The anti-shame toolbox

This is a list I put together of things that can help with your feelings of shame. No single technique will be right for all people, and most of us need a collection of techniques and tools. I hope something in here helps you.

The Work
www.thework.com

Emotional Freedom Technique
My own brief explanation/diagram is here. It will get you started and provides links to another couple of sites.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Wikipedia overview

Meditation and mindfulness
Some of my favorite resources are listed on my site here.

Recognize thought distortions
Thought distortions are when you take something that you've done or that's happened and blow it all out of proportion. "I screwed up. I should just go die." Simply noticing when you're doing this can help counteract the effects of the thought distortion.

Reframe mistakes
"Mistake" is a label you apply in retrospect. ~ John Bradford

Mistakes are: Warnings for the future. Gifts that allow spontaneity. Learning opportunities.

Become an imperfectionist
A great article by Christine Kane.

Talk to your younger self
Walking through a painful memory with someone who responds to you in a non-shaming way can actually modify your memory of the event. For best, safest results, do this while working with a therapist.

The Shame Siren
When you notice that you are feeling shame, turn on the shame siren. Imagine it whooping like an air-raid siren, alerting you to an urgent shame situation. Try tugging on your ear, à la Carol Burnett, and then, when you get the shame feelings and thoughts under control, tug your ear again to turn off the siren.

Write
Journal. Blog. Do Morning Pages.

Breathe
Always. Breathe. Completely.

http://www.sandradodd.com/breathing

Play
Reclaim the things you were shamed for. Laugh.

Learn more
Some books to read:

• Rising Above Shame by Stan Wilson
• Heal the Shame That Binds You by John Bradford
• For Your Own Good by Alice Miller (includes the Poisonous Pedagogy that is the root of most traditional parenting)