in

In memory of Janet's dad

1. The world is open for exploration.

2. My good-bye to Emma, Ella, and Lila was probably the last thing I said, but some unconscious mutterings to myself were certainly possible.

3. I wonder if people will ever stop trying to control their kids in lieu of valuing their kids' enjoyment of the world.

4. Peace and quiet at the end of all things.

5. There's something to be said for teeter-totters.

6. Home is where I want to be.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to puttering, tomorrow my plans include more puttering, maybe some make-up work, and hopefully greeting Frank and Chloe, and Sunday, I want to hang out with Frank and Chloe!

Going paperless

I don't know if it will work, but I've just used ProQuo to attempt to opt out of pre-approved credit offers and a number of direct marketing campaings. In theory, this will hugely slash our junk mail.

My questions about composting

Can I compost if I really have no use for the compost? We don’t fertilize or use mulch or any of that and have no plans to start. What would I have to do with the finished compost to make room for the next batch?

Also, after the initial setup, I would prefer not to spend a lot of time on this. Like, maybe 5 minutes a week and it’s not the end of the world if I miss a week. Is that at all realistic?

Finally, my goal is simply to reduce our trash tonnage and stop putting food into the garbage disposal and sewage treatment system. In my ignorance, I was thinking I could continue putting our yard waste into the yard-waste bin (picked up weekly by the city), but now I’ve done a little reading and discovered that a compost pile isn’t really a compost pile unless it has a certain size, and it seems like a mix of “ingredients” is best. So, what happens if I start small, put in only food waste, and need several weeks for the pile to get up to that size? Will it even work? Will the neighbors come after me with my composting pitchfork because of the smell?

My mom has suggested putting our kitchen compost into their compost pile instead of starting one of our own. Maybe that's the level of involvement I'm really after...?

It was never like that for me

Frank just called from the cockpit of Laureen's 47-foot catamaran. He reports that although they are between Alcatraz and the city, they are warm, dry, and steady enough to be drinking champagne while Laureen nurses Aurora.

San Francisco Bay seemed rather different from the cockpit of the Enjoué, my dad's 26-foot Columbia. If we had sails where I wasn't cold and green, I don't remember them. :-)

If you're looking for NYE pictures...

...visit the photo blog.

Thursday 13

Changing habits
Green 13
In honor of the new year, here are 13 little things I'll be doing in 2009 to reduce my impact on the environment. I got most of these ideas from the Nature Conservancy's Everyday Environmentalist pages, where you can find other ideas or contribute your own.

1. Composting. Microsoft inspired this one. They started a composting program this year (creating a whole new market for compostable disposable dishes) and helped me discover how really good it feels to not throw food in the trash. This will reduce our use of the garbage disposal, which evidently puts something of a burden on the sewage treatment system.

Related to this, I'll be looking into some BioBags so I don't have to clean the kitchen compost container 'cause ewww.

The big problem with this whole plan is that we don't use fertilizer. Ever. Maybe one of our neighbors will want our compost...

2. Using cloth napkins. My friend Stephanie has been doing this forever. She has a lovely little collection of cloth napkins that can be grabbed, used, and then tossed in a little basket for later inclusion in a regular load of laundry. They are ever so much nicer than paper!

Tip: It's more fun if the napkins don't match! And if you are a sewing type like Kat, you can make your own from "salvaged cloth" (aka rags) by running a quick seam, which even I know how to do.

We'll also continue our use of those choose-a-size paper towels. They cost slightly more sometimes, but we're consuming half as much as we used to.

3. Learning about and buying wood and paper products that are FSC certified. Mindfulness is a big deal for unschoolers. Well, we're not very mindful when it comes to the products we buy. Since a day in the woods is my idea of a dream date, I'm going to start improving our mindfulness by making regular visits to the Forest Stewardship Council Web site. They are there to help us avoid giving our money to companies around the world that engage in illegal and/or immoral logging practices.

4. Going paperless. I'm doing some of this already, but I'm going to work on eliminating even more of the paper bills and statements that we receive.

5. Turning off the computer. We leave our computer on all day and night. I have rationalized this behavior for years with the argument that rebooting is hard on the hard disk. But that might be less true than it once was (hard disks automatically "park" nowadays, reducing wear and tear), and anyway, the real reason comes down to convenience: I hate waiting for the computer to boot up. There are greener ways to avoid that.

Or leaving it on. This page suggests leaving your computer on but joining a distributed computing network that takes advantage of the power usage and emissions already going on. This doesn't interest me much, but I include it here for your edification.

6. Using reusable shopping bags. Last April, I began an anti-quest. It hasn't been going very well, but I hereby renew my determination to stop bringing plastic bags into our house.

In Ireland, you have to pay for your plastic bags if you want them. Interestingly enough, we were much better about remembering to take our shopping bags with us while we were there.

7. Walking. We are quintessential Americans: we hop in the car to go two blocks. But one of the reported benefits of being urban dwellers is that the things we need are within walking distance. It's time to start taking advantage of that. Within a four-block radius, we have a grocery store, an auto parts store, a drugstore, MJ's tattoo/piercing parlor, an espresso stand, a sporting goods store, a fruit and vegetable market, and a handful of restaurants. Just a bit farther afield, we have gift shops, furniture stores, a state liquor store, and even more restaurants, including our favorite margarita Mexican place.

8. Turning down the heat. Frank just installed a new programmable thermostat that lets us schedule a chilly time (instead of relying on my remembering to manually turn the heat down before retiring). It also measures the temperature in our house differently than the old one did, so when we set the heat at 67, we are actually keeping the house at 67 instead of what was probably more like 72 before. (Yes, sweaters and blankets are suddenly very popular around here.)

9. Commuting less. Subject to manager approval, I'm going to work at home two days a week. Fun for me, fun for the family, good for the budget, good for the car, good for the environment.

In case you are wondering, this will save me approximately 140 miles, $12, and four hours per week. That's 7280 miles, $624, and 208 hours per year.

10. Eating less meat. Don't get too excited, Qacei and Idzie—I'm a looong way from going veggie—but I can be perfectly content with a lot less meat. And the reasons for doing so just keep piling on.

11. Drinking Fair Trade, shade-grown coffee. I'm a coffee drinker now, so I get to think about these things. My one-bag-a-year habit is probably not going to save the planet, but every little bit helps. I think I'll try this place first.

12. Drinking from the tap. I'm doing this already, but I'm running out of ideas, so I'll give myself extra credit for it. I really love the convenience of those individual water bottles, but they are veddy bad for the environment. We simply do not buy them any more.

