MJ's Summerhill

Today, Frank and I were very pleased to finally be in a position to do something special for MJ! After consulting with my cousin—Seattle professional photographer extraordinaire Cory Parris—we went shopping for the perfect digital SLR. (Okay, perfect in our price range.) MJ liked the feel and function of the Nikon D40, which was second on Cory's recommendation list after the Canon EOS Digital Rebel XT, but the Nikon was a bit lighter, fit her hands better, and had a more intuitive menu.

We got home from the store about two minutes ago. Being electronics savvy, MJ popped in the memory card and battery and headed immediately outside to learn by doing. That's an unschooler for you!

Update 9:30 p.m—Some early shots:

8 more things about me

I keep coming up with "I should have used that!" ideas for that "8 things about me" post. Here are eight more:

9. Standing ovations make me cry.

10. I would often rather watch a movie I've seen before and loved than try a new one. Same deal with books. Comfort entertainment. And introducing other people to my old favorites is always a thrill.

11. I have recently discovered caramel Frappucinos, which pretty much makes me part of the Starbucks Nation. This is not an entirely happy development, since I had previously taken some pride in being a coffee rebel in the town where it all started. But it's not my fault! MJ and her friend Kyla, the rotten pushers, are the ones who gave me my first-one's-free sample.

12. I realized recently—thanks to a MySpace personality quiz sent by nephew Eric—that I no longer own a single t-shirt bearing the name of a rock band. This, too, is not an entirely happy development. I'd better head for Hot Topic!

13. The first boy I ever kissed was Jeff Wenzel in the 2nd grade. He lived on the next street over from me, and we used to walk to school together. I evidently had good taste in men even then: I met Jeff again at our 10-year high school reunion (some years ago now), and he's still a really nice guy, dad to a couple of girls, living back east somewhere.

14. I'm terribly appearance conscious. It's a perpetual struggle for me to overcome that enough to live my life the way I want to live it. I've been pretty successful, I think, but the struggle goes on.

15. I think it's immoral to: send a child to school against her will, drive a gas-guzzler, protest abortion while interfering with conception-prevention programs, hit a child, torture a prisoner, smoke in a crowd (unless it's a crowd of smokers), leave your dog's poop on my lawn, suspend habeas corpus, hog the left lane, water your lawn in such a way that the water runs down the sidewalk or street, buy an "American" car on principle even when it's manufactured in Mexico, restrict a kid's speech, park so you're crowding another car, talk about doing God's will when you're sanctioning war or murder or cruelty (or any combination of the three), or wear white after Labor Day. (This is far being from an exhaustive list, and that last is a joke!)

16. Two of my all-time favorite scenes from movies and literature are:

• Bartleby's orientation speech in "Accepted"
• Fred and George's flamboyant departure from Hogwarts in "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"

...

On testing

I have lots stored up to say about standardized testing someday. For now, you can read this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rick-ayers-/testing-and-competition_b_54216.html

Long live John McClane!

The STUN group gives "Live Free or Die Hard" an assortment of thumbs up! We all really enjoyed this movie. Sure, it's a sequel, but it's a *good* sequel, arguably better than the two sequels that came before it. And it makes for a fun trip to the movies, especially in such good company!

WWFSMD?

Frank and I found the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster site wildly entertaining. (Thanks, Zenmomma!) Frank says he's a convert. At long last, it's the definitive response to Intelligent Design.

Click here to see our favorite church t-shirt.

Pride in Seattle

MJ and I have just returned home from the Pride Parade and Festival in downtown Seattle. It was a pretty fun morning. Neither of us had been before, so we got to see what it's all about. In a nutshell, that's community, equality, fun, and a good dose of fabulous. :-)

We got downtown about 10:30 and parked near good ol' (now defunct) Book Publishing Company, where Frank and I met lo these many years ago. MJ and I walked through Denny Park, Seattle's first park, where Frank and I announced our engagement to our coworkers of the time. Nice memories! It was raining lightly as we strolled down Westlake to the parade route, but that soon stopped, and the weather cooperated for the rest of our visit.

We met some nice folks along the parade route, a woman and her partner who were eventually joined by a man and his partner. Those two turned out to be the only men in our immediate vicinity. This meant that we heard more whooping and hollering for the attractive women in the parade than we did for the guys, but I think MJ and I found the guys the most entertaining. The more flamboyant, the better! One of our favorites was a man who wasn't even in the parade; he merely ran out to throw a donation into the big rainbow flag that was carried by at one point. But what a run he had! We cheered wildly for him, much to his amusement.

Another favorite was the guy who was wearing a gigantic hoop skirt decorated with balloons. His outfit was enhanced (and possibly endangered) by the fact that he was on ten-foot stilts! And then there was the gorgeous guy, riding shirtless on the backseat of his partner's motorcycle. And, of course, there was "Mom" Finley, doing the announcing in drag just half a block from us. He even managed a costume change at one point, but we were too far away to see how that was accomplished.

After the parade, we joined the crowd hiking down to Seattle Center for the festival (greatly scaled back after a significant financial snafu last year). We made one frantic (on my part) stop at a little bakery on 4th. I said, "Do you have a bathroom if I buy something?" Fortunately, the answer was in the affirmative! Relieved, and with croissant in hand, we rejoined the crowd. And a colorful crowd it was, too. Rainbows were everywhere, and lots of Mardi Gras beads, and people and dogs in feather boas. We saw one itty-bitty dog in a furry pink sweater terrorizing a dog three times her size.

The only "off" note in the whole day: the so-called Christian group with their signs and bullhorns telling all the gays they're going to Hell. I didn't find it very Christ-like behavior, and it was definitely in stark contrast to the six or seven mainstream church groups who marched in the parade promoting their "open and affirming" congregations. But a couple of women were doing their best to silence the hate messages by standing beneath the protest leader's soapbox, screaming at the tops of their lungs. They were doing a pretty good job of it; I'm sure they'll be quite hoarse tonight.

Anyway, it was a fun and educational day. It didn't rock me the way the Komen Walk did, but I had a good time. It's always nice to be back in Seattle. We miss living there!

Verity dances

Here's a friend's daughter, showing us her moves.

http://thebluchers.typepad.com/veritys_pages/2007/06/verity-dances.html

Bouts of appreciation

Credit where credit is due: I've stolen both the title and the idea for this blog post from unschooling dad and writer Arun in Australia. I hope he doesn't mind!

On June 14th, Arun said, "...but i still try to remember my old morning trips [past the cemetery] to spur me into bouts of appreciation," and then went on to beautifully express his appreciation for his partner and children. Here's my go.

For Frank...

• that he can create hilarious song lyrics as he sings them.


• that he's there for us in spite of the heavy load he carries (see his 8 things comment).


• that he never stops looking for fun and adventure.


• that he always goes along with my brainstorms and even enjoys them...usually.

For MJ...

• that she covers every inch of her walls with images she loves.


• that she is never too busy to help me with my new MySpace page.


• that she must have music wherever she goes but plays stuff from the 80's sometimes to make me happy.


• that she constantly pushes past her own boundaries (and takes us with her).

For Chloe...

• that she's always -- ALWAYS -- ready to laugh, even when she's crying.


• that she can talk about manga at light speed, indefinitely.


• that she loves being awake alone at night but hates it when I go to bed.


• that she gives the best back scratches in the 'verse.

Gremlins

I am so frustrated! From overly complex password resets, to tech guys who repeatedly send links to Web pages that don't answer my question, to a bizarro phone problem that keeps me from calling home ('though I can call any other number in the world), my day has been pocked with problems.

Can I go home now?

Positive discipline vs. unschooling

I've been "fussing" ever since I posted that recommendation for "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen. So here's a clarification.

If you are using traditional parenting (e.g., punishments), your life, your child's life, and your relationship with your child will be Vastly Improved if you use positive discipline.

If you are already using positive discipline, you're ready for the next step! Just BE with your child. Say "yes" all the time. Look at your child with love. Have fun together. Be a team. Read Parenting a Free Child, which is an even better book.

And if you are using traditional parenting and you're ready to hit a home run, skip "Positive Displine" and go straight to "Parenting a Free Child."

Chiara's arrival date!

Chiara bought her plane tickets!!! She'll be arriving 7/27 and staying for a month!!! We're so excited!!!

A dream of a happy family

I dreamt last night that I pulled into a gas station behind a woman (my younger self?) who was at her wit's end coping with two toddlers. She was feeling such despair over her inability to control them, and I was able to empathize completely. For too long, Frank and I were lost, bombarded with all of the traditional parenting advice plus kinder, gentler, newer advice that directly contradicted all that. Faced with kids who were increasingly unhappy, we were left feeling pretty unhappy ourselves and helpless to change it. I remember feeling so frustrated with all the conflicting advice. If you're not supposed to spank and you're not supposed to use timeouts, then what do you do?!

There is an answer! We found it in a wonderful book called "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen. For us, PD was only the beginning—it started us on a path of respecting our kids that ultimately led to unschooling—and now I don't think it goes far enough. But it's a place to start if you—like the mom in my dream—are unhappy with your current discipline routine.

[Caveat #1, to the unschoolers in my audience: I know. I know. But it's a start.]

