Harry Potter 7

There is a theory that the seven Harry Potter novels mirror the seven obstacles the kids faced in "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone." Here is Chloe's writeup on this theory. I found it really interesting.

"Fluffy, he's easy, the beginning, and all you need is some information and some help, and then you can work the rest out yourself. COS is organic, alive, like devil's snare, but also a deadly trap, pulling you in and killing you. POA is difficult, but it's a chase, trying to find people, catch them. and GOF is, as you noticed, a game. can't really figure out how the troll goes with OOP [note from Ronnie: perhaps the troll represents the death Harry must face in OOP]. HBP involves logic, figuring things out, putting together the pieces so you will know what to do, and then deciding you have to go on alone. and then DH is the real thing. what you've really been working towards the whole time. your goal, your destination. where the thing you're trying to get is so close all you have to do is reach out and take it.

"i don't even know if i believe this theory of course, but this is how it could be true."

The obstacles:

• Fluffy, the vicious, gigantic, three-headed dog
• Devil's Snare, a plant that wraps you up and suffocates you
• Winged keys, very fast moving, and only one will get you through the door
• A giant chessboard with living pieces that bash you over the head if you get captured
• A troll, huge, smelly and violent
• Several potions, some poisonous, with a logic problem to help you know which one to drink
• The mirror of Erised, a clever and seductive mirror that shows you the thing you most desire

We were in the crowd at the Borders at Alderwood Friday night, picking up our copy of the book. MJ went as Professor Trelawney, Chloe, as the Gray Lady (Ravenclaw's ghost), and I, as Archie, the wizard who thinks any old Muggle clothes will allow him to pass as a muggle. The girls looked great (and were very well received by the crowd at the costume judging), while I looked merely ridiculous.

Photo coming soon!

Thanks to Frank's kindly stop at Borders earlier in the day, we had a coveted orange armband, placing us in the first group of people to get books. This meant we were about 200th in line (no exaggeration).

We're completing our HP tradition and reading the book aloud together. Work is really getting in the way of that! But we have less than a third of it left after a snuggled-in weekend.

One more OCF picture

A photo of our group at the Oregon Country Fair:

From left to right:
Mary, Neebin, John, Qacei (with Hannah in hand), Ronnie, MJ, Donna, Chloe, Conor

To read Mary's beautiful post about releasing Hannah's ashes at the fair, click here. We have a packet of her ashes to release, too. I have a spot in mind for them, but Diana warned us not to get too attached to any one place; Hannah has her own ideas.

What unschooling looked like yesterday in MJ's words

One of the perils of being a working mom is that I sometimes get disconnected from what's happening at home. This is such a time, and since I wanted this month's "What unschooling looked like" post to be about a day at home instead of a day at the Oregon Country Fair, I had to ask the girls to describe their day for me. We picked yesterday.

Well, I've just received MJ's description of her day. She ought be be writing this blog! So, here's yesterday, in MJ's words:

Woke up with a sore throat, thought I had Chloe's cold, so I called in sick to Hope for Horses, but it wore off later. Watched Return of the Living Dead. Had a fight with Chloe over yogurt, of all things. Fight was resolved. Had pseudo White Castle burgers, continued the movie. Watched The Fifth Element and updated my profile on MySpace. At the same time. Yay for multitasking!

Then I got the brilliant idea to convince my still-sick sister to go to the thrift store with me. It took me quite a while and I composed a list of things I'd do if she came:

Things MJ Will Do If Chloe Goes to the Thrift Store
1. Buy her Toblerones
2. Buy her Things at the Store
3. A Fuckin' Happy Dance
4. Develop Contacts Within NASA and Send Her to the Moon
5. Write Another Chapter of My FanFic
6. Write 55 Pages of Vanguard in a Week
7. Let her Tug On My Piercings Once They're (Gotten and) Healed
8. Take her to get her Laptop Fixed
9. Take AMAZING MySpace Photos Of Her
10. Once her Laptop Is Fixed, I'll Make Her 4 AMVs With Songs of her Choosing
11. Help her look Fabulous (or not) On Any Day Of her Choosing . . . Ever
12. Dance With Her At Steve and Mary's Wedding
13. Watch .hack//SIGN, Deathnote, Tokyo Mew Mew and Any Others.
14. Help Her Write *Eight Days a Week* and *Madame Sarah's School For Strangers*
15. Stop Bugging her to Go to Concerts
16. Take her to IRELAND!!!
17. Find Loki and Make Friends.

She agreed and we got ready, went to the bank, crossed the street to the bus stop, waited, bought gum, waited, got on the bus and went to the Thrift Store. I looked for clothes for Rocky Horror and Chloe looked for dresses. She tried on two fancy ones and I took pictures. We shopped some more, added up how much we were spending and checked out. The guy that rang us up was the hot gay guy I saw at Pride. We chatted with him about Rocky Horror while we checked out. He said he liked my shirt (the one with the rib bird cage).

We left and got on the bus for home. We got off and went to the grocery to get the promised Toblerones (and to look for Vincente, Sexy Bagger Boy), but they had none. We got a Snapple and walked home. Chloe put on her dress and showed Alecia and Lilly [neighbors] and I showed them what I'd bought. Went inside, found the hot glue gun, and listened to Countdown while I glued, in tiny pearl beads, the letters D-A-N-C onto the red shoes I bought. In time, they'll say Dance the Blues. Checked MySpace. Sewed up a hole in my jeans, made the lace gloves I bought into fingerless lace gloves. Read FanFiction, drank Snapple, blah blahh blahhh.

Talked to Conor on MySpace for a while and I was made a Goddess. I declared that the 11th Commandment was 'Thou Shalt Watch Fight Club.' We talked anime, then I went to bed, but not before writing a journal entry about Cody, Alex Beam, and Conor. Woke up this morning and got on MySpace. Talked to Madelyn, tried to make plans for Rocky Votolato [rock band concert tonight], made plans for El Corazon [rock festival tomorrow night]. Downloaded a ton of music, listened to more, talked to Mom, showered. I have yet to eat. It's gonna be a good day.

Academic translation by Ronnie:
Clearly, writing was involved! :-)
Art of negotiation
Socializing and socialization and lots of it
Home ec
Art class
Current events
Math at the bank and while shopping

About MySpace:
Beyond its value for socializing, "playing" on MySpace leads to a lot of learning. To achieve the profile one desires, one might have to learn some HTML coding, look up facts, or do art projects (such as MJ's Visual DNA, a collage of images and words that illustrate her view of herself). And then there's the conversations! I stay out of her MySpace business for the most part, but I can give you two examples from my own recent MySpace cruising:
1) I joined a group called Grammar Geeks. We talk about grammar. It's really fun, really wonderful to be in the company of so many people who write well, and I've learned a few things I never knew.
2) Every so often, a quiz comes through. I recently got to think up a variety of words that start with the first letter of my name. It was challenging, creative, and fun, and I Googled a couple of different things in my effort to provide unique and interesting answers. (Using Google always leads to learning, in case you were unaware!)

About the movies:
"Return of the Living Dead" is a spoof zombie flick that contains lots of cultural reference jokes. MJ gets all the jokes. I've learned not to underestimate the value of this kind of knowledge! There are no ivory towers around here.

"The Fifth Element," besides being a visual treat and an entertaining movie, deals with some interesting themes: what it means to be human and whether sacrifices to preserve humanity are worthwhile.

Chloe's description is still forthcoming, so I might post more later.

Forgiveness

"Forgiveness is realizing that what you thought happened, didn't."

-- Byron Katie

Frank's not so happy Sunday

Frank spent Sunday prepping for his colonoscopy Monday a.m. He was not a happy camper!

But the bright side is, it went just fine, and he's done with *that* for a decade!

Happy hippie weekend

It was another busy weekend for us! This seems to be the developing theme of our summer — always something to do.

On Friday, the four of us went to the STUN gathering at Morgantown Park in Snohomish. This turned out to be a really nice spot (I picked it pretty much at random from the Snohomish Parks Department Web site), with access to the Pilchuck River. We spent pretty much the whole time in the river, which was about two feet deep all the way across. We waded in the river, played frisbee in the river, skipped rocks in the river, played improvised softball in the river, and had nice conversations in the river. Fun!