13. Redistributing goods. Thrift stores, Half Price Books, Craigslist, Freecycle. Hmm... Could I go the whole year without buying new stuff? It's an interesting question, and after Christmas is a good (easier) time to contemplate it.

Happy New Year!

Last chance to vote

Vote for the ideas you want to see move on to the second round:
http://www.change.org/ideas

A few of the top-rated ideas strike me as things not deserving of big slices of attention from our new government. Let's see if we can bump up the biggies.

Here are a few of my personal favorites:
http://www.change.org/ideas/view/repeal_the_patriot_act
http://www.change.org/ideas/view/restore_separation_of_church_state
http://www.change.org/ideas/view/rebuild_and_repower_america_with_a_green_stimulus_package

Voting ends today.

Gotta have it

The Shrub Survivor Classic Thong


Buy Now From CafePress
(T-shirts, mugs, and other memorabilia are also available.
But where are the shot glasses?!)

Joy joy joy joy joy

My Backwards Bush countdown is less than 20 days!!!!!

But I just noticed there seems to be a discrepancy with the official one. Hmm. Oh, well. Horseshoes, hand grenades, and Backwards Bush...

With apologies to Professor Moore

'Twas the days after Christmas,
When all through the house,
Not another creature was stirring,
Not kids nor the spouse.

Though the previous week
Had been full to the top,
A pre-dawn departure
Brought it all to a stop.

The lady of the house
(with loose use of the phrase),
Confounded by quiet,
Walked 'round in a daze.

Where were her children, her husband, her duties,
The conversations, the music, the messes and beauties?
"This can't be right," she protested aloud,
Then blinked at the lack of response from the crowd.

But the solitude, the silence,
The distinct lack of clamor,
Soon settled her down
To take note of the glamour.

"I'm alone," realized she,
With dawning delight,
And danced on her toes
In the glow from the lights.

"Merry Christmas to me,"
she giggled and gasped,
Then, worn out from the dancing,
She promptly collapsed.

Maybe resistance really is futile

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28298157/

Still crazy after all these years

There are bad habits I have outgrown. There must be. Give me enough time and I might be able to name one.

But I continue to be stubborn about bedtime. Frank and the girls intend to leave at 6 tomorrow morning to begin their trek south. (MJ and Chloe and Golden friends are going to Our Hero's house for an extended combination New Year's party/"you're joining the army but we love you anyway" sendoff. Frank is going to have some alone time and a visit with sailing/homeschooling buddy Laureen and her family.) I intend to get up to see them off and then begin my workday.

And yet here I am, blogging instead of sleeping.

This follows on Saturday's example of this peculiarity of mine, when I stayed up until, well, morning, doing important things like reading and watching a "Highlander" marathon on the Sci-Fi Channel.

I have mostly adapted my life to my late-night habits. While it didn't factor into our decision to take the girls out of school, unschooling does spare us the get-up-and-go-to-school routine, and I have spent the last 17+ years working for a company where everyone is perfectly content to have me arrive at 10, 11, noon, whenever, so long as the work gets done.

But I just can't be satisfied with that. Oh, no, I have to push even that schedule. The moment I feel a "should" attached to the concept of going to bed, I dig in my heels and stay up later, thank you very damn much. And even when I want to sleep, my eyes sproing open the moment my head hits the pillow, and I proceed to relate to Frank (who would otherwise be quite capable of dropping into sleep immediately) the cluttered minutiae of my brain.

He has mostly adapted his life to my tendencies. He didn't have much choice, since they are evidently going to be with us forever.

Okay, I guess I've worked off the resistance now. Good night!

Friday fill-in

1. I must have a lot more time with my kids (and grandkids?) before I die.

2. You can't stop bureaucracy or the snow in the Pacific Northwest evidently.

3. I wish I never had to buy car repairs and dental anything again.

4. Frank has helped me change my life.

5. I know the song Rocky Raccoon by heart because I sang it to the girls about a gazillion times when they were little.

6. If I weren't so afraid, I would be able to be a little less polite to the people who are rude to me. Just a little.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to putting the finishing touches on MJ's Christmas (she wants to go shopping with the rest of the world), tomorrow my plans include laundry and maybe some time curled up with a good book, and Sunday, I want to watch the Hawks win their last game of the season and with Mike Holmgren as headcoach!

Verity's Night Before Christmas

This is a coworker's daughter. She's 3.


or watch on YouTube directly

I have to admit

I'm glad the snow stuck around until Christmas. A little more fell at the hellish hour of 6:30 this morning, and it was lovely and special, just knowing it was Christmas snow.

Merry Christmas to All!

Now I'm going back to bed.

P.S. There are a few new photos on the photo blog.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Thursday 13

Note: I had gotten this entire post written before I remembered it isn't Thursday. So I just went with it.

13 Bright Sides of Life
(da dum, da dum-da da-da dum)

I've been feeling rather Scrooge-like for too long. And now, Christmas is upon us. My kids deserve a mom who is All There for the holiday. So, let's get on it...

1. If it weren't for the snow, I wouldn't have discovered that working at home works now. My kids are older; they can be with me without distracting me, and I can be with them without feeling driven to tend to every little thing.

2. If it weren't for the snow, I'd have spent in traffic the time I instead used to hang with my family, start tweeting, update my blog, and add the nifty blog list that is letting me enjoy my friends' blogs again instead of having yet another thing on my to-do list.

3. Speaking of tweeting, I love birds, and if it weren't for the snow, I wouldn't have had several days next to the window next to the food we put out for the little guys. They swoop in for food, often landing right next to me before they notice me through the glass. Up close and personal birdwatching.

4. If it weren't for the snow, I wouldn't have gotten to watch this movie.

5. If it weren't for the snow, I wouldn't have discovered what a suprisingly decent snow shovel a dustpan makes.

6. If it weren't for Christmas, I wouldn't have had that lovely shopping day with MJ.

7. If it weren't for Christmas, I wouldn't get the fun of giving Chloe and MJ their Days of Christmas presents. That little tradition adds so much to the season.

8. If it weren't for Christmas, I wouldn't be anticipating the pleasure eight girls can take in our Christmas Eve traditions, each other, their families, the snow, their gifts, the fudge Grandma makes, and so on.

9. If it weren't for the snow, we wouldn't have a fun little Christmas caravan planned, because everybody would be willing to drive their own cars.

10. If it weren't for my job, Christmas would be even more stressful, and talking about the economy would be more than an intellectual exercise.

11. If it weren't for the frown lines above my nose, I would be stumbling into middle and old age without paying attention.

12. If it weren't for the snow, my commute yesterday would not have been so incredibly, stunningly scenic. The more rural stretches looked like postcard or calendar images.