First, I want you to know that with PD, you parents will get your own way most of the time. That is, your kids will "behave," and they will be changed, dressed, fed, and groomed more or less when you want them to be. They will even be reasonably happy about it. No more fights! No more power struggles!

With that said, you will have the most success if you can go into this with the goal of making your kids happier. If your goal is getting your own way, you'll see some initial success and then problems will crop up. Kids can sense when they're being manipulated; they'll respond better in the long term if you're not trying to trick them into doing what you want.

Basic principles
[Caveat #2: I strongly recommend reading Jane Nelsen's book. I am only nutshelling here.]

CHOICES
You will be amazed at the difference it will make in your life if your toddler has choices every step of the way. "Do you want to get dressed now or after breakfast?" "Do you want oatmeal or scrambled eggs?" "Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red shirt?" "Do you want to wear a diaper or a pull-up?" "Do you want to stand up while I change your diaper or lie down?" It can go on and on.

It sounds time consuming, I know. But you'll be exchanging all those questions for the power struggles you're having now. It's much faster and MUCH more fun!

With all this new control over his life, and seeing your genuine interest in giving him the control he desires, the fight will go out of him. You'll be partners instead of adversaries.

NATURAL AND LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
The other important concepts in PD are natural and logical consequences. For almost everything, you can present your toddler with a logical consequence. These should be be Related, Respectful, and Reasonable—the three R's.

For example, if he throws a toy, you say, "If you throw the toy, it has to go in timeout." Then if he throws it again, you say, "Okay, we're going to put this toy up on top of the refrigerator for ten minutes." The consequence is logical because it's related to the offense, respectful in that he was informed what the consequence would be (and treated kindly both in the informing and the execution), and reasonable in that putting the toy in timeout is not excessively punitive. He has other toys.

{Side note: As an alternative to imposing consequences at all, you could take him outside where he can throw the toy all he wants!}

With natural consequences, the child is allowed to experience what naturally happens as a consequence of her action or choice. I'll use a wonderful example from the book. A little girl announced one winter day that she was going swimming in the kiddie pool in the backyard. Her grandmother watched as she changed into her swimsuit, marched outside, and plopped her bottom down into the chilly water in the pool. Then she stood right back up again, said "It's much too cold for swimming," and came inside to warm up. There was no need for the grandmother to dissuade her, prohibit her, or even warn her (although I would have warned her). There was certainly no need for the grandmother to punish her. I imagine the icy water accomplished that all on its own! :-)

Another example: Imagine you have a kid who simply hates to have his diaper changed, who throws hissy fits at each and every diaper change. First I want to remind you that you will have FAR fewer battles over diaper changing once he has all those choices mentioned above! But let's say there's a day where he's not going for any of the choices and it's past time to leave for daycare. I think your first step is offering one last choice: "Do you want to have your diaper changed now or in the car at daycare?" If even that won't fly, then you can say, "If you won't let me change your diaper, your bottom might get sore," or "If you keep wearing that smelly diaper, the car will stink!" Give him the chance to avoid the consequence, and if he chooses not to, then let him experience the consequence! Comfort yourself with "What's the worst that could happen?" If your daycare people object to his arriving with a dirty diaper, offer them an extra couple of bucks for each morning it happens. So, the worst case would be $10 a week in exchange for a much more positive relationship with your son. A small price to pay!

Another alternative would be to set up a logical consequence that is just unpleasant enough to be motivating. "We can't go inside the daycare until your diaper is clean, so we'll just sit here in the car until you're ready for me to change it." Then make the car as boring a place as possible. Hum a little song to keep yourself from cajoling or arguing with him and just SIT. I'll wager he'll be ready to cooperate in less than five minutes.

RECOVERY
We all have days where we lose it. We say mean things, stomp around in a huff, or dole out punishments that are too harsh. It is SO important to recover from those bad moments. Apologize to your child! Give her a chance to tell you how you hurt her. See her side. Take steps to handle things better when/if there's a next time.

Another good resource
You might also enjoy "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It contains so many wonderful tips for communicating with your kids, presented in a clear, easy-to-browse format. One of my favorite tips for toddlers is writing down what they want. It's amazing how powerful the written word is! One of my nieces was ready to melt down once because she wanted to come to my house and couldn't. I whipped out a piece of paper and wrote, "Madison wants to come over soon." She calmed right down! And I made sure to follow through with an invite a few days later. This tip works really well at the toy store, too—simply make a list of all the cool toys your child desires. The list itself is pretty satisfying. (Just make sure you in no way imply that list equals promise to buy!)

Another example is the upset child. Reflective listening works SO well. When one of my girls was really upset, simply having me say something understanding—such as, "You're really sad about this"—would calm her faster than any attempt at rationalizing away her feelings or distracting her from them. In Chloe's case, after having her emotion named, she'd cry harder for about ten seconds, and then she'd be done. Poof. There was usually no need for me to fix anything, or make anything up to her, or do much of anything but hug her.

Speaking of which...

When in doubt, HUG
This is an instant remedy for a power-struggle moment. Just hug your kid. I used to sing "One, Two, Buckle My Shoe" while I hugged my toddler, swaying back and forth. After two times through the song, we'd both be calm enough to find a mutually acceptable solution.

And if all else fails, GIVE IN
I'm not talking about spoiling your tantrum-throwing child here. I'm talking about recognizing that a kid who is arguing with you THAT passionately, even after you've respectfully explained your difficulties with his plan/desire/choice and offered reasonable alternatives, is telling you loud and clear that This Is Really Important to Him. Respect that! Make it happen!

One of the biggest flaws of traditional parenting is the idea that the parents' needs and desires come first. Who died and made you king or queen? Instead, just go along with what your kids want. It's good for you! It will take you wonderful places you never imagined going and show you that kids know best a lot of the time.

One example: We weren't bothered by the rainfall Saturday night, because MJ insisted on backing into our slot at the drive-in (even though I really wanted to sit in my seat).

Another example: I got to go to England.

Listen to your kids! :-)

What unschooling looked like this weekend

The chosen unschooling day for this month is Saturday, June 16th, but I'll include Friday and Sunday, just 'cause fun stuff went on then, too.

Friday
MJ went with me to work. While I did my "chores," she hung out in a nearby empty office, listening to music, reading, and writing, then the two of us went to cousin Sonya's for a product party. Sonya's friend Sarah is selling Body Shop items, with the focus of this party being our fabulous feet. So, MJ and I did the beauty thang for a couple of hours, soaking and slathering our feet, and then (in my case) spending what was probably a silly amount of money on lotions. We'll see what I end up actually using. :-)

Conversation at the party covered a wide range of subjects: free trade, product testing on animals, child-rearing philosophies, the "terrible" twos (I have never found them terrible), Sonya stories (I had the best ones, since—except for her mom, Grace—I was the one there who has known Son longest), recent Popes, Germany (there were a couple German women there), international moves, and Catholic marriage and annulment rules.

Hmm. I have no idea how Chloe spent her day. Well, I have some idea—I'm sure it included reading, writing, and/or activities on the laptop—but I don't know exactly. Okay, I asked her. Friday evening, she watched "Shop Around the Corner" with Frank, and then she spent the night watching "Inuyasha" anime and Akira Kurosawa's "Seven Samurai"—the latter having been inspired by her recent passion for eating ramen, added to a mention of Toshiro Mifune (one of the stars of "Seven Samurai" and Japan's greatest film samurai) in one of her manga books. She also read and wrote fanfiction.

Saturday
MJ and I got up early, grabbed Chloe (who was still up), and hustled down to Qwest Field for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. What a great time! We joined the 5K walk (there are also competitive runs) and found ourselves part of a phenomenal crowd of people. We got to the start line about 20 minutes early (despite being definite last-minute registrants), so it wasn't until we had hiked up the viaduct and could look back that we got to see exactly what we were involved in. There was a sea of pink and white shirts as far as the eye could see! The turnout was tremendous! I think half of Seattle was there!

The course goes up onto the Alaskan Way Viaduct, with all its great views of the waterfront, West Seattle, the ferries, and the Sound, and then loops back down around to the party at Qwest Field. Being up on the viaduct was really fun. When they weren't walking arm in arm with me, the girls were right up on the side ledge, looking down at the waterfront and (on the return half) the walkers coming up behind us. We waved like madwomen and watched all the amazing people: men, women, and kids of all ages, races, religions, and sexual orientation, with most people wearing hot pink signs bearing the names of the breast cancer survivors and victims they were walking to honor. We saw teams from businesses, the Teamsters, a mosque, and a bunch of family-and-friend groups. Very inspiring! You can all count on being invited to join our team next year!

Jean Enersen, a local newswoman, was one of the masters of ceremony. She said Seattle has both a higher-than-average breast cancer rate and a higher-than-average cure rate (90%!). And the race brings in more than two million dollars!

After the race, we enjoyed the Seattle Seahawks Blue Thunder drumcorp at the finish line, then wandered inside the stadium for the rare treat of being down on the football field. There was a big band orchestra playing, and the field was dotted with sponsor booths where some fun free stuff was available: bagels and water from the organizers, Yoplait yogurt, key chains from the Boeing credit union, signed Seagals posters, pink bracelets from the Shane Co., and Swedish Fish from Swedish Hospital.

