The joy of being uncomfortable

It is natural to want to avoid discomfort. We shy away (literally or figuratively), change the subject, change the situation, change the channel, change something and make it quick! Most of us have very little experience with simply experiencing discomfort.

And then we become parents, and we discover that, what do you know, parenting is not terribly comfortable. True to form, we get very busy trying to make it comfortable. Change this, change that, change the child, control, control, control, busy, busy, busy.

And maybe it works for a while. Maybe. But what so many people seem never to notice is that any brief victory that we achieve over parental discomfort is fleeting (and probably artificial). By the next day—hell, by the next minute—a new uncomfortable situation has arisen.

When I look back on my control days, I see a long and painful series of attempts to avoid discomfort:

Kid with messy hair = discomfort. Kid with messy hair who resists having her hair brushed and who is going OUT IN PUBLIC = mega discomfort. Battle ensues, "willful" child is subdued and rats are vanquished, discomfort is avoided (unless you count that whole long ordeal with getting the hair brushed) and Mom is victorious. Yay! Cue the triumphant trumpets.

And then that same child wants juice for lunch. Yes, just juice. Battle ensues, etc.

And then that same child wants to stay up past her bedtime. Way past her bedtime. Battle ensues, etc.

It was neverending. And folks, those were the EASY issues. Fast forward a few years, and now my parental discomfort is about late nights out, and driving solo, and sexuality, and alcohol, and Decisions About the Future, and oh my freaking god, MOVING OUT...

What I wouldn't give for some ratty hair to contend with!

But at some point, fortunately well before we got to the teen years, I learned something really, really important to peaceful parenting:

I can survive being uncomfortable.

My discomfort is not something that I have to do anything about. I do not have to react to it. It can just be there, in the background, held at least somewhat separate from my interactions with my kids. (I provided one example of what this looks like here.)

And do you know what? Being uncomfortable is really not that bad. It is not the Big Scary Monster that it seems, that our instincts and habits and culture make it seem. It's just an emotion, and it can be coped with.

What's more, it can be embraced. When I feel parental discomfort, it is a signal that my child is making her own choices just like I want her to do. My child is experiencing freedom and adventure and independence just like I want her to do.

So, I breathe, and I breathe some more. And then I settle into the joy and privilege of observing the life that my child is creating for herself.

The destructive effects of coercion

Last night I dreamt the government was testing a new energy force on soldiers. They issued an order to the soldiers and turned on this force. If the soldiers went along with the order, they were fine. But if they resisted the order, even if only in their minds, the energy force would react with that resistance and the soldiers would spontaneously combust. The only way for the soldiers to survive was unquestioning obedience.

The second set of tests was done on toddlers, and I woke up from a struggle to save the kids' lives and the sanctity of their minds.

Hmmm...

Quotables

Some quotes from unschoolers, gathered from the Interwebs over the past few days. I love the atmosphere of love and respect and simple compassion that these quotes reveal about the unschooling community.

Heather Burditt: "Phoenix is going to be 2 next month. We have never had any expectations surrounding his sleep... He knows what it means to be tired and when his body has had enough. That is more than most adults can say, even myself sometimes. Forcing him to bed before he is ready, is not worth the lasting negative effects." (from this post)

TJ Phillips: "...there is nothing cuter in the world then when Phoenix walks up to you sleepily, holds up his hands for you to pick him up and says in his little voice 'ni-nite.'" (from a comment on Heather's post above, made profound by the knowledge that *every single time* Phoenix asks to be held, he is)

Ren Allen: "I'm so grateful [my children] can sleep until their bodies are done sleeping, and go to sleep when they choose. I remember the torture of trying to get through a school morning and not being able to fall asleep at night. They've never known that…" (from a comment on Heather's post above)

Trisha Laszlo: "I want my kids to know they can wake me any time they are scared, and I won't be angry." (from a comment on Facebook about Heather's post above)

Jenna Robertson: "Parenting with integrity and respect requires us to involve our children in the conversation. We must be honest and we must not be arbitrary. If we say 'no' then we need a real, fact based reason why. If we can get to the teen years with our parental integrity intact, with our children knowing that we are willing to help them explore the options and answers, that we are not trying to control or manipulate their behavior to make our life easier, and we are truly supportive of the person they are, the better our relationship will be." (from this post)

Jeff Sabo: "And where personal freedom is subjugated, learning is inhibited. In fact, it doesn't become learning at all; it becomes indoctrination. The students have no choice in what they learn, when they learn it, how they are taught it, or by whom. That, my friends, is indoctrination." (from this post)

Jeff Sabo: "Parents who want to be better usually care enough - and have courage enough - to evaluate whether or not they're doing well. Perfection is not the goal; growth in an environment of joy and peace is. And letting go of our need to control is the first step." (from this post)

Shannon Burton: "Oddly, though, this remembering doesn't make me angry, anymore. Instead, it tends to defuse situations where I might react angrily to my own children, because my emerging memories are complete with how i felt at the treatment, and I don't want my children to feel the way I did then...." (from a comment on Facebook)

Frank Maier: "I support you. I love that you are pursuing your dreams, whether that dream is a solo circumnavigation or a desire to be a manga artist. Keep going after whatever it is that you want. Ignore the annoying cawing of the doom-crows. Listen to your own inner voice. It's your life. Live it." (from this post)

Nurture not control

Click the image to see it larger.

