NaBloPoMo "X"

X is for X-actly




I am exactly where I need to be
I need to be exactly where I am
I am a blessing manifest and
I can undress the moment naked
Time unwinds beneath my mind
And from within I find
The kind of beauty only I can find

I am exactly where I need to be
I need to be exactly where I am
I am surrendering so willingly
To be the perfect me inside
This now and truly
How else could it be
Destiny she blesses me
Destiny she blesses me

And when I try to fight or run
I only wind up back at square one
And when I think I know what's best for me
Fate, she takes me back
To exactly where I need to be

Lyrics are estimated (double-check me, Qacei!). Original lyrics by Amy Steinberg, who will be performing for an exceptionally grateful audience at LIFE is Good 2008.

Listen to the entire song

NaBloPoMo "W"

W is for Whoops



I forgot to blog. Or rather I remembered to blog but procrastinated. Or rather I prioritized my day in favor of spending time with the birthday boy. Yeah, that's it.

NaBloPoMo "V"

V is for Very Odd



Tonight was our immediate-family celebration of Frank's birthday (which actually takes place tomorrow). MJ and Chloe accompanied us for a Thai feast (way more dishes than we could eat, followed by coconut ice cream) and helped me to present a couple of gifts to the birthday boy, but then they got a better offer: a sleepover at Grandma's.

"That's okay," said Frank. "Your mom and I can have hot dinosaur sex in every room in the house."

The girls then proceeded to tell us in great detail what rooms, and what surfaces in those rooms, we are allowed to use. It was rather surreal.

But I figure what they don't know won't hurt them.

---

On another "odd" subject, have you read Dean Kootz' books about Odd Thomas? We recommend them highly.

Friday fill-in

1. When I fell in love I was probably in a swimming pool! (Frank was one of the dive masters for my SCUBA certification course.)

2. I get really impatient for summer when the flowers bloom and it heats up outside because it doesn't heat up much or fast enough!

3. Oh no! The internet connection is down, and I'm cut off from my tribe, and I can't read blogs, and I can't post, and I can't check mail, and I can't look at traffic, and I can't Google anything, and I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE THIS!!! ... Oh, I just needed to ask Frank to reboot the modem.

4. Soap is the craziest tv show ever. Or maybe that Japanese one with the guy who puts firecrackers up his nose.

5. Cheese and apple slices make a great meal!

6. As long as somebody else does the work, I can really admire a garden.

7. And as for the weekend, it's all about Frank and his Very Special birthday!

NaBloPoMo "U"

U is for Unschooling (of course)




Some of my favorites:
If you give a kid a Nintendo by Mary Gold
I Am What I Am by Anne Ohman
They only have 2 chores... by Joyce Fetterol
Moving a Puddle by Sandra Dodd
Scooping Up Life by Ren Allen

And, okay, one of my own:
Accepted by Ronnie Maier

Thursday 13

13 Monetary Wishes

1. I wish we hadn't had to spend nearly $900 getting brakes, shocks, and transmission fluid for the van. 2. I wish I could give Randi the $12,000 she needs. 3. I wish my country were not more than 9 trillion dollars in debt. 4. I wish I could still go to a matinee at the movies for $4. 5. I wish I could still get a pack of Sugar Babies for a quarter. 6. I wish I could still buy a gallon of gas without having to hand over an arm and a leg. 7. I wish I could buy a Prius. 8. I wish the guy who bought the boat would experience a windfall and pay us off all at once so I could quit administering the loan. 9. I wish I could pay for the teen sites and just have done with the need for organizing them. 10. I wish I had one of those magic purses that always contains the exact amount one needs to pay for whatever one is purchasing. 11. I wish I could give Frank the birthday present he really wants (a week in the Caribbean with me, followed by a week in the Caribbean for the whole family). 12. I wish I could stop wishing for money. 13. I wish I were independently wealthy. (No, #12 didn't last long.)

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NaBloPoMo "T"

T is for Team Transitions



I'm still waiting to hear whether my team at work will be able to open up a full-time position for their favorite temp (me).

The Seahawks have released Shaun Alexander. I can't say I think it's a mistake, but, given the track record for Seattle trades, I wonder if we might live to regret it.

Mariners closer J.J. Putz is back on the roster. Frank and I were there for the action Tuesday night when he strutted back onto the field and got the job done against the Orioles. Unfortunately, the M's dropped the second game in the series last night.

The Sonics are leaving town. (yawn)

NaBloPoMo "S"

S is for Sweethearts



My buddy Steph took this amazing photo near her house in Athens, Georgia, where they, unlike many of us, are actually having spring.

The amorous two are a couple of anoles.

NaBloPoMo "Rr"

Rr is for Rrrrolling Our R's




Foreword
When I learned what Spanish I learned, "rr" was presented as its own letter in the Spanish alphabet. The difference between "r" ("ere") and "rr" ("erre"), I was told, was the amount of roll they get when spoken. Most r's get rolled at least a little in Spanish, but that double-r really gets rolled. Thus, "pero" is one word ("but") and "perro" is another ("dog"), and you tell them apart when spoken by how much tongue flapping goes on.

However, during my research last night, I discovered that the Real Academia Española does not include "rr" in its official Spanish alphabet. I wouldn't presume to criticize la Academia and do hereby acknowledge the superiority of their command of and authority over the Spanish language.

But for the purpose of this blog post, I'm pretending they don't exist.

The blog post
I am the only one in my family who can rrrroll r's. Frrrrom what I've rrrread, Spanish-speaking childrrrren learrrrn this skill earrrrly and easily, so I suppose I didn't rrrroll enough r's at my girrrrls while they werrrrre toddlerrrrs.

(Yes, this too is all my fault!)

Surrrre, they have otherrrr skills. MJ can fold up herrrr tongue so it looks like a 4-leaf cloverrrr, and she can make swan necks with severrrral of her fingerrrrs. Chloe can walk on herrrr toes without benefit of toeshoes, and she can get tearrrrs to squirrrrt forrrrcefully out of herrrr tearrrr ducts.

