A friend on FB asked her friends to tell her why they've made the educational choices they've made. The responses from the unschoolers are fascinating and run on a theme: honoring their children's choices and building stronger family relationships. Very cool.
Here's my answer:
Chloe was unhappy. That started it. We always planned to homeschool for middle school (aka, the place where we send our 'tweens to be tortured), but Chloe was done by the middle of 3rd grade. MJ initially planned to stay in, but after a couple of weeks at home, she decided she liked it, too. The reason we were willing to try it early was that we were just kind of unimpressed. School wasn't horrible (with Chloe's 1st grade year as a big exception), but it was so... blah. We knew we couldn't be any less inspiring. :-)
I go into more detail here.
What led you to start unschooling?
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2 hours ago
6 comments:
Kirby wasn't a match for school when he was little. When he was four, he took a dance class and an art class. Neither went well, and the problems were of very different sorts. So he wasn't ready for five-year-old real school. We decided to try one "free year" at home, after which he could go to kindergarten or first grade depending how it went, but within a couple of months we were hooked. It was great.
Each of the next two children could have gone to school, and I thought Marty would for sports and boys, and then I thought Holly would, just to get away from brothers, but each chose home and none of us ever regretted it!
Keith's summary halfway through was that he wanted them to grow up undamaged.
I had visited the school before signing up #1 daughter for kdgn. Two things I noticed: it was immaculate and silent. A whole posse of happy engaged kids are neither. I asked the principal what he felt their strong and less strong points were: text scores; and not enough money were what he told me.
Our oldest was in kdgn for 4 weeks. We'd started seeing extreme changes in how she was feeling and behaving. I talked to the teacher who said, "Surely, Mrs Bures, there must be something going on at home." I told her that the only thing that had changed was her.Then my daughter got chicken pox, and was very very sick. Then we had Christmas vacation and severe weather. None of the behavioral changes continued. I had told my husband that I didn't know what we were going to do, but she wasn't going back. I was at the library looking up alternative celebrations on their computer, and up popped alternative education.
Things evolved and changed as we changed and evolved. I see us as gardeners: we amend the soil with the best things we can, and plant the seeds. But we don't make them grow. They do that all by themselves. And so it is, I think.
We are hard wired to learn. No one teaches us how to be born or how to smile or our hair how to grow.
And so it is with learning. We. Just. Do.
When we moved to Minnesota a few years ago we decided to have our then 3yr old tested for speech.
She qualified for services through the county. So she started speech therapy and we called it school.
She enjoyed playing with the other kids. She went 3 days a week for 3hrs.
I was looking into homeschooling at the time and all of the different methods.
Unschooling seemed like it would be the best fit for us.
I started to realize everything the county did with her through the program, I could do at home.
One of the teachers there also suggested she start going 5 days a week for 4+ hours for the next school year. They wanted her to be in a class of 20 or more kids. I was not comfortable with that.
I didn't think she would do well in a group that big, and she didn't like anyone trying to teach her anything.
We were getting ready to make our move to Virginia at the time. We discussed our options.
My husband was strongly opposed to homeschooling and definitely unschooling. He eventually agreed to do a trial run when she turned 4 since she could go to Kindergarten at the age of 5.
Within weeks of officially decided to unschool, her language exploded, our family felt more connected and everyone seemed to be happier.
Here we are into our 2nd year. My husband is completely on board, and we are continuing to learn and grow right beside our children.
I love it!
for us... it all began with Sean being so incredibly shy that he'd hide in his closet (literally) when the people he asked me to invite over actually came over. so the invited kids would play while sean hid. he very slowly shifted to coming out of the closet ;) first to play only with the other kids, and *eventually* being willing to say hello to the parents.
the concept of kindergarden for that boy scared me ~ i was concerned about the strategies they might use to "help"/make him get over his shyness. so we figured we'd skip kindergarten. and i LOVED having the time with him, and he seemed happy, so we skipped first and second grade too and then we just didn't see a reason to put him in school, so we kept "skipping" each grade.
we were on the homeschooling track by the time jamie was school-age. at the time, she had many sensitivities anyway and wasn't using a toilet reliably until she was 7, so we had even more concern about strategies that might be inflicted on her to "help" her get over her multiple issues. if we had any doubts, the pressure from *five* year olds for jamie to choose clothing, shoes, and hairstyles like theirs confirmed to us that homeschooling was our path.
so i guess it started with thinking that our kids' feelings and needs would/could not be adequately respected and supported in a school, so we'd homeschool until our kids were past some of those needs. yet underneath that, we became aware that our life philosophies were more consistent with homeschooling than with school.
i tried to explain that to a friend in 2001:
We have so many reasons for homeschooling....
Part of it could be considered 'religious' in an unconventional way. We don't follow any organized religion, but we view 'religion' as the beliefs,
morals, and values that we live our life by. So.. by that definition, we are very religious and school systems tend to squash some of the very beliefs
and values we consider important...
