Mojo Brew bio
6 months ago
Saturday, April 28, 2007
More "should"
Aunt Jorene sent this quote: "Don't 'should' on yourself, or on anyone else!" Read it out loud to get the full effect. :-)
Baby moments
I was in a shop downtown yesterday and encountered a woman with a baby. She had him parked behind her while her transaction was rung up. I started talking to him and jingling my keys at him. She turned to look, so I gave her a friendly smile. She said, "Oh, good," and walked off to do a bit more shopping. It really surprised me, even though she didn't go far and was gone for only a couple of minutes. But I wish the world were such that all moms could be like that, trusting a friendly stranger to give her half a minute to get things done.
That moment in that store has helped a tiny bit to balance a very different moment I had in another store last week. This woman was walking all around Borders with her very small baby in a carrier. He was screaming, arms flailing, cheeks red. At one point, she set the carrier down, turned her back on him, and began to peruse the books. It was heartbreaking. I went up to that baby, too, and even went so far as to ask her if I could rock him. It didn't help. She said, "He doesn't like his carseat." Well, duh. That much was obvious to all of us in the store! I remain baffled over what she thought she might accomplish by torturing him that way.
http://www.attachmentparenting.com/
That moment in that store has helped a tiny bit to balance a very different moment I had in another store last week. This woman was walking all around Borders with her very small baby in a carrier. He was screaming, arms flailing, cheeks red. At one point, she set the carrier down, turned her back on him, and began to peruse the books. It was heartbreaking. I went up to that baby, too, and even went so far as to ask her if I could rock him. It didn't help. She said, "He doesn't like his carseat." Well, duh. That much was obvious to all of us in the store! I remain baffled over what she thought she might accomplish by torturing him that way.
http://www.attachmentparenting.com/
Chiara de España
In my excitement over Chiara's plans to visit here next summer, I forgot to pass on her other big news: She has been accepted into another exchange program, this one for a year at a university in Spain. (I can't remember what part of Spain, sorry.) She says she isn't very excited about it yet, but I'm sure she'll get there. She just needs a little American recharge first. :-)
Friday, April 27, 2007
Happy Birthday, Frank!
To the love of my life: Many happy returns of the day! And many thanks for sharing 21 fabulous years (and counting) with me.
Should
One of the things I’ve tried to do throughout our unschooling journey is to stop and question any thought that contains the word “should.” It was surprising and liberating when I realized just how many of the shoulds in my life were, upon examination, other people’s shoulds, or society’s shoulds, or just my own misconceptions or exaggerations about what constitutes proper behavior, appearance, and occupation. Initially, all these false shoulds were easily, even gleefully, abandoned. Some examples:
My kids should dress according to Hoyle (a.k.a. societal standards).
But why? To fit in, to make other people more comfortable, to avoid attention.
Who cares? Not my kids, not Frank, not me.
My kids should go to bed at a “reasonable” hour each night (even though they don’t ever have school in the morning).
But why? Uhhh…
Who cares? Not them, not Frank, not me.
My kids should sit down to meals with the family (even though we are together a lot through the day).
But why? Uhhh…
Who cares? Not them, not Frank, not me.
And the biggie:
I should bear full responsibility for my kids’ choices, to the point of taking those choices away as appropriate.
But why? Because society says so.
Who cares? Not them (they like being responsible for themselves), not Frank, not me (well, okay, sometimes me, but I do my best to stifle the controlling urges that come so naturally to me).
So, I threw out all those shoulds and many more like them. It was fun, and it was challenging. In fact, it was one of the most challenging things about beginning to unschool. I mean, Frank and I thought we were making an educational decision—the kids simply wouldn’t “do” school any more—and instead we ended up revamping our lifestyle, our assumptions, and most of our standard operating procedures. We began to question everything. “Who believes this? Is it really me, or is it society or Grandma or the next door neighbor?”
The happy results of all that questioning and revamping were impressive and became the foundation of my passionate belief in radical unschooling (RU), an approach to life and parenting that goes far beyond homeschooling. With RU, our kids became our friends. They began to trust us to be there for them in all ways, without any of the wrangling and plain bad feelings that traditional parenting techniques engender. It was a wonder.
And it still is. But lately, I've been noticing again how often I use “should” in my thoughts and speech. I think I've been backsliding from my early determination to stop letting “should” rule our lives.
Epiphany today: I use “should” regularly when what I really mean is “want to.” For example, it's Frank's birthday today, and I found myself thinking, “We should do something special for him.” How self-defeating that is! It strips out all the love and generosity that is actually contained in the thought, leaving only dry obligation. The fact is, I want to do something special for him. Where “should” is draining, limiting, tedious, “want to” is empowering, defining, motivating. “Should” is from that tense place between my shoulder blades; “want to” is from the heart. (Thanks to unschooling dad and life coach Scott Noelle for helping me place them.)
This is not to say that every should can be reframed into a want. If I say to Chloe, “I want you to wear matching socks,” it can be (and usually is) just as much about controlling her choices as “You should wear matching socks” would be. I’m not going to use my own wants as a weapon against my kids' autonomy.
But I do want to move to a place where I’m better able to recognize my own choices as being just that. The guilty thought “I should call my grandmother” becomes “I want to call my grandmother because I want her to know how much I care about her.” And the shame-filled “I should mow the lawn” becomes “I want to get the lawn mowed because I think it looks ugly when it’s shaggy.”
I also hereby renew my campaign against the false shoulds that bombard our family daily. And I'm going to stop doing the bombarding myself. I can tell I’ve been doing some of that when I open my mouth and my kids look at me with faint apprehension, like “Oh, man, what’s she going to lay on me now?” Enough of that! To help me break the should habit, they’re going to fine me a quarter every time I use a sentence with “should” in it. Here’s hoping they aren’t able to get too rich off my wayward tongue. :-)
My kids should dress according to Hoyle (a.k.a. societal standards).
But why? To fit in, to make other people more comfortable, to avoid attention.
Who cares? Not my kids, not Frank, not me.
My kids should go to bed at a “reasonable” hour each night (even though they don’t ever have school in the morning).
But why? Uhhh…
Who cares? Not them, not Frank, not me.
My kids should sit down to meals with the family (even though we are together a lot through the day).
But why? Uhhh…
Who cares? Not them, not Frank, not me.
And the biggie:
I should bear full responsibility for my kids’ choices, to the point of taking those choices away as appropriate.
But why? Because society says so.
Who cares? Not them (they like being responsible for themselves), not Frank, not me (well, okay, sometimes me, but I do my best to stifle the controlling urges that come so naturally to me).
So, I threw out all those shoulds and many more like them. It was fun, and it was challenging. In fact, it was one of the most challenging things about beginning to unschool. I mean, Frank and I thought we were making an educational decision—the kids simply wouldn’t “do” school any more—and instead we ended up revamping our lifestyle, our assumptions, and most of our standard operating procedures. We began to question everything. “Who believes this? Is it really me, or is it society or Grandma or the next door neighbor?”
The happy results of all that questioning and revamping were impressive and became the foundation of my passionate belief in radical unschooling (RU), an approach to life and parenting that goes far beyond homeschooling. With RU, our kids became our friends. They began to trust us to be there for them in all ways, without any of the wrangling and plain bad feelings that traditional parenting techniques engender. It was a wonder.
And it still is. But lately, I've been noticing again how often I use “should” in my thoughts and speech. I think I've been backsliding from my early determination to stop letting “should” rule our lives.
Epiphany today: I use “should” regularly when what I really mean is “want to.” For example, it's Frank's birthday today, and I found myself thinking, “We should do something special for him.” How self-defeating that is! It strips out all the love and generosity that is actually contained in the thought, leaving only dry obligation. The fact is, I want to do something special for him. Where “should” is draining, limiting, tedious, “want to” is empowering, defining, motivating. “Should” is from that tense place between my shoulder blades; “want to” is from the heart. (Thanks to unschooling dad and life coach Scott Noelle for helping me place them.)
This is not to say that every should can be reframed into a want. If I say to Chloe, “I want you to wear matching socks,” it can be (and usually is) just as much about controlling her choices as “You should wear matching socks” would be. I’m not going to use my own wants as a weapon against my kids' autonomy.
But I do want to move to a place where I’m better able to recognize my own choices as being just that. The guilty thought “I should call my grandmother” becomes “I want to call my grandmother because I want her to know how much I care about her.” And the shame-filled “I should mow the lawn” becomes “I want to get the lawn mowed because I think it looks ugly when it’s shaggy.”
I also hereby renew my campaign against the false shoulds that bombard our family daily. And I'm going to stop doing the bombarding myself. I can tell I’ve been doing some of that when I open my mouth and my kids look at me with faint apprehension, like “Oh, man, what’s she going to lay on me now?” Enough of that! To help me break the should habit, they’re going to fine me a quarter every time I use a sentence with “should” in it. Here’s hoping they aren’t able to get too rich off my wayward tongue. :-)
Chiara is coming home!!!!
W A H O O ! ! ! !