Still, I sorrrrt of thought any kid of mine would be able to rrrroll a decent r. Ya know?

But therrrre's hope! I've found this lovely little tutorrrrial for "anyone" who would like to add r rrrrolling to theirrrr rrrrepertoires.

You can thank me laterrrr, girrrrls!

NaBloPoMo "R"

R is for Rant



MJ came to work with me today, a brief post-Mayer appearance to confirm in person that, yes, I really am one of the only two people who are taking a "very serious" issue seriously.

So, here I sit at my desk, actually ready to leave for once before the carpool lanes open up to all traffic, with my very own carpool buddy in attendance, and...

wait for it...

There are no traffic jams.

I hate that damn Murphy.

NaBloPoMo "Q"

Q is for Quixote and Quotes



"He was spurred on by the conviction that the world needed his immediate presence."

Never realizing what a service she was doing for her blog-crazy mother, Chloe claimed last night that she could see Don Quixote standing in one corner of the basement. And her margaritas were of the virgin variety!

"Apparently, he had a very good time."

When we awoke this morning, our kitchen was a wreck due to our blender-concoction free-for-all last night. After shopping for a few hours during the day, we decided to forego our trip to the Mexican restaurant and have homemade margaritas instead. (There was no way we were foregoing those.) The rock-like ice cubes and frozen strawberries put up a good fight, but (after some, er, negotiation between Frank and me) were eventually pummeled into submission. Several times.

"His venture sounds like a banana peel awaiting its victim."

About midnight, Fergus decided he wanted more margarita. Woe! The adults had consumed everything all of the strawberries. So, Ferg and Effie and I trooped to the kitchen to see what we could come up with. Concoction #1 was a banana and strawberry-kiwi juice slushie, but Effie is not overly fond of bananas, so we dumped in a few spoonfuls of blackberry jam. Still too much banana, but Fergus liked that one pretty well, and the rest was distributed to some grateful teenagers. Concoction #2 was a strawberry milkshake for Effie and then a strawberry-and-apricot milkshake for Fergus, Chloe, and MJ. That one was a huge hit. But as mentioned above, the kitchen didn't fare so well.

"Here I am, rock me like a hurricane."

Did you know that, after a few margaritas, I am a natural at Guitar Hero? I have no doubt Craig will be posting incriminating evidence.

"You weren't so good, but now you are."

This last quote is from Fergus, apparently won over to the Ronnie side by smoothies, stories, and some tickles.

NaBloPoMo "P"

P is for Par-tay



The Mayers are here!

The action so far has included a Guitar Hero battle between beginners MJ and Chloe (currently tied at 87% accuracy on "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"), a couple of mini-snowball fights (no, not Sno Ball, snowball), wine sipping, slap-bracelet experimentation, a reading of Seven Silly Eaters, and bonding over of our enjoyment of Firefly.

Now we're off to T. Joe's and Half Price Books.

Good times!

California Dreamin'

I made it home. It took 78 minutes, pretty much twice my usual commute time.

I passed the time by looking at the amazingly huge snowflakes and by listening to the soundtrack from Forrest Gump. Needless to say, "California Dreamin'" was the track that resonated with me today.

That, and "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head": I did me some talkin' to the sun...

I saw one car heading north with me that had a solid 3 inches on his roof, probably closer to 4. He must have been parked on high ground all afternoon.

Here at home, there's what we call "a trace."

Getting home might be a challenge

These are from a couple of the traffic cameras not far from our house. The stopped cars on the right in the second image? Yeah, that's the side I'll be driving on.

Friday fill-in

Our nonrestrictive theme today is margaritas. The result is that I sound like a lush. :-)

1. The last time I lost my temper I stormed out of my office building and went straight to the margarita bar next door! (not really, but I've been tempted a time or two)
2. Waiting for the work week to be over so I can get on with the margarita drinking is what I'm fed up with!
3. The next nonfiction book I'd like to read is 101 Margaritas by Kim Haasarud.
4. Playing with Effie and Fergus and drinking a few margaritas with Craig and Gillian is what I'm looking forward to.
5. If you can't get rid of the skeleton[s] in your closet, get your guests so drunk on margaritas that they don't notice them!
6. The best thing I got in the mail recently was a book from Amazon that had nothing to do with margaritas.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to welcoming our guests, tomorrow my plans include margaritas and a lot of unstructured fun, and Sunday, I want to play!

NaBloPoMo "O"

O is for Occipital




I have nothing to say. I just thought this was a cool picture. The occipital lobe is in blue.

To see it animated go here. It revolves! It's really cool.

O is also for overwhelmed, something I feel from time to time. But using my occipital lobe to look at some other O things can help me calm down.




Oranges. Mandarin Oranges. Christmas stockings and Christmas joy and the sweet satisfaction of being able to get into an orange will little fuss.







Outdoors. Any outdoors will do. Except maybe Seattle's outdoors. Snow is in the forecast again. Argh!








Out the English way. An escape with charm.








Oregon Country Fair. Enough said.








Octopus. Diver thrill, gentle sea monster. Or is it?







Olbermann. One of my current heroes. So nice to have someone saying so many of the things I want said.







Oliver Wood. Sure, I'm old enough to be his mother, but that doesn't mean he's not cute.







Olives. Love 'em.






Opals. Love them, too, but mostly they're on here because whenever I see one, I think of Steph.

NaBloPoMo "Ñ"

Ñ is for Niñas and Coliñ




In our family, we're surrounded by girls. When my nephew comes to visit, he'll be seriously outnumbered.

Presenting...

The Priest Point Beach Club*

Chiara!

MJ!

Chelsea!

Chloe!

Megan!

Madison!

Emma!

Ella!

Lila!

and Colin!