Friday night, the girls and I piled into the van and drove down to Eugene, Oregon. We spent Saturday hanging around town (one of MJ's favorite places) and going to their Saturday Market, then on Sunday we headed out to the Oregon Country Fair. What a wild, wonderful experience! It's a real hippie haven, with lots of happy people, new-age and age-of-Aquarius wisdom, arts and crafts, music, dancing, people watching, and liberal politicking. Fascinating place! And it was interesting how many people knew each other there. Thousands of people, small community. A frequent overheard greeting: Are you having a good fair?

My favorite thing—absolute favorite, can't wait to experience it again—was the Drum Tower. A couple dozen people, using a variety of drums and percussion instruments, sit together and DRUM, baby! "Drum circle" doesn't describe it; there are bleachers and benches and a dusty dancing area in the middle, and none of these people has rehearsed with the others. The energy was amazing, a tangible thing, and the gradual, synchronous shifts in rhythm were astonishing. I could have spent the whole day soaking it up. If we go back next year, it will be with a drum!

The downsides of the day were twofold: One, Chloe fell ill, suddenly covered with goosebumps despite the 85-degree heat. She spent most of the afternoon sleeping in the van (and is still under the weather today). And two, we got separated from and didn't get to see much of the Golds, our Corvallis unschooling buddies and the organizers of LIFE is Good. We spent the morning running into each other even when we'd separated, so I got casual about it when I left to take Chloe back to the car and didn't arrange a meeting place. That was the last I saw of Mary and Jon, although I did manage to locate MJ again eventually! As one woman told me, that's the fair for you!

Some photos:





Here are some more photos, on Mary's blog post from the 2006 fair. I bought a card-sized print of the fire people. Love it!

Family news from New Orleans

Judy and Gary have found some Wednesday help with Marty: Lori! She wanted some extra work, and J&G are thrilled to have someone they know will take excellent care of Marty. Now J&G can more easily get some weekly errands done, schedule appointments for themselves, and maybe even have the occasional date. Hurray!

Lots of weekend news from here, too, but I have to run. More later!

A small rant about spelling and grammar checkers

I hate to break it to you, dear readers, but you can't trust your spell-checker. I've spent today writing in Microsoft Office Word and being disgusted with the number of things it tells me are wrong that are actually correct. Here are a few examples:

Word thinks "noninventory" is misspelled. Actually, Word thinks just about any word starting with "non" that doesn't have a hyphen in there is misspelled. This is simply not the case. The Chicago Manual of Style and the American Heritage Dictionary agree: "non" words are nonhyphenated unless:

• The hyphen is arguably needed for legibility (non-native)
• The "non" comes before an already modified compound
  (non-English-speaking)
• The non is part of a Latin phrase (non sequitur)

Watch out for this sort of spell-checker confusion whenever you're using a prefix. Chicago says compounds made from all of these prefixes should be closed (no hyphen, no space) in most cases: ante, anti, bi, bio, co, counter, extra, infra, inter, intra, macro, meta, micro, mid, mini, multi, neo, non, over, post, pre, pro, proto, pseudo, re, semi, socio, sub, super, supra, trans, ultra, un, and under.

Word has as much it's and its confusion as the next guy. Word told me that "it's" in the following sentence should be "its".

The file is not ready for review, but it's close.

This is simply not the case. That "it's" would only be "its" if I were talking about the close (of business, of the letter).

"It's" is a contraction standing for "it is." The verb that is tucked in there means "it's" tends to come before adjectives ("it's hot") or gerunds ("it's going to be another hot day tomorrow"). It's active or descriptive.

"Its" is about possession and always comes before nouns (although the nouns might be modified by an adjective first, as in "I was distracted by its faulty reasoning"). It's its own thing.

Word can't handle a little creative writing. Finally, Word is forever getting lost in my sentences and telling me my subjects and verbs do not agree, when clearly they do. Of course, this one might be just the tiniest bit my fault for writing such long sentences. :-)

Anyway, the point is, don't turn off the spell-checker or grammar-checker in your head. If you think the checker in your software is mistaken about something, you just might be right! Get a second opinion!

P.S. I should clarify something. It is not that Word actually thinks "non-inventory" is preferable to "noninventory." There are simply too many possible "non" words for all of them to be in Word's dictionary. So, it doesn't recognize "noninventory" at all, but when you type "non-inventory" instead, it recognizes "non-" as a prefix that is in the dictionary, and it determines that "inventory" is spelled correctly. I don't know why it doesn't recognize "non" as a prefix without the hyphen; that was evidently too much refinement for the developers to cope with.

I should also point out (or maybe I just want to) that if you previously had blind faith in your word processor's spell-checker, you're not alone! I've had professional writers and editors tell me I was misspelling a word because Word didn't recognize it. That's one for the pet peeves file.

Ninety!

The Pacific Northwest is HOT, baby!

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Free Hugs

Have you seen someone (like maybe one of my daughters) carrying around a big "FREE HUGS" sign? This is why:



Juan Mann started it all, now it's spreading all over the world. Look at
all these Free Hugs videos! Korea, New York, Hollywood, China, Amsterdam, Romania, Spain, Italy, Canada, Seattle (of course!), and thousands more.

Free Hugs Campaign Home Page

We could be rich!

Big BHD news!!! Check out this auction for the 45 that the Better Half Dozen released in ~1966.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=260135070483&ssPageName=ADME:B:EF:US:2

Scroll down a bit to see just how rich we could be (if we could ever bring ourselves to part with this cherished item in our record collection).

Learning all the time

I'm having a good time reading on this site:

http://www.religioustolerance.org/

From their "Our beliefs" page:
As of 2006-JAN, we consist of one Atheist, Agnostic, Christian, Wiccan and Zen Buddhist. Thus, the OCRT staff lack agreement on almost all theological matters: belief in a supreme being, the nature of God, interpretation of the Bible and other holy texts, whether life after death exists and what form it takes, etc.

Helloooo, baaaby!

More on teens

I love this quote from one of Sandra Dodd's teen pages.

"Teens who were always unschooled *know* things that other people don't know. My children, for example, know one can learn to read without being taught. They don't think it, kind of believe it, or have a theory about it. They know that it's possible to be honest and trust your parents. They know it's possible for a fourteen year old girl to hang out with her older brothers pleasantly and at their request. They understand why those with unlimited TV in their own rooms can go a long time without turning it on, or why they might want to leave it on to sleep. They have years of experience with the fact that someone with the freedom to choose to stay awake will get sleepy at some point and want to go to bed and sleep. They all understand when it's worth going to sleep even though fun things are going on, and they know how to decide when it's worth setting an alarm to get up.

"There are many adults who don't know those things."

A quote and a wish

The quote:
“There is no argument worthy of the name that will justify the union of the Christian religion with the State. Every consideration of justice and equality forbids it. Every argument in favor of free Republican institutions is equally an argument in favor of a complete divorce of the State from the Church. History in warning tones tells us there can be no liberty without it. Justice demands it. Public safety requires it. He who opposes it is, whether he realizes it or not, an enemy of freedom.”

-- Benjamin Underwood, "The Practical Separation of Church & State," an address to the 1876 Centennial Congress of Liberals

The wish:
That one of these days, we won't have to talk about the separation of church and state any more because it will be a lasting fact of life.

More about Benjamin

Now you can see LIFE is Good

Oh, what a happy discovery! Now you can see how much fun the LIFE is Good conference was!



Frank and his guitar and I are in an early scene, and I spotted my good buddy Mera and STUNning Michelle. There is unfortunately not any footage of the stairwells, so I don't think you'll spot MJ or Chloe. Let me know if you do!

A billion thanks to Fergus' dad for posting this! And a billion more thanks to EccentricSimplicity for bringing it to my attention. It took me right back into the boundless heart of LIFE is Good.

The cure for Adultitis

Are you stuck in a rut, bored with your life, perpetually grumpy, or otherwise excessively adult? You might suffer from Adultitis. Take the quiz and find out.

Regardless of your diagnosis, you might enjoy the cure. Read about the 40-day Challenge Escape Plan.

Blog ring

In case you haven't noticed, this blog is now part of the LIFE is Good blog ring. To enjoy the wonderfully varied blogs of other unschoolers, click the Previous and Next links in the LIFE is Good Tribe Member box at right. The behavior is a little random right now (or stochastic, as Frank would say), but Mary is working on that.