13. And if it weren't for this blog, I might be stewing in the negatives instead of heading off to dive into the joy.

Beary clear

When Chloe was little, she had trouble pronouncing her R's. There was nothing wrong with the way she heard R's, however, which led to an amusing exchange with her Grandma Cherie one day. Chloe introduced Cherie to Poofer, a much favored stuffed polar bear.

"What's his name?" asked Cherie.

"Poofle," said Chloe.

"Poofle?"

"No, Poofle."

"Poofle."

"Nooo, Poofle."

This went on for a couple of minutes, with Cherie increasingly confused and Chloe increasingly exasperated at Cherie's strange insistence on mispronouncing her bear's name. If Frank and I hadn't interrupted with gales of laughter, they might be at it still.

A white Christmas after all?

The forecast worsened whitened over night.

My bum is numb...

...and other facts you probably didn't need to know

I put in another good day at my "home office" (aka, the kitchen table). But our kitchen chairs are not so good for long sessions at the laptop.

I am *really* loving working at home and might need to do more of it in the New Year. I would *really* like to go into work tomorrow and tie up loose ends before the holiday. Unfortunately, the forecast is not promising much meltage, 'though neither is it threatening (much) more snow.

It's been a nice day, despite a few work-related frustrations. I've had company in the kitchen more than once. Frank sat beside me to do some reading this morning, and then Chloe came in later to do some sketching, and then Frank and Chloe prepared dinner together, and then MJ hung out for a few minutes. Really cool. I suppose we achieve something similar with all our instant messaging during my more standard workdays, but the face-to-face time is ever so nice.

This afternoon, I took a little break to wade through the snow with Frank. We walked over to the grocery store for a few essentials. Licorice, Milanos, milk, pastrami. Not together. That snow is DEEP! I wasn't wearing boots, so I had to search out existing footprints to walk in. And even the sanded roads are quite slippery. We watched Rafael, one of the neighbor kids, trying to drive away from the curb in his Honda; he couldn't make it and stomped back into the house after some chains.

This evening, I took a little break to watch the end of "Pride and Prejudice" with the girls. (*happy sigh*) I do love that movie. Right now they are watching "Atlantis" together, with much commentary.

Their Days of Christmas presents today were these nifty, polka-dotted, heart-shaped boxes I found for $1.50 each at Daiso. They seemed pleased with them. That store provided a couple other DoC gifts, too.

I found out last night that I managed to screw up my Amazon order for New Orleans. It's being delivered here instead of there, so we're not going to be on time with our gifts to Molly, Aidan, and Hunter after all. Wah!

And poor Colin's isn't even in the mail yet!

At least most of the kids in question are small enough that they won't really notice the lack. Except Hunter. Sorry, Hunter!

Off to watch the end of Atlantis with my girls. Happy Monday!

In the wee hours

Me, dreaming about back-seat driving for Frank: Train!

Frank, coming up from a deep sleep: What?

Me, awake enough to know I was talking in my sleep but not yet enough to be coherent: There was a train coming.

Frank, struggling to make sense of it all: What?

Me: It's okay, I was talking in my sleep.

I never got back to sleep, so that was the start of my day. It's funny now.
:-)

Forgotten cover

OMG! MJ reminded me of one of my all-time favorite covers, which I somehow managed to leave off of my Thursday 13.

#0. One
Original artist: Harry Nilsson then Three Dog Night
Cover artist: Filter
Why: It is so cool. Eerie, sad, and then edgy and angry.

Check it out:

or watch on YouTube directly

La La La La

I volunteered to be tagged by my new e-friend, Hay, a funny and talented photographer mom in New Zealand. She assigned me the letter "L," because Laura brought us together. (Hay had "H," here.)

The meme:
A combination of the letter meme and the in-your-own-handwriting meme.

The instructions:
You leave a comment on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

The handwriting:

The writing:

1. Licorice. My earliest memory of licorice is the nibs I had at Auntie Pam's house on Mission Beach. My sister and I would go out there with some regularity to spend the night. She also introduced us to Kraft Mac 'n' Cheese. She had a trick with the mac'n'cheese that I've never been able to replicate, some way of stirring it so all the macaroni lined up in one direction and I could stab a bunch onto my fork at once. And Uncle Duane would make us Singapore Slings, which, as I recall, were grenadine slushies. Good times.

Anyway, licorice. Back in those days, Red Vines and Red Ropes were "licorice," too, and I loved to get Red Vines at the movies and a Red Rope at the skating rink. Red-dyed rituals.

When I was about nine, Cherie introduced me to fennel. Still love to crunch those little guys.

It seems that licorice equals childhood. Interesting.

2. Lions. Big kitties. Or maybe not.


3. Lanterns. I like Asian decor in general, and a string of lanterns strikes me as especially festive.

4. Lollipops. Tootsie-pops in particular, always one of my favorite Halloween treats. The chocolate ones are my favorite.

Remember that owl? "Thrrree."


But Dum-Dums are dum-dum-dum. A waste of sugar.

5. Laughs. There are laughs I will carry with me always. Giggles with Lynn, Linda, and Colleen. The laughs of any two-year-old anywhere. Frank, late at night. Clara burbling at BPC. Chloe in her highchair, cracking up when Marjie snuck up on her. MJ yesterday.

6. Little kids. When I look back over my life, I see a series of relationships with wee ones. I was probably destined to be a Kindergarten teacher. How I ended up working with computers instead is something of a mystery, although I certainly prefer corporate paychecks, and I'm ever so glad I didn't become part of the educational establishment.

7. Liftoff! It's the ultimate vicarious thrill. I remember watching launches in our house in San Francisco and at my grandmother's house on Lake Stevens. Those who remember those houses will know just how little I was and understand just how much impact the TV coverage had on me.

But launches are less fun to watch since Challenger. That TV coverage had a big impact on me, too.

8. Leaving home. Oh, the thrill of departure! I love heading off on a new adventure and leaving the familiar behind. We often start talking about our next vacation while we're on the current one.

But coming home and being home are nice, too.

9. Learning. Well, duh.

10. Lisa Kleypas books. Interesting characters, interesting relationships, magnificently executed melodrama. Can't wait for the next one!

The D-d-d-doings Re-re-re-port

Well, folks, it was was an exciting night. The wind here wasn't all that bad, but what it did to our unusually powdery snow was really cool. We have smooooth lawns and barely discernible curbs. And yet note how little snow is on the roofs and in the big tree; the wind blew it all off.