We returned home (after a quick indulgence stop at Starbucks—love those caramel Frappucinos!), had a moment's rest, and then got ready for a swimming party. One of MJ's volleyball teammates hosted a little bash at her family's indoor pool. We all enjoyed each other's tasty food contributions, the kids and the coach swam for hours, the rest of us chatted, and a visitor dog ended up nearly getting stuck in the oily, smelly mud of the nearby slough. Great fun!

Chloe napped some at the party, which I'm sure the other parents found a bit odd, but then I found their school stories a bit odd, too. One girl on the team was recently punished by the school for a "Step 4" offense, meaning an offense that is worse than Steps 1 through 3. Other Step 4 offenses include things like vandalism and assault. She was humiliated in front of the whole school and prohibited from attending the last school dance, and her parents were asked to come in for a conference. Her offense? Chewing gum on her way off school property at the end of the day.

Another mom talked about the wasted time spent at her daughter's school on some loosey-goosey behavior review. Kids are given the opportunity to publicly tattle on any other kids who interfered with their schooling, then the accused kids get disciplined, and a note is sent home to their parents that says they didn't "make their day." The mom says the system is rife with flaws, including excessive tattling by certain kids and the fact that students spend half an hour a day or more on this process, which amounts to 90 hours each school year!

The girls and Frank and I discussed all this in depth on the way home.

After a quiet hour or two at home—Frank and Chloe napped, MJ and I watched TV—we went out to the drive-in picture show. Going to the drive-in is always a fun family evening marred by inconsiderate moviegoers (headlights and engines on during the show, cigarette smoke wafting into our car, people leaving early to avoid the exit line that can also be avoided by waiting five minutes after the end, etc.), and last night was no exception. Also, the movies were, at best, mindless entertainment ("Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" and "Ocean's Thirteen"). But no regrets! We pulled the van in backward, lifted the hatch, and sprawled on cushions and pillows in a big heap of Maiers. The back door makes a great rainshield, too!

There was an SUV full of kids in the stall next to us. They were cleancut and attractive, around 16 or 17 years old, wearing Hollister t-shirts and blowing their lungs away on clouds of cigarette smoke. Sad.

We got home about 2 a.m. and collapsed into our beds. Well, MJ collapsed on the couch because she is in the middle of rearranging her room; her bed is covered with posters and photos awaiting attachment to the walls.

Sunday
Father's Day! We slept in until 11, so we didn't have time for much more this morning than getting ready to go out to the beach. We spent a pleasant afternoon at my mom's, helping Tom, Frank, Erik, and Chris celebrate fatherhood. Pork roast, pesto, and a pack of kids. (That last item was not on the menu!)

This evening, I'm cycling loads of laundry and blogging, MJ and Frank are gone to play volleyball at the Baptist church in Seattle, and Chloe is developing her latest manga idea—one based on her own life. She says she is exaggerating all of our character traits to make us more interesting. :-)

Academic translations
I hope this isn't necessary! The benefits of and learning involved in a busy weekend like this should be obvious!

But maybe not. A few years back, we had a busy period, and I got concerned that my kids weren't learning anything because we never had time to do what I thought of as our "learning routine"—that time spent at home with access to books, the Internet, the library, the TV, the art and math and science supplies, and what have you. I posted this concern to one of the unschooling discussion groups and got myself (gently) scolded. "Let me get this straight," another mom responded. "Your kids are busy and happy, with lots of activities and social time, with their parents right by their sides to support them and answer questions, but you're worried they aren't learning?"

I had to be reminded to see the trees for the forest!

The kind of learning that happens during a weekend like the one we've just had isn't easy to quantify. It's about community, contribution, and involvement. It's about conversational skills and tolerance (e.g., how to be polite when someone thinks daycare or school is the best place for her kid), traditions and routines, exploration and experimentation, and finding balance in a busy world. It's about LIFE.

For the sticklers, it was also about physical fitness, medicine, women's health, skin care, interpersonal communication, general science (e.g., our discussion of tachyon beams at the drive-in), sociology, comparative religion, art, fashion design (Chloe has to costume her manga creations), interior decorating, parenting skills (something that ought to be taught in school!), creative writing, Japanese history and culture, German geography and language, mathematics, educational (?) philosophies, and, of course, community service.

To learn how to donate to Susan G. Komen, click here.

The perils of Books on CD

Well, I have another week of work under my belt (and I received my first paycheck yesterday). I spent my commutes this week listening to a Jennifer Crusie romance novel*. This little experiment was a rousing success in one respect: I actually found myself getting irritated that there were so few traffic jams this week!

On the con side, I was wishing for traffic jams this week! I think maybe this is working too well...

Also, I must look like a lunatic to the drivers around me, laughing out loud as I scoot down the freeway.

* For any who are interested, the book is Anyone But You, and it turned out to be a series romance I had read before. I kept thinking it sounded familiar, so I finally went and looked on my "keeper" shelf. Sure enough, there it was. It's a pretty entertaining novella.

Sailing the Seattle seas

Frank and MJ crewed aboard the s/v Don Quixote last night in Elliot Bay Marina's Thursday night series race. Don Quixote is the catamaran that belongs to our pals Toast and Dean and their wonderful daughters, Jaime, Mera, and Aeron (my boon companions at the unschooling conference). It sounds like it was a wonderful evening. They raced in the cruising class, which pretty much translates to "noncompetitive." Frank said they even gave way so some guy could get past them at the breakwater. This is not the sort of attitude you would find among the more hardcore racers! I could tell he really enjoyed the laid-back approach.

He was also pretty taken with catamaran sailing. He and MJ each got a turn at the helm, and he said it's a very stable ride—enough so that the kids were running all around the boat. Nice breezes let them clip along doing about 8 knots. Speedy!

I had to work a little late to make up for my less dedicated days earlier in the week, but I got home enough before the sailors that Chloe and I had a little date. We tried out our new On Demand cable and discovered an incomparable 80's treat on the Free Movies list: Xanadu! Does anybody remember this incredible, forgettable movie? Olivia Newton-John, Gene Kelly, and the Electric Light Orchestra, plus a bunch of roller skates. Trippy.