Adding labels

I've spent some time today adding labels to the blog. (Once an indexer, always an indexer.) Scroll down to see the list of labels in the sidebar at right, then click a label to see related posts. I've got more than 200 posts on this blog, so I may not have applied the labels to everything that needs them, but it's a work in progress. Feel free to let me know if I've missed something.

Some notes:

• The sailing label is (in theory) on posts about sailing rather than posts about hurricanes. I can understand your confusion on this issue when it comes to this particular blog, but I tried to separate the two. See the katrina and hurricanesother labels if you want storm stuff.
• The unschoolingtoday label is for my monthly "What unschooling looked like today" posts. These come out approximately mid-month.
• I think the entertainments, photos, and quotes labels are particularly fun. You get a real hodge-podge with those.

Send label suggestions if you expected to find something and didn't! Enjoy!

Marty and Molly

A photo stolen from one of Jerry's MySpace photo albums.

Skiing in Dubai

Aunt Jorene sent an e-mail about this place. Amazing!

http://www.snopes.com/photos/architecture/indoorski.asp

And on a lighter "Firefly" note

All you fans of the Big Damn Series, Big Damn Movie, and our lovable Big Damn Heroes might enjoy the Big Damn Site.

South Park Jayne cracked me up.

And as long as I'm link-happy, here are some more:

http://browncoats.com/
http://www.fireflywiki.org/
http://www.myspace.com/nathanfillion
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=147037658 (Jewel Staite's MySpace page)

I am Dua Khalil

http://whedonesque.com/comments/13271

The link above is to an essay by Joss Whedon on the recent "honor" (????) killing of 17yo Dua Khalil, while dozens looked on and even videotaped but did nothing to help her. Joss is the creator of (among other things) our much-loved "Firefly" TV series. Here, he gets political—or perhaps simply human.

If you want to watch the horrific video—and maybe we all owe it to this girl to at least look head-on at what was done to her—the video is available here.

You can help! Speak out against violence against women. Contribute. Join the I Am Dua Khalil awareness campaign. Use your online presence to publicize the essay or story above, or simply link to my blog.

I am Dua Khalil, and I refuse to accept honor killings and the inequality of women as an acceptable status quo.

Bravo, Keith

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19588942/

Watch and understand why I wasn't waving an American flag yesterday.

Just the facts

Once we thought the earth was flat

What of that?

It was just as globos then

Under believing men

As our later folks have found it,

By success in running round it;

What we think may guide our acts,

But it does not alter facts.

...............

-- Charlotte Perkins Gilman

To learn more about Charlotte, visit this Freethought of the Day page.

On enjoying teenagers

The other day, I was on my office phone working a transportation deal that involved some intensive juggling, car swapping, backtracking, and a number of teenagers. When I finished wrangling, I hung up and let out a heartfelt "Phew!" Then I commented to my officemate that having two teenagers is sometimes rather complicated. She said she imagined so, then I added, "But it's more fun that I thought it would be!" Even without knowing my history, this comment surprised her. She, like so many of us, has bought into our cultural animosity toward the breed: Teenagers are dangerous and scary.

It was this general state of fear and loathing that led me to regard my own children's adolescence with apprehension—even before they had been conceived. MJ recently uncovered a piece of paper that apparently dates back to the early years of my relationship with Frank. On it, I had listed the pros and cons of having kids, and the teenager thing made the Cons list (one of the few cons I, as a rabid kid-lover, had been able to come up with). Needless to say, we carried on with the baby-making even with the dreaded horrors of puberty looming ahead. MJ arrived in all her glory and I was thrilled.

And then came The Talk Show. When MJ was two months old and cousin Chelsea was a newborn, my sister-in-law, Denise, and I were having a little visit, each with infant in arms. The TV was on in the background, and some talk show came on. The topic of the day was teenage girls who hate their mothers. We listened to the venom spewing out of the mouths of those girls and their moms, looked from the TV set to our sleeping cherubs, and then looked at each other in horror. Ohmigod, is that what's in store for us?

And thus began for me a years-long stretch of what-ifs and how-can-we-avoids. Books like Reviving Ophelia and Odd Girl Out both hurt and helped my state of mind: they vehemently, painstakingly confirmed that I had Something to Fear while at the same time offering a glimmer of hope that school was at least part of the problem. Aha! I didn't have any real hope that I'd be able to avoid an adversarial relationship with my future teen girls, but school—and in particular the red flag danger zone of middle school—we could do something about. Our tentative homeschooling plan was born.

As most of you know, that homeschooling-for-middle-school plan has evolved into an unschooling-from-3rd-grade-on plan. What you may not know is what it's meant for my relationship with my daughters, including Chiara. And all their friends. And teenagers everywhere.

I found out something fascinating! Did you know that teenagers are PEOPLE?! Yes, really! It's the most amazing thing! They have ideas and interests and opinions, insecurities and hopes and dreams. They tell me things I never knew ALL THE TIME. They introduce me to people and places and experiences I would have missed otherwise. And it takes so little effort to make friends with them, I'm embarrassed for adults everywhere who freeze up when faced with a teen to talk to. As a group, teenagers are the most creative people I know, with eager brains and compassionate hearts. And all they really want from us is respect.

Why is this such a well-kept secret?

I think the answer is this: Most adults do not want to give teenagers any respect. It's inconvenient. It's not how we were raised. It's scary. And the simple fact is that it seems easier to just lay down the law. "My way or the highway" and "As long as you live under my roof."

Of course, that is exactly false. It is that attitude right there that leads almost inevitably to that adversarial relationship I so feared, a relationship that is stressful, difficult, and time-consuming in the extreme, one that often leads to lifelong damage and expensive psychotherapy.

There is an alternative! The main thing I had to do to become what I am now—a parent who is thoroughly enjoying her teenagers and who feels privileged to be a part of this great adventure they're on—was to learn to really listen to my kids. For years, I have made an effort to put myself in their shoes in every situation, to see through their eyes. And now that they're teenagers, I try to remember that it is their job right now to expand their own horizons and build their own lives.

That knowledge of their quest makes every decision a simple one—not always easy, but simple. It is not my timetable that matters, it's theirs. Any attempt I make to hold them back from what they feel ready for is going to lead to resentment, anger, secrets, and fights. Sometimes what they're ready for isn't comfortable for me. Sometimes it takes tremendous courage for me to set that discomfort aside and trust what they know. But I do it, because it's not about me. It's about them, and it's about saying "yes" to the steps they want to take.

MJ feels ready to hang out with 17 and 18 year olds. (Deep breath, you'll call me if there's drinking and you need a ride, okay, yes.) Chloe feels ready to walk the neighborhood alone. (Deep breath, you have the cellphone, okay, yes.) MJ feels ready to see an intimate documentary about an illegal drug. (Deep breath, you can talk to me if any of it is upsetting, okay, yes.) Chloe feels ready to experiment with haircolor. (Deep breath, you understand hair dye is permanent, okay, yes.)

It's about reexaming my own attitudes about... oh, everything. Sure, I have my own experiences, my own lessons learned, and I do my best to share my nuggets of wisdom with them. But when it comes to their lives, I am the ignorant one. I am the learner. I don't really know this world they live in; it isn't the same world I lived in when I was their age. I don't really know what's best for them. All I know for sure is that my girls will always tell me how it is and what they need from me.

Contrary to popular wisdom, my job is not to set limits. I don't have to restrict their exploration or make judgments about their choices or set curfews or punish them for transgressions against my arbitrary rules. Instead, my job is to work with them to recognize the principles that we all want to live by, principles of trust, respect, honor, legality, and good manners. My job is to support them, to listen, to be available, and, yes, to arrange transportation. My job is to offer resources and time and nuggets and—rarely—a shoulder when one of them discovers she's made a bad choice.

Yeah, that's a lot of jobs! :-) I'm working pretty hard, and sometimes it gets complicated. But we're all having a good time! No venom here. And I'm doing my best to spread the word: Teenagers are fun!

Stolen photo: MJ at the Spaghetti Feast

I posted back in May about MJ's stint working the annual Sons of Italy Spaghetti Feast charity fundraiser. Here's a photo, ruthlessly swiped from Erin's blog. That's my brother, Chris, on the left.