Chiara just called us. She's coming to visit us this summer! Chloe and I are the only ones home right now, but we managed to make enough celebratory noise for a housefull. Then I stood there in the kitchen and cried happy tears and called a bunch of people. We miss her SO much, and we aren't able to swing a visit to Italy this summer, so I was afraid we'd have to go another year without seeing her. But SHE'S COMING!! She'll arrive late July or early August and stay for three weeks or maybe even MORE.
YAY YAY YAY!!!!
Chiara just called us. She's coming to visit us this summer! Chloe and I are the only ones home right now, but we managed to make enough celebratory noise for a housefull. Then I stood there in the kitchen and cried happy tears and called a bunch of people. We miss her SO much, and we aren't able to swing a visit to Italy this summer, so I was afraid we'd have to go another year without seeing her. But SHE'S COMING!! She'll arrive late July or early August and stay for three weeks or maybe even MORE.
YAY YAY YAY!!!!
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Experiencing acceptance
or "What unschooling looked like this weekend"
Greetings from the rejuvenated and inspired Maier family! We returned home yesterday from a long weekend in Corvallis, OR, where we attended the LIFE Is Good Unschooling Conference (with LIFE standing for Learning in Freedom Everyday). It was an exceptionally rewarding experience. I've been blogging in my head all weekend and will now do my best to recall all the cool stuff I wanted to share.
First and foremost, I want to try to describe what it was like to take my kids to a place where kids are really, truly accepted Just the Way They Are. We had probably 150 kids running free in that hotel (unschooling families occupied all but five of the rooms). They laughed, they ran, they dangled pipe-cleaner creations into the lobby, they played games in hallways, they had discussions and art sessions on stairwell landings, they swam in the pool, they rode skateboards in the parking lot. And they didn't get scolded or frowned at, and no one thought less of their parents for their behavior. Instead, they got indulgent smiles and laughter and sharing and other kids' parents pitching in to the fun.
It was amazing and nourishing and such a relief to be surrounded by people who looked at my teenagers with interest and friendliness instead of with the suspicion and judgmentalness and near-fear that they (and we) are faced with in society as a whole.
And do you know what? Nothing got broken or damaged. The nights were amazingly quiet and peaceful (especially considering most of the kids don't have bedtimes). The kids never fought -- not once -- and tears were very, very rare. There were moms nursing babies anywhere they felt like it, colorful signs on room doors, room doors propped open in invitation, conversations happening EVERYWHERE between people of all ages, and joy in the air so tangible that hotel staff members commented on it and asked to be invited to our next conference.
Some highlights:
* Listening to a speech called "Math Happens." It was given by engineer and math tutor and unschooling mom Mary Lewis, and it served to ease away the last wispy bits of my concern that unschooling math is "iffy." Turns out schooling math is pretty darned "iffy," too. (Did you know that 55% of college freshmen [that is, high school grads who've been accepted into college] are not prepared for college math courses?) She talked about how schooling begins immediately to interfere with the brain's natural ability to do computation by taking math out of the physical too early and moving it into the abstract. Also, that's when we start to tell kids they're "wrong" about math, thereby injecting fear and doubt into something that should be as natural as breathing. She said every one of her students (mostly math-phobic adults returning to school) would have been better off if they hadn't had a single math lesson during their childhoods. And she cemented my understanding of the difference between math computation (can be done on a calculator) and math concepts (must be understood by the brain) and how schooling tends to promote the former to the neglect of the latter.
* Seeing all the awesome, diverse, and interesting unschooled teens in general, but especially during the Teen Panel, when a brave group of volunteers answered questions about life as unschooled teens. Summing up some of their answers, I can tell you they have big plans for the future, they don't always fit in with schooled kids but don't find schooled kids all that interesting, their schooled friends don't seem to envy them (this surprised me because I am terribly retroactively envious of their lives), they bristle when asked if they wish they had more outside motivation -- they motivate themselves, thank you very much -- and their parents began talking to them about sex so long ago that they can't really remember when it started. Summing up my impressions, I can tell you they are articulate, entertaining, and the most settled and directed group of young people I've ever met.
* Sitting in our room with the door open, listening to Frank play his guitar and greeting all the people who wandered in to check us out.
* Finding Chloe and her new friend, Connor (16), asleep on a landing one afternoon, catching up after staying awake with a bunch of other kids all of the night before.
* Hanging out in Diana's room, playing with my new friend Fergus (3), who is just about the cutest little guy I've ever met. He has blond hair past his shoulders, a wicked grin, and a very firm concept of his own personal space. Nobody touches Fergus without his permission. I love that his parents support him in that.
* Going to the nearby Chinese buffet place with Frank, MJ, Chloe, and our friends Jaime (11), Mera (8), and Aeron (6), and watching the HUGE joy on all the girls' faces as they filled their own plates with whatever looked good. This included a fair amount of pudding, interestingly enough.
* Having long conversations with the girls' mom, Toast, who is easing her way into unschooling, and feeling like maybe I'm helping them on that journey.
* Watching the talent show Saturday night and seeing the way the crowd encouraged and applauded a variety of performers for more than two hours. Acts ranged from singers, to jugglers, to dancers, to skateboarders, to musicians, to an apparently quadruple-jointed lad who could practically turn his arms and legs inside out. Every single act was warmly received. My favorite was Mera, who performed a song she wrote herself, about how at this gathering we were all superstars.
* Stretching out on my bed with Mera about midnight one night to have a serious discussion about Battlestar Galactica and Heroes, then walking her back to her room through the quiet hotel.
* Dancing the night away at Sunday night's Barefoot Boogie. It reminded me of a Maier wedding, with everybody dancing with whomever was handy, regardless of age and gender and usually in groups of six or more. The conga line was gigantic and intense and prompted one of the few times the kids were asked to settle down just a little.
* Meeting some of my online friends, including the woman who organizes Live and Learn, the East Coast unschooling conference. She asked if I'd be interested in speaking at the 2008 one! Hmm, let me think...
* Leaving MJ behind because she couldn't bear for it to end. She's still in Corvallis with some friends from camp and will be returning tomorrow, although we still might not see her 'cause she's headed to their place on Whidbey first. I talked to her today and she said, "I'll see you Monday at the latest!"
Some lowlights:
* For us, it had to end.
* The spirituality chat that edged into Christian bashing. I have my own problems with fundamentalist Christianity, but it was unpleasant having the chat leader go negative during what was supposed to be an inclusive chat. She has reasons for her anger (e.g., a fundamentalist minister visited the hospital where her daughter lay dying of cancer and announced that 9yo Hannah was surely going to Hell), but I wish she hadn't expressed it there.
* The night guard at the hotel, thereafter dubbed "Señor Grumpy Pants," who was mean to the people who were still in the pool at 10 when he came to close it down for the night. A smiling "Time to call it a night" would have achieved his goal, you know?
* Not getting much sleep the first night because the girls kept coming into the room. At 2 and 4, it was to use the bathroom (even though there are public restrooms on the ground floor!), and at 6 it was to get their swimsuits. Lotta interruptions for a couple long past the infant-and-toddler stage of parenting.
* Experiencing huge envy of the parents who are unschooling their kids from birth.
But none of those detracted much from a singularly amazing experience. I am totally recharged and ready to dive into life!! AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT YEAR'S CONFERENCE!!
Want to go with us?
Greetings from the rejuvenated and inspired Maier family! We returned home yesterday from a long weekend in Corvallis, OR, where we attended the LIFE Is Good Unschooling Conference (with LIFE standing for Learning in Freedom Everyday). It was an exceptionally rewarding experience. I've been blogging in my head all weekend and will now do my best to recall all the cool stuff I wanted to share.
First and foremost, I want to try to describe what it was like to take my kids to a place where kids are really, truly accepted Just the Way They Are. We had probably 150 kids running free in that hotel (unschooling families occupied all but five of the rooms). They laughed, they ran, they dangled pipe-cleaner creations into the lobby, they played games in hallways, they had discussions and art sessions on stairwell landings, they swam in the pool, they rode skateboards in the parking lot. And they didn't get scolded or frowned at, and no one thought less of their parents for their behavior. Instead, they got indulgent smiles and laughter and sharing and other kids' parents pitching in to the fun.
It was amazing and nourishing and such a relief to be surrounded by people who looked at my teenagers with interest and friendliness instead of with the suspicion and judgmentalness and near-fear that they (and we) are faced with in society as a whole.
And do you know what? Nothing got broken or damaged. The nights were amazingly quiet and peaceful (especially considering most of the kids don't have bedtimes). The kids never fought -- not once -- and tears were very, very rare. There were moms nursing babies anywhere they felt like it, colorful signs on room doors, room doors propped open in invitation, conversations happening EVERYWHERE between people of all ages, and joy in the air so tangible that hotel staff members commented on it and asked to be invited to our next conference.