Stuff and money and space

Most of us have an innate desire for stuff that starts at the exact moment we become aware of stuff. My babies, as many babies do, started reaching for stuff at four months. We saw this early desire for stuff as natural and healthy, and we happily put stuff where the baby could reach it and took great delight in each fumbling grab. Most parents are the same.

It is only as our kids get a little older, as the stuff that they desire extends beyond the teething rings and cloth books that we joyfully provided, that their desire for stuff becomes problematic. Then, their desire is suddenly attached to money and space. As experienced acquirers of stuff, we parents see very clearly the money-and-space pitfalls of the bottomless pit that our kids' desires seem to encompass.

We know something they don't know.

That is such a tricky spot to be in! Indeed, it is the crux of most conflicts between parent and child. They want X, and we know that X will lead to undesirable consequences 1, 2, and 3. We know, for crying out loud! We know! Are we supposed to just stand by and let them blunder their way into those consequences?! Are we supposed to just stand by and allow them to drag us into those consequences with them?!

Yep.

We can certainly offer our perspective. We can share our experience. We can warn. But as unschoolers, as thinking parents, as people who believe that kids are people, we simply don't get to pull out the "I'm the parent and I know best" card.

I know what you're thinking: Why didn't I take the blue pill? Heh. Too late now, sorry!

When it comes to the acquisition of stuff, standing by while your kids choose means two things:

One: Your kids will make purchases that you do not agree with.

Two: You will have to live with that.

Both of these are easier to navigate with a stuff-and-money-and-space system in place. The system needs to reflect your lifestyle and income, and it needs to evolve as the kids get older and as other cirumstances change.

Here's our system:

Stuff - The kids choose. Period.

When they were young, I used to do a lot of coaching about choices. "If you buy that, you won't be able to buy this." This coaching may or may not have been helpful for a while, but they both quickly reached the point where it was bugging the hell out of them. "You take all the fun out of it!" they told me. Oops.

Money - We give our kids a weekly no-strings allowance.

The amount has varied over the years, and there have been lean stretches where we were all going without spending money. Right now, they're getting $15 per week.

When they were little, this allowance was a lifesaver. It completely removed me from the "Can I have this? Can I have that?" mom-as-bad-guy cycle.

Now that they're teenagers... Guess what? $15 per week is not really enough money. They have things they want to buy and experiences they want to have that will take more. Frank and I will help as much as we can, but my kids know that they will have to work to earn the more. They are making plans accordingly.

I want to be crystal clear on this: I have said "Yes" to my kids for years. I have "indulged" them in virtually everything. I have simply handed over as much money as we could afford every week for longer than we've been unschooling. I have made it clear to them that we will continue to support them beyond age 18 if they want us to. And even so, my kids are developing financial independence even as we speak. There's been a really interesting shift in the way they manage money over the last year or two that is worth its own blog post.

For now, I'll just say that people who think kids won't learn the value of money unless there are chores-strings on their allowances are just wrong.

Benefits of the no-strings allowance:
* Practice
* Built-in math
* Independence
* Experience

It's gold. And it doesn't have to cost you any more than you already spend.

Space - Where do we put everything?

There are a couple of myths about space. It helps if you reject these.

• Myth #1: More space or better organization would make everything easier. We have a three-bedroom, two-and-a-half story house with a lot of storage space. We've acquired a lot of storage containers over the years. Frank has built several bookcases. Stuff can still be an issue. No matter how much room you have, it tends to fill up, and you will periodically need to make adjustments. Over the years, we've rearranged rooms, swapped rooms, and tried a bunch of different stuff-management schemes. It's ongoing.
  
• Myth #2: Kids' stuff should fit into their bedrooms. This belief is a relic of traditional parenting. Toss it out! If each member of the family gets equal space in the house, who is really taking up more than his or her share? It's usually not the kids.
  
• Myth #3: If you had less stuff, the house would be tidier. We're unschoolers. We live here. We're home a lot. You can tell.
  
• Myth #4: Your kids will share your values about stuff and money. MJ spends a good portion of her money on clothes. Chloe has a sizable savings account. I cannot say either of those things about myself. Our values—and the stuff we value—are different. Simplicity and frugality may not ever describe your child. That's okay. Love the kid you have. Accept the kid you have.
  
• Myth #5: It's going to be like this forever. Once upon a time, we probably had 250 cubic feet of Barbie stuff in our house. I kid you not. Now? Barbie occupies less than one cubic foot. Every single Barbie item that has left our house has done so not only with my daughters' permission but with their blessing. We have made several other little girls very happy over the last several years.
  
  I am so glad to be able to say those things, so glad that we embraced (or at least tolerated) and made room for the Barbie collection until they were done with it.
  
  And there's a pang, too. Did I appreciate my little Barbie-playing girls enough while they were here? I don't think I did. I don't think I really knew how fleeting those moments were going to be.
  