MJ's Summerhill

Today, Frank and I were very pleased to finally be in a position to do something special for MJ! After consulting with my cousin—Seattle professional photographer extraordinaire Cory Parris—we went shopping for the perfect digital SLR. (Okay, perfect in our price range.) MJ liked the feel and function of the Nikon D40, which was second on Cory's recommendation list after the Canon EOS Digital Rebel XT, but the Nikon was a bit lighter, fit her hands better, and had a more intuitive menu.

We got home from the store about two minutes ago. Being electronics savvy, MJ popped in the memory card and battery and headed immediately outside to learn by doing. That's an unschooler for you!

Update 9:30 p.m—Some early shots:

8 more things about me

I keep coming up with "I should have used that!" ideas for that "8 things about me" post. Here are eight more:

9. Standing ovations make me cry.

10. I would often rather watch a movie I've seen before and loved than try a new one. Same deal with books. Comfort entertainment. And introducing other people to my old favorites is always a thrill.

11. I have recently discovered caramel Frappucinos, which pretty much makes me part of the Starbucks Nation. This is not an entirely happy development, since I had previously taken some pride in being a coffee rebel in the town where it all started. But it's not my fault! MJ and her friend Kyla, the rotten pushers, are the ones who gave me my first-one's-free sample.

12. I realized recently—thanks to a MySpace personality quiz sent by nephew Eric—that I no longer own a single t-shirt bearing the name of a rock band. This, too, is not an entirely happy development. I'd better head for Hot Topic!

13. The first boy I ever kissed was Jeff Wenzel in the 2nd grade. He lived on the next street over from me, and we used to walk to school together. I evidently had good taste in men even then: I met Jeff again at our 10-year high school reunion (some years ago now), and he's still a really nice guy, dad to a couple of girls, living back east somewhere.

14. I'm terribly appearance conscious. It's a perpetual struggle for me to overcome that enough to live my life the way I want to live it. I've been pretty successful, I think, but the struggle goes on.

15. I think it's immoral to: send a child to school against her will, drive a gas-guzzler, protest abortion while interfering with conception-prevention programs, hit a child, torture a prisoner, smoke in a crowd (unless it's a crowd of smokers), leave your dog's poop on my lawn, suspend habeas corpus, hog the left lane, water your lawn in such a way that the water runs down the sidewalk or street, buy an "American" car on principle even when it's manufactured in Mexico, restrict a kid's speech, park so you're crowding another car, talk about doing God's will when you're sanctioning war or murder or cruelty (or any combination of the three), or wear white after Labor Day. (This is far being from an exhaustive list, and that last is a joke!)

16. Two of my all-time favorite scenes from movies and literature are:

• Bartleby's orientation speech in "Accepted"
• Fred and George's flamboyant departure from Hogwarts in "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"

...

On testing

I have lots stored up to say about standardized testing someday. For now, you can read this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rick-ayers-/testing-and-competition_b_54216.html

Long live John McClane!

The STUN group gives "Live Free or Die Hard" an assortment of thumbs up! We all really enjoyed this movie. Sure, it's a sequel, but it's a *good* sequel, arguably better than the two sequels that came before it. And it makes for a fun trip to the movies, especially in such good company!

WWFSMD?

Frank and I found the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster site wildly entertaining. (Thanks, Zenmomma!) Frank says he's a convert. At long last, it's the definitive response to Intelligent Design.

Click here to see our favorite church t-shirt.

Pride in Seattle

MJ and I have just returned home from the Pride Parade and Festival in downtown Seattle. It was a pretty fun morning. Neither of us had been before, so we got to see what it's all about. In a nutshell, that's community, equality, fun, and a good dose of fabulous. :-)

We got downtown about 10:30 and parked near good ol' (now defunct) Book Publishing Company, where Frank and I met lo these many years ago. MJ and I walked through Denny Park, Seattle's first park, where Frank and I announced our engagement to our coworkers of the time. Nice memories! It was raining lightly as we strolled down Westlake to the parade route, but that soon stopped, and the weather cooperated for the rest of our visit.

We met some nice folks along the parade route, a woman and her partner who were eventually joined by a man and his partner. Those two turned out to be the only men in our immediate vicinity. This meant that we heard more whooping and hollering for the attractive women in the parade than we did for the guys, but I think MJ and I found the guys the most entertaining. The more flamboyant, the better! One of our favorites was a man who wasn't even in the parade; he merely ran out to throw a donation into the big rainbow flag that was carried by at one point. But what a run he had! We cheered wildly for him, much to his amusement.

Another favorite was the guy who was wearing a gigantic hoop skirt decorated with balloons. His outfit was enhanced (and possibly endangered) by the fact that he was on ten-foot stilts! And then there was the gorgeous guy, riding shirtless on the backseat of his partner's motorcycle. And, of course, there was "Mom" Finley, doing the announcing in drag just half a block from us. He even managed a costume change at one point, but we were too far away to see how that was accomplished.

After the parade, we joined the crowd hiking down to Seattle Center for the festival (greatly scaled back after a significant financial snafu last year). We made one frantic (on my part) stop at a little bakery on 4th. I said, "Do you have a bathroom if I buy something?" Fortunately, the answer was in the affirmative! Relieved, and with croissant in hand, we rejoined the crowd. And a colorful crowd it was, too. Rainbows were everywhere, and lots of Mardi Gras beads, and people and dogs in feather boas. We saw one itty-bitty dog in a furry pink sweater terrorizing a dog three times her size.

The only "off" note in the whole day: the so-called Christian group with their signs and bullhorns telling all the gays they're going to Hell. I didn't find it very Christ-like behavior, and it was definitely in stark contrast to the six or seven mainstream church groups who marched in the parade promoting their "open and affirming" congregations. But a couple of women were doing their best to silence the hate messages by standing beneath the protest leader's soapbox, screaming at the tops of their lungs. They were doing a pretty good job of it; I'm sure they'll be quite hoarse tonight.

Anyway, it was a fun and educational day. It didn't rock me the way the Komen Walk did, but I had a good time. It's always nice to be back in Seattle. We miss living there!

Verity dances

Here's a friend's daughter, showing us her moves.

http://thebluchers.typepad.com/veritys_pages/2007/06/verity-dances.html

Bouts of appreciation

Credit where credit is due: I've stolen both the title and the idea for this blog post from unschooling dad and writer Arun in Australia. I hope he doesn't mind!

On June 14th, Arun said, "...but i still try to remember my old morning trips [past the cemetery] to spur me into bouts of appreciation," and then went on to beautifully express his appreciation for his partner and children. Here's my go.

For Frank...

• that he can create hilarious song lyrics as he sings them.


• that he's there for us in spite of the heavy load he carries (see his 8 things comment).


• that he never stops looking for fun and adventure.


• that he always goes along with my brainstorms and even enjoys them...usually.

For MJ...

• that she covers every inch of her walls with images she loves.


• that she is never too busy to help me with my new MySpace page.


• that she must have music wherever she goes but plays stuff from the 80's sometimes to make me happy.


• that she constantly pushes past her own boundaries (and takes us with her).

For Chloe...

• that she's always -- ALWAYS -- ready to laugh, even when she's crying.


• that she can talk about manga at light speed, indefinitely.


• that she loves being awake alone at night but hates it when I go to bed.


• that she gives the best back scratches in the 'verse.

Gremlins

I am so frustrated! From overly complex password resets, to tech guys who repeatedly send links to Web pages that don't answer my question, to a bizarro phone problem that keeps me from calling home ('though I can call any other number in the world), my day has been pocked with problems.

Can I go home now?

Positive discipline vs. unschooling

I've been "fussing" ever since I posted that recommendation for "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen. So here's a clarification.

If you are using traditional parenting (e.g., punishments), your life, your child's life, and your relationship with your child will be Vastly Improved if you use positive discipline.

If you are already using positive discipline, you're ready for the next step! Just BE with your child. Say "yes" all the time. Look at your child with love. Have fun together. Be a team. Read Parenting a Free Child, which is an even better book.

And if you are using traditional parenting and you're ready to hit a home run, skip "Positive Displine" and go straight to "Parenting a Free Child."

Chiara's arrival date!

Chiara bought her plane tickets!!! She'll be arriving 7/27 and staying for a month!!! We're so excited!!!

A dream of a happy family

I dreamt last night that I pulled into a gas station behind a woman (my younger self?) who was at her wit's end coping with two toddlers. She was feeling such despair over her inability to control them, and I was able to empathize completely. For too long, Frank and I were lost, bombarded with all of the traditional parenting advice plus kinder, gentler, newer advice that directly contradicted all that. Faced with kids who were increasingly unhappy, we were left feeling pretty unhappy ourselves and helpless to change it. I remember feeling so frustrated with all the conflicting advice. If you're not supposed to spank and you're not supposed to use timeouts, then what do you do?!