8 things about me

My unschooling buddy Schuyler has meme-tagged me.

~~~Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.~~~

1. I want to go live in England with Schuyler! I have a little fantasy of living in a flat in Epping, a little town that is at one end of one of the Tube lines. I could live the village life but have amazing, exciting London a 30-minute Tube ride away. Loverly!

2. I also want to live in Sunny Valley, Oregon. I fell in love with Sunny Valley when we traveled down to southern Oregon several years ago for the wedding of one of Frank's many cousins. It's a gorgeous spot just up the road from Grants Pass. You climb a big hill and there it is, in all its green glory. One of Oregon's historic covered bridges is located there, but it's the woods I really love. Too bad they charge Seattle prices for homes there!

3. A recent development: I feel guilty for wearing comfortable clothes. Just don't ask me to explain it!

4. I wear comfortable clothes all the time. If Levi Strauss ever goes out of business, I'll be devastated.

5. I proofread everything: books, billboards, Web sites, cereal boxes. Words are my passion and all, but even I get a little tired of the editor in my head. It would be nice to just *read a book* without thinking, "The author should have used the subjunctive there!" or "It's its not it's!"

6. Our experience on the Zombie Princess might have put me off sailing forever.

7. On my bulletin board at work, I have pictures of Boris Karloff, Beethoven, a nun playing paddleball, a mermaid, an American Indian, and a stick-figure writer whose arms are tied to his torso. I also have a quote from Shakespeare in Love that reads, "The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster... Strangely enough, it all turns out well."

8. I want to marry Frank again. We talked about doing it this summer—it's our 17th anniversary August 24th, and 17 years is our age difference—but the summer filled up with other events. Sometime soon, though.

----------------------------------
As a rule, I don't pass chain letters on, so I won't tag anybody. But feel free to put your 8 in the comments or on your own blog!

A cool new word

I just found a fun blog. She posts weird words and people use the comments to supply made-up definitions, then she picks a winner and reveals the real definition. But I really loved learning the meaning of "mattoid," which is (in the words of the blog's author) "a thoroughly fascinating creature. It's a person who swings erratically between genius and fool."

Manic-depressiveness of the intellect...

We've been STUNned

We had our first STUN meeting today. It was so fun! It was a small group, but all the kids got on like gangbusters, and we ended up spending four hours together. Success! Next week, it's supposed to be sunny, so we're having our meeting out at Lake Roesiger Park.

I can't get over how excited *I* am by this group. It was something I thought I was doing for the kids, but it's turned into a really fun thing for me. Once again, parenthood leads to fulfillment in surprising ways.

After STUN, the girls and I went shopping with my mom. It was a mutual birthday event for mom and me, with the girls along for fun. The best part was our lovely visit over Panda Express and Cinnabons. Socializing, American style.

At work yesterday, I found out that my solitude is already coming to an end: I'll have an officemate when I return to work tomorrow. I hope we're compatible.

Traffic pet peeves

Now that I'm back in traffic, I have to get a few pet peeves off my chest. I'm sure the brilliant and competent readers of my blog are not the offenders who so plague my commutes, but perhaps this list will be sent anonymously to a few cretins. ;-)

THE BIGGIE: Keep right except to pass!!!
I don't know why this is so difficult a concept for Washington drivers. Actually, I do know. It's because everybody stays in the left lane, so people are afraid to move right for fear they'll never be able to get back into the left lane again. From this fear springs traffic backups that stretch for miles.

Imagine what a change it would be if all the left-lane hogs moved right, allowing free flow of faster traffic and getting all those faster cars off the road sooner. Seattle's traffic problems would be solved! ('Cause adding more lanes sure isn't going to do it when people sit three or four or eight across, all doing the same speed.)

In a related topic: Being passed is not a challenge
I'm not sure if it's a reflection of the narcissistic nature of our society or what, but I have certainly observed that many people seem to take it personally when I pass them. They speed up enough that I'm no longer passing them, and sometimes they even go fast enough to pass me! Like commuting is a race or something. Like they and I have a relationship or something. Relax, people. I'm not trying to beat you, and I don't need to pass you. I just want to do my speed and get myself home to my family. If you want to go consistently faster than me, I will happily tuck in behind you.

In another related topic: Pay attention to your right foot
People who don't pick one speed and stick to it (as much as traffic allows) are a pain in the rear for the rest of us. If you don't have the skill to hold a steady speed, try setting your cruise control. And if you slow down for hills and curves, KEEP RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS.

And in one last related topic: The freeway system was designed for speed
Curves that require slower speeds than the speed limit are marked. If they're not marked, you can do the speed limit (at least) all the way through them. And even on those tighter curves, loosen up a little! Learn how to "drive the line"! It's fun!

Think of the carpool lane as a fast lane
Too many people act like driving in the carpool lane is a treat they've earned merely by having the right number of people in their car. What are you, six? No. The carpool lane is supposed to encourage better traffic flow. It's not supposed to be a fourth lane for doing exactly the same speed as everybody else. If you aren't going faster than the traffic in the left lane (or the middle lane, or the right lane), move right!

Yield does not equal Merge, and vice versa
Many people seem to have been absent the day they taught traffic signs in Driver's Ed. Here's a refresher:

A Yield sign means you must slow down and prepare to stop if other cars are coming. It also means that YOU MUST STOP if other cars are coming.

A Merge sign means you should match your speed* to the speed of the traffic you are joining and get your butt out there. Do not expect the other drivers to match their speed to yours, and DO NOT STOP. Both practices will get you creamed.

* This means you will need to pick your spot and then either speed up or slow down to slide right into it. You do the adjusting. Here's a great instruction page for merging. Pay attention to step 4.

And to all you drivers in the mainline who think you have to slow down or even, science forbid, stop for merging traffic, KNOCK IT OFF! It's dangerous. I mean, of course you're going to adjust to someone who is merging poorly, but don't encourage them to merge poorly by being overly polite. You have the right of way.

There are worse things than missing an exit or exiting inadvertently
Did you know that the freeway in an urban area has an exit every mile or so? And did you also know that most exits lead to on-ramps that put you right back on the freeway if you so choose? Yes, it's a pretty cool system! So don't risk your own life or anybody else's over exit confusion. Take a breath, take the detour, and get where you're going safe and sound and barely a minute later.

If there's no room for me on the other side of the intersection, there's no room for you
We'll move off the freeways now to our gridlocked surface streets. Folks, if I stop at a green light and refrain from crossing an intersection because there's no room for me over there, that does NOT give you license to make your right-turn in front of me from the cross-street or cut in front of me from another lane. You will cause the gridlock I was trying to prevent, and anyway, it is still my turn! Until my light turns red, I get to go when the traffic moves, not you.

Take your freaking turn at the four-way stop
People in the Northwest are polite. I get it. I like it. But jeezum Pete, let's not get carried away! The rules at a four-way stop are simple and clear. You have the right of way when:
1) You are the first to arrive at the intersection, or
2) You and another driver get to the intersection at the same time but you are on his right, or
3) You've had time to make a complete stop and the driver across from you has the right of way and is crossing the intersection. (Your waiting for your "whole" turn to cycle around in this instance serves no purpose. The cross traffic has to wait anyway.)

To observe any rules but these, even for the sake of politeness, leads to nothing but confusion and delays and frustration. If it's your turn, take it!

Got other pet peeves?
Add them to the comments. We can all take this chance to let off a little steam.

Weekend connections

(Obviously, today has been my day for blogging! I've even written a couple of posts I'm saving for another, less loquacious day.)

We've had a good weekend!

Friday night, Frank and I had a date. An honest-to-goodness, grown-up date! It was great. We went to the Celtic Bayou in Redmond, an Irish/Cajun pub we've been wanting to try. The spicy shrimp appetizer and Frank's crawfish etouffee were WAY better than my beer and corned beef and cabbage, so we have to recommend their Cajun food over their Irish food, but it was a good meal nevertheless. And the bread pudding is Really Good! Next time, we'll just have appetizers and dessert!

Saturday, we split up for separate commitments. Frank and MJ went to their last volleyball game (they lost, but it was a good game). They thought there would be a party afterward at the restaurant owned by the team's sponsor, but that didn't come off, so Frank used the extra free time to install my fancy toilet seat. It was a classic home improvement project—three times more challenging than expected, with two trips to Home Depot—but he ultimately met with success. It's a great addition to our house!

I went with my mom over to Thorp (a teeny little town in Eastern Washington, just this side of Ellensburg) for my cousin Thom's graduation party. He got a BA in psychology from Central Washington University. The party was held at our Uncle Ross and Aunt Patti's house and was a nice gathering indeed. It rained on us some, which is not very usual for the area, but that passed and the sun came out as the afternoon continued. My grandma especially enjoyed the day; you could see her loving every minute of having her brood around her. Five of her six kids were there, plus an assortment of grandkids. Nice!

As for Chloe, well, she had intended to go to the party with us, but the reality of her 8:30 wakeup call proved to be too much for her. Instead, she hung out at home and did her own thing. She and MJ have really been bonding over something recently, but I'm not sure what! They spend hours camped out in the basement (which looks like a tornado went through), watching an odd mix of movies (e.g., Sabrina and the Blair Witch) and hunching over the laptop together.

Today has been FUN, FUN, FUN. I've spent an amazing amount of time with my family considering I've barely left the computer. :-) In addition to blog posting and finally getting STUN initiated, I've got us all registered for the 2008 LIFE is Good Unschooling Conference. Yes, it's a year away, but we're still Very Excited about it. Counting down... And it's fun to think about the flow of time then: after the conference, I'll have four days of work left before my 100-day break.

