From time to time, one encounters people who really, really want to call themselves unschoolers. In some cases, they do this even though their lifestyles are way off the mark. "We're unschoolers," they say, even as they sit their kids down for lessons. Or they say, "We unschool on the weekends." Other times, the lines are fuzzier, and the people claiming the label are so close to what I consider real unschooling, but they can't quite let go of x, y, and z. So they cling to both the label and to x, y, and z.
People in either of these categories will occasionally be challenged by someone to live up to the label they are claiming. In certain forums on the Internet, they will be challenged with vigor.
That's side A.
On side B is an online friend of mine who recently rejected the label of unschooler. She did this not because she grew to dislike the term (as some unschoolers do) and not because she's doing anything more schoolish than she was before. What happened was, she got tired of feeling guilty for living her life the way she wants to live her life.
As someone who has issues with guilt, I can understand her decision. (Living up to unschooling ideals can be work, and there do come times when you want to stop all the work and just live.) And as someone who is weary of the side-A people who insist on using label when they reject one or more of the ideals, I found her approach quite refreshing.
Personally, I love calling myself an unschooler, and the pressure and ideals that come with the label are a big part of why. The pressure and ideals keep me mindful. They keep me on my toes, and they keep me aware during my interactions with my kids—and with other people's kids for that matter.
Putting together side A and side B leads me to offer these guidelines:
If you want to do whatever you do and call it unschooling, people are going to challenge your use of the term from time to time. If you don't want to be challenged, find another label, or do like my friend and live without one.
If you keep the label, use it. Use it to question yourself and your assumptions. Use it to help you give your kids the benefit of the doubt, always. Use it to help you say Yes more. Use it as pressure to tolerate the discomfort that comes from having your kids make choices that you wouldn't have made for them. Use it to encourage you to choose the kind, generous, cooperative thing in every interaction. And use it to inspire you to go after more of the benefits that real unschooling offers.
Traveling, sleeping
2 hours ago
13 comments:
yes please.
i have a love/hate relationship with the label. i love what it means to us. i hate that people that use it can use it so harshly (which contradicts unschooling completely imo).
when will "just living" be normal enough to not need to describe to people with a label?
Excellent!
I have taken the approach of "this is how we live our lives learning through life", oh, I guess I fit into this "category" of "unschooling" and can relate & get support from them. But I really hate how unschoolers have formed some sort of "rule book" of how this life should or should not look like. That if you don't follow some specific checklist that you don't fit into the category. What about being mindful & following our internal intuition instead of a list of rules & guidelines someone else wrote? I feel like every life learner's life will look different as we have different needs & personalities - thankfully as we are all unique. I really wish that some folks could let go of the labels and lets all just focus on supporting each other in this life journey we are living. I think labeling & ironically "rules" for how to "unschool" isolate people from others in the world, as people are trying to see if they measure up, etc. I think we should be accepting of all walks of this path however that may look. It is just a definition of a word that causes so much strife, and the putting of us into a box that so many of us are trying to avoid being in a box at all...that is why we have chosen this life - to live freely. My 2 cents that I felt the urge to share.
I don't know about rules, but I think it's not unschooling if there is a top-down authority system in your house. Parents are going to have some ultimate authority because of employment and income realities. Beyond that, if the parent is saying "You must do this," I don't think that's unschooling. And I don't understand why you want to be that authority person and still call yourself an unschooler. I really, really do not understand. Just pick a different label! Problem solved.
Heather said, "But I really hate how unschoolers have formed some sort of "rule book" of how this life should or should not look like."
As I understand it, when John Holt coined the term "unschooling" in the 1970s, he was describing the removal of a child from the institutionalised education of school so that the child could learn naturally, that is, with no imposed conditions. The term was then extended to include not sending a child to school in the first place when he or she came "of school age".
It seems to me then that, in the beginning, the meaning of "unschooling" was perfectly clear and that a parent whose child was in school part-time wasn't "unschooling", a parent whose child was once out of school but now back in school wasn't "unschooling", a parent whose child wasn't yet of school age wasn't "unschooling", a parent who imposed conditions on how and what their child learned wasn't "unschooling".