There is an answer! We found it in a wonderful book called "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen. For us, PD was only the beginning—it started us on a path of respecting our kids that ultimately led to unschooling—and now I don't think it goes far enough. But it's a place to start if you—like the mom in my dream—are unhappy with your current discipline routine.

[Caveat #1, to the unschoolers in my audience: I know. I know. But it's a start.]

First, I want you to know that with PD, you parents will get your own way most of the time. That is, your kids will "behave," and they will be changed, dressed, fed, and groomed more or less when you want them to be. They will even be reasonably happy about it. No more fights! No more power struggles!

With that said, you will have the most success if you can go into this with the goal of making your kids happier. If your goal is getting your own way, you'll see some initial success and then problems will crop up. Kids can sense when they're being manipulated; they'll respond better in the long term if you're not trying to trick them into doing what you want.

Basic principles
[Caveat #2: I strongly recommend reading Jane Nelsen's book. I am only nutshelling here.]

CHOICES
You will be amazed at the difference it will make in your life if your toddler has choices every step of the way. "Do you want to get dressed now or after breakfast?" "Do you want oatmeal or scrambled eggs?" "Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red shirt?" "Do you want to wear a diaper or a pull-up?" "Do you want to stand up while I change your diaper or lie down?" It can go on and on.

It sounds time consuming, I know. But you'll be exchanging all those questions for the power struggles you're having now. It's much faster and MUCH more fun!

With all this new control over his life, and seeing your genuine interest in giving him the control he desires, the fight will go out of him. You'll be partners instead of adversaries.

NATURAL AND LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
The other important concepts in PD are natural and logical consequences. For almost everything, you can present your toddler with a logical consequence. These should be be Related, Respectful, and Reasonable—the three R's.

For example, if he throws a toy, you say, "If you throw the toy, it has to go in timeout." Then if he throws it again, you say, "Okay, we're going to put this toy up on top of the refrigerator for ten minutes." The consequence is logical because it's related to the offense, respectful in that he was informed what the consequence would be (and treated kindly both in the informing and the execution), and reasonable in that putting the toy in timeout is not excessively punitive. He has other toys.

{Side note: As an alternative to imposing consequences at all, you could take him outside where he can throw the toy all he wants!}

With natural consequences, the child is allowed to experience what naturally happens as a consequence of her action or choice. I'll use a wonderful example from the book. A little girl announced one winter day that she was going swimming in the kiddie pool in the backyard. Her grandmother watched as she changed into her swimsuit, marched outside, and plopped her bottom down into the chilly water in the pool. Then she stood right back up again, said "It's much too cold for swimming," and came inside to warm up. There was no need for the grandmother to dissuade her, prohibit her, or even warn her (although I would have warned her). There was certainly no need for the grandmother to punish her. I imagine the icy water accomplished that all on its own! :-)

Another example: Imagine you have a kid who simply hates to have his diaper changed, who throws hissy fits at each and every diaper change. First I want to remind you that you will have FAR fewer battles over diaper changing once he has all those choices mentioned above! But let's say there's a day where he's not going for any of the choices and it's past time to leave for daycare. I think your first step is offering one last choice: "Do you want to have your diaper changed now or in the car at daycare?" If even that won't fly, then you can say, "If you won't let me change your diaper, your bottom might get sore," or "If you keep wearing that smelly diaper, the car will stink!" Give him the chance to avoid the consequence, and if he chooses not to, then let him experience the consequence! Comfort yourself with "What's the worst that could happen?" If your daycare people object to his arriving with a dirty diaper, offer them an extra couple of bucks for each morning it happens. So, the worst case would be $10 a week in exchange for a much more positive relationship with your son. A small price to pay!

Another alternative would be to set up a logical consequence that is just unpleasant enough to be motivating. "We can't go inside the daycare until your diaper is clean, so we'll just sit here in the car until you're ready for me to change it." Then make the car as boring a place as possible. Hum a little song to keep yourself from cajoling or arguing with him and just SIT. I'll wager he'll be ready to cooperate in less than five minutes.

RECOVERY
We all have days where we lose it. We say mean things, stomp around in a huff, or dole out punishments that are too harsh. It is SO important to recover from those bad moments. Apologize to your child! Give her a chance to tell you how you hurt her. See her side. Take steps to handle things better when/if there's a next time.

Another good resource
You might also enjoy "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It contains so many wonderful tips for communicating with your kids, presented in a clear, easy-to-browse format. One of my favorite tips for toddlers is writing down what they want. It's amazing how powerful the written word is! One of my nieces was ready to melt down once because she wanted to come to my house and couldn't. I whipped out a piece of paper and wrote, "Madison wants to come over soon." She calmed right down! And I made sure to follow through with an invite a few days later. This tip works really well at the toy store, too—simply make a list of all the cool toys your child desires. The list itself is pretty satisfying. (Just make sure you in no way imply that list equals promise to buy!)

Another example is the upset child. Reflective listening works SO well. When one of my girls was really upset, simply having me say something understanding—such as, "You're really sad about this"—would calm her faster than any attempt at rationalizing away her feelings or distracting her from them. In Chloe's case, after having her emotion named, she'd cry harder for about ten seconds, and then she'd be done. Poof. There was usually no need for me to fix anything, or make anything up to her, or do much of anything but hug her.

Speaking of which...

When in doubt, HUG
This is an instant remedy for a power-struggle moment. Just hug your kid. I used to sing "One, Two, Buckle My Shoe" while I hugged my toddler, swaying back and forth. After two times through the song, we'd both be calm enough to find a mutually acceptable solution.

And if all else fails, GIVE IN
I'm not talking about spoiling your tantrum-throwing child here. I'm talking about recognizing that a kid who is arguing with you THAT passionately, even after you've respectfully explained your difficulties with his plan/desire/choice and offered reasonable alternatives, is telling you loud and clear that This Is Really Important to Him. Respect that! Make it happen!

One of the biggest flaws of traditional parenting is the idea that the parents' needs and desires come first. Who died and made you king or queen? Instead, just go along with what your kids want. It's good for you! It will take you wonderful places you never imagined going and show you that kids know best a lot of the time.

One example: We weren't bothered by the rainfall Saturday night, because MJ insisted on backing into our slot at the drive-in (even though I really wanted to sit in my seat).

Another example: I got to go to England.

Listen to your kids! :-)

What unschooling looked like this weekend

The chosen unschooling day for this month is Saturday, June 16th, but I'll include Friday and Sunday, just 'cause fun stuff went on then, too.

Friday
MJ went with me to work. While I did my "chores," she hung out in a nearby empty office, listening to music, reading, and writing, then the two of us went to cousin Sonya's for a product party. Sonya's friend Sarah is selling Body Shop items, with the focus of this party being our fabulous feet. So, MJ and I did the beauty thang for a couple of hours, soaking and slathering our feet, and then (in my case) spending what was probably a silly amount of money on lotions. We'll see what I end up actually using. :-)

Conversation at the party covered a wide range of subjects: free trade, product testing on animals, child-rearing philosophies, the "terrible" twos (I have never found them terrible), Sonya stories (I had the best ones, since—except for her mom, Grace—I was the one there who has known Son longest), recent Popes, Germany (there were a couple German women there), international moves, and Catholic marriage and annulment rules.

Hmm. I have no idea how Chloe spent her day. Well, I have some idea—I'm sure it included reading, writing, and/or activities on the laptop—but I don't know exactly. Okay, I asked her. Friday evening, she watched "Shop Around the Corner" with Frank, and then she spent the night watching "Inuyasha" anime and Akira Kurosawa's "Seven Samurai"—the latter having been inspired by her recent passion for eating ramen, added to a mention of Toshiro Mifune (one of the stars of "Seven Samurai" and Japan's greatest film samurai) in one of her manga books. She also read and wrote fanfiction.

Saturday
MJ and I got up early, grabbed Chloe (who was still up), and hustled down to Qwest Field for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. What a great time! We joined the 5K walk (there are also competitive runs) and found ourselves part of a phenomenal crowd of people. We got to the start line about 20 minutes early (despite being definite last-minute registrants), so it wasn't until we had hiked up the viaduct and could look back that we got to see exactly what we were involved in. There was a sea of pink and white shirts as far as the eye could see! The turnout was tremendous! I think half of Seattle was there!