We also made a trip to the library today. I needed to stock up on Books on CD (or CDs on Tape, as I persist in calling them) so I can bear the upcoming week's commuting. I'm considering riding the bus one day a week, too, which—despite some major transit improvements in our area—would involve four hours on the bus. I'd definitely need some entertainment for that!

A busy week ahead: In addition to working, I'm getting my hair cut Tuesday night (way belatedly), we have our first STUN meeting Wednesday, the girls and I are taking Grandma for her Birthday Shopping Day Wednesday afternoon, I've got an appointment to donate blood on Friday afternoon, and cousin Sonya is having a product party Friday night. And that doesn't count whatever we come up with for the weekend!

Quotes

"I should begin by explaining what I mean by 'our culture.' Rather than burden you with a definition, I'll give you a simple test that you can use wherever you go in the world. If the food in that part of the world is under lock and key, and the people who live there have to work to get it, then you're among people of our culture. If you happen to be in a jungle in the interior of Brazil or New Guinea, however, you'll find that the food is not under lock and key. It's simply out there for the taking, and anyone who wants some can just go and get it. The people who live in these areas, often called aboriginals, stone-age peoples, or tribal peoples, clearly belong to a culture radically different from our own."

-- Daniel Quinn, author of "Ishmael" and "If They Give You Lined Paper, Write Sideways," in a speech given at a homeschooling conference
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"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly alive."

-- Thich Nhat Hanh
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"It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education."

-- Albert Einstein
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"In the end, the secret to learning is so simple: forget about it. Think only about whatever you love. Follow it, do it, dream about it. One day, you will glance up at your collection of Japanese literature, or trip over the solar oven you built, and it will hit you: learning was there all the time, happening by itself."

-- Grace Llewellyn in The Teenage Liberation Handbook
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"Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life. . . I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be."

-- Anna Quindlen in a column written in 2000
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"So, if you sleep until you're 18... Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school–those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that."

-- Uncle Frank (Steve Carell) in "Little Miss Sunshine"
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"Well, we busted out of class, had to get away from those fools. We learned more from a three-minute record, baby, than we ever learned in school."

--Bruce Springsteen in "No Surrender"

The 99 percent solution

I've been reading Howard Zinn's seminal book, A People's History of the United States, and wanted to share an excerpt.

"One percent of the nation owns a third of the wealth. The rest of the wealth is distributed in such a way as to turn those in the 99 percent against one another...

"How skillful to tax the middle class to pay for the relief of the poor, building resentment on top of humiliation! How adroit to bus poor black youngsters into poor white neighborhoods, in a violent exchange of impoverished schools, while the schools of the rich remain untouched and the wealth of the nation, doled out carefully where children need free milk, is drained for billion-dollar aircraft carriers. How ingenious to meet the demands of blacks and women for equality by giving them small special benefits, and setting them in competition with everyone else for jobs made scarce by an irrational, wasteful system. How wise to turn the fear and anger of the majority toward a class of criminals bred—by economic inequity—faster than they can be put away, deflecting attention from the huge thefts of national resources carried out within the law by men in executive offices."

He goes on to offer a hopeful message of change-by-rebellion. I'm not sure I share his optimism. Maybe sometimes.

A STUNning new beginning

The girls and I have founded a new unschooling organization, STUN (SnoCo Teen Unschoolers Network). You can read all about it here: http:\\teenunschoolers.blogspot.com. Please pass the word to any unschoolers in the area!

Returning to work

I started back with my favorite Microsoft team on Monday. This contract should take me through another year to my next 100-day break (SUMMER VACATION!!!).

I have my own office! It won't last, but I'm enjoying every minute of it while it does. A good friend of mine is contemplating returning to this group, too; I'd love to share the space with her.

It is mostly being good to be back. I enjoy the people in this group, I enjoy the work, and my professional hat fits pretty comfortably. But I hate the traffic (you can look forward to a pet traffic peeves post soon), and I miss Frank and the girls. But at least we can IM again now!

Returning to real life

My first weekend home was spent running around!

My grandma went to the hospital with shortness of breath and chest pain. They checked her out and let her come home (with her promise to see her doctor ASAP), but we kept an eye on her nevertheless.

MJ ended up with quite the social weekend, despite her agreement to dogsit for my mom. She enlisted some help from Chloe and cousin Megan and some taxi service from Frank and me. (Angelo didn't seem to mind having a variety of caretakers, but it made for some juggling for us.) Friday night, she went to Seattle with friends to see Rolling, a documentary about ecstasy (XTC, the recreational drug). It turned out to be showing at a theater that is associated with a bar, so they couldn't get in. That was cool, too, though, because the producer was there and felt really bad for them, so they each got a t-shirt, a poster, and a promise for a copy of the DVD.

Saturday night—late Saturday night—they went to see Rocky Horror in the midnight show at the Admiral. Frank and I drove them down and got the fun of watching the, er, cast arrive. Then we hung out in the van, reading and napping, until the show let out.

Sunday, I spent some time preparing myself for my return to work on Monday. This involved mental preparation mostly. :-)

Returning to Washington

Here's the report on the second half of my Nebraska trip:

Saturday, Cherie and Steve hosted a dinner party. The guests were a couple of couples who just might be the only other liberals in Nebraska. :-) We had a most convivial evening, with good company, good food, and an impromptu song-fest in honor of the blue moon.

Sunday, Cherie and Steve took me to Pioneer Village in Minden. This is a large complex of buildings stuffed with antiques and not-so-antiques. The founder, Harold Warp, made a fortune in the war with his flexible plastic and proceeded to spend a big chunk of his money gathering goods for the museum. The exhibits are arranged more or less chronologically and include planes, trains, automobiles, snowmobiles, motorcycles, farm equipment, clothing, toys, linens, buttons, furniture, art, and houses (yes, whole houses, including a soddy). It's a pretty impressive place!




Monday was a quiet day on the pond, a last chance to visit, bond, play with the pets, and watch Firefly episodes. Oh, yes, and pack.




Tuesday morning, I hit the road for home. Some highlights of the drive home:

* A whopper of a thunderstorm, complete with big ol' hailstones, as I drove through Denver. It just figured it would hit in one of the few places where I was driving in traffic!

* The gorgeous drive on US 40, up over Berthoud Pass (11,307 feet up!), through Steamboat Springs (where they are busily enjoying Mud Season), and onto the astonishingly gorgeous high plateau.

* My blissful visit to the canyon area of Dinosaur National Monument. I pretty much had the place to myself and got to enjoy my hike and the stunning views at the end of it in absolute silence. Well, except for when the swallows would occasionally whooooosh by on hunting runs. What a great day! (And Crocs are great-- and quiet--for easy hikes, by the way!)





* More incredible scenery on US 40 through Utah, especially where it passes Starvation and Strawberry Reservoirs and drifts over the Daniels pass.

* Crossing Idaho into the blinding sunset, which would have been less scary if the truckers had shown any acknowledgement of the fact that they were driving blind!

* The sudden white-gray flash as an owl swooped in front of the van out of the dark.

* Pushing myself *just* a bit too hard to get into Oregon for night 2. I should have stopped at Boise.

* The odd twist of finding eastern Oregon and Washington the brownest places of my trip.

* Visiting Margie's grave in the 95-degree heat in Yakima. I'm glad to remember Margie, but it always gives me a jolt to see my daughter's name on a gravestone!

* A lovely little visit with Jorene, Morrie, Ferd, Bill, Sheila, and the boys in Selah. (Thanks, guys!)

* Coming home. Frank and the girls had a clean house and a little birthday celebration waiting for me. My gift? A new toilet seat. Hee hee hee! That sounds BAD, doesn't it, but it's what I wanted really! It has a heated seat and a built-in bidet system. Very decadent!

Chinese new year

Well, I'm another year older. Or another day older, depending how you look at it! :-) I had a very nice birthday here in Lexington. I started my day with a solitary walk out to the Platte River. It's, oh, half a mile to a mile through the woods. I saw a couple of deer bounding away from my noise, and a hawk circled overhead, seemingly charting my progress. The river is flowing well, thanks to their recent rainfall, but that means it's about two feet deep instead of it's usual less-than-one. I waded across to a sandbar and spread out a towel, then spent a pleasant hour sunbathing and reading my novel. Oh, and Frank and the girls called to wish me a happy birthday.

Then I began my somewhat circuitous walk back to the house. What that means is, I got lost. At about the moment I realized I was pretty turned around, it started to rain, and I began imagining a long, wet ramble. But then it quit raining and I got my bearings. I came out of the woods only about 100 feet from where I went in. Not too shabby.

This evening, Cherie and Steve took their moms and me out for dinner at a little Chinese restaurant in town. I'm not sure how tiny Lexington ended up with a Chinese chef better than many in Seattle's International District, but they did. Cherie and Steve have sent a lot of business his way, so Sam set out to give us an evening to remember. He provided, gratis, an appetizer platter of mussels in cream sauce and an artful plate of oranges and sesame seed balls to accompany our birthday-cake dessert. Sam and his sons joined us for cake, and Sam entertained us with stories of his arrival in America (first in Seattle, then L.A.). He said he moved to Nebraska because he couldn't afford to pay property taxes and buy car insurance for four sons in Los Angeles.

The cake itself was a rare treat: Steve's specialty spice cake! That's said with a wink, since he had a little help from Betty Crocker, but the cake was truly delicious and I was touched that he baked for me. And Cherie surprised me with a gorgeous bouquet of roses. It was a very fun birthday!