That last one is interesting only because it shows the drift up against the fence. I know it doesn't look like much of a snow drift in comparison to what they get in, say, Fargo (where with windchill they had temps around
-40 last night!), but it is very unusual for us. Our snow tends to be soggy and heavy; it splatters, it doesn't drift. But then we've had a very unusual week. Snow doesn't "stick" here very often, and what does stick doesn't often survive for more than a day. Yet this week we've had such cold-for-us temperatures that our snow is not only still there but still light and fluffy.

And still continuing. I'm watching the tail end of last night's storm coming down as I type this, just a few light, lazy flakes. We aren't supposed to have any significant melt until Christmas Eve day, and then there's more snow in the forecast for Christmas night. This is wild.

I haven't been to work since Monday. I had such an ordeal getting there that day—or rather getting a car to move that day*—that it didn't take much snow on Tuesday to convince me to stay home, and then I joined most everybody in my group in working from home the rest of the week. And I did work, lots, so I am in really good shape for my deadline Monday.

That being the case, MJ and I took yesterday's brief weather window to head to the mall on not-bad roads with the rest of the known universe. We shopped (waited in line) for about five hours and then it was done. Except for the people I forgot. But it was a lovely day. She and I had so much fun together, laughing and brainstorming and just being together. She is a fun shopping buddy and only made me wait through one brief visit to a dressing room. (Unlike Chiara, who can disappear into one of those little cubicles for hours.) But we did decide it would be faster for her to tell me what she doesn't want than what she does. :-)

Last night the four of us spent wrapping gifts and enjoying each other's company. And the girls had their weekly dance party, which I didn't know about but am happy to get behind. I can always get (my) behind (into) dancing!

More photos on MJ's blog and more going up on my photo blog shortly.

-------------------------
* The sequence: Bundle up and head out to the MR2. Discover the driver's door is frozen shut. Enter through the passenger door, squeeze body over the console and into the driver's seat, beat on door until it opens. Start car. Get out and begin digging out the car, moving about two cubic yards of snow in the process, and then scrape all the windows. Begin driving and discover, just as you pass the turnaround point, that the emergency brake is frozen on. Creep around the block and arrive back at the house, surrounded by the smell of the recent brake job burning away. Park the car, go inside to whine to Frank, and then head out to the van. Get inside and discover that a Coke Frank left in there has exploded in the cupholder. Stomp back inside for a cup and a spoon and spend ten minutes scooping up Coke slushie and mopping up sticky goo. Dig out the van, deciding the other drivers on the road can just live with all the snow flying off the roof, and then scrape the whole huge windshield, deciding the other windows are clear enough. Begin driving and discover the gas tank needs filling. Get pissed and drive to work on fumes, then come to your senses and dump a few gallons in at the station a block from work. Go inside to discover that neither of the two meetings you came in for are going to happen. Spend the rest of the week at home.

Hubby mine

I found this meme over on Julie's blog.

1. He’s sitting in front of the TV: what is on the screen? The best available choice from the scroller, but often talking heads, football, or an action, sci-fi, or horror flick.

2. You’re out to eat. What kind of dressing does he get on his salad? He might get the soup instead, but if he gets a salad, bleu cheese.

3. What is one food he doesn’t like? Cold cereal.

4. You go out to the bar. What does he order? Where we go is the Mexican restaurant, so it's usually a strawberry margarita. But he likes the (very) occasional whiskey sour.

5. Where did he go to high school? Jesuit High School, New Orleans, LA

6. What size shoe does he wear? Umm... 6?

7. If he were to collect anything, what would it be? Swords, and he does.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? Oyster po'boy

9. What would the Husband eat every day if he could? Candy, and he can and does.

10. What is his favorite cereal? See #3. But he enjoys a bowl of oatmeal now and then.

11. What would he never wear? Umm... I'm thinking... There must be something! Inauthentic Japanese armor, maybe. Anything with an Abercrombie label on it, maybe.

12. What is his favorite sports team? The Seattle Seahawks.

13. Who is his best friend? Well, I am, but also his college friend Bob, with whom he has shared many an adventure.

14. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do? I ask him to explain his decisions about home-improvement projects.

15. How many states has he lived in? LA, WA, FL - I think that's it, so 3.

16. What is his heritage? Irish and German, two quarters of each.

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind? I bake? (snort) Something out of a box then. But what he'd really like is lemon anything or a Boston creme cake, purchased from a bakery.

18. Did he play sports in high school? Yes, in addition to forays into football and wrestling, he was a gymnast.

19. What could he spend hours doing? Reading, watching TV, improving the house, having sex, sitting in a sailboat cockpit somewhere tropical.

That's probably not the order in which he would list those.

Good words

"The natural universe is neutral in its opinion of me and is not invested in building itself up by asserting its expertise in comparison to my lack of skill." — Linda, here

"Unprompted, she set herself a goal and achieved it. Of her own volition, she expanded her world. And along the way, through innate curiosity, observation, and discussion, she learned an inestimable amount." — Holly, here

"I think that when you truly adopt unschooling, you're taking a long-term view of your child's life and setting them up for success beyond your wildest dreams." — Jeff, here

"We seem to have some wildly busy crazy days and then the calm rushes over us like a comfortable blankie." — Kelli, here

"...and when asked how they knew, I was struck by the wide variety of sources for their answers. Visits with grandparents, trips to museums, conversations with friends, cooking, camping, stories, and yes...TV and video games...were all cited. There were things they didn't know, but there was no shame in their not knowing. Just an inquisitiveness and a sense of 'Huh. I didn't know that.'" — Christa, here

"On the walk, we passed a gravel driveway. Seth broke away from me, ran to the rocks, stood there a second and yelled: 'Mama!! ROCKS!!' His face just glowing with his huge smile. He was in awe. Of rocks. He could barely contain himself. In that moment, I felt something inside break open, and I smiled, then laughed. How could I possibly be depressed in a world that had rocks?" — Caren, here

I love unschoolers.

New blog list

With all the new blogs on my reading list, I have been having trouble getting to everybody, so I've added a new blog list to the sidebar. It shows only the most recently updated unschooler blogs. But everybody please note that Linda's blog, being on a rival blog-hosting site, won't show up there; you have to visit it manually to see what wonderful thing she's written lately. (I *highly* recommend doing this.)

I've also added Jeff's, Crystal's, Deanne's, Hay's, Sylvia's, and the Lynch family blogs to both lists. Who else am I missing?

Friday fill-in

Scrooge lyrics edition...

1. Said the night wind to the little lamb, watch out for vampires, especially that dude James.
2. The first Noël, the angel did say, pagan traditions make a nice holiday.
3. There is snow and more freaking snow, Over the hills and everywhere.
4. It came upon a midnight clear, a new record low for Washington.
5. It'll be over soon, Let your heart be light.
6. And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing with just the right note. (That's our cousin Derek.)
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm not looking forward to a slippery drive home, tomorrow my plans include more than I can possibly get done in one day, and Sunday, I want to read, but what I'll probably do is the leftovers from Saturday!