----------------
* in birth order with colors indicating siblings

Thursday 13

Thirteen Songs That Make Me Get Up and Dance (and/or sing at the top of my lungs) In no particular order, except... 1. First, last, and always: "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC. 2. "500 Miles" by the Proclaimers. 3. "Let's Go Crazy" by Prince and the Revolution. 4. "Rock Lobster" by the B-52's. 5. "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves. 6. "Once in a Lifetime" by Talking Heads. 7. "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" by KT Tunstall. 8. "Chain of Fools" by Aretha Franklin. 9. "This Thing Called Love" by Queen. 10. "Heartache Tonight" by the Eagles. 11. "The Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats. 12. "Skinhead Moonstomp" by Simaryp. 13. "Road Man" by Smash Mouth. And I'm just barely getting started... Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

NaBloPoMo "N"

N is for New (or Not)



When I look back over the last couple of decades with Frank, I see a lot of stability, consistency, habits—even ruts. We've lived in the same house for 17 years. We've worked at the same company, essentially, for about the same amount of time. Heck, we've even had the same car for 18 years.

What makes all that remarkable is that I am just a wee bit addicted to excitement and adventure. So, I can look back over those same years and see a lot of variation, changes, upheaval—even throwing-of-caution-to-winds.

We've left countless uncounted jobs. We've packed up our family and hit the road or water for multimonth adventures five times. (Interestingly, this behavior didn't start until after we had kids. Anybody who tries to tell you having kids forces you to settle down is just wrong.) We've taken more traditional vacations. We've bought and sold cars, motorcycles, boats, tent trailers, electronics, furniture, and countless other things we can't live without. And we've welcomed six different additions to our family.

Our life of perpetual motion.

And yet, we're set in our ways. We're homebodies. We're not terribly sociable (at least we haven't been until recently). We often lack motivation and energy.

It's an interesting duality in our approach to life. This is probably no surprise for me, but I am ever grateful that Frank likes it, too.

NaBloPoMo "M"

M is for M to the J



Here is it, the moment you've all been waiting for...

The Story of MJ's Arrival

Our story starts with the pill, or rather without it, and how I was convinced my confused body wasn't ovulating, so we were just going to have to wait to get pregnant.

Or maybe our story starts with a nice night Frank and I had together just after the Christmas craziness.

Or maybe our story starts with the stomach flu I suffered in January. "It's just not going away," I whined to my manager at work. "Could you be pregnant?" asked she. "Nah."

Oh, wait...

Or maybe our story starts with nephew-son Jerry. He was living with us and very sweet about taking care of me. He would run to Ray's Drive-in for my afternoon hamburger fix. (Hamburgers and ice cream sundaes were my cravings. And hot and sour soup.)

Or maybe our story starts with car repairs. You know how some women nest before they deliver? Well, I went out and worked on the car. Nine months and one week pregnant, and I was out there replacing bulbs and air filters and I don't even remember what all. The car had only been in our possession for about a week, purchased used from friends Bobby and Diane—a new family car for a couple that had up until then found increasingly creative ways to cart around large objects and a family of three (counting Jerry and an increasingly pregnant woman) in a two-seater car. (Sidenote: We also helped Jerry buy his first car the day we bought the Tercel. The previous owner: "When is your baby due?" "Today." He went pale.)

Or maybe our story starts with my dad and his wife, Reneé, who were up visiting from San Diego hoping to be in attendance for the big event. They were sleeping on our sofabed when I felt the first contractions Sunday night. I think they were even more excited than I was.

Or maybe our story starts with Stephanie's car. She and I went shopping on Monday to try to stimulate my exceedingly slow labor. She drove us from mall to bank. It was very bouncy (something I'd never noticed about her car before and couldn't detect after). But I suppose it was stimulating.

Or maybe our story starts with dueling Casio G-Shock watches. Jerry and Frank spent a couple of hours timing my contractions Monday night while I experimented with different positions under some deluded idea that I could get comfortable.

Or maybe our story starts with our arrival at the hospital about 26 hours after my labor started only to discover that I wasn't dilated. At all. The nurses sent me off to walk the halls for an hour. It was a surreal time, walking along very slowly with Frank at my side, thinking I was in such pain. (Ha!) At my next exam, I showed some progress, so they admitted me.

Or maybe our story starts with the arrival of my mom and Stephanie. Except I'm a little fuzzy on when that happened.

Or maybe our story starts with "These contractions are pissing me off" as I sat in the tub in the dimly lit room. (I have no idea if the "dimly lit" part is true. I only know that it's dimly lit in my memory; I didn't become aware of the daylight until after MJ was born.) My mom was on the phone to somebody (note to self: if there's ever a next time, do not allow people to call the birthing room) and yet another contraction hit and suddenly I had just had enough.

Or maybe our story starts with "Somebody tell me it's too late for drugs." Definitely.

But our story definitely starts at 11:36 a.m. on Tuesday, September 15, 1992. The big moment. I had Stephanie on one side and Frank and my mom on the other. The room was full of people (again, only an impression). The cord was wrapped around the baby's neck. "Oop, we have the cord wrapped here," said the unflappable midwife, cutting the cord early while my mom hid behind me so I couldn't see her terror. I was never worried, either because I was too tired or because the midwife was calm.

And then MJ was born. "It's a girl," said the midwife. "It's a girrrlll," Stephanie and I crooned in unison.

They put her on my tummy (another reassurance, because they definitely wouldn't have done that if she'd been in danger). She was a little gray but pinked up quickly as they did their measurements. Then they gave her back to me and we started bonding. I don't remember his words, but I remember that Frank spoke. And even though she'd been ignoring a dozen voices all around her, at the sound of his MJ turned to look.

She was daddy's girl even then.

Procrastination pays off

Or at least it didn't hurt me this time.

I got our taxes done. It was pretty painless, with the notable exception of having to fill out the 55-line form for figuring the Alternative Minimum Tax, only to end up with a ZERO to put on our Form 1040.

Of course, that zero meant "no additional tax," so that part was good.

Anyway, it is done, and we're not getting a refund so those lousy bastards the IRS hasn't been making any money off of our money for these past 10 weeks of, um, alternate prioritization of my time.