We place a lot of importance on individuality, personal responsibility, creativity, empathy, and respect for individuals - including/especially our children....and we want a lot of time and opportunity to plant seeds to try to instill these values in our children. Most schools are not equipped to do this and never will be. And.. I'd even say it's not their 'job' to do these things...
(Obviously, involved parents can instill these things, homeschoolers or not.)
I know that there are many really good teachers out there, but I also know there are also many *not* really good teachers out there and I don't want
those teachers sapping the fun from learning for any kids, but especially not mine. These days there are soooo many resources that a parent may pick
and choose from to make subjects fun and i think we have more flexibility and options to do this than a teacher does in a bureaucratic school system
that is always seeming low on funds. It truly is not a case of two parents trying to teach their kids everything - we have a world full of resources
and mentors to help us in this job.
whoops. i thought that hadn't posted, cause it was too long, even after i shortened it to try chunks. since it went through, i'll "finish" the copy/paste.
I don't want Sean and Jamie to have to experience the less than wonderful social aspects of school without my involvement to watch, guide, help, and hug along the way (and yes, i'm sheltering them, but i'd also allow them space and support to practice on their own) I don't want the social aspects to make Sean feel that he has to be tough just because he is a boy. I don't want Jamie to be coddled because she is a pretty girl. I don't want anyone telling them that they need to have the latest jewelry, clothing, shoes, hairstyle or scooter to be cool. I don't want anyone telling them that they can't color elephants purple, skies yellow, or grass orange. I don't want anyone telling Sean that he should wear socks that match on a day when he has chosen to wear one red and one blue sock. I don't want anyone telling them that their ideas are silly, stupid, or not realistic, or impossible.
In spite of how wonderful the social aspects of school are supposed to be, David and i both felt that the social aspects were way more of a detriment than an asset in our lives and experiences, so maybe we *are* over-compensating for our past but we'll take that risk and live with the consequences. i also admit that i think we turned out pretty well anyway; i'd just like to enable our kids to skip some of those aspects of socialization as part of their every-day-ness. life will deliver undesirable social settings now and then anyway ~ there will be time for them to practice dealing with socialization ~ positive and negative.
I don't want anyone squashing their dreams and forcing their 'reality', religion, or views on Sean and Jamie. I don't want them to be raised in an
environment where it's more important to hold still, be quiet, line up, and behave than it is to LIVE and love and learn. And lately, I worry about safety (or lack of) in schools and everywhere......and keeping them home makes me feel safer (yes, I may be delusional).
I want Sean and Jamie to retain their loves, interests, motivation, passions, creativity, and individuality. I want them to learn from interests and not requirements. I want them to learn and not just memorize. I want them to be able to focus on a project for as long as THEY want to and not have to switch gears and subjects every hour because it's 'time' for the next subject.
I want them to learn HOW to think and reason and to question 'reality', authority, and 'facts'. (I suspect schools would not even want to teach that
as it may make crowd control more difficult.)
I want to be there to help them identify feelings, facts, and the detail that feelings are always valid and real yet they don't inherently and necessarily reflect reality. i want them to have time and mentoring to find ways to honor their feelings, and also learn how (and when) to add logic and stir. i want them to be exposed to people, beliefs, and actions that demonstrate the distinction between emotions and actions and how we can *choose* our actions in spite of our feelings, with intentional pondering and mentoring to help them decide when, how, and if they want to do that in their lives.
to me, those things are life skills far more valuable than learning the three "R's". they can learn academics anytime. first, and/or more importantly, i want to build a foundation about emotions and logic and help them to find their own beliefs and balance about that, with exposure to my beliefs as seeds i hope might sprout.
I want to choose their environment as much as possible when they are young so they aren't needing to deal with teachers who belittle or actually tease their students, and people whose
intentions and values I doubt. I want 'subjects' to include hiking, biking, contemplating life, being in
nature, and finding themselves, their hearts, their souls, and the connectedness of life. I want them to be able to speak their minds and open their hearts and trust their instincts, which involves having enough time to be allowed to FEEL your instincts and your heart. School and homework seem to take up so much time that we didn't think enough time would be left for the subjects that mattered more to us than the basic academics.
We want to be there to participate, help, and learn with them. We truly view education as just one part of living life. We live life and learn *with* them. I learn as much or more from them than they do from me. So that's why we homeschool....
And every one of these things can definitely be accomplished by involved and caring parents who do not homeschool. We just thought it would be happier and easier through unschooling, with an emphasis on *happier*. It's certainly not the only route. And every one of these reasons could be wrong.
My favorite time of day is when I'm talking with Sean and Jamie, laughing with Sean and Jamie, crying with Sean and Jamie, being with Sean and Jamie, learning with Sean and Jamie, and LIVING with Sean and Jamie. And that's why we homeschool....
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