Friday 5

1. What’s your favorite thing about the shoes you’re wearing? I'm wearing my slippers, so my favorite thing about them is that they keep my feet warm.
2. What’s your favorite thing about the people you work with? They're all very friendly and very smart.
3. What’s your favorite thing about the climate where you live? Ummm, let me think. August is nice.
4. What’s your favorite thing about Friday? The more relaxed atmosphere at work and the anticipation for the weekend.
5. What’s your favorite thing about the year coming to an end? There are two ways to interpret this question, so I'll answer both:
   • My favorite thing about the past year was all our travels.
   • My favorite thing about the year ending is that it feels like a fresh start.

Thursday 13

13 Covers I Actually Like

I usually hate covers, so it's taken me an astonishingly long time to put this together. Thanks to MJ, Frank, and Craig for the help finishing it off.

1. Personal Jesus
Original artist: Depeche Mode
Cover artist: Marilyn Manson
Why: It's raw, and it takes an iconic figure like Manson to really pull off this song.

2. A Little Help From My Friends
Original artist: The Beatles
Cover artist: Joe Cocker
Why: Joe can cover anything he wants. Yes, even the Beatles.

3. Ain't That a Shame
Original artist: Fats Domino
Cover artist: Cheap Trick
Why: The energy builds and builds at Budokan.

4. You Can Leave Your Hat On
Original artist: Randy Newman
Cover artist: Tom Jones
Why: The Full Monty.

5. I Need a Lover (Who Won't Drive Me Crazy)
Original artist: John Mellencamp
Cover artist: Pat Benatar
Why: I dunno. Female power maybe...? Or maybe just 'cause I was a big Benatar fan when it came out.

6. Mockingbird
Original artist: Inez and Charlie Foxx
Cover artist: Carly Simon and James Taylor
Why: Sweet baby James, of course.

7. Groovy Kind of Love
Original artist: The Mindbenders
(Diane & Annita were technically first, but the Mindbenders release is the one people know)
Cover artist: Phil Collins
Why: Mostly 'cause I wasn't attached to the first one.

8. You Keep Me Hangin' On
Original artist: The Supremes
Cover artist: The Better Half Dozen a lá Vanilla Fudge
Why: Frank's frantic organ.

9. Malagueña Salerosa
Original artist: Mexican folk song (Elpidio Ramírez, et al.)
Cover artist: Chingón
Why: It rocks!

10. Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World
Original artist: Judy Garland/Louis Armstrong
Cover artist: Israel "Iz" Kamakawiwo'ole
Why: That beautiful voice.

11. Cold Cold Heart
Original artist: Hank Williams
Cover artist: Norah Jones
Why: She made it very flowing and lyrical.

12. Against All Odds
Original artist: Phil Collins
Cover artist: The Postal Service
Why: 'Cause Craig shared it with me.

13. My Way
Original artist: Frank Sinatra
Cover artist: The Sex Pistols
Why: Theirs has all of the oomph with none of the ooze.

And check out the One I forgot.

Deprived unschoolers

If MJ and Chloe were in school, they'd have gotten TWO THREE WHOLE DAYS off this week thanks to our atypical extended snowfall. We'd have woken up at the regular time to listen to the radio (or, more likely in this day and age, to get on the Internet), eagerly awaiting the announcement that the Everett schools were indeed CLOSED. Wahooooo!! With much giddy celebration ensuing.

Instead, MJ got up about 10 and wandered out to look out the front window at our lawns of white. "No school today," she said mildly, then flashed a grin over her shoulder.

More Spearhead

Sad to say this one is going on two years old and still relevant. :-(

Time To Go Home

What unschooling looked like last night

MJ spent yesterday afternoon shopping with Grandma and GG. After, they went to Madison's school's holiday concert with Maddie's family. And then MJ went to spend the night with cousin Chelsea, taking advantage of the school district's already announced delayed start due to ice all over the freaking place.

Chloe, meanwhile, was engaged in her own pursuits. I had come home early to avoid an icy commute, so she kept me company while I did some mostly mindless work, eating (and annihilating) a couple of Cutie oranges while chatting about Chloe things. When I needed to concentrate, she got cozy on the couch with a couple of books. She spent some time with "Historic Haunted America" and then switched to "Anguished English: An Anthology of Accidental Assaults Upon Our Language." Every so often she would share one of the more amusing assaults, such as the headline "Juvenile Court Tries Shooting Suspects." I think my favorite was the sign from a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."

We talked about the forecasted low of 11 degrees (I don't think it really went that low) and the measures Frank and I were taking to avoid frozen pipes.

Grandma came to visit for a while and we drank tea and tried to sell her on Firefly. We talked about poetry, and Chloe revealed that, while she had read my copy of "Rose" by Li-Young Lee, with its poetic narration of his sad experiences as a Chinese immigrant, she prefers poetry that rhymes. Grandma and I reminisced a bit about "Tapestry," the volume of poetry produced by the English department at my high school, and Chloe remembered reading some of my poems long ago.

I fished out Chloe's 12 Days of Christmas gift for the day, the latest issue of Shojo Beat (a manga magazine). She was thrilled! And then she was gone, happily reading away with only the occasional excited outburst. "Movies, Mom! Of some of the manga I read!"

Later, she dove back into "Anguished English" while I blogged about my lack of Christmas spirit. I think she finished it. We came together again over the horoscopes in Shojo Beat, which were better written than many I've seen, and I admired their clever use of their pimped-for-each-sun-sign mascot. I continued leafing through the magazine, much to her delight. We talked idly about the Year of the Ox and some Japanese home remedies for the common cold, and then we stumbled across a little blurb about a Shinto shrine right here in Washington. This inspired an excited trip to the Internet to read all about the Tsubaki Grand Shrine of America, Shinto traditions, and so on. You could practically hear the pinging as she made connections to things learned previously from reading manga and watching anime.

After that, it was getting late, so I headed up to bed and she returned to "Haunted America." I just opened it at a random page to find out what sort of thing she might have read about. The story I landed on was about William Harrison and Tecumseh and touched on "Tippecanoe and Tyler Too." Imagine that.

Getting in the spirit... or trying to

Tom pointed out tonight that our annual Christmas Eve celebration at the beach is but nine days away. Holy crap! I guess I'd better find some holiday spirit. I'll start by finally doing the Christmas meme from Frank's blog.