The bottom line? We owe them $50 even. Like I said, pretty painless.

NaBloPoMo "Ll"

Ll is for Me Llamo



Ronnie is the name I gave myself in middle school. My Uncle Ross called me Ronnie Ann when I was little and I hated it (or pretended to). But when the time came to choose my own identity, I became Ronnie.

That I didn't become "Ronni" or "Roni" shows that, even then, I was a word nerd.

And those are just too cute, don't you think?

To my mom and some other relatives, I am still Veronica and probably always will be. I have had times of feeling like Veronica is the person they wish I were, but now that I've gone through my own daughter's name change, I know it's just hard to retrain your tongue. (The poor thing went from Marjie to Mar-Jay to Mm-Jay to—finally, months later—MJ.)

I have had other names over the years. Most recent is my screen name in the online unschooling community. I am dragonfly, or "df" for short. I started out anonymous out there five years ago, but now I am dragonfly and she is me. And I don't care who knows it.

But mostly I am Ronnie.

NaBloPoMo "L"

Where L represents Last Week's Hours



Chloe is considering putting in some time at the high school next year. She's curious about what it's like. So, Friday night, she said she wants to learn some more paper math in preparation for this. She mentioned reading one of the "Princess Diaries" books in which Mia is struggling with an algebra problem. Chloe said she found the problem as confusing as Mia did.

It turned out to be about order of operations, and the phrase Chloe stumbled over was "solve exponentially." So, we talked about exponents, and a little lightbulb went off because of the similarity between 2x2x2x2 and the 2+2+2+2 that Chloe does in lieu of memorizing the multiplication tables.

And then I explained about the order of operations. I forgot (as I am wont to do) how physical Chloe's understanding of math is, so I scribbled out these equations:

3+5*7=38
(3+5)*7=56

and started explaining about parentheses first, then multiplication and division, then addition and subtraction. She was frowning at me and clearly scornful that those parentheses should make all that difference. And then I said, "Just imagine that last week you worked 5 hours a day for seven days, and then on the eighth day, you worked 3 hours. And for the second one, last week you worked 3 hours on Tuesday and 5 hours on Wednesday, and you made $7 per hour."

Oh! Click.

It's something that has come up again and again in our unschooling, and I believe it's the root of most kids' struggles with math as it's presented in school. Most kids are physical, hands-on people. Working with numbers in the real, physical, hands-on world is natural and intuitive. But throw those numbers on paper, make them abstract, and it just doesn't make sense.

Also, Chloe will never take mathematics on faith; she won't memorize the rules and "just do the steps." She always wants to know why. Since I was a champion at memorizing the rules and just doing the steps and it never occurred to me through all those years of math classes to ask why, we are often at cross purposes when discussing math.

Thank goodness for Frank. We call him Mr. Encyclopedia Brain around here. He almost always knows why.

Anyway, our little algebra conversation continued with my showing her a variety of elementary algebra problems. She started reminiscing fondly about a little alegbra conversation we had a couple years ago, where I'd used little drawings of Christmas trees and zombies instead of numbers. I explained that I'd had to do that, because when the numbers were in there, the girls kept just giving me the answer. I'm sure you can imagine the conversation.

"Okay, so if you have x+2=7..."
"It's five."
"I know, but with algebra, you're supposed to show your steps and..."
"But it's five."
"Right, but right now we're less concerned with the answer than the process, so..."
"IT'S FIVE!"
(pause)
"Okay, so if you have x plus 2 equals Christmas tree..."

Chloe laughed over this little story and listened very attentively as I explained about the equal sign being the fulcrum of the teeter-totter and you must keep the teeter-totter level, and here are the steps for solving for x.

And then it was her turn to work one.

x-4=8

"It's 12."

I think maybe she's an accountant instead of an algebraist.

But it was a fun conversation.

What unschooling looked like today

What a great day!

In the morning, Frank slept (he's still shaking off the remnants of his cold/sinus infection). I blogged and read blogs. Chloe read a Diana Wynne Jones novel. MJ was on the Internet, but I don't know the specifics.

Then the girls and I decided we *had to* take advantage of our amazing, summerlike weather. We headed down (with MJ at the wheel) to Seattle to the U to see what the cherry trees were doing. Well, folks, the cherry trees were at their peak! It was stunning. MJ will probably post has posted a few pictures to her blog.

And the U was packed with students and tourists, most of them parked on the grass in the Quad, enjoying the sun and each other and the occasional drift of pink snow. The girls climbed a tree, and Chloe sketched some sakura blossoms (that might be redundant), and we chatted with a few Asian tourists, and it was a lovely, lovely hour.

Then we walked over to The Ave to have lunch at Ruby, a little spot we discovered last year when we came to visit the cherry trees. (Last year, we missed their peak even though it was earlier in the year. It's hard to predict and even harder to schedule our trip down.) Ruby serves up some nifty omelettes and some super-delish rice bowls (my favorite). The service is friendly but a bit relaxed, so we once again found ourselves fretting about the parking meter as we finished up lunch. Fortunately, MJ was done sooner and hiked to the car to plug some nickels. Then we walked The Ave, absorbing the interesting combination alternative/yuppie atmosphere. Chloe picked up a little silk-bound journal at my favorite import shop (the place where I found your dragonfly dish, Mary), and MJ and I lusted after shoes, but not at M.J. Feet where we really ought to have shopped.

After that, MJ drove us over to Green Lake where she got some great practice with more-than-four-way stops and waiting for an endless stream of pedestrians. The lake was PACKED. We perused the happenin' crowds while waiting at stop lights and found ourselves longing to live in Seattle. This happens from time to time.

After making our way back home, we settled in for some independent activities. MJ was back on the computer and Chloe made some more flower faeries. She's getting pretty creative with these. I should post a photo, but I'm underprepared for illustrating this post.