News from home: Thursday night, Frank and the girls went to the midnight showing of the new Pirates movie. Reviews were mixed. This morning, Chloe and MJ and the Canonica gang headed to Coulee. When I talked to my mom this evening, MJ was off helping a 5-year-old friend master his Sponge Bob XBox game, and Chloe was re-reading Fruits Basket books and laughing a lot. I could hear the sounds of the friendly/fierce poker game in the background. Mom said one cousin came in all the way from Montana to get in the game.

Meanwhile, Frank is having his weekend alone. I am sure he's enjoying every minute of it!

Road notes

Greetings from Nebraska! I am here visiting Cherie (one of my moms) and her husband, Steve. I made the drive in a speedy two days, thanks to low traffic and high speed limits. I love doing 80 on 80!

In addition to some stunning scenery, I saw a fair amount of wildlife on the drive, including deer, antelope, prairie dogs, and a coyote. I also found the fabled end of the rainbow, right there in Oregon! I came over the crest of a hill and there it was, slanting down onto the valley floor below.

Wyoming was gorgeous, as always, but spring has not yet sprung there. Or not spring as I define it, anyway! I'm sure the residents there are enjoying the relatively mild weather, but there was light snow in the foothills and an icy wind out of the north. Brrr!

Nebraska is better. They've had a lot of rain this year, so everything is amazingly green—it looks more like the Northwest than the plains. It is pleasantly warm (or pleasantly cool, depending on your perspective). Cherie and I just spent a lovely couple of hours sitting down by the pond, watching and listening to the very busy bird population. The orioles are here, and we spotted a red-headed woodpecker, and Big Chick, the resident great blue heron, put in an appearance.

Being busy with other things, Frank and the girls stayed home. Frank has a month left on his contract, and MJ and Chloe leave tomorrow to go over to Grand Coulee for an annual Canonica gathering, which means Frank will get a rare weekend to himself for Memorial Day. A nice treat!

Oh, one follow-up note: MJ, Chelsea, Megan, Alexis, Kyla, and Logan all had a fabulous time at the My Chemical Romance concert. I drove them down about 4 in the afternoon, being vaguely worried we were going too early. Not! There was a sizable crowd there by the time we drove up. Somehow they managed to locate Jesse, another of MJ's friends, so Logan wasn't all alone with his harem for long. The show let out about 10, so the kids who had school the next day weren't even all that late to bed.

I'm off to do some more relaxing! I'll post again in a few days. Or maybe not til I get home. We'll see how the spirit moves me.

Driving Miss MJ

MJ is having a busy weekend and taking us along for the ride (meaning we're providing taxi service). Friday afternoon, she and Chloe went with Chris, Chelsea, and Chelsea's friend Alexis to see "28 Weeks Later." After the show (which seemed to be well received), Frank and I picked up Chloe at Chris and Denise's house. MJ stayed behind so she could get up really early Saturday morning to start setting up for the Sons of Italy dinner. She worked there all day yesterday, about 14 hours' worth. Frank, Chloe, and I showed up just to eat and watch the action for a while. MJ looked quite grown-up behind the serving counter! Erin took some pictures; watch for them on Emma's blog (link at right).

Today, I am driving MJ, Chelsea, and Alexis downtown for the Killers concert. Tomorrow, I am driving MJ, Chelsea, Alexis, Megan, Kyla, and Logan downtown for the My Chemical Romance concert. Tuesday, I am driving MJ to Hope for Horses. Ah, the exciting life of a parent!

I did get to have some fun of my own yesterday. Ella (3) came over to play at our house yesterday. She rode home with us from the spaghetti dinner because she'd had enough of that place. We watched "Dinosaur," jumped on the mini-trampoline, folded a load of laundry, played on Boohbah.com, colored Boohbah pictures, explored the stuffed animal closet (Chloe acted as escort for that one, because my allergies can't stand to go in there -- I am sneezing just thinking about it), and picked a little bouquet of flowers for Ella's mommy. It was a lovely afternoon, and then she went home! Perfect! :-)

It's raining again. (sigh) I was really enjoying the sunshine. Maybe it'll be back. Eventually.

I am contemplating a roadtrip (Driving Miss Ronnie). I'll find out Monday what day they want me back at work, then I'll decide whether to take off. If they want me sooner, I might enjoy a little Seattle vacation instead. The summer season of cool local events is ramping up, so that would be fun, too.

Update 1:21 p.m.: The Killers concert has just been postponed due to lead singer Brandon Flowers' case of bronchitis. The new date is set, unfortunately, for 5/27, when MJ and Chelsea will both be out of town. Does anybody want to buy a couple of Killers tickets? :-(

New child restraint law in Washington

There is SO much confusion being spread about the new child restraint law that is going into effect in Washington on June 1, 2007. Frankly, the media and various spokespeople keep getting it wrong. Here's the real scoop:

Technically, the new child restraint law applies to all passengers under age 16. Practically speaking, the law only regulates child restraint through age 12. But see the "cop discretion" note below.

Kids must ride in an appropriate, properly installed and secured carseat or booster seat until they reach EITHER age 8 OR 4’9” in height. That big "OR" there means a 7-year-old who is 4’9” does not need to ride in a booster (because he meets the height requirement), and, similarly, an 8-year-old who is less than 4’9” does not need to ride in a booster (because she meets the age requirement). But see the "cop discretion" note below.

Kids 8 years old and older AND kids 4’9” tall and taller can use the regular seatbelt as long as it fits them properly. The italicized part there is left to the discretion of the cop who pulls you over. A cop could conceivably ticket the driver if an older kid has a shoulder belt that cuts across his neck, just as he could ticket the driver if a younger kid is riding in a carseat that has not been installed or secured properly.

Kids under 13 should be made to ride in the backseat “where it is practical to do so.” That phrasing probably gives some leeway to someone who is transporting a pack of kids and has run out of back seats.

If you want to do your own research, the link below will take you to the full text of the actual new law (scroll down past the outgoing law).
http://apps.leg.wa.gov/RCW/default.aspx?cite=46.61.687

Spaghetti Feast Saturday!!

The Marysville chapter of the Sons of Italy is having their annual charity fundraiser All-You-Can-Eat Spaghetti Feast.

Where: St. Mary's Catholic Church in Marysville
When: Saturday, May 19th, 2007 -- 1 to 6 p.m.
Prices: $9 - adults, $4 kids 4-10, kids under 4 free

Raffle giveaways and a 50/50 raffle will be going on all day.

Dinner includes spaghetti, meatballs, Italian sausage, roll, salad, cake and wine or pop. Proceeds go to scholarships and local charities.

Click the link above for directions to the church. We'll all be there. Come on down and join the fun!

Returning to work

I just heard from my favorite team at Microsoft: they are able to bring me back sooner than the July 1 start of the new fiscal year. I'll start back either May 29 or June 4, depending.

I am so glad to be employed, so glad to be returning to this team, so glad we'll have double paychecks for the month of June while Frank finishes up his assignment.

But having June off would have been really nice, too....

The homeschoolers you know

Do you know any homeschooled kids who seem to be proof positive that homeschooling is bad?

I wonder about that sometimes. Nobody has ever posted a comment saying as much, but I still find myself imagining one of my blog readers thinking to himself or herself, "That would make sense except that the homeschooled kid I know is a real brat!" or "Yeah, right, then why does the homeschooled kid I know have trouble with subject X?"

Maybe someone has even had such a thought about one of my kids! Gasp! If so, certainly don't make the mistake of telling me! ;-)

I think we need to be careful about judging any group of people by the actions or abilities of one or a few individuals in the group. A lot of homeschoolers are aware of having a certain responsibility for representing the homeschooling community. Some probably even strive to control their kids' public behavior so as to create a good impression. You won't find much of that in the unschooling community, but we feel the eyes on us even so. We know people will tend to judge home- and unschooling based on the home- and unschooled kids they meet.

Does that seem fair to you? It doesn't to me. Other people just get to live their lives. Why not us?

Maybe next time you find yourself painting all homeschoolers with one brush, you can try asking yourself the opposite question to the one I started with: Do you know any schooled kids who seem to be proof positive that schooling is bad?

I'll wager you've met more than one or two.

---

P.S. The other reality check to keep in mind is this: Imagine what that "proof positive" homeschooled kid would be like if she were in school. Are you really sure she would be better off? Truly? In fact, are you sure her parents haven't already tried school and found it made things worse?

For example, there were a couple of very shiny, sparkly kids at the unschooling conference. Very intense personalities there. As unschoolers, they're honored and given space to be themselves, and they're just part of the pack of unique beings at an unschooling conference. I don't even want to think about those kids in a school setting! Imagine the discipline problems, fights, tantrums, parent-teacher conferences, medications, stress, depression, devastation.

Contrary to popular opinion, school doesn't "fix" kids like that; it just chews them up and spits them out. This we saw firsthand.

What unschooling looked like yesterday

Chloe spent the early morning working on an Anime Music Video (AMV), which is a little movie made of anime clips, usually themed, set to one or more songs. Unfortunately, the thing crashed just as she was completing it and she lost most of her work. This is an excellent example of how unschoolers learn to deal with the frustrations life throws their way. (Some people argue that, because we say "Yes" to our kids so much, unschooled kids are too sheltered from real life. These people seem to think we have to create or foster stress and unhappiness in our kids' lives, as if real life won't provide them with enough practice—in which case, I have to wonder why they think our kids need practice. It's not very logical, but it's another argument we come up against again and again.)

Starting our day with Chloe's tears was sad, but it was nice watching MJ offer comfort and computer assistance. They went off to the basement, where Chloe had been working, to see what they could salvage. Not having any luck, they cheered themselves up by watching Dane Cook comedy videos on YouTube. Then Chloe went to sleep there on the futon, and MJ started making AMVs of her own.

Sidebar about AMVs: These little movies are very clever. The creator must search through dozens of anime clips to find scenes that suit the music selections and/or the theme of the video. In many, one character is "singing" the song, so clips have to be located where the movements of the character's mouth fit the words of the song. MJ and Chloe have both made Fruits Basket "theme song" videos; these contain clips of each of the major characters in the show, with one song snippet per character. They've pulled together some varied and clever music choices. Another example is the "Green Fields of France" video Chloe made. The song is a rather political tune about a WWI soldier who dies on those green fields. Chloe watched someone else's AMV that used Full Metal Alchemist characters and decided to try one using Fruits Basket characters. It was a challenge, since (a) there are no soldiers in Fruits Basket, and (2) nobody dies. But she pulled together a great collection of clips, all very somber and moody, and made a cool little movie. On a lighter note, she made one set to "Come Dancing" that is full of dance scenes and chuckles.