Some highlights:
* Listening to a speech called "Math Happens." It was given by engineer and math tutor and unschooling mom Mary Lewis, and it served to ease away the last wispy bits of my concern that unschooling math is "iffy." Turns out schooling math is pretty darned "iffy," too. (Did you know that 55% of college freshmen [that is, high school grads who've been accepted into college] are not prepared for college math courses?) She talked about how schooling begins immediately to interfere with the brain's natural ability to do computation by taking math out of the physical too early and moving it into the abstract. Also, that's when we start to tell kids they're "wrong" about math, thereby injecting fear and doubt into something that should be as natural as breathing. She said every one of her students (mostly math-phobic adults returning to school) would have been better off if they hadn't had a single math lesson during their childhoods. And she cemented my understanding of the difference between math computation (can be done on a calculator) and math concepts (must be understood by the brain) and how schooling tends to promote the former to the neglect of the latter.
* Seeing all the awesome, diverse, and interesting unschooled teens in general, but especially during the Teen Panel, when a brave group of volunteers answered questions about life as unschooled teens. Summing up some of their answers, I can tell you they have big plans for the future, they don't always fit in with schooled kids but don't find schooled kids all that interesting, their schooled friends don't seem to envy them (this surprised me because I am terribly retroactively envious of their lives), they bristle when asked if they wish they had more outside motivation -- they motivate themselves, thank you very much -- and their parents began talking to them about sex so long ago that they can't really remember when it started. Summing up my impressions, I can tell you they are articulate, entertaining, and the most settled and directed group of young people I've ever met.
* Sitting in our room with the door open, listening to Frank play his guitar and greeting all the people who wandered in to check us out.
* Finding Chloe and her new friend, Connor (16), asleep on a landing one afternoon, catching up after staying awake with a bunch of other kids all of the night before.
* Hanging out in Diana's room, playing with my new friend Fergus (3), who is just about the cutest little guy I've ever met. He has blond hair past his shoulders, a wicked grin, and a very firm concept of his own personal space. Nobody touches Fergus without his permission. I love that his parents support him in that.
* Going to the nearby Chinese buffet place with Frank, MJ, Chloe, and our friends Jaime (11), Mera (8), and Aeron (6), and watching the HUGE joy on all the girls' faces as they filled their own plates with whatever looked good. This included a fair amount of pudding, interestingly enough.
* Having long conversations with the girls' mom, Toast, who is easing her way into unschooling, and feeling like maybe I'm helping them on that journey.
* Watching the talent show Saturday night and seeing the way the crowd encouraged and applauded a variety of performers for more than two hours. Acts ranged from singers, to jugglers, to dancers, to skateboarders, to musicians, to an apparently quadruple-jointed lad who could practically turn his arms and legs inside out. Every single act was warmly received. My favorite was Mera, who performed a song she wrote herself, about how at this gathering we were all superstars.
* Stretching out on my bed with Mera about midnight one night to have a serious discussion about Battlestar Galactica and Heroes, then walking her back to her room through the quiet hotel.
* Dancing the night away at Sunday night's Barefoot Boogie. It reminded me of a Maier wedding, with everybody dancing with whomever was handy, regardless of age and gender and usually in groups of six or more. The conga line was gigantic and intense and prompted one of the few times the kids were asked to settle down just a little.
* Meeting some of my online friends, including the woman who organizes Live and Learn, the East Coast unschooling conference. She asked if I'd be interested in speaking at the 2008 one! Hmm, let me think...
* Leaving MJ behind because she couldn't bear for it to end. She's still in Corvallis with some friends from camp and will be returning tomorrow, although we still might not see her 'cause she's headed to their place on Whidbey first. I talked to her today and she said, "I'll see you Monday at the latest!"
Some lowlights:
* For us, it had to end.
* The spirituality chat that edged into Christian bashing. I have my own problems with fundamentalist Christianity, but it was unpleasant having the chat leader go negative during what was supposed to be an inclusive chat. She has reasons for her anger (e.g., a fundamentalist minister visited the hospital where her daughter lay dying of cancer and announced that 9yo Hannah was surely going to Hell), but I wish she hadn't expressed it there.
* The night guard at the hotel, thereafter dubbed "Señor Grumpy Pants," who was mean to the people who were still in the pool at 10 when he came to close it down for the night. A smiling "Time to call it a night" would have achieved his goal, you know?
* Not getting much sleep the first night because the girls kept coming into the room. At 2 and 4, it was to use the bathroom (even though there are public restrooms on the ground floor!), and at 6 it was to get their swimsuits. Lotta interruptions for a couple long past the infant-and-toddler stage of parenting.
* Experiencing huge envy of the parents who are unschooling their kids from birth.
But none of those detracted much from a singularly amazing experience. I am totally recharged and ready to dive into life!! AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT YEAR'S CONFERENCE!!
Want to go with us?
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Various
News from New Orleans: Jerry, Cori, and Molly are getting settled in. J&C are both working as temps while they look for career positions. And Marty is doing pretty well. He is still having memory problems--he doesn't remember Gary's name, for instance--and Judy says he sleeps a lot, but Chuck and Eric were happy to find him alert and chipper when they visited there a week or two ago.
There's a new foal on the way at Hope for Horses! The foster parents of Honey, a rescued mare, bred her in violation of their contract with HFH, so she's back at the main barn now, with the baby due soon. MJ wants to spend some nights in the barn on foal watch. I sure hope she gets to watch the birth this time!
With the hype for Harry Potter 7 building, Chloe has been digging back into her mile-high stack of HP books. She decided it would be fun to do some of the assignments the Hogwarts kids get in the books, so she's been spending quite a lot of time writing essays on cool stuff like moonstones, self-fertilizing bushes, Neptune, and kneazles. Her essays are quite good, plus it's been fun to watch her discovering all those school tricks for essays, such as WRITING LARGER TO FILL THE REQUIRED PAGES.
After two weeks with overtime, Frank has had a quiet week workwise, with even the weekly Friday meeting dedicated to a going-away party for one of the editors. So, we've been having a little at-home vacation. We're having a lot of fun with our Netflix subscription these days--each member of the family has his/her own queue now, which keeps all of us watching the mail for movies--and we have more library books out than we can possibly read before they're due.
Speaking of, I want to recommend "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom" to all my female readers (and interested males, too, of course). Dr. Christiane Northrup shares patients' stories and a lot of medical advice that combines the best of medical science with sensible tenets of spiritual/psychological healing. My favorite part about it is that she begins with the assumption that our bodies are naturally healthy and will remain so, instead of the assumption that we're going to fall apart as we get older. (Did you know that the Tarahumara Indians of Mexico believed that the best runners were people in their sixties, and that researchers who tested the members of the tribe found that the 60-somethings did indeed have the best lung capacity, cardiovascular fitness, and endurance? It illustrates how much our attitudes toward health and aging can affect us!)
Both girls are signed up for next summer's Not Back to School Camp. They are very excited, especially MJ.
MJ has a new haircut! She had about a foot of hair cut off. Cute, huh?
There's a new foal on the way at Hope for Horses! The foster parents of Honey, a rescued mare, bred her in violation of their contract with HFH, so she's back at the main barn now, with the baby due soon. MJ wants to spend some nights in the barn on foal watch. I sure hope she gets to watch the birth this time!
With the hype for Harry Potter 7 building, Chloe has been digging back into her mile-high stack of HP books. She decided it would be fun to do some of the assignments the Hogwarts kids get in the books, so she's been spending quite a lot of time writing essays on cool stuff like moonstones, self-fertilizing bushes, Neptune, and kneazles. Her essays are quite good, plus it's been fun to watch her discovering all those school tricks for essays, such as WRITING LARGER TO FILL THE REQUIRED PAGES.
After two weeks with overtime, Frank has had a quiet week workwise, with even the weekly Friday meeting dedicated to a going-away party for one of the editors. So, we've been having a little at-home vacation. We're having a lot of fun with our Netflix subscription these days--each member of the family has his/her own queue now, which keeps all of us watching the mail for movies--and we have more library books out than we can possibly read before they're due.
Speaking of, I want to recommend "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom" to all my female readers (and interested males, too, of course). Dr. Christiane Northrup shares patients' stories and a lot of medical advice that combines the best of medical science with sensible tenets of spiritual/psychological healing. My favorite part about it is that she begins with the assumption that our bodies are naturally healthy and will remain so, instead of the assumption that we're going to fall apart as we get older. (Did you know that the Tarahumara Indians of Mexico believed that the best runners were people in their sixties, and that researchers who tested the members of the tribe found that the 60-somethings did indeed have the best lung capacity, cardiovascular fitness, and endurance? It illustrates how much our attitudes toward health and aging can affect us!)
Both girls are signed up for next summer's Not Back to School Camp. They are very excited, especially MJ.
MJ has a new haircut! She had about a foot of hair cut off. Cute, huh?
Sunday, March 18, 2007
What unschooling looked like today
I can't believe it's been a month since my last post like this! Life is so fast.
MJ and Chloe are on a nightowl schedule right now, so I'll start this from last night.
Frank and MJ watched movies together last night, most with a sci-fi/horror bent. They finished up their mini-festival with some wretched Traci Lords disaster movie on the SciFi channel. You should have heard the blistering commentary drifting up the stairs! They were having a great time together, but there was scientific discussion about earthquakes and other phenomena, plus technical analysis of the craft of moviemaking.