Grandma called and asked if we wanted to go to dinner with them. We were still pretty full from lunch, but we went along for fun anyway (and then "forced" ourselves to eat some enchiladas). Papa brought us some Obama t-shirts from Washington, D.C., where his friend Mike was a delegate (now sadly disillusioned after hearing Obama's pro-gun control remarks). At dinner, we talked about old movies and the American revolution and Fuzzy Wuzzies, and then Grandma got us (me) caught up on some names from my childhood.

Back at home, just a wee bit tipsy from a strawberry margarita and a half (or maybe three-quarters), I decided it was time to dance. I queued up all the songs that I would choose if I were in charge of the playlist for LIFE is Good, and the girls and I danced for more than an hour. They love and know all the words to "my" songs and Frank's, so they are pretty fun at a dance party.

And I got in my exercise for the day week month year-so-far.

Now, MJ is back on her computer. After writing this post, I'm dying of curiosity about what she's up to there. The glimpses I get on her blog are tantalizing. Care to share, MJ?

Chloe and Frank are in the basement, watching something or other together. And I am about ready to call it a day.

Taxes? What taxes? Who said anything about taxes?

NaBloPoMo "K"

K is for Kazdin Kan't



I get Dear Prudie delivered to my Inbox. I agree with her about 60% of the time, with the 40% where I disagree usually related to her parenting advice. Last week's installment was a case in point (third letter). She refers a worried aunt to the Web site and work of Alan Kazdin, a clinical psychologist who has written a book called The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child.

Now, I have read only the excerpts that I found online, but I can already tell that this guy's training is getting in the way of his connection with his own kids, and he's attempting to spread those ill effects around.

See if you can spot my issues with his approach.

"My first daughter was supposed to be going to sleep in her crib. But I was standing there at cribside, enthralled, marveling joyfully at this little creature. She was squirming, making sounds, and looking at me, in no way moving toward sleep. My wife entered the room and fired off two questions: 'What are you doing?' and 'Is this the way to get her to sleep?'...

"As a clinical psychologist, a scientist who studies human behavior, I supposedly knew not to do this... But what came most naturally to me was to stand there gawking at my wonderful baby daughter, even though this was rewarding her for not going to sleep...

"But when it comes to shaping and changing a child's behavior, what comes most easily and naturally to parents is often the opposite of what works best."


No. No. No. No. NO.

Let's imagine this same scene in an attachment-parenting household.

First off, subtract the crib. What comes most easily and naturally to parents is to HOLD THEIR BABIES. Too much of society encourages us to mistrust this instinct, but it's there for a reason. You don't see our ape relatives plopping their babies on the nearest flat surface while they go about their business! No. The baby stays with mom or dad. For us and for apes, holding the baby is vital to the baby's well being and ability to thrive.

Secondly, let us please recognize that this baby was Wide Awake. She was communicating. Bonding. Thrilled to be with her daddy. And the saddest part is that even though her daddy was also thrilled to be with her, somebody came along and made him feel wrong for that.

Thirdly, please oh please, beware of "what works best." A child's "good" behavior is not a measure of his or her happiness, self-esteem, productivity, or future success. In too many cases, that "good" behavior is simply a coping mechanism that gets them through the day.

I know this man's heart is in the right place. His method is not about punishment, and it's geared toward kind, positive reinforcement. But it's not about forming true connections with children. He's encouraging us to treat our children the way we would a dog or rat we are attempting to train.

Ick.

There is a better way. Truly, there is. It is a more natural and a more effective way.

For more information about attachment parenting, see the Attachment Parenting International web site (especially the 8 principles) or an unschooler near you.

Friday fill-in

1. I love springtime intensely!
2. Cheerios, donuts, pancakes, and cold pizza are foods I love to eat for breakfast.
3. It seems I'm always searching for more time.
4. Reading until my eyelids droop is a great way to end the day.
5. I think I can!
6. Arizona is what I've been craving lately, and it's all Scott's fault.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward (?) to paperwork, tomorrow my plans include laundry and taxes, and Sunday, I want to set up a little basement haven for Fergus and Effie!

NaBloPoMo "J"

J is for Juno, Jambalaya, and Joy



Juno comes out on DVD in 4 days! I can't wait!

I get to see the "Jambalaya!" lady and her amazing family in 7 days. I can't wait!

JOY!

NaBloPoMo "I"

I is for "If you give a girl a blog..."




Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is blog post number 500. Now there's a nice round number. Here are some other blog statistics:

My first post was on July 21, 2005.
I've been blogging for 1,025 days.
That's .488 blog posts per day.

I think this month might be pushing my average up. :-)

Curious about 500? Look here.

In an lovely little coincidence, MJ hit 100 posts today. Go see!

Thursday 13

Thirteen of My Favorite Non-romance* Novels *but possibly still romantic After writing my romance-novel TT last week, it occurred to me that there really are only two literary genres for me: romance and non-romance. So, here's my non-romance list. To make this list, a book had to move me considerably, one way or another. 1. Bridge of Birds by Barry Hughart. With equal parts mystery, adventure, comedy, romance, and philosophy, this lovely little book is pure fun and a treasured friend. 2. The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells. This is a powerful story about how women shape each other's lives, but if I had to sum up its subject matter in one word, it would be "motherhood." Life altering. 3. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J. K. Rowling. This is my favorite of the 7-book series, but it's here to represent a literary achievement that has enhanced our family experience since the girls were toddlers. 4. Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls. My 5th-grade teacher read this to our class. Dan and Ann have been with me ever since. 5. Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. Time-travel adventure, enduring romance, political intrigue, roaring battles, bawdy humor, and sex scenes to make even a jaded romance novelist blush. Yes, this book has it all. The sequels are pretty good, too, but this one is the best. 6. A tie from the Cautionary Tale department: The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood and Trinity's Child by William Prochnau. I probably won't ever read either of these again, but both were so compelling that, after reading them, I never looked at the world quite the same way. 7. The Ladies of Missalonghi by Colleen McCullough. Missy is a lovely heroine. "Will you marry me, Mr. Smith?" Sweet and shiny. 8. And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie. The ultimate murder mystery. 9. Eaters of the Dead by Michael Crichton. This thinly disguised Beowulf knock-off is an exciting adventure story tucked into a very clever "scholarly" format. The footnotes about Norse culture and the real Ibn Fadlan are endlessly fascinating. 10. The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. Wow! 11. The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris. Disturbing, scary, fascinating. I like Hannibal, too—it's much better than the movie—and Red Dragon creeped me out big time, but this one was his tour de force. 12. Interview with the Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, and The Queen of the Damned by Anne Rice. I didn't find the world of "Interview" very comfortable; it took me a couple of months to get all the way through that book. But by the end of it, I was completely hooked. I might have gotten up off the couch once or twice while reading the other two. Maybe. 13. The Princess Bride by S. Morgenstern and William Goldman. There have been ten great adventure stories in our time, but of all of them, this is the greatest. William Goldman guides us through "the good parts version" that inspired his screenwriting for decades. The ones I left off: "Holes," "The Outsiders," "To Kill a Mockingbird," "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close," "East," and probably a host of others that didn't leap to mind. Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

