Put 'em all in a blender

I've been meaning to do this one for months. If you want more, here are Steph's and Frank's.

First, select ten fictional characters (from any medium) by whichever method you like best.

1. Rocky Raccoon (gun-toting betrayed lover from the Beatles song)

2. Lt. Eve Dallas, New York Police and Security Department (kickass mystery-solving cop from J.D. Robb's In Death series)

3. Professor McGonagall (no-nonsense transfiguration teacher from J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series)

4. Badger (shifty and ruthless "businessman" of Irish descent, from Firefly)

5. Mystique (sexy, militant, shapeshifting blue mutant, from X-Men)

6. Colin, God of Love (guy who's just on the wrong continent in Love Actually)

7. Agador Spartcus (Guatemalan houseboy who has a problem with shoes, from The Birdcage)

8. Elle Driver, aka California Mountain Snake (one-eyed assassin from Kill Bill)

9. Odd Thomas (he sees dead people, from the books by Dean Koontz)

10. Titania, Queen of Fairies (from Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream)


Divide the list up by even and odd.

Odds: Rocky, Professor McGonagall, Mystique, Agador, and (appropriately enough) Odd.

Evens: Eve Dallas, Badger, God Colin, Elle Driver, and Titania.

Which group of five would make a better Five-Man Band (like a Power Rangers team)?
The Evens. Colin, despite his charm, is their weak link, but the Odds have two such in Rocky and Agador.

Who would you slot in each position: Leader, Lancer (second-in-command), Big Guy, Smart Guy, The Chick?

For the odds:
* Leader: Minerva, of course. She's smart, decisive, resourceful, and suffers no fools.
* Lancer: This one was tough, but I have to go with Mystique. She has experience in the role, and she's intelligent enough to take the lead as needed.
* Big Guy: Rocky. He's best suited to a muscle position, and he doesn't lack courage.
* Smart Guy: Odd, although his smarts run toward intuition rather than pure intellect.
* The Chick: Agador. He's not especially pretty, but he's the only one I can see being able to pull off the damsel in distress gambit.

For the evens:
* Leader: Titania wants the job, but Eve is more qualified to run a team.
* Lancer: Colin. He'll follow orders, and his naivete will balance Eve's cynicism.
* Big Guy: Elle. There's nothing she likes better than doing the dirty work.
* Smart Guy: Badger. Eve will have to watch her back, but Badger will always be able to point out all the angles, especially if a profit is involved.
* The Chick: Titania. She's beautiful, devious, and tempestuous.

If you think the teams would be improved by swapping one character between the even and odd groups, which ones would you switch?

Hmm. Nope, the teams stand as-is.

Gender-swap 2 (Eve), 8 (Elle) and 10 (Titania). Which character would have the most change in their story arc? Which the least? Would any of these characters have to have a complete personality change to be believable as the opposite sex?

I think Titania, as the most girly of our females, changes most. Elle would perhaps be less psychotic as a male...? Eve would be virtually the same person.

Compare the matchups of 1 (Rocky) and 8 (Elle) and 5 (Mystique) and 9 (Odd). (Ignore canon sexual preferences for the moment.) Which couple would be more compatible?

Ooh, a romance between Mystique and Odd would be very interesting. The mutant and the psychic. They would bond over being different but Odd's sensitive nature would ultimately irritate Mystique while her militant nature would wear on him. Odd goes for sweet—not the first word that comes to mind when I think of Mystique.

Rocky and Elle strike me as a complete mismatch. She'd kill him within a week.

Your team is 3 (McGonagall), 4 (Badger), and 9 (Odd). The mission consists of a social challenge, a mental challenge, and a physical challenge. Which team member do you assign to each challenge?

Social: Odd Thomas. People like Odd.
Mental: McGonagall. She's sharp as a tack.
Physical: Badger, but mostly because he'd be bad at the other two.

7 (Agador) becomes 1's (Rocky's) boss for a week in some plausible fashion. How's their working relationship?

Horrible. Rocky would walk all over Agador.

2 (Eve) finds herself inserted into 6's (Colin's) continuity. As far as anyone other than 2 or 6 is concerned, they've always been there. What role would 2 be presumed to have had in 6's story, and could they fit in without going wonky?

Eve would be seen as a big-sister type to Colin. She'd be able to hang out in Colin's life briefly, but then she'd be dragging him along (or leaving him behind) as she returned to her catching-the-bad-guys calling.

3 (McGonagall) and 5 (Mystique) get three wishes. The catch is that they have to agree on all three wishes before they get the benefits of any of them. What three wishes would they make?

This is tough, because their priorities change over the course of their stories. It also depends on what one considers canon for Mystique. However, at a very basic level, Mystique wants revenge, while McGonagall wants justice. Assuming each could compromise her principles a bit, I think they would wish for:

1. Humans/muggles to suddenly put people with different abilities on a pedestal.
2. Lots of money (although they would spend their shares in very different ways).
3. Lasting protection for mutants and wizards.

1 (Rocky) and 2 (Eve) are brainwashed by a one-time artifact that works even on people immune to mind control to attack and kill 4 (Badger). They keep their normal personalities, skills, and competence levels, except any code against killing has been turned off. Can 4 survive?

Definitely not. Against Rocky alone, Badger would stand a chance. With Eve in the mix, he's a goner.

6 (Colin), 7 (Agador), 9 (Odd), and 10 (Titania) must help an orphanage full of small and depressed children have a merry Christmas. Who does what, knowing that at the very least the kids will be expecting a visit from Santa?

Agador decorates, Colin does the Santa bit, Titania whips up some gifts, and Odd leads the caroling.

3 (McGonagall) and 8 (Elle) are challenged to circumnavigate the Earth in eighty days or less, using only forms of transportation invented before 1900. Can they do it, or will they be fatally distracted by side quests or their own personality conflicts?

McGonagall can take them 'round in a jiffy without being distracted, and Elle would pose no threat to her. Elle is a wildcard, but I think she would have enough patience for the trip.