Meanwhile, Chloe and I were hanging out upstairs. We read together some; talked about books; talked about translating unschooling activities into schoolish terms (she's fascinated by this); discussed global warming, the recent release of a rather grim draft report by a couple thousand of the world's scientists, and what our personal response to this report might be; talked about activism and what one person might (or might not) accomplish; talked about the human circulatory system, the benefits of stretching, and deep vein thrombosis; talked about the escapist value of traveling and flights of fantasy; talked about Ireland and England and the recent revelation/confirmation that the Irish and the English are, genetically speaking, one race and how it's cultural and political lines that separate them really; talked about the huge changes wrought on society by the Internet and how we don't really know the long-term effects of same. There's probably more. So, in schoolish terms, we hit on several branches of science, political science, sociology, history, and philosophy. And there's probably more.
After Frank and I crashed, MJ, who is not usually a nightowl, decided to see if she could stay up all night with the help of four frappuccinos. What do you know, she could! Health class, plus a little scientific method, plus a life lesson.
She spent the night writing. Enough said.
Chloe is habitually a nightowl and last night was no exception. She read some of "Hexwood" by Diana Wynne Jones, spent some time reading on fanfiction.net, created an illustrated fairy tale in a mini-book of her own design, and played pretend with her stuffed animals for a while. Oh, yes, and she and MJ had a whispered but nevertheless lively discussion in the livingroom at about six a.m., much to my dismay. Language arts obviously, art, imaginative play to explore interpersonal relationships, and socialization.
Today has been spent in individual pursuits. MJ is still awake and has done more writing. Now she and Frank are continuing their filmfest. Chloe is awake again and has been flitting between book and TV. Both girls and Frank have provided input into my blogging. We have about three hours left in this 24-hour-period, but I'm going to close this post out. There's enough here for you to get the idea. :-)
MJ and Chloe are on a nightowl schedule right now, so I'll start this from last night.
Frank and MJ watched movies together last night, most with a sci-fi/horror bent. They finished up their mini-festival with some wretched Traci Lords disaster movie on the SciFi channel. You should have heard the blistering commentary drifting up the stairs! They were having a great time together, but there was scientific discussion about earthquakes and other phenomena, plus technical analysis of the craft of moviemaking.
Meanwhile, Chloe and I were hanging out upstairs. We read together some; talked about books; talked about translating unschooling activities into schoolish terms (she's fascinated by this); discussed global warming, the recent release of a rather grim draft report by a couple thousand of the world's scientists, and what our personal response to this report might be; talked about activism and what one person might (or might not) accomplish; talked about the human circulatory system, the benefits of stretching, and deep vein thrombosis; talked about the escapist value of traveling and flights of fantasy; talked about Ireland and England and the recent revelation/confirmation that the Irish and the English are, genetically speaking, one race and how it's cultural and political lines that separate them really; talked about the huge changes wrought on society by the Internet and how we don't really know the long-term effects of same. There's probably more. So, in schoolish terms, we hit on several branches of science, political science, sociology, history, and philosophy. And there's probably more.
After Frank and I crashed, MJ, who is not usually a nightowl, decided to see if she could stay up all night with the help of four frappuccinos. What do you know, she could! Health class, plus a little scientific method, plus a life lesson.
She spent the night writing. Enough said.
Chloe is habitually a nightowl and last night was no exception. She read some of "Hexwood" by Diana Wynne Jones, spent some time reading on fanfiction.net, created an illustrated fairy tale in a mini-book of her own design, and played pretend with her stuffed animals for a while. Oh, yes, and she and MJ had a whispered but nevertheless lively discussion in the livingroom at about six a.m., much to my dismay. Language arts obviously, art, imaginative play to explore interpersonal relationships, and socialization.
Today has been spent in individual pursuits. MJ is still awake and has done more writing. Now she and Frank are continuing their filmfest. Chloe is awake again and has been flitting between book and TV. Both girls and Frank have provided input into my blogging. We have about three hours left in this 24-hour-period, but I'm going to close this post out. There's enough here for you to get the idea. :-)
About intelligences and learning styles
A couple decades ago, Howard Gardner, a professor at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, developed the theory of multiple intelligences. In a nutshell, he proposed that there is not a single "intelligence" but seven. Those are:
Visual/spatial intelligence
Musical intelligence
Verbal/linguistic intelligence
Logical/mathematical intelligence
Interpersonal intelligence
Intrapersonal intelligence
Bodily/kinesthetic intelligence
More recently, he added an eighth intelligence to the list, naturalistic. For decent descriptions of these intelligences, see the list here. His theory has been accepted through most of the educational community and is taught to many aspiring teachers, but it has been put in practice in only a very few schools around the world. Instead, most schools continue to value and reward verbal and logical intelligences and are geared toward those.
With unschooling, kids aren't all expected to have the same sort of intelligence. Verbal and logical intelligences aren't valued more, so kids with other intelligences aren't at risk as they are in school. For example, a boy with kinesthetic intelligence might be a discipline case in school, or labeled with dyslexia or ADD, or simply made to feel stupid. As an unschooler, that same boy might learn his ABC's while jumping on the trampoline, start reading while playing video games, or simply and beautifully excel in some physical pursuit. Most importantly, he will never be made to feel he's less for being who he is.
Learning styles go hand in hand with multiple intelligences. Gardner says, "Styles refer to the customary way in which an individual approaches a range of materials—for example, a playful or a planful style." With unschooling, we are able to honor our children's learning styles as well as their intelligences.
For example, the verbal intelligence of both of our girls is indisputable, but Chloe's learning style is playful and verbal, while MJ's is more thoughtful and internal. What I think of as their "secondary intelligences" are different, too, with Chloe's logical and intrapersonal leanings and MJ's musical, visual, and interpersonal ones.
So, what does honoring their learning styles and intelligences look like? In Chloe's case, it often looks like conversation! She lights up when we talk, and her experience of anything, whether it's a book or a dream or a trip to the grocery store, isn't complete until it's discussed and, usually, laughed over. She has always been this way. I remember hiring a nanny years ago, long before unschooling, and telling the nanny that Chloe needed to be listened to. We made it a job requirement.
Then there's her sensitivity. She feels hurts very strongly and has had periods of intense awareness of cruelty, hypocrisy, ageism, and, repeatedly, her own isolation from others. (This last is not about social isolation but an understanding that she is alone in her own brain, if that makes sense.) Honoring her intrapersonal processes and periods of grief has required patience, gentleness, and a certain creativity in finding ways to comfort her.
In MJ's case, the honoring often means butting out, something that can be especially challenging for me! She is very independent and very skilled at telling us what she needs, so we really can take our cues from her. Her goals tend to be thought through and well defined, and her pursuit of those goals is deliberate and self-monitored. She's more disciplined than I am, but she never nags, so I too often find myself in the position of holding up her progress because I've procrastinated and then forgotten something she needs me to do. In other words, honoring MJ's intelligence and learning style means daily work on my own faults!
Her study of music and interpersonal relationships has also presented some challenges. As you may have gathered, I hold strong opinions. As MJ has explored the offerings of the music world, I have had to repeatedly reexamine those opinions and tap into my trust of her. Eminem presents one good example. She was about 10 when she wanted to buy her first Eminem CD. "Absolutely not" was my first response, but I had to check that. We had conversations about his lyrics, their potential encouragement of violence against women, and my fears that her listening to his music would change her in negative ways. Then she got her CD. We had more conversations about specific lyrics, but I learned to appreciate some of his music; I didn't see any change in her language, behavior, or self-esteem; and, with all parental disapproval removed, he proved to be just one stop in a long and varied musical journey.
Another example was a TV show she started watching not long after we started unschooling. Its title was something like "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here," and it involved plopping several B celebrities into a primitive camp in the jungle to see who lasted the longest. I found it loathsome, especially the flirtatious antics of one "blonde bimbo" on the show, but I was encouraged by other unschooling parents to watch it with MJ and try to see what she found so interesting. That was when her fascination with interpersonal relationships became clear to me, and it wasn't long before I was as hooked on the show as she was. And the blonde turned out to be a sweet young woman, so I got to confront another of my own prejudices.
Because their strengths coincide with strengths valued by the schools, I have little doubt that MJ and Chloe would have excelled and been reasonably content had they stayed in school, and they'll be able to slide back in easily if they ever choose to return. But the thing is, they haven't needed school to develop the skills valued by school. Their interests, inclinations, and abilities have led them to a natural expertise.
Think about that. The kids who do best in school, who have the types of intelligences that schools are geared toward, are going to excel in those areas without ever setting foot in a classroom. So all they really get from school is gold stars and A grades for doing what comes naturally.
And what about the kids who struggle in school? They spend all those years feeling inadequate. Yes, some of them learn to write well, or to enjoy reading, or to do some higher math. But can the schools take the credit for it? After four years of unschooling, I'm not convinced they can. Maybe it's another case of a natural process coinciding with an artificial one. And for every one of those kids who is able to adapt himself and get the rewards of school, there is one (five? twenty? a hundred?) who comes out of school with nothing but a self-esteem problem. It's thirteen wasted years, years he could have spent in an environment that valued the strengths he possesses, developing real skills to build a life on.