NaBloPoMo "H"

H is for How About That!



I won! I won! We had a bug bash at work recently, which means we all spent a couple of days trying to break the software. I just found out I won the prizes for both Best Bug (co-winner) and Most Approved Bugs by a Team Member. I get a $75 Visa gift certificate!

How about that!

Maybe I should go into Testing...

NaBloPoMo "G"

G is for Getting It



I have always been just a wee bit uncomfortable with unschooling's parallels with religion. To get started requires a leap of faith; when you are worried that things won't turn out well, you trust; and after you've been doing it for a while, you get it. And I can tell you from first-hand experience that, once you get it, you feel converted.

We have seen the light.

This enlightenment is very exciting. We want to talk about it, so we proselytize.

In addition, there is some oft-repeated advice in the unschooling community about not using school language to describe our lives. Now, I believe wholeheartedly that language choices matter—words are powerful, and changing the words we use can have a transforming effect—but I'm aware that the result of this expunging of school lingo means that unschoolers have developed slogans—even, dare I say it, commandments—of our own.

Thou shalt not teach.

So, let's see... We embrace a radical philosophy, we talk alike, and we're very excited about our community.

The cult comparisons are inevitable.

What gets me past this? What makes me a willing disciple of this particular religion?

Big hint: There's no deity.

But my first answer really is MJ and Chloe. The happiness and success of those two young women is the driving force in our house, and, hey, my kids are rockin' this lifestyle. Every single day, they show us proof that unschooling is the way.

Yes, just like any story of a deity or force working magic or miracles in someone's life, some of this proof is anecdotal, and some of it hints of self-fulfilling prophecy. And, yes, in some aspects we have failed to control for unschooling; there are schooled kids who have accomplished some of the same things our kids have accomplished.

So, you might argue that unschooling shouldn't receive all or any of the credit. You might prefer to give the credit to my kids' brains and personalities, or to our parenting, or to "of course they can accomplish those things with the kind of free time they have."

I won't disagree. After all, those things are the heart of our unschooling.

But those things don't explain away all of our proof. And to me, a belief system is not a religion—and its members are not a cult—if you can prove its tenets. With proof, it's science.

Finally, if this is a cult, it's the Cult of Acceptance and Individuality. I can "get" that. :-)

Maybe McCain is scary after all

From MoveOn.org

10 things you should know about John McCain (but probably don't)

1. John McCain voted against establishing a national holiday in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Now he says his position has "evolved," yet he's continued to oppose key civil rights laws.¹
2. According to Bloomberg News, McCain is more hawkish than Bush on Iraq, Russia and China. Conservative columnist Pat Buchanan says McCain "will make Cheney look like Gandhi."²
3. His reputation is built on his opposition to torture, but McCain voted against a bill to ban waterboarding, and then applauded President Bush for vetoing that ban.³
4. McCain opposes a woman's right to choose. He said, "I do not support Roe versus Wade. It should be overturned."⁴
5. The Children's Defense Fund rated McCain as the worst senator in Congress for children. He voted against the children's health care bill last year, then defended Bush's veto of the bill.⁵
6. He's one of the richest people in a Senate filled with millionaires. The Associated Press reports he and his wife own at least eight homes! Yet McCain says the solution to the housing crisis is for people facing foreclosure to get a "second job" and skip their vacations.⁶
7. Many of McCain's fellow Republican senators say he's too reckless to be commander in chief. One Republican senator said: "The thought of his being president sends a cold chill down my spine. He's erratic. He's hotheaded. He loses his temper and he worries me."⁷
8. McCain talks a lot about taking on special interests, but his campaign manager and top advisers are actually lobbyists. The government watchdog group Public Citizen says McCain has 59 lobbyists raising money for his campaign, more than any of the other presidential candidates.⁸
9. McCain has sought closer ties to the extreme religious right in recent years. The pastor McCain calls his "spiritual guide," Rod Parsley, believes America's founding mission is to destroy Islam, which he calls a "false religion." McCain sought the political support of right-wing preacher John Hagee, who believes Hurricane Katrina was God's punishment for gay rights and called the Catholic Church "the Antichrist" and a "false cult."⁹
10. He positions himself as pro-environment, but he scored a 0—yes, zero—from the League of Conservation Voters last year.¹⁰

The entire article, with citations

The Doings Report

I have spent the week barely eating. Pretty exciting stuff, huh? Even so, I have managed to get a fair amount of work, blogging, and reading done. But the taxes are still waiting for attention.

Frank has spent the week taking care of me and fighting off an ear infection.

Chloe is participating in Script Frenzy. It's sort of like NaNoWriMo but with screenplays. NaNoScreeMo. She's working on the pilot for a TV series and is showing her usual dedication to her goal. She had gotten a little behind, so she tuned us all out yesterday and cranked out 12 pages.