In the afternoon, we set off for our second-week-in-a-row get-together with some other unschoolers. It was a gorgeous, hot day, so this gathering took place at our friends' house on Lake Roesiger. Oh, man, those kids had fun. They shivered their way into the lake a few times and ran around the yard throwing foam SCA javelins at each other and walked to the store for ice cream and just generally enjoyed each other's company.

When we got home at 8, tired and happy, MJ discovered that Verizon had deleted three batches of concert tickets from her inbox. Ack! Scary moment. (TicketMaster very kindly resent them this morning, so I don't have to pay back all the people MJ bought tickets for. Phew!)

While Frank, Chloe, and I watched House, MJ ran a load of laundry, planned AMVs, and thought about what she wants to wear when she works the Sons of Italy fundraiser spaghetti feed this Saturday. (She got her food handler's card on Monday, and we're going shopping for a red, white, and/or green apron today.) Then Frank, MJ, and Chloe settled in to watch Mind of Mencia while I read my book and fell asleep on the couch.

Academic interpretation: computer class, political science, phys ed, socializing and socialization, and whatever educators call it when they have students do art projects about literature. Ah, here's one thing Washington State says 8th graders will do: "Expand comprehension by analyzing, interpreting, and synthesizing information and ideas..." And then there's this:

"In eighth grade, students integrate observation skills and a variety of listening strategies to evaluate the effectiveness of auditory and visual information... They are able to analyze cultural principles, beliefs, and world views, including their own. Students use language and other communication strategies to find a common code for communication."

In other words, they'll do book reports, oral presentations, and art projects to illustrate their comprehension of what they've read, watched, and listened to. Hmmm, sounds like unschooling.

Some of our favorite Firefly quotes

WARNING! SPOILER ALERT!
Skip this post if you haven't watched "Firefly" yet! (And get yourself to Blockbuster!)

The ship:
Serenity, a battered but lovable Firefly-class spaceship

The crew:
Captain Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds
First Mate Zoe Alleyne
Pilot Hoban "Wash" Washburne
Ship's Mechanic Kaylee Frye
Hired Gun/Public Relations Specialist Jayne Cobb

The passengers:
"Ambassador" Inara Serra
Dr. Simon Tam
River Tam
Shepherd Derrial Book

"Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal." -- Wash (while alone on the bridge, playing pretend with toy dinosaurs)

"If wishes were horses, we'd all be eatin' steak." -- Jayne

"You are very much lacking in imagination." -- Mal
"I imagine that's so, sir." -- Zoe

"No, apes are noble creatures, you're some sort of man-ape-thing that went horribly wrong." -- Simon (about Jayne)

"They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see sky and they remember what they are." -- River
"Is it bad that what she just said makes perfect sense to me?" -- Mal

"Don't you love this party? Everything's so fancy and there's some kind of hot cheese over there." -- Kaylee

"Oh, I got heathens aplenty right here." -- Shepherd Book (referring to the crew)

"...I'm thinking of growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist." -- Simon (to illustrate his new status as a criminal mastermind)

"Well, my sister's a ship. I just have issues going way back." -- Simon

"I aim to misbehave." -- Mal

"I never married." -- Book (upon being called 'Grandpa')

"Now Inara - she's gotta have some really funny whorin' stories, I'd wager." -- Jayne
"Oh! Do I ever! Funny and sexy! You have no idea! ((pause)) And you never will." -- Inara

"You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?" -- Wash (in response to a comment by Zoe, his soldier wife)

"Ta very much for a lovely night then." -- Badger (after holding the crew hostage)

"What does that make us?" -- Mal
"Big damn heroes, sir." -- Zoe

"Yes sir, Captain Tightpants." -- Kaylee

"So. Would you like to lecture me on the wickedness of my ways?" -- Inara
"I brought you some supper. But if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped. Sin and hellfire. One has lepers." -- Book

"I'll be in my bunk." -- Jayne (after seeing Inara lead a female guest to her quarters)

"Enemies? You? No! How can it be?" -- Simon (to Jayne)

"Noah's Ark is a problem." -- River (assessing Book's Bible)

"I'm starting to like this poetry thing. 'Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower, somewhat less attractive now that she's all corpse-ified and gross...'" -- Wash

"Time for some thrilling heroics." -- Jayne

"This must be what going mad feels like." -- Simon (upon seeing a heroic statue of Jayne in a town square)

"Please, we're very close to true stupidity here." -- Book (in a moment of pending violence)

"His brains are in terrible danger." -- River (upon seeing Book's shaggy hair out of its usual ponytail)

"Well, my days of not takin' you seriously are certainly comin' to a middle." -- Mal (to Jayne)

"'Day' is a vestigial mode of time measurement. Based on solar cycles. Not applicable. ((pause)) I didn't get you anything." -- River (on Simon's birthday)

"I don't like him... Something about him bothers me." -- Zoe (about Wash, in a flashback)

"Thank you for the wine. It's very...fresh." -- Inara

"I can be terse. Once, in flight school, I was laconic." -- Wash

"I call it Vera." -- Jayne (about his favorite gun)

"Also, I can kill you with my brain." -- River (discouraging Jayne from betraying them)

"Well said. Wasn't that well said, Zoe?" -- Mal
"Had a kind of poetry to it, sir." -- Zoe

"Who's flyin' this thing?! Oh. Right. That'd be me. Back to work." -- Wash

"No power in the 'verse can stop me." -- Kaylee, and later, much more ominously, River

"Besides, why would I want to leave Serenity?" -- Inara

"Tell you what, you buy this ship, treat her proper, she'll be with you for the rest of your life." -- Used Ship Salesman

Marty is doing well

Frank spoke to Judy today. All is well there. Marty had a doctor's appointment recently and checked out great. They are trying a new type of insulin to see if they can level out his blood sugar, but that's about all that's happening.

In other news, our nephew Eric (Chuck's son) was in town for Jazz Fest. He and Paul hung out together. Paul's big news is that he and his girlfriend and her son have bought a house together. Frank thinks it's in Covington. This change means Chrissy has her place to herself again—a mixed blessing, I'm sure.

"Zoo" release

MJ's movie, "Zoo," opened in theaters today. It is playing in Seattle at the Varsity. Although the film is unrated due to its documentary nature, the Varsity has set an admission policy that no one under 18 can get in. I called and spoke to the manager to see if they would make an exception for MJ. They said they would, but we're still debating whether to go or not. The film contains "reenactments" that (1) might make us fairly uncomfortable, and (2) will perhaps attract an audience that might make us fairly uncomfortable. It's her call.

Socialization

From the American Heritage Dictionary:
socialize
TRANSITIVE VERB:
1. To place under government or group ownership or control. 2. To make fit for companionship with others; make sociable. 3. To convert or adapt to the needs of society.
INTRANSITIVE VERB:
To take part in social activities.

One of the questions homeschoolers hear often is, "But what about socialization?" The question usually encompasses all of the definitions above except the first one (although perhaps that one ought to be examined just a titch). This lumping of definitions means that the question also encompasses a number of assumptions, such as:
(1) School makes kids fit for companionship and for society.
(2) Positive social activities happen for every child in school.
(3) Homeschooled kids are isolated to such an extent that they will not be fit for companionship and society, nor will they get to take part in social activities.

Our societal belief in the first two assumptions is pervasive and virtually unchallenged. In fact, over the last few years I've been struck again and again by how often people accept such societal beliefs without even thinking about them. No logical reasoning is applied. Someone said something to me the other day about "drinking the unschooling Kool-Aid," implying that unschoolers are brainwashed or cultish or perhaps even doomed. Personally, I've seen far more evidence that indicates that we, as a society, have been drinking the school Kool-Aid!

So, I'm here to offer a dose of antidote for the assumptions listed above. I suspect that even listing the assumptions has prompted my readers to see their flaws, but I'll enjoy pointing them out anyway.

(1) School makes kids fit for companionship and for society.

Ahem. Actually, maybe I won't tackle this one myself. Here instead are a few quotes from John Taylor Gatto's "Underground History of American Education."

"By the end of the first quarter of the nineteenth century, a form of school technology was up and running in America’s larger cities, one in which children of lower-class customers were psychologically conditioned to obedience under pretext that they were learning reading and counting (which may also have happened). These were the Lancaster schools... They soon spread to every corner of the nation where the problem of an incipient proletariat existed."

"As I watched it happen, it took about three years to break most kids, three years confined to environments of emotional neediness with nothing real to do. In such environments, songs, smiles, bright colors, cooperative games, and other tension-breakers do the work better than angry words and punishment. Years ago it struck me as more than a little odd that the Prussian government was the patron of Heinrich Pestalozzi, inventor of multicultural fun-and-games psychological elementary schooling, and of Friedrich Froebel, inventor of kindergarten. It struck me as odd that J.P. Morgan’s partner, Peabody, was instrumental in bringing Prussian schooling to the prostrate South after the Civil War. But after a while I began to see that behind the philanthropy lurked a rational economic purpose."

"In the first decades of the twentieth century, a small group of soon-to-be-famous academics, symbolically led by John Dewey and Edward Thorndike of Columbia Teachers College, Ellwood P. Cubberley of Stanford, G. Stanley Hall of Clark, and an ambitious handful of others, energized and financed by major corporate and financial allies like Morgan, Astor, Whitney, Carnegie, and Rockefeller, decided to bend government schooling to the service of business and the political state—as it had been done a century before in Prussia. Cubberley delicately voiced what was happening this way: 'The nature of the national need must determine the character of the education provided.'" (emphasis added)

In other words, American schools were, in fact, designed to socialize kids—into factory workers. The students' fitness as companions has never been a goal.

(2) Positive social activities happen for every child in school.

Oh, I hope no one actually believes this. It simply isn't true. I'll take myself as a case in point. I went to a decent suburban school where there was virtually no violence. I was a successful student. I was reasonably happy in school. I had some fun. I was mildly popular ('though that one is harder to write, because I always felt like an outcast).