The course goes up onto the Alaskan Way Viaduct, with all its great views of the waterfront, West Seattle, the ferries, and the Sound, and then loops back down around to the party at Qwest Field. Being up on the viaduct was really fun. When they weren't walking arm in arm with me, the girls were right up on the side ledge, looking down at the waterfront and (on the return half) the walkers coming up behind us. We waved like madwomen and watched all the amazing people: men, women, and kids of all ages, races, religions, and sexual orientation, with most people wearing hot pink signs bearing the names of the breast cancer survivors and victims they were walking to honor. We saw teams from businesses, the Teamsters, a mosque, and a bunch of family-and-friend groups. Very inspiring! You can all count on being invited to join our team next year!

Jean Enersen, a local newswoman, was one of the masters of ceremony. She said Seattle has both a higher-than-average breast cancer rate and a higher-than-average cure rate (90%!). And the race brings in more than two million dollars!

After the race, we enjoyed the Seattle Seahawks Blue Thunder drumcorp at the finish line, then wandered inside the stadium for the rare treat of being down on the football field. There was a big band orchestra playing, and the field was dotted with sponsor booths where some fun free stuff was available: bagels and water from the organizers, Yoplait yogurt, key chains from the Boeing credit union, signed Seagals posters, pink bracelets from the Shane Co., and Swedish Fish from Swedish Hospital.

We returned home (after a quick indulgence stop at Starbucks—love those caramel Frappucinos!), had a moment's rest, and then got ready for a swimming party. One of MJ's volleyball teammates hosted a little bash at her family's indoor pool. We all enjoyed each other's tasty food contributions, the kids and the coach swam for hours, the rest of us chatted, and a visitor dog ended up nearly getting stuck in the oily, smelly mud of the nearby slough. Great fun!

Chloe napped some at the party, which I'm sure the other parents found a bit odd, but then I found their school stories a bit odd, too. One girl on the team was recently punished by the school for a "Step 4" offense, meaning an offense that is worse than Steps 1 through 3. Other Step 4 offenses include things like vandalism and assault. She was humiliated in front of the whole school and prohibited from attending the last school dance, and her parents were asked to come in for a conference. Her offense? Chewing gum on her way off school property at the end of the day.

Another mom talked about the wasted time spent at her daughter's school on some loosey-goosey behavior review. Kids are given the opportunity to publicly tattle on any other kids who interfered with their schooling, then the accused kids get disciplined, and a note is sent home to their parents that says they didn't "make their day." The mom says the system is rife with flaws, including excessive tattling by certain kids and the fact that students spend half an hour a day or more on this process, which amounts to 90 hours each school year!

The girls and Frank and I discussed all this in depth on the way home.

After a quiet hour or two at home—Frank and Chloe napped, MJ and I watched TV—we went out to the drive-in picture show. Going to the drive-in is always a fun family evening marred by inconsiderate moviegoers (headlights and engines on during the show, cigarette smoke wafting into our car, people leaving early to avoid the exit line that can also be avoided by waiting five minutes after the end, etc.), and last night was no exception. Also, the movies were, at best, mindless entertainment ("Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" and "Ocean's Thirteen"). But no regrets! We pulled the van in backward, lifted the hatch, and sprawled on cushions and pillows in a big heap of Maiers. The back door makes a great rainshield, too!

There was an SUV full of kids in the stall next to us. They were cleancut and attractive, around 16 or 17 years old, wearing Hollister t-shirts and blowing their lungs away on clouds of cigarette smoke. Sad.

We got home about 2 a.m. and collapsed into our beds. Well, MJ collapsed on the couch because she is in the middle of rearranging her room; her bed is covered with posters and photos awaiting attachment to the walls.

Sunday
Father's Day! We slept in until 11, so we didn't have time for much more this morning than getting ready to go out to the beach. We spent a pleasant afternoon at my mom's, helping Tom, Frank, Erik, and Chris celebrate fatherhood. Pork roast, pesto, and a pack of kids. (That last item was not on the menu!)

This evening, I'm cycling loads of laundry and blogging, MJ and Frank are gone to play volleyball at the Baptist church in Seattle, and Chloe is developing her latest manga idea—one based on her own life. She says she is exaggerating all of our character traits to make us more interesting. :-)

Academic translations
I hope this isn't necessary! The benefits of and learning involved in a busy weekend like this should be obvious!

But maybe not. A few years back, we had a busy period, and I got concerned that my kids weren't learning anything because we never had time to do what I thought of as our "learning routine"—that time spent at home with access to books, the Internet, the library, the TV, the art and math and science supplies, and what have you. I posted this concern to one of the unschooling discussion groups and got myself (gently) scolded. "Let me get this straight," another mom responded. "Your kids are busy and happy, with lots of activities and social time, with their parents right by their sides to support them and answer questions, but you're worried they aren't learning?"

I had to be reminded to see the trees for the forest!

The kind of learning that happens during a weekend like the one we've just had isn't easy to quantify. It's about community, contribution, and involvement. It's about conversational skills and tolerance (e.g., how to be polite when someone thinks daycare or school is the best place for her kid), traditions and routines, exploration and experimentation, and finding balance in a busy world. It's about LIFE.

For the sticklers, it was also about physical fitness, medicine, women's health, skin care, interpersonal communication, general science (e.g., our discussion of tachyon beams at the drive-in), sociology, comparative religion, art, fashion design (Chloe has to costume her manga creations), interior decorating, parenting skills (something that ought to be taught in school!), creative writing, Japanese history and culture, German geography and language, mathematics, educational (?) philosophies, and, of course, community service.

To learn how to donate to Susan G. Komen, click here.

The perils of Books on CD

Well, I have another week of work under my belt (and I received my first paycheck yesterday). I spent my commutes this week listening to a Jennifer Crusie romance novel*. This little experiment was a rousing success in one respect: I actually found myself getting irritated that there were so few traffic jams this week!

On the con side, I was wishing for traffic jams this week! I think maybe this is working too well...

Also, I must look like a lunatic to the drivers around me, laughing out loud as I scoot down the freeway.

* For any who are interested, the book is Anyone But You, and it turned out to be a series romance I had read before. I kept thinking it sounded familiar, so I finally went and looked on my "keeper" shelf. Sure enough, there it was. It's a pretty entertaining novella.

Sailing the Seattle seas

Frank and MJ crewed aboard the s/v Don Quixote last night in Elliot Bay Marina's Thursday night series race. Don Quixote is the catamaran that belongs to our pals Toast and Dean and their wonderful daughters, Jaime, Mera, and Aeron (my boon companions at the unschooling conference). It sounds like it was a wonderful evening. They raced in the cruising class, which pretty much translates to "noncompetitive." Frank said they even gave way so some guy could get past them at the breakwater. This is not the sort of attitude you would find among the more hardcore racers! I could tell he really enjoyed the laid-back approach.

He was also pretty taken with catamaran sailing. He and MJ each got a turn at the helm, and he said it's a very stable ride—enough so that the kids were running all around the boat. Nice breezes let them clip along doing about 8 knots. Speedy!

I had to work a little late to make up for my less dedicated days earlier in the week, but I got home enough before the sailors that Chloe and I had a little date. We tried out our new On Demand cable and discovered an incomparable 80's treat on the Free Movies list: Xanadu! Does anybody remember this incredible, forgettable movie? Olivia Newton-John, Gene Kelly, and the Electric Light Orchestra, plus a bunch of roller skates. Trippy.