That's not a matter of rules but of characteristics. Either the characteristics of "unschooling" were present or they were not.
In what way are the characteristics of "unschooling" less clear now?
I really hope you don’t mind me giving my opinion (: I am a huge fan of your blog!
I don’t want to be part of a label at all; I would prefer to just live. By saying I am part of a label I feel as if I am restricting myself, and that’s exactly what I don’t want. That is what school did for me, so why would I want to bring those limitations into my life? When asked I say I’m home educated, I don’t want to bring the ugliness of school into my life. Sometimes I do things in an unschooled way....sometimes I don’t and that’s perfectly fine. It’s all about personal choice, you can do whatever you want.
:)
I don't mind at all, Phoebe. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Bob - Some people don't meet the learning-related characteristics that you mention. Also, for many of us, "unschooling" has expanded to encompass non-authoritarian parenting. Some of the people using the label get challenged when they talk about the lifestyle rules they impose, such as requiring chores, restricting TV, etc.
This is where I think the differences between "unschooling" and "radical unschooling" (more labels!) need to be articulated. The lists that have a formed definition of radical unschooling principles aren't saying at all what your life should look like, they're saying, "These are the principles to live to call yourself a radical unschooler". For me, living that "restrictive definition" of radical unschooling, and moving toward those principles, has brought MORE freedom, closer connections, and many fewer labels overall. (no "defiant", "lazy", "asperger's", etc.)
I gave a talk recently about "Why put the radical in radical unschooling" - I want to get that written up, as well. It's about creating the environment in which natural learning can thrive the best.
I love this blog post! It touches on a raw nerve for many of us: the tension between definitions/labels and the freedom to live as we choose. I love the way you challenge people to only use the label if they're actually living it. If they don't want to live it fully, then don't use the label!
I related to your last paragraph about embracing the label and using it to empower me to live it more fully. I don't see the label as restricting me, but rather causing me to, as you said, live more mindfully and consciously choose freedom.
It was helpful to read Bob's definition of the original definition for unschooling. I think that most people come unstuck with "radical" unschooling. I think of it as unschooling + consensual respectful parenting = radical unschooling.
Ronnie, you wrote: "Some people don't meet the learning-related characteristics that you mention. Also, for many of us, "unschooling" has expanded to encompass non-authoritarian parenting."
That's where I get confused. I was already doing the non-authoritarian parenting. Then my wife and I took our son out of school and he transitioned almost immediately to learning without being taught, then I read about something called "unschooling", so that was kind of backwards. I don't call myself an unschooler either.
Interesting, Bob. Now that you mention it, I had started down the path away from traditional parenting, which is what made me open to unschooling, and then unschooling let my eyes be opened to the wonderful. :-)
We call ourselves unschoolers, the reason why is because we live in the netherlands en homeschool let alone unschooling is very, very rare overhere. In fact, according to the law it doesn't even excist, homeschooling. What about that.. So we dó use the term unschool just to be clear about it. People can google it if they want to ;-)
That said, unschooling for us personally is a way of life that just fits our life as it was already. Or how we want it to be for our children. We searched for schools and we felt terrible, it felt so wrong and nobody seem to understand what 'our problem' was. The kid is turning 4 soon so pick a school close to your home for convenience and let her go, come on! But even thinking about that made me sick, my FREE girl with her beautiful FREE spirit....sending her to school, how free would she be after a couple of weeks, months...? They would just ruin my child, that's what i felt.
So then we came across homeschooling, as i said, very rare in our country. And after a while we read about unschooling and ow, everything just made sense! It is us, it is our children, it is our live.
But with that comes a lot of ignorance, people here just don't know it. They don't know homeschooling ('Can you dot that???") so unschooling....well...
And that's why we do use the word, otherwise it would be even more difficult to explain and i also feel it's something for me to hold on to. Our children are very young (4 and almost 1) so may be i don't feel that need in a couple of years but for now i do, especially to answer questions and to handle all the stupid reactions we newbies and outcasts receive.
Klaasje, I envy your early discovery of unschooling. I had those same instincts when our oldest reached school age and disregarded them. I wish I hadn't!
Post a Comment