You've got to move it move it

I'm tired of screwing around. I'm tired of feeling overwhelmed and whining about how much I have to do. It's bullshit. It's a lie I tell myself just about every day. If I really had too much to do, there would be some evidence of it in my life. I would miss work deadlines. I would let my family and friends down in other than momentary ways. I would stop saying "Yes" when we receive invitations, and I would stop coming up with cool things to do and see and experience. If I were as busy as I claim, I would have long since said, "ENOUGH."

What's true is that I spend HOURS of every week refreshing my inbox and stressing about how much I have to do. Without doing any of it.

A couple weeks ago I discovered the magic of living life in 15- or 20-minute increments. A friend reminded me that FlyLady has been recommending this for housecleaning for years, but I'm taking it farther. Think of all the things you can do effectively—even brilliantly—in 15 or 20 minutes. This morning, I have meditated, written my Morning Pages, cruised Facebook, answered email, exercised, and now written a blog post. Next on the agenda is my morning ablutions and, dare I say it, some actual FlyLady-style housecleaning instead of just my usual gold-medal whinging about housecleaning.

A body in motion tends to stay in motion. I know this. Perhaps if I can simply *move* instead of doing so much thinking about moving, I can finally take advantage of it.

NYR #1: I love you because

I have a friend who went to a psychology/self-improvement seminar once. The facilitator had everyone write on a sticky note a negative trait about themselves that they wished to improve. My friend wrote, "Judgmental." Then they all stuck their notes to their shirts and wandered around chatting with each other. After a bit, the facilitator asked people to talk about what that had been like, having their worst failings exposed in that way. A man stood up and said, "I was feeling okay until I talked to somebody whose tag said 'Judgmental'!"

Well, another of my friends, Crystal, posted this to Facebook about me the other day:

[I] was given many gifts in 2009. One was a statement made by Ronnie Maier. I said, "Ya'll love me anyway..." She replied, "We love you because..."

Those 4-words birthed an entire new story for my world. It was a moment where I realized that people will love me for exactly who I am and some won't love me at all and that I don't really want those people to love me anyway. I want people to love me for everything I am and chose to be. I can be loved simply because I am me.

I've brought this here to my blog because I, too, am subject to judgmentalism. We all are. It is both critical to our survival and the most prevalent and pain-inducing of our human frailties. But I want Crystal's words here to remind me that even our smallest interactions can have a profound effect on other people. Whether that effect is good or bad is largely under our control. In this case (a comment on someone's Facebook status), I said something loving, and it mattered. That feels really good!

But I wonder how many times I've caused pain during one of those small interactions. I wonder how many times I've neglected to offer someone the benefit of the doubt the way I know I do with unschoolers. I wonder how many times I've failed to love someone because. I wonder how many times I've done these things to myself.

All this wondering has led to my first resolution for 2010. I want to muffle the critic in my head, or at the very least disconnect her from my mouth. It comes down to a simple intention: Be kinder.