8 things about me

My unschooling buddy Schuyler has meme-tagged me.

~~~Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.~~~

1. I want to go live in England with Schuyler! I have a little fantasy of living in a flat in Epping, a little town that is at one end of one of the Tube lines. I could live the village life but have amazing, exciting London a 30-minute Tube ride away. Loverly!

2. I also want to live in Sunny Valley, Oregon. I fell in love with Sunny Valley when we traveled down to southern Oregon several years ago for the wedding of one of Frank's many cousins. It's a gorgeous spot just up the road from Grants Pass. You climb a big hill and there it is, in all its green glory. One of Oregon's historic covered bridges is located there, but it's the woods I really love. Too bad they charge Seattle prices for homes there!

3. A recent development: I feel guilty for wearing comfortable clothes. Just don't ask me to explain it!

4. I wear comfortable clothes all the time. If Levi Strauss ever goes out of business, I'll be devastated.

5. I proofread everything: books, billboards, Web sites, cereal boxes. Words are my passion and all, but even I get a little tired of the editor in my head. It would be nice to just *read a book* without thinking, "The author should have used the subjunctive there!" or "It's its not it's!"

6. Our experience on the Zombie Princess might have put me off sailing forever.

7. On my bulletin board at work, I have pictures of Boris Karloff, Beethoven, a nun playing paddleball, a mermaid, an American Indian, and a stick-figure writer whose arms are tied to his torso. I also have a quote from Shakespeare in Love that reads, "The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster... Strangely enough, it all turns out well."

8. I want to marry Frank again. We talked about doing it this summer—it's our 17th anniversary August 24th, and 17 years is our age difference—but the summer filled up with other events. Sometime soon, though.

----------------------------------
As a rule, I don't pass chain letters on, so I won't tag anybody. But feel free to put your 8 in the comments or on your own blog!

A cool new word

I just found a fun blog. She posts weird words and people use the comments to supply made-up definitions, then she picks a winner and reveals the real definition. But I really loved learning the meaning of "mattoid," which is (in the words of the blog's author) "a thoroughly fascinating creature. It's a person who swings erratically between genius and fool."

Manic-depressiveness of the intellect...

We've been STUNned

We had our first STUN meeting today. It was so fun! It was a small group, but all the kids got on like gangbusters, and we ended up spending four hours together. Success! Next week, it's supposed to be sunny, so we're having our meeting out at Lake Roesiger Park.

I can't get over how excited *I* am by this group. It was something I thought I was doing for the kids, but it's turned into a really fun thing for me. Once again, parenthood leads to fulfillment in surprising ways.

After STUN, the girls and I went shopping with my mom. It was a mutual birthday event for mom and me, with the girls along for fun. The best part was our lovely visit over Panda Express and Cinnabons. Socializing, American style.

At work yesterday, I found out that my solitude is already coming to an end: I'll have an officemate when I return to work tomorrow. I hope we're compatible.

Traffic pet peeves

Now that I'm back in traffic, I have to get a few pet peeves off my chest. I'm sure the brilliant and competent readers of my blog are not the offenders who so plague my commutes, but perhaps this list will be sent anonymously to a few cretins. ;-)

THE BIGGIE: Keep right except to pass!!!
I don't know why this is so difficult a concept for Washington drivers. Actually, I do know. It's because everybody stays in the left lane, so people are afraid to move right for fear they'll never be able to get back into the left lane again. From this fear springs traffic backups that stretch for miles.

Imagine what a change it would be if all the left-lane hogs moved right, allowing free flow of faster traffic and getting all those faster cars off the road sooner. Seattle's traffic problems would be solved! ('Cause adding more lanes sure isn't going to do it when people sit three or four or eight across, all doing the same speed.)

In a related topic: Being passed is not a challenge
I'm not sure if it's a reflection of the narcissistic nature of our society or what, but I have certainly observed that many people seem to take it personally when I pass them. They speed up enough that I'm no longer passing them, and sometimes they even go fast enough to pass me! Like commuting is a race or something. Like they and I have a relationship or something. Relax, people. I'm not trying to beat you, and I don't need to pass you. I just want to do my speed and get myself home to my family. If you want to go consistently faster than me, I will happily tuck in behind you.

In another related topic: Pay attention to your right foot
People who don't pick one speed and stick to it (as much as traffic allows) are a pain in the rear for the rest of us. If you don't have the skill to hold a steady speed, try setting your cruise control. And if you slow down for hills and curves, KEEP RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS.

And in one last related topic: The freeway system was designed for speed
Curves that require slower speeds than the speed limit are marked. If they're not marked, you can do the speed limit (at least) all the way through them. And even on those tighter curves, loosen up a little! Learn how to "drive the line"! It's fun!

Think of the carpool lane as a fast lane
Too many people act like driving in the carpool lane is a treat they've earned merely by having the right number of people in their car. What are you, six? No. The carpool lane is supposed to encourage better traffic flow. It's not supposed to be a fourth lane for doing exactly the same speed as everybody else. If you aren't going faster than the traffic in the left lane (or the middle lane, or the right lane), move right!

Yield does not equal Merge, and vice versa
Many people seem to have been absent the day they taught traffic signs in Driver's Ed. Here's a refresher:

A Yield sign means you must slow down and prepare to stop if other cars are coming. It also means that YOU MUST STOP if other cars are coming.

A Merge sign means you should match your speed* to the speed of the traffic you are joining and get your butt out there. Do not expect the other drivers to match their speed to yours, and DO NOT STOP. Both practices will get you creamed.

* This means you will need to pick your spot and then either speed up or slow down to slide right into it. You do the adjusting. Here's a great instruction page for merging. Pay attention to step 4.

And to all you drivers in the mainline who think you have to slow down or even, science forbid, stop for merging traffic, KNOCK IT OFF! It's dangerous. I mean, of course you're going to adjust to someone who is merging poorly, but don't encourage them to merge poorly by being overly polite. You have the right of way.

There are worse things than missing an exit or exiting inadvertently
Did you know that the freeway in an urban area has an exit every mile or so? And did you also know that most exits lead to on-ramps that put you right back on the freeway if you so choose? Yes, it's a pretty cool system! So don't risk your own life or anybody else's over exit confusion. Take a breath, take the detour, and get where you're going safe and sound and barely a minute later.

If there's no room for me on the other side of the intersection, there's no room for you
We'll move off the freeways now to our gridlocked surface streets. Folks, if I stop at a green light and refrain from crossing an intersection because there's no room for me over there, that does NOT give you license to make your right-turn in front of me from the cross-street or cut in front of me from another lane. You will cause the gridlock I was trying to prevent, and anyway, it is still my turn! Until my light turns red, I get to go when the traffic moves, not you.

Take your freaking turn at the four-way stop
People in the Northwest are polite. I get it. I like it. But jeezum Pete, let's not get carried away! The rules at a four-way stop are simple and clear. You have the right of way when:
1) You are the first to arrive at the intersection, or
2) You and another driver get to the intersection at the same time but you are on his right, or
3) You've had time to make a complete stop and the driver across from you has the right of way and is crossing the intersection. (Your waiting for your "whole" turn to cycle around in this instance serves no purpose. The cross traffic has to wait anyway.)

To observe any rules but these, even for the sake of politeness, leads to nothing but confusion and delays and frustration. If it's your turn, take it!

Got other pet peeves?
Add them to the comments. We can all take this chance to let off a little steam.

Weekend connections

(Obviously, today has been my day for blogging! I've even written a couple of posts I'm saving for another, less loquacious day.)

We've had a good weekend!

Friday night, Frank and I had a date. An honest-to-goodness, grown-up date! It was great. We went to the Celtic Bayou in Redmond, an Irish/Cajun pub we've been wanting to try. The spicy shrimp appetizer and Frank's crawfish etouffee were WAY better than my beer and corned beef and cabbage, so we have to recommend their Cajun food over their Irish food, but it was a good meal nevertheless. And the bread pudding is Really Good! Next time, we'll just have appetizers and dessert!

Saturday, we split up for separate commitments. Frank and MJ went to their last volleyball game (they lost, but it was a good game). They thought there would be a party afterward at the restaurant owned by the team's sponsor, but that didn't come off, so Frank used the extra free time to install my fancy toilet seat. It was a classic home improvement project—three times more challenging than expected, with two trips to Home Depot—but he ultimately met with success. It's a great addition to our house!

I went with my mom over to Thorp (a teeny little town in Eastern Washington, just this side of Ellensburg) for my cousin Thom's graduation party. He got a BA in psychology from Central Washington University. The party was held at our Uncle Ross and Aunt Patti's house and was a nice gathering indeed. It rained on us some, which is not very usual for the area, but that passed and the sun came out as the afternoon continued. My grandma especially enjoyed the day; you could see her loving every minute of having her brood around her. Five of her six kids were there, plus an assortment of grandkids. Nice!