1. Real tree or artificial? Real. Sheared Douglas Fir, always. But we had an artificial one in Florida the winter we spent there, and it's one of my favorites in memory. We didn't have our decorations with us, so we decked it with paper chains and kid art and just whatever we had around the condo. It was quirky and fun, very personal.

2. When do you put up the tree? Often, the weekend after Thanksgiving. This year, we still don't have one. It keeps getting put off for one reason or another. I'm trying to talk the girls into an alternative tree -- maybe we could just decorate Max and make him Guardian of the Gifts -- but they aren't going for it.

3. When do you take down the tree? The last couple of years, we've done it on January 1 or 2. I like that. (Fredian slip note: I typed "July" instead of "January" there at first. lol)

4.Wrapping paper or gift bags? Paper. Gift bags are for wimps! Just kidding; I might be resorting to a few gift bags myself this busy year.

5. When do you start Christmas shopping? I at least start thinking about it in October, although I often don't get going until November. This year, I did one burst of shopping in November, one last Saturday, and the rest is still to come. I'm so late!

6. Who is the hardest person to buy for? It varies. Chloe often doesn't have much of a wishlist. Frank can be tough 'cause he tends to want expensive things. (Does anybody have a Subzero fridge they want to donate?) My mom. Nephew Brian, 'cause I don't have much practice buying for teen boys.

7. Easiest person to buy for? Myself. MJ (who often has a well developed wishlist).

8. Angel on top of the tree, or star? Angel. Mom and the girls picked it out when the girls were toddlers.

9. What is the worst Christmas gift you ever got? I can't think of one. People are always really good to me.

10. What is the best gift you received as a child? Hmm. My big brother gave me a doll-baby once; she was precious. And more generically, Mom always made my Christmas dreams come true, whatever they were.

11. What is your favorite food to eat at Christmas time? Pam's divinity.

12. What do you want for Christmas this year? I put together a little wishlist, but I don't have any one thing I'm longing for (much to Frank's chagrin).

Meltdown to motivation

We have too much stuff. Our house is bursting at the seams. This bothers some of us more than others. It bothers some not at all.

So, yesterday, as Frank was once again wading through stuff to get to a door, I decided (without thinking it through or stopping to wonder who had not slept much, who had not eaten, who was more frustrated than I thought, and who was perhaps exceedingly poised to melt down due to several intense workweeks in a row) that we were all feeling mellow and now might be a good time to discuss it. I started off chirpy and things went downhill from there. There was yelling, there were tears. I lost it worst of all and distributed my crap to the others in shamefully large helpings.

But by the end of the day, we had come up with a plan. I share it here, untested, in case it helps somebody else avoid the crappy part.

First, we each picked one or two things about the state of the house that are really important to us.

• Frank - clear walkways and having a place at the table to eat
• Ronnie - clean sinks and having a comfortable place to sit down in the livingroom (our main hanging-out space)
• MJ - having a clean glass in the cupboard, every time
• Chloe - having nobody walk on her things and having people ask before entering her room

We call them our "Tops."

In keeping with the unschooling tradition of "If it bothers you, take care of it yourself," we are each responsible for our own Tops. But we are also entitled to our Tops and can ask for/expect help in achieving them as needed. So, for example, MJ will monitor the inventory of glasses, but if Chloe has a bunch in her room, MJ can ask her to bring them up to the dishwasher (or she can ask for permission to go in and get them herself). Also, we'll be supplementing our supply of glasses today. And if Frank is taking out the trash and can't get to the door without walking on MJ and Chloe's latest project, he can ask them to move their stuff (satisfying two Tops in one).

As I said, it's untested, but I like it because nobody is responsible for *everything* (and I think Frank and I both felt we were previously). Plus, each person's Tops are completely reasonable things to wish for, and we all see that. I mean, nobody is asking for the house to be Queen Elizabeth-ready at all times. We just want to be able to live.

The second thing we did was to schedule a weekly trip to the Goodwill. I will be going every Saturday morning, as needed, for as long as it's needed, and we'll each add items to the weekly donation pile/bag/box as we encounter them. No need for a Clean Sweep (which alway strikes me as terribly intimidating and downright cruel). Instead, it'll be a gradual easing of the Stuff Overload.

There you have it. We'll see how it goes.

Friday fill-in

1. Friends forever.

2. I expect continued good health; it's better than the alternative.

3. I'm ready for some football.

4. New Mexico pines in the sunshine is one of my favorite perfumes or aftershaves or smells.

5. The oldest ornament I have is probably one of the ones that Rosie made.

6. Take some unschoolers and some talks and some funshops and some pure happiness and some dancing and some pomegranate martinis and one beloved Conference Diva, mix it all together and you have LIFE is Good!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to (dare I say it?) an early trip home, tomorrow my plans include tree obtention and some work, and Sunday, I want to hang out with the Minshulls, except Scott, who is no doubt missing the rain/snow nearly as much as he misses all of us!

ALABBD: W is for whining

It's that time again, people. I almost forgot.

I'm not feeling so put upon this month. But there's always something to whine about.


Work
I've been putting in lots (LOTS) of hours. It's going well and I've once again survived the effects of previous procrastination. But I sure am seeing a lot of that place and not much of my favorite people.


War
Yes, it is (they are) still there. Latest Iraq casualty counts


Weather
Snow in the forecast. May I just say: UGH. I'm too busy for this crap.


Wuss
Blagojevich


W
Rachel's Lame Duck Watch videos

What a hoot

Some Hooter girls wishing Marty a happy 90th. There are more girls where he's gazing (in case you had any doubt).

Easy unschooling

In response to my Hidden rules post, Arun (writer and dad of two seriously cute smaller unschoolers) asked:

are you saying it doesn't get any easier???
please say it aint true!

It ain't true! But then again, it is true.

The longer we unschool, the more confident I am of our path. That makes everything easier, and the days are long gone when I had to (literally) stop to ponder my every response to MJ and Chloe in light of our new unschooling attitudes. I usually know without having to think about it much what the unschooling response to any given situation is.

But being confident of our path doesn't mean I can close my eyes and walk it. Knowing the response I want to give doesn't squash every lesser impulse. I am anal exquisitely synchronized, somewhat self-absorbed, a latent control freak, and rather mouthy. Unschooling might have given me some insight into those traits and the harm they can do to my kids, but it hasn't changed those traits. I'm still me. And every so often, especially during stressful times, I need to give my unschooling a tuneup so I can get back to a more respectful place.

But beyond that, I think one of the Best Things about unschooling is that it continually challenges us to see how much better life can be. By shedding the superficial requirements of traditional parenting—the schooling, and the rules, and the nos, and the shoulds—we discovered so much more was possible than we'd thought, in terms of relationships and family happiness and discovery and accomplishment.

