The cons of unschooling

My friend and grown unschooler Idzie has written a post about the downsides of unschooling. She didn't include some cons I would have listed, so those are here as an addendum to her list.

Note that not every family will experience all of these or the ones on Idzie's list. But they represent some distinct themes that we see in the unschooling forums.

You follow your child's lead
This is the core of unschooling, so even newbies are excited about it. But it doesn't take long before something comes up that causes the parents to have a moment of revelation about what it really means, which is you follow your child's lead. Even when you don't particularly like or have interest in where they are headed.

This is happening to me right now in a couple of areas. Most immediately, Chloe is awake even though I got up expecting quiet time alone, and she wants to chat even though I am bursting with ideas for a new blog post. (She is very sleepy, so her bids for my attention are infrequent and short-lived, which is why the post is getting written anyway).

Then there's the college prep. Both girls are suddenly--happily, voluntarily--caught up in all the You Must Be Good Enough rigmarole that is getting into college, and I very much dislike it. I find myself caught up in long involved fantasies of starting a real South Harmon Institute of Technology.

Multiple kids mean a lot of leads to follow
Being an unschooling parent is no walk in the park (unless your kids want to walk in the park). If you have more than one kid, get ready to juggle interests, energy levels, sociabilities, sensibilities, and schedules.

Schedules? We don't need no stinking schedules!
It is entirely possible in an unschooling household of, say, four people for there to exist four very different daily schedules, with each subject to change without notice and often at a time that is awkward due to prior commitments made. Parents of younger children may be able to arrange things to their liking, but not always. We regularly have parents with infants asking what to do when the four-year-old wants to stay up late while mom and baby sleep and isn't really ready for that much alone time.

In a household with older kids, the mixed schedules can really be pretty fun and work amazingly well, but not always. Idzie misses spending time with her nightowl sister. Chloe sleeps through the occasional family event.

Learning happens all the time
Again, this is a core value of unschooling. It's why unschooling works. But it ain't always easy to live by.

One of my favorite bits from one of my favorite books is this from Parenting a Free Child by Rue Kream:

The moon was out, and Rowan and Dagny started to talk about craters on the moon and how you can see them with a telescope, and gee, maybe we should look at them with our telescope? Jon jumped up and started walking towards the house, all the while muttering just loud enough for us to hear, "Damn this unschooling. Kids wanna see the moon, I gotta schlep out the telescope. Put 'em in school, and if they wanna see the moon you just tell 'em to wait 'til they cover it in science class. Stupid idea, keeping these kids home..."

Socialization
There, I admitted it! Socialization is a problem!

Okay, not really. What can be both a joy and a con of unschooling is that the time it takes to get someplace to visit like-minded friends must often be measured in hours instead of minutes. Bright side? We do a lot of traveling and have a lot of houseguests! Down side? We do a lot of traveling and have a lot of houseguests. And since each trip or visit requires prep and recovery time... Well, see below.

Your house is lived in
And I do mean lived in. What we have discovered is that keeping the house tidy when all of its residents go off each day for six to ten hours is MUCH easier than when some number of them are at home all day. Every day. Busily engaged in the business of learning and playing and living their lives.

Whatever your weaknesses as a parent, they will be revealed
I imagine parents whose kids are in school discover their weaknesses as parents, too. But when you are it for your kids, parent and partner and mentor and friend and confidant, you had better be a good it. Unschooling parents tend to do a lot of self-examination and a lot of work on improving their reactions and responsiveness to their kids. It is hard fricking work! The rewards are huge, of course, but it's not for the faint of heart.

A note about cons

I want to respond to something Idzie said in the preface to her list of cons. She said the downsides of unschooling aren't talked about much by unschoolers. I don't think that's entirely true. Every item on her list and mine is discussed regularly by unschoolers. We write about them and we talk about them. It's just that we tend to take them on one at a time, issue by issue, helping a specific parent with a specific instance. And every discussion includes lots of commentary on why we do what we do, and why we think it is so very much worth our time and commitment.

To read more about my personal whys, see some of my previous posts about unschooling.