Well, I've digressed into a critique of school, which wasn't my intent. I suppose my hope when I started writing this was to encourage people to recognize that we don't all fit into the school mold. For those who don't fit the mold, consider unschooling or other customized education as an alternative to criticism, shame, and prescription drugs. The academic results might be equivalent or better, and the psychological benefits, immeasurable. For those who do fit the mold, school offers little but validation.
Visual/spatial intelligence
Musical intelligence
Verbal/linguistic intelligence
Logical/mathematical intelligence
Interpersonal intelligence
Intrapersonal intelligence
Bodily/kinesthetic intelligence
More recently, he added an eighth intelligence to the list, naturalistic. For decent descriptions of these intelligences, see the list here. His theory has been accepted through most of the educational community and is taught to many aspiring teachers, but it has been put in practice in only a very few schools around the world. Instead, most schools continue to value and reward verbal and logical intelligences and are geared toward those.
With unschooling, kids aren't all expected to have the same sort of intelligence. Verbal and logical intelligences aren't valued more, so kids with other intelligences aren't at risk as they are in school. For example, a boy with kinesthetic intelligence might be a discipline case in school, or labeled with dyslexia or ADD, or simply made to feel stupid. As an unschooler, that same boy might learn his ABC's while jumping on the trampoline, start reading while playing video games, or simply and beautifully excel in some physical pursuit. Most importantly, he will never be made to feel he's less for being who he is.
Learning styles go hand in hand with multiple intelligences. Gardner says, "Styles refer to the customary way in which an individual approaches a range of materials—for example, a playful or a planful style." With unschooling, we are able to honor our children's learning styles as well as their intelligences.
For example, the verbal intelligence of both of our girls is indisputable, but Chloe's learning style is playful and verbal, while MJ's is more thoughtful and internal. What I think of as their "secondary intelligences" are different, too, with Chloe's logical and intrapersonal leanings and MJ's musical, visual, and interpersonal ones.
So, what does honoring their learning styles and intelligences look like? In Chloe's case, it often looks like conversation! She lights up when we talk, and her experience of anything, whether it's a book or a dream or a trip to the grocery store, isn't complete until it's discussed and, usually, laughed over. She has always been this way. I remember hiring a nanny years ago, long before unschooling, and telling the nanny that Chloe needed to be listened to. We made it a job requirement.
Then there's her sensitivity. She feels hurts very strongly and has had periods of intense awareness of cruelty, hypocrisy, ageism, and, repeatedly, her own isolation from others. (This last is not about social isolation but an understanding that she is alone in her own brain, if that makes sense.) Honoring her intrapersonal processes and periods of grief has required patience, gentleness, and a certain creativity in finding ways to comfort her.
In MJ's case, the honoring often means butting out, something that can be especially challenging for me! She is very independent and very skilled at telling us what she needs, so we really can take our cues from her. Her goals tend to be thought through and well defined, and her pursuit of those goals is deliberate and self-monitored. She's more disciplined than I am, but she never nags, so I too often find myself in the position of holding up her progress because I've procrastinated and then forgotten something she needs me to do. In other words, honoring MJ's intelligence and learning style means daily work on my own faults!
Her study of music and interpersonal relationships has also presented some challenges. As you may have gathered, I hold strong opinions. As MJ has explored the offerings of the music world, I have had to repeatedly reexamine those opinions and tap into my trust of her. Eminem presents one good example. She was about 10 when she wanted to buy her first Eminem CD. "Absolutely not" was my first response, but I had to check that. We had conversations about his lyrics, their potential encouragement of violence against women, and my fears that her listening to his music would change her in negative ways. Then she got her CD. We had more conversations about specific lyrics, but I learned to appreciate some of his music; I didn't see any change in her language, behavior, or self-esteem; and, with all parental disapproval removed, he proved to be just one stop in a long and varied musical journey.
Another example was a TV show she started watching not long after we started unschooling. Its title was something like "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here," and it involved plopping several B celebrities into a primitive camp in the jungle to see who lasted the longest. I found it loathsome, especially the flirtatious antics of one "blonde bimbo" on the show, but I was encouraged by other unschooling parents to watch it with MJ and try to see what she found so interesting. That was when her fascination with interpersonal relationships became clear to me, and it wasn't long before I was as hooked on the show as she was. And the blonde turned out to be a sweet young woman, so I got to confront another of my own prejudices.
Because their strengths coincide with strengths valued by the schools, I have little doubt that MJ and Chloe would have excelled and been reasonably content had they stayed in school, and they'll be able to slide back in easily if they ever choose to return. But the thing is, they haven't needed school to develop the skills valued by school. Their interests, inclinations, and abilities have led them to a natural expertise.
Think about that. The kids who do best in school, who have the types of intelligences that schools are geared toward, are going to excel in those areas without ever setting foot in a classroom. So all they really get from school is gold stars and A grades for doing what comes naturally.
And what about the kids who struggle in school? They spend all those years feeling inadequate. Yes, some of them learn to write well, or to enjoy reading, or to do some higher math. But can the schools take the credit for it? After four years of unschooling, I'm not convinced they can. Maybe it's another case of a natural process coinciding with an artificial one. And for every one of those kids who is able to adapt himself and get the rewards of school, there is one (five? twenty? a hundred?) who comes out of school with nothing but a self-esteem problem. It's thirteen wasted years, years he could have spent in an environment that valued the strengths he possesses, developing real skills to build a life on.
Well, I've digressed into a critique of school, which wasn't my intent. I suppose my hope when I started writing this was to encourage people to recognize that we don't all fit into the school mold. For those who don't fit the mold, consider unschooling or other customized education as an alternative to criticism, shame, and prescription drugs. The academic results might be equivalent or better, and the psychological benefits, immeasurable. For those who do fit the mold, school offers little but validation.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Spring Slug Festival
I'm on strike and have barely done a thing for a week (except read, of course). I did manage to play taxi a few times -- I got MJ to and from Hope for Horses twice and ferried her and her cousins to the movies one afternoon -- and Chloe and I had a lovely evening walk the other day. But other than that, taking out the trash once has been my only accomplishment. It's been a pretty good week. I am finally starting to feel bored, though, so maybe I'll get moving tomorrow.
Tidbits:
We received the first installment payment on the boat on time. So far, so good!
Chloe is diligently working her way through the works of Diana Wynne Jones. She was especially taken with "Dark Lord of Derkholm" and its sequel, "Year of the Griffin," and now sees griffins in every cat we meet. (Griffins are called catbirds in the books.)
Frank finished up the latest deadline period for his work, so he's been enjoying the Spring Slug Festival with me a bit.
MJ finished a personal project of hers, rating the 1975 songs in her iTunes collection. She listened to bits of them while she entered her ratings, so we've all been listening to lots of varied music clips. I wish I could describe her amazing collection better. In addition to numerous genres of English-language music from a number of countries, she has songs in Japanese, Romanian, German, Spanish, Russian, Italian, and probably others. I'm especially taken with "Malagueña Salerosa" by Chingon (from the Kill Bill soundtrack).
We had a long phone chat with Chiara last weekend. She is doing very well, being quite happy with her independent university life in Milan and new romantic interest, David. We're looking into visiting Italy this summer, but it would be a lot (LOT) of Euros, so I dunno. There's some talk of just sending the girls to her to save money (and provide them with one heck of a fun time, I'm sure), but I would be SO jealous.
It's raining a lot here, but Spring is all around. The cherry trees are doing their glorious thing -- the girls and I want to get to the Quad at the UW and shuffle through the pink "snow" -- and all the other trees are leafing out. Love it. We took Rodney and Lestat out to the front yard yesterday for some fresh air and adventure. They are pretty tentative outside, preferring to peek their noses out from cover (with their favored cover being our legs, shoes, and clothes), but they got into the spirit and seemed to enjoy being plopped downhill so they could run up the hill back to safety. Rodney got cocky in fact, decided he didn't need us any more, and took off for some further exploration. Chloe rounded him up and we called it a day at that point. :-) He's about half Lestat's size but game.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Tidbits:
We received the first installment payment on the boat on time. So far, so good!
Chloe is diligently working her way through the works of Diana Wynne Jones. She was especially taken with "Dark Lord of Derkholm" and its sequel, "Year of the Griffin," and now sees griffins in every cat we meet. (Griffins are called catbirds in the books.)
Frank finished up the latest deadline period for his work, so he's been enjoying the Spring Slug Festival with me a bit.
MJ finished a personal project of hers, rating the 1975 songs in her iTunes collection. She listened to bits of them while she entered her ratings, so we've all been listening to lots of varied music clips. I wish I could describe her amazing collection better. In addition to numerous genres of English-language music from a number of countries, she has songs in Japanese, Romanian, German, Spanish, Russian, Italian, and probably others. I'm especially taken with "Malagueña Salerosa" by Chingon (from the Kill Bill soundtrack).
We had a long phone chat with Chiara last weekend. She is doing very well, being quite happy with her independent university life in Milan and new romantic interest, David. We're looking into visiting Italy this summer, but it would be a lot (LOT) of Euros, so I dunno. There's some talk of just sending the girls to her to save money (and provide them with one heck of a fun time, I'm sure), but I would be SO jealous.