As for Chloe, well, she had intended to go to the party with us, but the reality of her 8:30 wakeup call proved to be too much for her. Instead, she hung out at home and did her own thing. She and MJ have really been bonding over something recently, but I'm not sure what! They spend hours camped out in the basement (which looks like a tornado went through), watching an odd mix of movies (e.g., Sabrina and the Blair Witch) and hunching over the laptop together.

Today has been FUN, FUN, FUN. I've spent an amazing amount of time with my family considering I've barely left the computer. :-) In addition to blog posting and finally getting STUN initiated, I've got us all registered for the 2008 LIFE is Good Unschooling Conference. Yes, it's a year away, but we're still Very Excited about it. Counting down... And it's fun to think about the flow of time then: after the conference, I'll have four days of work left before my 100-day break.

We also made a trip to the library today. I needed to stock up on Books on CD (or CDs on Tape, as I persist in calling them) so I can bear the upcoming week's commuting. I'm considering riding the bus one day a week, too, which—despite some major transit improvements in our area—would involve four hours on the bus. I'd definitely need some entertainment for that!

A busy week ahead: In addition to working, I'm getting my hair cut Tuesday night (way belatedly), we have our first STUN meeting Wednesday, the girls and I are taking Grandma for her Birthday Shopping Day Wednesday afternoon, I've got an appointment to donate blood on Friday afternoon, and cousin Sonya is having a product party Friday night. And that doesn't count whatever we come up with for the weekend!

Quotes

"I should begin by explaining what I mean by 'our culture.' Rather than burden you with a definition, I'll give you a simple test that you can use wherever you go in the world. If the food in that part of the world is under lock and key, and the people who live there have to work to get it, then you're among people of our culture. If you happen to be in a jungle in the interior of Brazil or New Guinea, however, you'll find that the food is not under lock and key. It's simply out there for the taking, and anyone who wants some can just go and get it. The people who live in these areas, often called aboriginals, stone-age peoples, or tribal peoples, clearly belong to a culture radically different from our own."

-- Daniel Quinn, author of "Ishmael" and "If They Give You Lined Paper, Write Sideways," in a speech given at a homeschooling conference
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"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly alive."

-- Thich Nhat Hanh
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"It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education."

-- Albert Einstein
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"In the end, the secret to learning is so simple: forget about it. Think only about whatever you love. Follow it, do it, dream about it. One day, you will glance up at your collection of Japanese literature, or trip over the solar oven you built, and it will hit you: learning was there all the time, happening by itself."

-- Grace Llewellyn in The Teenage Liberation Handbook
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"Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life. . . I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be."

-- Anna Quindlen in a column written in 2000
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"So, if you sleep until you're 18... Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school–those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that."

-- Uncle Frank (Steve Carell) in "Little Miss Sunshine"
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"Well, we busted out of class, had to get away from those fools. We learned more from a three-minute record, baby, than we ever learned in school."

--Bruce Springsteen in "No Surrender"

The 99 percent solution

I've been reading Howard Zinn's seminal book, A People's History of the United States, and wanted to share an excerpt.

"One percent of the nation owns a third of the wealth. The rest of the wealth is distributed in such a way as to turn those in the 99 percent against one another...

"How skillful to tax the middle class to pay for the relief of the poor, building resentment on top of humiliation! How adroit to bus poor black youngsters into poor white neighborhoods, in a violent exchange of impoverished schools, while the schools of the rich remain untouched and the wealth of the nation, doled out carefully where children need free milk, is drained for billion-dollar aircraft carriers. How ingenious to meet the demands of blacks and women for equality by giving them small special benefits, and setting them in competition with everyone else for jobs made scarce by an irrational, wasteful system. How wise to turn the fear and anger of the majority toward a class of criminals bred—by economic inequity—faster than they can be put away, deflecting attention from the huge thefts of national resources carried out within the law by men in executive offices."

He goes on to offer a hopeful message of change-by-rebellion. I'm not sure I share his optimism. Maybe sometimes.

A STUNning new beginning

The girls and I have founded a new unschooling organization, STUN (SnoCo Teen Unschoolers Network). You can read all about it here: http:\\teenunschoolers.blogspot.com. Please pass the word to any unschoolers in the area!

Returning to work

I started back with my favorite Microsoft team on Monday. This contract should take me through another year to my next 100-day break (SUMMER VACATION!!!).

I have my own office! It won't last, but I'm enjoying every minute of it while it does. A good friend of mine is contemplating returning to this group, too; I'd love to share the space with her.

It is mostly being good to be back. I enjoy the people in this group, I enjoy the work, and my professional hat fits pretty comfortably. But I hate the traffic (you can look forward to a pet traffic peeves post soon), and I miss Frank and the girls. But at least we can IM again now!

Returning to real life

My first weekend home was spent running around!

My grandma went to the hospital with shortness of breath and chest pain. They checked her out and let her come home (with her promise to see her doctor ASAP), but we kept an eye on her nevertheless.

MJ ended up with quite the social weekend, despite her agreement to dogsit for my mom. She enlisted some help from Chloe and cousin Megan and some taxi service from Frank and me. (Angelo didn't seem to mind having a variety of caretakers, but it made for some juggling for us.) Friday night, she went to Seattle with friends to see Rolling, a documentary about ecstasy (XTC, the recreational drug). It turned out to be showing at a theater that is associated with a bar, so they couldn't get in. That was cool, too, though, because the producer was there and felt really bad for them, so they each got a t-shirt, a poster, and a promise for a copy of the DVD.

Saturday night—late Saturday night—they went to see Rocky Horror in the midnight show at the Admiral. Frank and I drove them down and got the fun of watching the, er, cast arrive. Then we hung out in the van, reading and napping, until the show let out.

Sunday, I spent some time preparing myself for my return to work on Monday. This involved mental preparation mostly. :-)

Returning to Washington

Here's the report on the second half of my Nebraska trip:

Saturday, Cherie and Steve hosted a dinner party. The guests were a couple of couples who just might be the only other liberals in Nebraska. :-) We had a most convivial evening, with good company, good food, and an impromptu song-fest in honor of the blue moon.

Sunday, Cherie and Steve took me to Pioneer Village in Minden. This is a large complex of buildings stuffed with antiques and not-so-antiques. The founder, Harold Warp, made a fortune in the war with his flexible plastic and proceeded to spend a big chunk of his money gathering goods for the museum. The exhibits are arranged more or less chronologically and include planes, trains, automobiles, snowmobiles, motorcycles, farm equipment, clothing, toys, linens, buttons, furniture, art, and houses (yes, whole houses, including a soddy). It's a pretty impressive place!




Monday was a quiet day on the pond, a last chance to visit, bond, play with the pets, and watch Firefly episodes. Oh, yes, and pack.




Tuesday morning, I hit the road for home. Some highlights of the drive home:

* A whopper of a thunderstorm, complete with big ol' hailstones, as I drove through Denver. It just figured it would hit in one of the few places where I was driving in traffic!

* The gorgeous drive on US 40, up over Berthoud Pass (11,307 feet up!), through Steamboat Springs (where they are busily enjoying Mud Season), and onto the astonishingly gorgeous high plateau.

* My blissful visit to the canyon area of Dinosaur National Monument. I pretty much had the place to myself and got to enjoy my hike and the stunning views at the end of it in absolute silence. Well, except for when the swallows would occasionally whooooosh by on hunting runs. What a great day! (And Crocs are great-- and quiet--for easy hikes, by the way!)





* More incredible scenery on US 40 through Utah, especially where it passes Starvation and Strawberry Reservoirs and drifts over the Daniels pass.

* Crossing Idaho into the blinding sunset, which would have been less scary if the truckers had shown any acknowledgement of the fact that they were driving blind!

* The sudden white-gray flash as an owl swooped in front of the van out of the dark.

* Pushing myself *just* a bit too hard to get into Oregon for night 2. I should have stopped at Boise.

* The odd twist of finding eastern Oregon and Washington the brownest places of my trip.

* Visiting Margie's grave in the 95-degree heat in Yakima. I'm glad to remember Margie, but it always gives me a jolt to see my daughter's name on a gravestone!

* A lovely little visit with Jorene, Morrie, Ferd, Bill, Sheila, and the boys in Selah. (Thanks, guys!)

* Coming home. Frank and the girls had a clean house and a little birthday celebration waiting for me. My gift? A new toilet seat. Hee hee hee! That sounds BAD, doesn't it, but it's what I wanted really! It has a heated seat and a built-in bidet system. Very decadent!