And then came the time when we strove to improve our social life. We discovered a whole new world of friends and fun.

It makes me wonder about the next level. Is there more? There just might be more! Maybe I can boost us up into that next level by making a lot of small gestures (not yelling about the cap of my face cleanser) or large ones (arranging yet another unschooler roadtrip, even though Frank and I are tired and money is tight).

Bottom line: I believe in being attentive to my parenting, in continuing to assess and improve. And as life unfolds, I continue to get lots of opportunities to do that.

The hits just keep on coming

I've added a bunch of new links to my Unschooler Blogs list in the sidebar. Some of those have been on my to-do list for I-don't-want-to-think-about-how-long.

Is your blog missing? It's probably because I've never found your blog, probably through no fault of your own. Leave me a comment and I'll put you on my new to-do list. :-)

Hidden rules

I was innocently taking a shower the other day when I discovered that my face cleanser had been used by someone else. This is "allowed," but I felt irritated nevertheless. Upon examination, I realized the source of this irritation: there was a minute amount of cleanser on the cap. It bothered me so much that I actually considered summoning the culprit right then and there to demand that more care be taken in future.

(Ahem. Who's anal? Me? Couldn't be me.)

This kind of, um, specificity on my part is something the girls have had to live with their whole lives, and my transition to no-rules unschooling mom doesn't mean that I haven't made a whole slew of expectations mighty clear to everyone in the house. They are our hidden rules, and we've always had them.

Back in the dim time, when the girls were very small, I was feeling self-righteous about how easy the girls had it, how few rules they were expected to follow, and "we certainly ask little enough of them." To prove my point, I proceeded to write down every rule I could think of, expecting to wind up with about a dozen.

Well, folks, the list was loooooong. I probably had 50 rules that I expected these two tiny little girls to not only know but live by each and every minute of their lives. It was an eye opener: a little exercise that helped me see better.

These days, we have no rules. In theory, all of our rules were easily tossed out in favor of the application of common sense in individual situations. But those expectations of mine... Those are still around and probably not hidden well enough. And why should they be? you might ask. After all, individually they seem so harmless—things like "I expect the scissors to be returned to the drawer after use" and "I expect dishes to be carried to the sink and preferably put into the dishwasher" and "I expect the lid of my face cleanser to be left as nice as it was when I used it."

Well, there is harm. We end up with Ronnie cast as Demanding Arbiter of What Is Good Enough, and MJ, Chloe, and Frank cast as They Who Never Quite Measure Up. In other words, there's a dictator and the dictated-to. That's not what respect and acceptance look like.

Unfortunately, there is no easy way to exterminate my internal Demanding Arbiter. That happens one incident at a time, with a deep breath or a bitten tongue or an "erase, erase, erase" (our longtime Get Out of Jerkiness Free card). And for every time I squelch the impulse to complain/nudge/remind/demand/scream, there are probably a dozen times (or more) when I give into it and don't even notice.

Fortunately for me, my family knows I'm always trying.

House Work

Despite the equality advances made in recent years, men continue to be (considered) the primary breadwinners, and women continue to be (considered) the primary childrearers. In the vast majority of unschooling families, the mom is home with the kids while the dad goes outside the home to work.

There are exceptions, of course, and in our house, we've pretty much turned that on its ear. It means wonderful things for our family—my kids have a wonderful relationship with their father (one of the best men I've ever known), and they get to see alternative gender roles in action and working well.

It also means sometimes confusing things for Frank and me. We were raised on those traditional gender roles, after all, and we occasionally bump up against them. And the alternative gender roles are sometimes not entirely comfortable. I have a strong desire to be the primary childrearer, for example, in addition to having an abiding passion for unschooling, so I continue to insist on have input into what goes on here during the day. I am gone all day, though, so Frank and the girls by necessity and desire take point on the unschooling.

But the primary place where we have conflict is over the house. I'm the woman and this is my house. That's in my head somewhere. And then I come home to whatever state the house is in after a day of busy learning.

Lots of unschoolers write messages and blog posts about the frustration dads can feel when they arrive home to a house that looks like a tornado hit, and Jon Gold gave a highly entertaining talk that touched on the subject at LIFE is Good 2008. It's the same for us, except that I'm female. I can relate. It can be really hard to come home to the remains of the day, and I find myself thinking nasty thoughts that don't really belong in the head of an unschooling parent. Or of any parent, for that matter.

Time for some house Work.

Nasty thought: Frank and the girls don't care about me enough to clean up.

Is it true? No.
Am I absolutely sure that it is true? Not even close.
How does it make me feel to believe that? In a word, crappy. Also, listless, overwhelmed, and lonely.
Who would I be without that thought? A better mom and wife. Less bitchy. Probably the resident, both in thought and reality, of a cleaner house.

Turn it around:

• I don't care about me enough to clean up. Eww. I hope that one's not true.
• I don't care about Frank and the girls enough to clean up. Double eww. It's a horribly negative slant on basic laziness, but there are shades of truth there.
• Frank and the girls do care about me enough to clean up. This is definitely true. But they usually don't clean up anyway, so there must be other reasons. Usually, it's 'cause they're still using the things that look like mess to me, or they think they might someday (in the dim and unknown future) want to use those things again. Or it's basic laziness, which I am hardly in a position to judge.
• Frank and the girls (and I) don't care about the mess enough to clean up. Bingo. Dammit.

Katie says that if you really want to do something, you'll do it, and if you're not doing it, then you must not really want to do it. While I tend to acknowledge the real obstacles of life more than she does, I've found it to be true for me a lot of the time. So many of the petty frustrations in my life—and, subsequently, so many all of my bouts with depression—have their roots in my constant tendency to choose the pleasures of the moment over the pleasures one derives from steady maintenance of home/job/cars/life.

I envy people who have a clean house to come to, who can invite guests over without needing at least a couple of days to prepare, who can give someone a lift without feeling the need to apologize for the state of the car, who never have to work all through the weekend to catch up on procrastinated tasks. And yet, when it comes down to those momentary choices, I continue to choose the fun/easy/pleasant/relaxing thing.

It's not all bad. As a direct result of this pattern, my life has been full-to-bursting with fun, easy, pleasant, and relaxing moments. But I'm ready for more maintenance.

Scott Noelle told me at Live and Learn that my kids take their housework cues from me. And he's right: for their whole lives, I have regarded chores as Tasks to Dread. Little wonder that they share that attitude.

The other thing he said is that if I can begin to enjoy living in a clean house even before I have one—much the way one enjoys a Christmas present even before it's been opened—it will put me in a more positive, powerful, energized place, and that, from there, making the choice to Do This One Thing Now will be easier.

Here's hoping.