It's raining a lot here, but Spring is all around. The cherry trees are doing their glorious thing -- the girls and I want to get to the Quad at the UW and shuffle through the pink "snow" -- and all the other trees are leafing out. Love it. We took Rodney and Lestat out to the front yard yesterday for some fresh air and adventure. They are pretty tentative outside, preferring to peek their noses out from cover (with their favored cover being our legs, shoes, and clothes), but they got into the spirit and seemed to enjoy being plopped downhill so they could run up the hill back to safety. Rodney got cocky in fact, decided he didn't need us any more, and took off for some further exploration. Chloe rounded him up and we called it a day at that point. :-) He's about half Lestat's size but game.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Chloe the teenager
Well, Frank and I have successfully raised two children to adulthood (as some cultures define it). Chloe has turned 13.
We marked this momentous occasion with a weekend of revelry. Chloe, MJ, and a revolving series of cousins celebrated with an hour's hot tub rental at Tubs in Seattle, followed by hours and hours of swimming and an overnight stay at Embassy Suites in Lynnwood. I am photographically impaired, so I only have photos of presents and cake in the room, but I will strive to post a couple of those later.
As for Mom and Dad, we are already enjoying life with two teenagers. They are fun and fascinating creatures. :-)
We marked this momentous occasion with a weekend of revelry. Chloe, MJ, and a revolving series of cousins celebrated with an hour's hot tub rental at Tubs in Seattle, followed by hours and hours of swimming and an overnight stay at Embassy Suites in Lynnwood. I am photographically impaired, so I only have photos of presents and cake in the room, but I will strive to post a couple of those later.
As for Mom and Dad, we are already enjoying life with two teenagers. They are fun and fascinating creatures. :-)
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
With a monumental crash
Frank's bachelor days are over! The girls and I have returned to our happy -- and now much less quiet -- home.
It was a good trip, but I'm pretty worn out now! There was a big snowstorm in the Siskiyous when we left, so we cut over to the Oregon coast and worked our way (slowly) down that way. The coast highway was as deserted as it gets, but still slow going with all those hills and curves, towing the trailer. Pretty, though, and the weather wasn't bad except for a record rainstorm that dumped all over Eureka and us before we headed out east again.
After four days on the road, we spent two lovely days and one *very* chilly night at Joshua Tree National Park. A trailer snafu meant we had no heat, so we went to bed early, piled under sleeping bags and a variety of blankets, with not even our noses poking out. But the daytimes were wonderful. We got some hiking in and made friends with the young jackrabbit "assigned to" our campsite.
Joshua Tree Photos
Chloe on Big Mac Rock (photo by MJ)
Chloe in black and white (photo by MJ)
Mid-hike snack at Cottonwood Oasis
Momiji the Baby Jackrabbit
As evening approached on the second day, we started being uneasy about another chilly night, so we gave into impulse and packed up the trailer, then headed for lower ground. (The lowest campground at Joshua is at 3000 feet elevation.) We spent the night in a motel in north San Diego County, dropped off the trailer at the repair place, and then headed for my dad and Renee's. We had four days in San Diego, mostly spent visiting with family (I got to meet my nephew finally!) and enjoying the sunshine. We also toured a couple of museums (cars and aerospace), the SD Zoo, and Seaport Village (where I fell madly in love with the stunning paintings of Jia Lu but managed to resist buying my $40,000 favorite).
Then it was back on the road. My mom and Tom were belatedly starting their annual trip south, so we met up with them at Seven Feathers Casino in southern Oregon. It was a nice little interlude and another chance to use the trailer so I didn't feel like such an idiot for towing it all the way down. Tent trailers are not usually allowed at the RV park at the casino -- not posh enough for them, although I thought we held our own against a couple of the ratty RVs that were pulled in there -- but they made an exception for us. For those who meet their standards and are into that sort of thing, it's a pretty nice setup. Full hookups, heated pool, frequent shuttles to the casino, decent setting. We liked the ice cream sundaes at the casino restaurant, and MJ was pretty happy with the video arcade there, but mostly we were just pleased to have some visiting time with Grandma and Papa.
And now we're settling back into life at home. The weather has conveniently turned pretty here -- we missed the five inches of snow last week -- so it's not as sad as it sometimes is to be away from the sun zone. Now if it'll just stay this way!!
It was a good trip, but I'm pretty worn out now! There was a big snowstorm in the Siskiyous when we left, so we cut over to the Oregon coast and worked our way (slowly) down that way. The coast highway was as deserted as it gets, but still slow going with all those hills and curves, towing the trailer. Pretty, though, and the weather wasn't bad except for a record rainstorm that dumped all over Eureka and us before we headed out east again.
After four days on the road, we spent two lovely days and one *very* chilly night at Joshua Tree National Park. A trailer snafu meant we had no heat, so we went to bed early, piled under sleeping bags and a variety of blankets, with not even our noses poking out. But the daytimes were wonderful. We got some hiking in and made friends with the young jackrabbit "assigned to" our campsite.
Joshua Tree Photos
Chloe on Big Mac Rock (photo by MJ)
Chloe in black and white (photo by MJ)
Mid-hike snack at Cottonwood Oasis
Momiji the Baby Jackrabbit
As evening approached on the second day, we started being uneasy about another chilly night, so we gave into impulse and packed up the trailer, then headed for lower ground. (The lowest campground at Joshua is at 3000 feet elevation.) We spent the night in a motel in north San Diego County, dropped off the trailer at the repair place, and then headed for my dad and Renee's. We had four days in San Diego, mostly spent visiting with family (I got to meet my nephew finally!) and enjoying the sunshine. We also toured a couple of museums (cars and aerospace), the SD Zoo, and Seaport Village (where I fell madly in love with the stunning paintings of Jia Lu but managed to resist buying my $40,000 favorite).
Then it was back on the road. My mom and Tom were belatedly starting their annual trip south, so we met up with them at Seven Feathers Casino in southern Oregon. It was a nice little interlude and another chance to use the trailer so I didn't feel like such an idiot for towing it all the way down. Tent trailers are not usually allowed at the RV park at the casino -- not posh enough for them, although I thought we held our own against a couple of the ratty RVs that were pulled in there -- but they made an exception for us. For those who meet their standards and are into that sort of thing, it's a pretty nice setup. Full hookups, heated pool, frequent shuttles to the casino, decent setting. We liked the ice cream sundaes at the casino restaurant, and MJ was pretty happy with the video arcade there, but mostly we were just pleased to have some visiting time with Grandma and Papa.
And now we're settling back into life at home. The weather has conveniently turned pretty here -- we missed the five inches of snow last week -- so it's not as sad as it sometimes is to be away from the sun zone. Now if it'll just stay this way!!
Monday, February 19, 2007
What unschooled kids talk about when they get together
Horror movies and how idiotic the main characters often are
Anime
Other kinds of movies
Video games
Politics and current events
Music
SCA
Fear Factor
Comic books
Manga
Other kinds of books
Their feelings
The weather
Sports
Sibling relations
Blackberries (the fruit, not the device)
Airsoft rifles
YouTube
Other cultures (especially Japan)
Horses
You get the idea. Just about the only thing unschooled kids don't discuss much is unschooling. It's a topic of conversation for the parents, because it takes some work to wrap our schooled brains around the concepts, and we like to hear each other's stories and be reassured as to the rightness of what we're doing. For our kids, it's just LIFE.
Anime
Other kinds of movies
Video games
Politics and current events
Music
SCA
Fear Factor
Comic books
Manga
Other kinds of books
Their feelings
The weather
Sports
Sibling relations
Blackberries (the fruit, not the device)
Airsoft rifles
YouTube
Other cultures (especially Japan)
Horses
You get the idea. Just about the only thing unschooled kids don't discuss much is unschooling. It's a topic of conversation for the parents, because it takes some work to wrap our schooled brains around the concepts, and we like to hear each other's stories and be reassured as to the rightness of what we're doing. For our kids, it's just LIFE.
Speaking of traveling...
The girls and I are heading out tomorrow for an impromptu roadtrip. We'll spend a few days in Joshua Tree National Park and then head over to San Diego to finally meet my nephew, Colin. I'm on a roll with these unschooling essays, so I might do a little blogging from the road. If not, I'll do a trip report when we get back circa 3/1.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Unschooling all the time
It occurred to me that choosing to write about my kids' learning on a day when they were sick was illustrative of another reason unschooling works: learning happens all day, every day. There are no school hours, no weekends off, no holidays, no spring breaks, no teacher work days, and no sick days. You might say our kids have to go to school every day. We prefer a slogan of the unschooling community: "Everything counts."
Below, I've chosen a few "rot your brains" examples to show how learning comes from surprising sources:
Watching movies and television
Video games
Quite a few unschoolers have learned to read by playing video games. There's a lot of text on screen, for one thing, and reading is required to go out on the Internet and look up cheat codes and such.
For most kids, game playing is an indisputable physical workout. I've never seen so much wiggling and laughing. And amazing social interactions take place when kids gather around or even just discuss a game.