I had nightmares every night the week before my 10-year high school reunion.

Imagine what school was actually doing to me if it could have that effect on me ten years later. Imagine what school does to the kids in schools that aren't essentially safe places, to kids who aren't so successful, happy, enaged, and popular.

At my 20-year reunion, one woman wouldn't leave her hotel room because she was overcome with guilt over the way she had bullied her classmates.

And then there's the idea that school is a place where kids can be with their friends. That is also not true! School does not foster social interaction; there are dozens, even hundreds, of rules that prohibit it. Classroom management and school administration is very much about controlling and stifling the natural response of kids who find themselves in the company of other kids—that is, laughing, talking, playing, socializing. (Does the phrase "Stop socializing" sound familiar to anyone? I heard it more than once when I was in school.)

Here's a good example: The Federal Way, Washington, school district is contemplating a ban on iPods and cell phones. District reasoning runs as you might expect, with reference to distractions and text-message cheating, but the ban would cover not only classtime but time between classes and during lunch. Where does their reasoning fit into that? What's really happening is a change-with-the-times expansion of the district's anti-social-interaction ruleset.

Another good example: Classes in MJ and Chloe's elementary school were rewarded for walking the hallways in straight lines with no talking.

(3) Homeschooled kids are isolated to such an extent that they will not be fit for companionship and society, nor will they get to take part in social activities.

Over the years, the media has provided us with a few stories that seemed to support this assumption. There have been some much-publicized cases of child abusers who isolated their children from society and called it homeschooling, and the news stories about these people often carry the implication that these parents' freedom to homeschool gave them the freedom to abuse. Educators line up for the chance to say so on national television. It's bullshit, pure and simple. After all, most abused children are in school. I don't mean their abuse happens there (although it can and too often does), but it happens. School or no school, child abuse happens.

Rather than being about isolating our children, homeschooling is about putting our children into the real world. Instead of being confined to a room with kids their own age, our kids have friends of all ages. Homeschooling families have access to an increasingly vast network of peers, resources, and facilities. I'm sure many homeschooled parents wish their kids were more isolated, because all the running around they do makes for a busy life!

The reality is, homeschooled kids are only as isolated as they want to be.

Our family experience provides a good example. We are a somewhat insulated family, relatively homebound (when we're not out chasing hurricanes), so you might put our routine at the "isolationist" end of the homeschooler social spectrum. Knowing what you know about us and reading the brief history that follows, you might see that it's not very isolationist at all.

In the early days of our unschooling, MJ and Chloe were still in touch with their friends from school, and we had regular get-togethers with them. Those connections dwindled as time went on, and for a couple of years, the girls were perfectly content with the social activities our lifestyle naturally provided (cousins and other relatives, neighbor kids, family friends, Kendo devotees, boat yard and marina workers, sailors, park rangers, etc.). Then last year, MJ expressed an interest in widening her social circle. Chloe didn't much care, but she's gone along for the ride.

I found Hope for Horses, MJ's home away from home, where she has become very close to the adults who run the charity. I can't count the people that involvement has brought into her life, from veterinarians to farriers to musicians to movie makers.

I reached out to the unschooling community and Frank reached out to the cruising community, and we formed friendships with families all over the area. Chloe attended Summerhill School and formed friendships with kids from all over the world. MJ attended the Not Back to School Camp and formed friendships with kids from all over the country. Then we attended the unschooling conference, where a lot of those connections came together in one place (yes, there was even another former Summerhillian there), and discovered what a community of people we have become part of.

And then there's the community we're not part of, the more traditional homeschooling community, with its clubs and co-ops and meetings and potlucks and seminars. It's there, anytime we want it.

The result of this less homogenized socialization is kids who are comfortable talking to people of all ages. Sure, homeschooled kids like hanging out with other kids—and that is definitely a generalization to which there are numerous exceptions—but they don't automatically reject a newly met adult as a potential friend.

Yesterday, at a little gathering of unschoolers that I orchestrated at a park in Monroe, kids sat chatting with us moms at least half the time (with the rest of their time spent running around the tennis court and playground with the other kids in joyful abandon). The kids ranged in age from 12 to 16; nobody's age mattered, nobody was too cool to play, nobody was too young to be included.

Why do people cling to the idea that socialization only happens in school?
I have my own theories about why people cling to this idea so vociferously. There's the self-aggrandizement or self-delusion of the educational establishment. There's the self-protection of adults who suffered in school and can't face the prospect of it having all been for nothing. There's even my conspiracy theory about our government's continuing need for an obedient proletariat. But I'm afraid the real reason is simply that many of us are too well schooled to question our beliefs.

For any who are ready to start questioning, this page provides links to studies that support the ideas in this post:
http://atypicalhomeschool.net/general-information/the-cultural-myth-of-socialization/

On writing

I used to write fiction for fun. Some of my earliest memories are of scribbling down story starts (I rarely finished them), character descriptions, plot outlines, and so on. I still have a lot of the paper I generated back then, starting with the outline of a little sci-fi soap opera I conceived when I was about 13. It's full of complex and intertwining relationships between various members of various royal families scattered across several planets. Had I ever actually written the book, I'm sure it would have been High Art.

These days, my forays into fiction writing are few and far between. I believe the last was more than a year ago, when I produced two pages of a romance novel in order to satisfy a commitment to Chloe. The writing was as fun as ever, and the output was surprisingly decent for having sprung from a command performance rather than true inspiration, but the spark faded as it too easily does these days. I'm not sure I can explain why that is. Maybe it comes from too many years of Doing What Needs To Be Done; the spark is vulnerable to excessive responsibility. That isn't a complete explanation, though. As mentioned above, I never had much follow-through when it came to my dream of writing the American novel (great or otherwise), not even when I was a good deal more footloose than I am now.

I still write, obviously, and I make a decent living doing so (something that—I must confess—gives me a certain smugness thinking back on the various people who tried to rain on my writing parade over the years). Fiction has given way to Help files, white papers, 300-page user manuals, and, of course, blog entries and other online offerings. These are not the tomes my younger self had in mind when she dreamed of becoming a writer, but they are satisfying nevertheless. Writing nonfiction comes easily to me and provides the thrill of that quick, fingers-flying flow of words that happens much less frequently when I write fiction. Plus, it's fun to use and stretch my expertise in creating end-user documentation.

But I think there are still stories inside my brain, waiting to be told. Every now and then, I hear voices in there that are not quite my own. (Sometimes one even takes over when I blog, so a post comes out with a tone rather removed from what I intended when I sat down to type.) When the spark flares to full life again and I find someone else's tale streaming out of me, I'll be pleased but not terribly surprised.

Doings

We had a pretty big weekend. Aeron, Mera, and Jaime (my buddies from the unschooling conference) came over to spend the night Saturday night. Late that night, we were joined by MJ, Madelyn (16), Marty (18), and Conor (17), who had been hanging with each other since the conference, with time spent both in Corvallis and on Whidbey Island. They crashed at our place after spending a long evening in Seattle. We didn't get to see much of them, unfortunately, because Madelyn and Marty got up about 8 to head back to the island, and I dropped Conor at the train station so he could ride back to Oregon.

Sunday morning, Frank left very early to help some people move their new boat from Blaine to Bellingham. It was a rather ill-fated trip, involving low wind (despite there being big wind seemingly everywhere else in the region), engine trouble, a long and expensive tow, and a certain lack of provisions for what turned out to be more than 12 hours on the water. He didn't make it home until nearly midnight, tired and sunburned but fairly philosophical about it all.

Their misadventure put something of a kink in our plans to host a party for a group of sailing/cruising families. I ended up hosting alone, and all but one of the families ended up bailing (no pun intended). So, it was a much smaller party than we expected; we'll be eating spaghetti until the end of time. But it was still a nice enough gathering.

The kids, their parents, and I drove down to the waterfront to watch the kiteboarders playing off Jetty Island. Did you know that Everett is one of the premier destinations in the world for kiteboarders? It is always really fun and sort of fishtank-soothing to watch them, with their colorful kites doing sky ballet. It seems miraculous that they never have collisions, or at least not often enough that I've ever witnessed one.

Last night, we got to visit briefly with my mom and Tom who are, at long last, back from their latest southwest tour. We've missed them, and the girls are really looking forward to a renewal of our regular beach visits. And Angelo the dog is thrilled to be home; he ran around like a crazy thing when he realized where he was.

Today has been a quiet one. Frank worked, then he and MJ went to volleyball practice. Chloe did Chloe things and, to my not-so-secret relief, put off our planned session of amateur hair dyeing. (She's going to try cinnamon-red this time.) I did some party cleanup and checked my email regularly, because I'm waiting for word on my return to work. I'm hoping to set things up so I can take May off, too, with a nice, cushy job with my old team ready for me in June. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

We've finished off the day with a Heroes mini-marathon. MJ had to get caught up because she missed last week, then we watched tonight's very exciting episode. Only three episodes left in the season! Ack! I predict a cliffhanger...