I need to convince that girl she loves writing Help topics, too.

Earlier in the week, she and MJ took a trip to the thrift store and scored some cool duds. The highlight seems to be a Spike leather coat, kind of like the one Spike-doll is sporting here.

It was Spring Break last week, so the girls also got to spend some time with their cousins. MJ and Megan went shopping; MJ, Maddie, Chelsea, and Grandma went shopping; Chelsea slept over; and this evening, to fulfill a promise, MJ and Chloe walked over to hang out with Maddie.

Also due to Spring Break, our neighbor kids held a little car wash and scrubbed the de-icer chemical residue off the Odyssey. Nice timing!

NaBloPoMo "F"

F is for Fun, Foundation, and Frank



I was 19 when I met Frank. I'd reluctantly taken a full-time job as a proofreader at a little publishing company in Seattle that required me to get up at 6 a.m. (Ugh!) BPC was an odd little place, with boring content (municipal codes), Nazi management, and really neat staffers. Frank was one of the latter and also part of the elite little group of indexers that I knew pretty quickly I wanted to join.

Frank and I hit it off right from the start, drawn together by our shared love of sailing, SCUBA, and smoked oysters with Cheetos. We were both with other people, so our friendship was purely platonic until January of 1986 when I broke up with my boyfriend. Friend Frank provided a consolatory shoulder. He offered to take me out to lunch to hear all about it and to tell me the details of a group trip to the Cayman Islands that he was putting together for the coming June.

We went to the Azteca by Northgate. It was a lovely little lunch, and I was charmed by his earnest efforts to assure me that I would have my own room in the Caymans. By the end of lunch, our friendship was not quite so platonic.

But, technically, our first date wasn't until later in the month. We went to see "101 Dalmations" at a cinema in Bellevue. We ate Dots and popcorn, and he watched me instead of the movie. ((sigh)) It was very romantic.

And that was only the beginning. From hot dates to marriage adventures, from motorcycles to minivan, from DINK to SITCOM, from love affair to lifelong partnership, we've been through a lot together. He's my rock and my hero and my partner in crime. I cherish him for so many reasons but most of all for the family he's helped me build.

Frank, I can't wait to see where life leads us next! Mwah!

NaBloPoMo "E"

E is for Effort



Recently, I've been putting in effort on a couple of personal resolutions. We're way past New Year's, so I suppose these are Spring Resolutions.

• I haven't had a Coke in three weeks.
  
  I've toyed with cutting Coke out of my diet before, since the sugar is bad for my teeth and the calories are bad for my waistline (it's here somewhere), but I just *like* the stuff and could never before quite give up that last one a day. Plus, Microsoft feeds my habit for free.
  
  But then a coworker forwarded a little article in the NY Times about a study that revealed (confirmed) a link between even moderate cola consumption and kidney problems. That did the trick. No more kidney stones for me, thank you very much.
  
  Note: The NYT link above requires registration. If you'd rather not, you can see the exact same text here.
  
  
• Plastic bags are evil.
  
  I'm on an anti-quest. I want never to bring another plastic bag into our house. This one is really challenging, for the stupidest reasons (inconvenience, forgetfulness, social discomfort), but I'm making progress. And I'm committed to the cause, for a very good reason.
  
  Plastic bottles are next. Just look (unless you're squeamish) at where the lids end up. And that's just the lids!

NaBloPoMo "D"

D is for Deaths



Everybody was talking about it the day we reached the 4,000-deaths mark for the U.S. military in Iraq.

Today, we've reached 4,013. It's not a nice round number, but I wanted to take note of it anyway. Every single one matters.

Enough!

Wah!

My tummy still isn't back to normal. I want food! But food is disgusting!

Wah!

Are you sure...

...you really want to buy that American* car?

Consumer Reports: Best and Worst Used Cars

_______________
* http://www.usatoday.com/money/autos/2007-03-21-car-content-chart_N.htm

NaBloPoMo "C"

C is for Chloe, of course



Here is *my* story, the story of Chloe's arrival.

On March 10th, 1994, I was hugely pregnant and ready to be done. At about 9 p.m., I was tucking an 18-month old MJ into bed. While I was singing to her, I felt the first contraction, so I cuddled MJ an extra long time, knowing it was her last night as an only child.

Then I found Frank and told him I was in labor. Unimpressed, he went to bed. This sounds somewhat, well, heartless until you recall that labor lasted a very long time the first time around. So, I muddled through the first few hours alone. I called the hospital and checked in there, and the nurse cautioned me not to wait "too long." I wasn't worried. I had a bath and paced and tried to doze.

Finally, about 2 a.m., I woke Frank, called Grandma Mary to come and finish out her night on our livingroom couch, and called Grandma Cherie to meet us at the hospital to help coach. By the time we got there at close to 3, things were getting pretty interesting, and I had my doubts about my ability to walk from car to hospital.

In some part of my brain, however, I still thought I had hours—days—of labor left, and the pain was INTENSE, so I let them give me a shot of something. This didn't seem to do much for me except to make me less capable of managing the pain.

But the birthing suites at Group Health Hospital in Redmond are pretty nice places. I spent the next couple of hours in a tub of warm water. When the midwife saw me pushing, she said, "Don't push!" I responded by channeling Linda Blair and snarling, "I WANT TO!"

"Time to get out of the tub," said the midwife.

At this point, I lost control of my birthing experience. Funny how that happens in hospitals. I was firmly encouraged into bed despite the fact that horizontal is not the best position for delivery, and a fetal monitor was strapped across my belly even though I hated the feel of it. But the baby came anyway, as babies will usually do.

Then the big moment. 7:00 a.m. straight up. I let out a scream, which I vaguely remember a nurse rolling her eyes over. And then Chloe was there. They gave her to me to hold for a too-brief moment and then took her over to the table where they did their initial measurements and such. Chloe started to cry. In my woozy state, the exactly right response to this was to sing the Beatles' Rocky Raccoon, a song that we sang to MJ most every night while tucking her in. In other words, Chloe had been listening to that song once a night for months.