Unexpected benefits of unschooling

My eyes are open to the world. I don't know if I'm learning more than I used to, but now I'm aware of it and enjoying it.

We've found a huge, varied, inspiring, and always entertaining pack of friends.

At about midnight one night last week, our next-door neighbor called to see if the girls could babysit while she took her husband to the ER. (He continues to feel the effects of a bout of encephalitis last year.) She knew she could do this because our lights are usually still on at midnight and our girls usually don't have to get up early in the morning. She was able to stay with him all night, knowing her kids were safe.

Related to that: When I stay at work until 9, 10, 11, even 12, I still get to see my kids when I get home. Chloe and I have been playing piano together at midnight. I'm not sure the neighbors are as enthused with this benefit as we are.

We don't get sick very often. When the girls were in school, it seemed like somebody in the family was sick every week, and that's not much of an exaggeration.

We have freedom to travel when the time is right. (I'll never forget Everett High refusing to excuse Chiara when we wanted to take her through the southwest. Most frustrating. So she had a couple of extra weeks of U.S. history from a book, but she's never been to an Anasazi ruin or visited the Old West. Real sensible.)

The house is always in such a state that I have a real opportunity for personal growth.

Friday fill-in

1. Snow in the Siskiyous after Christmas would be a very sad development for a pack of unschoolers I know.

2. I'm looking forward to being productive.

3. Appicciacaticcio is the best Italian word ever! (means "sticky")

4. One of my favorite old tv shows is Mad About You.

5. I'm done with umm... nothing?

6. The most enjoyable thing around the holidays is the week after Christmas. It's quiet, all the hard work (aka shopping and festivities) is done, and the office is deserted. Plus, this year I get some time alone.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to reading and sleeping, tomorrow my plans include working, and Sunday, I want to get tons of work done!

Thursday 13

13 Random Thoughts

1. I get more frustrated with Seattle traffic when it's moving along than I do when it's stop-and-go. I think it's because the left-lane hogs are *so* obvious then.

This does not mean that I will be shifting my commute into true rush hour, however. I do hate to dawdle when I'm behind the wheel.

2. Dawdle? Is that right? What an odd word. (Yeah, that's right. I just looked it up. But the etymology is mostly unknown.)

3. I always forget about link tracking. A few weeks ago, I blogged a link to the Web site for a store that I visited in a professional capacity, just 'cause I loved the store. Well, I found out yesterday that the store owners followed that ol' Zombie Princess trail and found my personal blog. Oops. I'm so glad I only had nice things to say about them! I definitely was not wearing my professional hat when I wrote that post, though. They were entertained. (Just in case: Hi, Roy! Hi, Diane!)

4. Some people think "idealogues" like me are distressed by Obama's cabinet choices. I saw him called a "closet centrist" today. Sheesh. Do they really think we couldn't tell he was a centrist?! Obviously, they have no idea what a truly leftist candidate would campaign for. Perhaps they've forgotten all his talk of finding common ideals and middle ground and how we're not red states or blue states but the United States.

Weren't they listening? Or do they just think we weren't?

I'll try not to generalize for the other 66,882,229 (or so) people who voted for him, but as for me, he is doing exactly what I expected and hoped for. I may not love all of his cabinet choices, and I'm waiting with some interest to see where he'll go for some of the open slots (e.g., Education), but the general direction he's taking is one I can get fully behind.

5. When I was a wee lass of about 12, I took some piano lessons. Last night, Chloe asked to learn one of the few songs I remember from that time. It's a nocturne and kind of a fun song to play, because it's really pretty easy but it sounds good. I hear she did some practicing on Frank's electronic keyboard today and got a totally different sound.

6. In other Chloe news, when I left this morning, I discovered a note taped to the front door. She had made me lunch! She wanted to spare me yet another day eating a slice of pizza (the quickest, easiest, cheapest food item available in the MS cafeterias, and my default choice). Nice start to the day, having her take care of me like that.

7. I have had "Against All Odds" stuck in my head for three days. It's not even my favorite Phil Collins song. That would be "In the Air Tonight." (Drum solo, baby!) Maybe I can switch to that one.

8. I still have my fingers crossed, Steph. And toes.

9. A small rant: "...cannot be achieved apart from reliance upon almighty God." So, Kentucky's answer to the religious, um, commitment that led to 9/11 was to fire back with an alternative religious commitment? Yeah, that's the ticket.

How many Supreme Court cases do these people have to lose before they get a clue that a statement like that has no place in American law? Even the conservative courts will throw it out.

Funny how Christians usually have no problem seeing a statement like that as a problem if it reads "almighty Allah" or "almighty Odin" or "almighty Goddess" or "almighty Buddha." And yet we have citizens and public officials who believe in each of those deities and who are subject to the very same Constitutional protections (and public safeguards) that they are.

As for me, I have a t-shirt that reads, "I pledge allegiance to the Earth—one planet, many gods—and to the universe in which she spins." You should see the looks I get when I wear it.

10. Ack. I have not blogged about our weekend. Well, it was fabulous, replete with friends and food and dancing ducks and daily Charades. I have videos. Will I ever get them posted? Who knows? You're all still waiting anxiously for clips from Chloe's play six months ago, right?

11. I got to do some indexing last night. For those who don't know, indexing is the process of writing index entries which combine to form the index of a book or Help file. Yes, someone creates those suckers by hand, and I am one of those someones. I'm damned good at it, too. I indexed about 600 files in about six hours, and that includes editing them all together. How did I do this? Well, it comes down to experience. I can hold an entire index in my brain and write index entries that slot together slick as you please. Some of my dearest friends have the same ability.

Indexers of the world, UNITE!

12. I can spend hours wading through the always colorful histories of various royal families. The latest tour worked through the Dutch and French and Spanish lines, which are all connected, of course, if you go back just a bit, either by marriage or by blood.

It really wouldn't be that hard for a girl to find a prince to marry. There are dozens of them.

13. The other song that's been stuck in my head is "Way Back Into Love" from the Music and Lyrics soundtrack. Sweet movie. Catchy songs. I think we watched it Sunday night, so maybe that song has been in my brain even longer than "Against All Odds."

False alarm

If you use a Computer Associates anti-virus program and have been getting virus warnings after visiting my blog, never fear. Some YouTube videos, including the Spearhead one I had featured, have been triggering false positives. They are not actually infected.

I'll put the video back up in a couple of days after CA fixes the problem. It's just too scary seeing those warnings come up. :-)

A new low in consumerism

I'm sure many of you have heard about the man who was trampled to death on Black Friday, an event which made a triple entendre out of the day's coy name. I agree with this guy that it is time to stop the insanity.