Video games are now being credited with kids' developing "higher skills" (e.g., problem solving and analytical thinking), to the point that educators are starting to catch on. This article outlines how they are starting to use games as learning tools (although they think they have to write special games for it -- talk about making yourself feel needed!).
But it's more than that. Just ask any unschooling parent who has watched a video game inspire a kid. They play, and then they start making connections. Rather than reinvent the wheel and describe this process, I'll simply direct you to an excellent article by unschooling parent Mary Gold, If You Give a Kid a Nintendo.
Reading the funny papers
I talked some in my last post about all the learning that's been triggered by my kids' interest in manga and anime. But our first experience with funny-papers learning happened way back at the beginning of our unschooling. The girls discovered my old Far Side, Bloom County, and Calvin & Hobbes collections. Wow! All of a sudden, we were discussing biology, liberals vs. conservatives, freedom of the press, the Reverend Moon, transmogrification, drawing styles, and innumerable social events of the 80's (e.g., rock-and-roller cola wars). It was lightning-paced, it was vibrant, it was FUN!
Going on vacation
We've done more than our fair share of traveling. Our number one goal while traveling is always having fun. We never -- NEVER -- structure our days around learning, and we never sit down to teach our kids anything (unless they ask us to). So, all in the name of fun, the girls (and Frank and I) have learned about geology, history, evolution, biology, social and cultural issues, natural disasters, meteorology, politics, physics, writing, economics, mathematics, various interesting careers out in the real world, various really nasty jobs out in the real world, foreign languages, etymology, entomology, enology, conservation, pollution, government funding, and, of course, map reading.
Oh, yes, and vocabulary. :-)
The point is, learning is natural and unavoidable. It's not constrained to a classroom, a schedule, a curriculum, or a season. And it's inspired by everything.
Below, I've chosen a few "rot your brains" examples to show how learning comes from surprising sources:
Watching movies and television
- Chloe and one of her cousins were flipping channels the other day and landed on the "The Phantom of the Opera." They got hooked and watched through to the end, whereupon they came sobbing out into my mom's livingroom to say what a good movie it was. They had missed the beginning, so Chloe put it into her Netflix queue. She's been watching that this weekend, singing the songs, discussing the movie, etc. Coming up next in her queue is the Lon Chaney original. Doing my part, I pointed out that it started out as a legend and then a book, so we're headed to the library tomorrow to check it out. It's a literature unit a teacher would approve, and it's been entirely self directed.
- I mentioned in another post that my friend Stephanie had gotten me hooked on "Firefly." Well, now I've gotten the family hooked on it. It's led to so many interesting discussions. For example, the political environment of the show is similar to that of our post-Civil War era, with the Alliance in charge and the "browncoats" (including our hero, Captain Mal) struggling with resentment and bitter defeat. We picked up the official published guide to the series, and it has information about, for example, the design of Mal's gun, a high-tech one-off of a Civil War revolver. We've also discussed the look of the show and how they use lighting, somewhat old-fashioned film techniques (often faked in CGI shots!), and costumes to create atmosphere. And then, of course, there is all the shared enjoyment of what is simply a fun, expertly crafted bit of entertainment!
Video games
Quite a few unschoolers have learned to read by playing video games. There's a lot of text on screen, for one thing, and reading is required to go out on the Internet and look up cheat codes and such.
For most kids, game playing is an indisputable physical workout. I've never seen so much wiggling and laughing. And amazing social interactions take place when kids gather around or even just discuss a game.
Video games are now being credited with kids' developing "higher skills" (e.g., problem solving and analytical thinking), to the point that educators are starting to catch on. This article outlines how they are starting to use games as learning tools (although they think they have to write special games for it -- talk about making yourself feel needed!).
But it's more than that. Just ask any unschooling parent who has watched a video game inspire a kid. They play, and then they start making connections. Rather than reinvent the wheel and describe this process, I'll simply direct you to an excellent article by unschooling parent Mary Gold, If You Give a Kid a Nintendo.
Reading the funny papers
I talked some in my last post about all the learning that's been triggered by my kids' interest in manga and anime. But our first experience with funny-papers learning happened way back at the beginning of our unschooling. The girls discovered my old Far Side, Bloom County, and Calvin & Hobbes collections. Wow! All of a sudden, we were discussing biology, liberals vs. conservatives, freedom of the press, the Reverend Moon, transmogrification, drawing styles, and innumerable social events of the 80's (e.g., rock-and-roller cola wars). It was lightning-paced, it was vibrant, it was FUN!
Going on vacation
We've done more than our fair share of traveling. Our number one goal while traveling is always having fun. We never -- NEVER -- structure our days around learning, and we never sit down to teach our kids anything (unless they ask us to). So, all in the name of fun, the girls (and Frank and I) have learned about geology, history, evolution, biology, social and cultural issues, natural disasters, meteorology, politics, physics, writing, economics, mathematics, various interesting careers out in the real world, various really nasty jobs out in the real world, foreign languages, etymology, entomology, enology, conservation, pollution, government funding, and, of course, map reading.
Oh, yes, and vocabulary. :-)
The point is, learning is natural and unavoidable. It's not constrained to a classroom, a schedule, a curriculum, or a season. And it's inspired by everything.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
What unschooling looked like today
This is the first in a series of peeks into our unschooling routine (or lack thereof). I'll shoot for posting one mid-month each month.
But first, a quote from Chloe: "The purpose of unschooling is to make sure everyone in your family is happy with their life."
I couldn't have said it better. And now, the report on today.
Both girls are a little under the weather, so it was a pretty sedate day today. Nevertheless, there are a bunch of activities to report. In addition to the activities in the list below, both girls reviewed my last blog post for accuracy. They're my subject-matter experts. :-)
Chloe
Read some fanfiction
IM'd with MJ (yes, MJ was in the next room)
Chatted over AIM with the Mini Skirt Army
Set up a new blog (she's not sharing it yet)
Discussed Fruits Basket (a manga series)
Plugged different dates into a zodiac calendar online
Watched the last disk of Full Metal Alchemist
Talked philosophy with Mom
Played with the rats
Had a pillow tug-of-war with MJ
MJ
Reread select passages in Eragon
Worked on her 2nd sci-fi novel, including a swordfight that is "completely badass"
IM'd with Chloe and a friend from NBTSC
Made plans with her cousin for Saturday night
Checked in on MySpace
Discussed Fruits Basket (a manga series)
Watched some South Park and the last disk of FMA
Talked philosophy with Mom
Updated our Netflix queue
.....(Alert: MJ's movie, "Zoo," is coming soon!)
Played with the rats
Had a pillow tug-o-war with Chloe
Listened to her iPod
I've been asked to clarify that the IM conversation between the two girls was actually an icon war. Just don't ask me to explain that. :-)
Academic translations for a few of those activities
Several:
Socialization!
Language arts (creative writing, editing, critical thinking, book reports)
Zodiac web site: Math - Chloe was calculating years of birth for Fruits Basket characters
FMA: alchemy vs. science and mechanics, history (WWI, zeppelins and the blitz, and the build-up to WWII), seven deadly sins
Fruits Basket: Japanese culture, names, language, Chinese zodiac, biology, and Choir (they sang the FMA and Fruits Basket theme songs together - in Japanese!)
iPod: Music Appreciation and Music of the World (it's a very eclectic collection)
Pillow fight: PE, of course!
----------------
P.S. After I posted this, the girls and I went back to our individual activities, MJ still listening to her iPod and Chloe fiddling with my deck of cards. I got on YouTube because I wanted to hear "Spirit in the Sky" (don't ask me why). I found one clip of the 45 going 'round and 'round, with a comment attached that the center dealie on the record looked like a swastika. Someone then pointed out that the swastika was originally a Hindu symbol, which I didn't know, so I got on Wikipedia to learn more. My expressions of surprise and interest drew attention from the girls, so we finished up the day with another impromptu history lesson. These weird little chains of connections are one of the reasons unschooling works so well. That's another big subject and one I'd love to expound on more, but I'm going to call it a day.
The girls don't seem anywhere ready for sleep, though. Guess they'll have to continue their learning without me.
But first, a quote from Chloe: "The purpose of unschooling is to make sure everyone in your family is happy with their life."
I couldn't have said it better. And now, the report on today.
Both girls are a little under the weather, so it was a pretty sedate day today. Nevertheless, there are a bunch of activities to report. In addition to the activities in the list below, both girls reviewed my last blog post for accuracy. They're my subject-matter experts. :-)
Chloe
Read some fanfiction
IM'd with MJ (yes, MJ was in the next room)
Chatted over AIM with the Mini Skirt Army
Set up a new blog (she's not sharing it yet)
Discussed Fruits Basket (a manga series)
Plugged different dates into a zodiac calendar online
Watched the last disk of Full Metal Alchemist
Talked philosophy with Mom
Played with the rats
Had a pillow tug-of-war with MJ
MJ
Reread select passages in Eragon
Worked on her 2nd sci-fi novel, including a swordfight that is "completely badass"
IM'd with Chloe and a friend from NBTSC
Made plans with her cousin for Saturday night
Checked in on MySpace
Discussed Fruits Basket (a manga series)
Watched some South Park and the last disk of FMA
Talked philosophy with Mom
Updated our Netflix queue
.....(Alert: MJ's movie, "Zoo," is coming soon!)