The midwife was perfectly delighted with my song choice and joined in. Frank joined in. And Chloe stopped crying. Minutes later, she was nursing for the first time, and all was right with my world.

And now, knowing the person she is, it still seems exactly right that I greeted her with a song.

Friday fill-in

No theme today, just pure FF randomness.

1. Tonight I saw You've Got Mail on TV. I've only seen it once before, years ago, so it was pretty fresh. I enjoyed it, but it's not Nora's best work. What is her best work? I'd probably have to go with her work on her sister Delia's story, Hanging Up. (No, Sleepless in Seattle just never did it for me.)

2. You Shook Me All Night Long makes me wanna dance! (And has for *gulp* almost 28 years.)

3. Splitting a few appetizers between friends sounds like a lovely outing. Let's go appetizering!

4. Janet is someone I'd like to get to know better.

5. The smell of lilacs reminds me so much of springtime!

6. (Sorry, I can't resist this after my miserable last couple of days.) I threw up and that made it all better.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to working late so I don't feel so far behind, tomorrow my plans include doing what needs doing to avoid unpleasant attention from the IRS, and Sunday, I want to PLAY!

NaBloPoMo "B"

B is for Brilliant



Have you ever noticed how many meanings the word "brilliant" has?

• Super smart
  "That Ronnie has an impressive mind. She's brilliant."


• Shiny
  "The jewels on her Krewe Queen crown are brilliant."


• Richly colorful
  "She's partial to footwear that is rather brilliant."


• Exceptionally good
  "Her blog posts are brilliant."


• Decidedly un-brilliant
  "Oh, that's just brilliant." (Hmm. That sounds awfully familiar. Sarcastic? Moi? Never!)


• One method of cutting a diamond
  brilliant cut

Those are all pretty useful. But the meaning I intend to nurture in my own vocabulary is from Irish slang. According to this amazing—uh, brilliant dictionary, in Ireland it means "great" or "best," and from what I've read (and if a certain series of Guiness commercials can be believed), the Irish apply the word to just about everything.

I have less than six months to get in the habit.


Brilliant!

Thursday 13

Thirteen of My Favorite Romance Novels Whether or not these are the top 13 depends on my mood, but they are definitely among those that I like to read again and again. 1. Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas. Villain as hero, beautifully and believably transformed by the disdain—or is it love?—of a good woman. Third book in a consistently good 4-book series. Historical. 2. Secrets of a Summer Night by Lisa Kleypas, also of the above series. This one scores big for melodrama done just right. Historical. 3. It's in His Kiss by Julia Quinn. The brightest, funniest installment in her very fun Bridgerton series. Meet poor Mr. Mozart... Historical. 4. Born in Fire, Born in Ice, and Born in Shame by Nora Roberts. Three books that together tell one wonderful family story. Set in the Ireland I'm hoping to visit. Contemporary. 5. The MacKade Brothers, a four-book series by Nora Roberts. Sexiest heroes ever. Contemporary. 6. Finding the Dream by Nora Roberts. I always start with the first two books in this 3-book series, but it's really all about getting to this one. Michael Fury is a great hero. Contemporary. 7. The Bride by Julie Garwood. Plucky, displaced heroine keeps her new clan on their toes, starts a few wars, and then, of course, saves the day. Historical. 8. The Secret by Julie Garwood. Reluctant midwife finds her place with her best friend's new clan—and its laird. Historical. 9. Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie. Sharp, funny writing highlights a quirky romance where our protagonists really are each other's heroes. Contemporary. 10. Welcome to Temptation by Jennifer Crusie. Engaging cast of characters in a sexy whodunit. No, really, whodunit? Contemporary. 11. A Prince of a Guy and The Princess and the Pea by Kathleen Korbel. Really fun fairy tales. Contemporary. 12. Accompanying Alice by Terese Ramin. Alice is already facing middle age, an empty nest, and a family wedding (the horror) when she finds herself first the hostage and then the not-terribly-reluctant hostess of a desperate special agent. Contemporary. 13. Nobody's Darling by Teresa Medeiros. I'm not usually crazy about Westerns, but this one stole my heart. Billy Darling—the honorable black sheep of his outlaw family—is a hero I can root for. Historical. Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

NaBloPoMo "A"

A is for Alphabet



There were a few lessons in school that I learned better than others. Second only to "Never get involved in a land war in Asia" was how to recite the alphabet backward.

It was in 4th grade (interestingly, the grade MJ was in when our kids decided they had had enough school). My teacher was Mr. Hassenstab. He was my first male teacher, and, while I liked him well enough and was fascinated that he was "Dad" to my friend Mary Jo, I spent most of the year wishing he were female. I was in need of nurturing, I suppose, and Mr. H. tended toward the businesslike.

Anyway, this was back in the time when elementary-school students were allowed to have fun occasionally, and Mr. H. encouraged us to learn our backward ABCs. I loved doing this, and it's a parlor trick skill that has never left me. You want me to memorize something and rattle it back to you? Awesome! I'm your girl.

I also triumphed over the multiplication tables in 4th grade.

But it wasn't until middle school that I memorized the helping verbs. I can still do those, too. Ready? Here you go:

is am are was
were be being been
have has had
do does did
shall will should would
may might must can could

Voilà.

Z to A, 12x12, and the helping verbs. Those and a little Spanish might be the only things I really remember from school.

Which brings me to the real point of this blog post.

The theme for National Blog Posting Month this month is "Letters." Since 26 letters will not do for a month that has 30 days (even when I skip one day due to stomach flu), I plan to incorporate a few extras from the Spanish alphabet. That should be fun, since I don't know the ASCII codes for those letters, but I'll figure them out in time, fear not.

Welcome to NaBloPoMo, folks!

MJ is pregnant

I bet that got your attention!

Actually, MJ wouldn't help me think of an April Fool's headline for this blog post, so she got picked on. :-)