Played with the rats
Had a pillow tug-o-war with Chloe
Listened to her iPod
I've been asked to clarify that the IM conversation between the two girls was actually an icon war. Just don't ask me to explain that. :-)
Academic translations for a few of those activities
Several:
Socialization!
Language arts (creative writing, editing, critical thinking, book reports)
Zodiac web site: Math - Chloe was calculating years of birth for Fruits Basket characters
FMA: alchemy vs. science and mechanics, history (WWI, zeppelins and the blitz, and the build-up to WWII), seven deadly sins
Fruits Basket: Japanese culture, names, language, Chinese zodiac, biology, and Choir (they sang the FMA and Fruits Basket theme songs together - in Japanese!)
iPod: Music Appreciation and Music of the World (it's a very eclectic collection)
Pillow fight: PE, of course!
----------------
P.S. After I posted this, the girls and I went back to our individual activities, MJ still listening to her iPod and Chloe fiddling with my deck of cards. I got on YouTube because I wanted to hear "Spirit in the Sky" (don't ask me why). I found one clip of the 45 going 'round and 'round, with a comment attached that the center dealie on the record looked like a swastika. Someone then pointed out that the swastika was originally a Hindu symbol, which I didn't know, so I got on Wikipedia to learn more. My expressions of surprise and interest drew attention from the girls, so we finished up the day with another impromptu history lesson. These weird little chains of connections are one of the reasons unschooling works so well. That's another big subject and one I'd love to expound on more, but I'm going to call it a day.
The girls don't seem anywhere ready for sleep, though. Guess they'll have to continue their learning without me.
Accepted
Did any of you have a chance to see "Accepted," a little movie that came out last summer? It's about Bartleby, an enterprising young man who, faced with a series of college rejection letters and a pair of severely disappointed parents, comes up with his own college, the South Harmon Institute of Technology (you supply the acronym). He and his friends create a letterhead, set up a web site, and hang a sign on a former mental institution, then recruit a cranky, shoe-selling former professor to do the welcome interview with Bartleby's parents. The fun starts when a web-site snafu leads to hundreds of kids showing up for the first day of school.
The movie was marketed as this generation's "Animal House," and it certainly contains enough collegiate antics to qualify. But as much as I loved "Animal House," and despite its none-too-subtle jabs at college administration, the Greek system, and politics (remember, Bluto becomes a senator), "Animal House" doesn't come close to containing the important messages that "Accepted" contains. It explores the idea that kids who lack the 4.0 GPAs, test scores, athletic abilities, and other credentials traditionally valued by colleges still have a lot to offer, and that we are all worthy of acceptance.
It probably goes without saying that I loved this movie. It spoke to my unschooler heart. The scene where Bartleby welcomes the new students and tells them that, here, they will be accepted for who they are, brought me to tears.
With traditional parenting and traditional schooling, kids are dictated to, criticized, corrected, pressured, shamed, and pigeonholed. There are hundreds of rules to follow -- the shoulds, I call them -- and a very small set of traditional goals that are deemed worthy of pursuit. Don't get me wrong: there may be a wealth of love and encouragement in these kids' lives. But I believe the presence of those positives can only balance the negatives; it can't make up for them.
Our approach with unschooling is different, and it's demonstrated pretty nicely in the movie. Instead of leading with "This is who you should be," we ask (or simply wait watchfully to be shown) who our kids want to be.
This kind of acceptance represents a huge subject, the core of unschooling, and it has many parts. Education and learning styles, socialization and manners, whether kids should be "toughened up" or protected, whether parents should discipline their kids, nutrition, hygiene, chores, and even financial issues. I might go into more depth on some of those in later posts, but for now, here are some principles we live by:
The unavoidable opposite of acceptance is rejection. I think adults inadvertently aim a lot of little rejection darts at the kids in their lives, thinking they're doing the kids a favor by attempting to "fix" trait x, y, or z. Knock it off! Just love them and trust that they'll get it all figured out in their own good time. They will!
The movie was marketed as this generation's "Animal House," and it certainly contains enough collegiate antics to qualify. But as much as I loved "Animal House," and despite its none-too-subtle jabs at college administration, the Greek system, and politics (remember, Bluto becomes a senator), "Animal House" doesn't come close to containing the important messages that "Accepted" contains. It explores the idea that kids who lack the 4.0 GPAs, test scores, athletic abilities, and other credentials traditionally valued by colleges still have a lot to offer, and that we are all worthy of acceptance.
It probably goes without saying that I loved this movie. It spoke to my unschooler heart. The scene where Bartleby welcomes the new students and tells them that, here, they will be accepted for who they are, brought me to tears.
With traditional parenting and traditional schooling, kids are dictated to, criticized, corrected, pressured, shamed, and pigeonholed. There are hundreds of rules to follow -- the shoulds, I call them -- and a very small set of traditional goals that are deemed worthy of pursuit. Don't get me wrong: there may be a wealth of love and encouragement in these kids' lives. But I believe the presence of those positives can only balance the negatives; it can't make up for them.
Our approach with unschooling is different, and it's demonstrated pretty nicely in the movie. Instead of leading with "This is who you should be," we ask (or simply wait watchfully to be shown) who our kids want to be.
This kind of acceptance represents a huge subject, the core of unschooling, and it has many parts. Education and learning styles, socialization and manners, whether kids should be "toughened up" or protected, whether parents should discipline their kids, nutrition, hygiene, chores, and even financial issues. I might go into more depth on some of those in later posts, but for now, here are some principles we live by:
- Our kids are okay just the way they are.
- If our kids are not okay (unhappy times, challenges to face, something missing from life, etc.), it's our job to help them find the resources or tools they need to get back to being okay.
- Our kids are, at all times, learning and changing, and it's our job to be attentive to and supportive of that.
- If our kids are having fun, they're learning at top speed. It's our job to facilitate fun.
- We trust that our kids will learn what they need to know, when they need to know it. There is no lesson, academic or social, that has to be learned by a certain age, and parental embarrassment is not a good reason for shaming a child.
- There is no good reason for shaming a child.
- We trust that our kids will, on their own, fill their time with the activities that are best suited to their moods, needs, interests, and natural learning processes.
- It's our job to provide a resource-rich environment for our kids, no matter how messy it makes the house.
- We have no idea what our kids might accomplish if encouraged, and it's not our job to make them "face reality." When offered the Great Gift of a glimpse into their dreams and wishes, we don't have to be their voice of reason or the rain on their parade. We just have to say, "Oh, cool! How can I help?"
- It is much better to say "yes" than "no," even if it is a qualified "yes." For example, I might say, "Yes, we can go to the mall just as soon as I finish this blog post" instead of "No, not right now." It's a little thing, but all those yeses add up to a much more positive atmosphere.
- The lifestyle we are living was our choice (meaning mine and Frank's); supporting the lifestyle is our responsibility and not something to be foisted off on the kids. This includes caring for the house we live in.
- A kid who is acting out, angry, frustrated, or crying is a kid who needs help and understanding. And maybe some food. It's the adult's job to stay calm, step back, try to see through the kid's eyes, and listen.
- Kids need space to feel their emotions instead of pressure to stifle them. (Small kids might also need help identifying their emotions; sometimes hearing a description of what they're feeling is all they need in order to calm down.)
- Punishment has no place in our home.
The unavoidable opposite of acceptance is rejection. I think adults inadvertently aim a lot of little rejection darts at the kids in their lives, thinking they're doing the kids a favor by attempting to "fix" trait x, y, or z. Knock it off! Just love them and trust that they'll get it all figured out in their own good time. They will!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
New furniture
Frank and I have a new bedroom set. After many years of "maybe someday" and then a couple of months of fruitless searching for something light and airy enough (but still attractive) to suit our "undersea" bedroom decor, we finally decided to just buy something we like. The pieces are big, dark, heavy, and (we think) gorgeous. You can see the pieces here (except we got a tall chest of drawers instead of the dresser shown, and we don't have an armoire) and a detail shot of the marble top on the nightstands here.
Oh, and btw - we didn't pay anything close to these prices! There's a pretty cool furniture warehouse/store near us that offers wholesale or container prices. We have several friends and family members who've found good deals there.
Oh, and btw - we didn't pay anything close to these prices! There's a pretty cool furniture warehouse/store near us that offers wholesale or container prices. We have several friends and family members who've found good deals there.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
More work coming to fruition
Chloe and I returned home from some errands a little bit ago to find a package from Microsoft on the front porch. My boss, David, sent me my very own copy of Point of Sale, the cash register and inventory management software that has been the focus of my professional life for these past few years. It might sound lame when I say so, but I am very excited to have it. I'm really proud of this product; it's slick and powerful. Having been in on the ground floor, I've gotten to contribute a lot to its design, usability, and continuing improvement, and the documentation set is the best I've ever worked on (if I do say so).
If anybody has a store that needs computerizing, I can help!
Point of Sale Web site
If anybody has a store that needs computerizing, I can help!
Point of Sale Web site
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