  Whatever stuff your child is acquiring now, she will eventually be done with it. Probably. But even if she's never done with it, storing it will eventually be her problem. :-)

I like our system, but it is just one approach. As with everything else in the entire freaking world, the What To Do is less important than the How To Do. Handle your child's stuff or money or space choices as you would handle his choices about TV or reading or racing the wind: with joy, with "Yes," and with an underlying belief that his choices are valid and valuable.

10 things you should know about us

A new meme inspired by this article on drmomma.org. If you play along, please reference the article, and please leave a comment on this post. The original is about what new neighbors should know, but you can expand on that if you want.

1. We tend to choose fun, messy, noisy, tasty, colorful, and/or not-rated-G stuff: books, movies, music, video games, art, art supplies, Japanese arms and armor, sugar-laden food, facepaint, hair dye, and so on. We share.
2. We tend to have long, involved, winding conversations. We have strong opinions and no subject is off limits.
3. We have not signed up to be the enforcers of your rules. We will support your kids in their efforts to honor your rules, but that's about it.
4. What happens at our house stays at our house, except...
5. Our interactions with your kids are subject to blogging. But we won't name names or post photos if you don't want us to.
6. Some of us are budding rockstars, and we practice.
7. We're not fussy about your noise (fair is fair, after all), but if the music you're blaring is either country or western ("Oh, we got both kinds"), we'll need to have a conversation about compromise.
8. Whatever you see our kids doing, they are probably doing it with our knowledge and usually with our active participation or at least cooperation. Even _____? Yes, that too.
   8a. We don't always agree with our kids (and vice versa), but you won't see us punishing our kids for their choices.
9. Our kids unschool. It's a fun life. Your kids might be envious. Defending schooling is going to be up to you 'cause we can't do it anymore.
10. Our yard... Yeah, we're sorry. We might do better someday.

Body love, body unschooling

In response to this piece about the reality of The Biggest Loser, my friend Miryam said this (among other things):

"Love the body you live in, people."

It got some thoughts swirling: Love my body. Love where I live. Love what is. It sounds like unschooling. I could unschool my body.

Wait. Unschool my body? What would that look like?

If I were going to unschool my body...
I would make lots of cool stuff available to it (gear and hikes and massages).
I would spend time with it.
I would have fun with it and do things it enjoys.
I would enjoy it.
I would provide it with a fun and colorful variety of foods.
I would feel good about it.
I would feel good.

I would not disparage it.
I would not feel ashamed of it.
I would not compare it to other bodies in negative ways.
I would not abuse it.

And I absolutely would not let society or any individual tell me what it should be.

(Update 7/2/10: Tara Wagner continues exploring this concept here.)

Transitioning from the traditional

Since I posted the notes from our circle chat, I have received a couple of questions about transitioning out of traditional parenting. One person wanted to know what unschooler parenting looks like, and another wanted to know how to move beyond traditional parenting.

Really excellent questions.

For me, moving beyond traditional parenting has been, and continues to be, a process. It started when my kids were very young, when I began letting go of control in small ways. I think the experimenting I did during that time was a vital part of the process for me. I had to try it, and I had to see it "work," meaning I had to see marked improvement in our family life. And it did work, and it worked so quickly. Things got better. I was rewarded.

But more than that, I began to see things differently. Without consciously trying for it, my perspective shifted. It was the first of several such shifts.

For most people, a shifted perspective is a requirement for unschooling. You simply cannot "get it" if you still believe that the parents always know best or that kids can't be trusted. You can live it for a while, you can experiment with it, but your unschooling lifestyle is not going to survive if you hang onto those beliefs.

It's the same with the shift to the parenting that we do. (I have previously called it attachment parenting, but that label doesn't feel big enough anymore, with so much of our parenting of our teenagers involving letting go.) You can start parenting this way before you believe in it, hoping that the results you see will trigger the perspective shift. In fact, I recommend this. Don't wait. Try it. Dive in. But do open your mind and welcome the shift.

The shift is from "The parents are in charge" to "We're all in this together." And it's from a pompous "Doing the right thing" to a joyful "Doing the fun thing."

How?

Make different choices. Begin with small moments. A thousand small moments, every single day. Remember that you have a choice in every single interaction with your child. Choose kindness.

• Step 1: Pause. Give yourself time to find the kind choice. This pause can last as long as you need it to. It is okay to postpone your response. Really. In the meantime, hug your kid.


• Step 2: Strip away what's extra. When conflicts arise with kids, they almost always happen out in public. Have you ever noticed that? At the mall, in the grocery store, in a parking lot, at somebody else's house. So, immediately, the parent is coping not only with the situation at hand but with social pressure.
  
  You MUST ignore that part, and if you think I don't know how hard that is, you're wrong.
  
  Imagine yourself in a bubble with your child. Inside that bubble, what does your child want? Is she tired? Is she uncomfortable? Is she hungry? Does she desire a toy or a food or an experience?


• Step 3: Respond, don't react. Now assess what you can do about your child's wants. Here is where it's okay to factor in the social pressure a bit. But be solution oriented. Be compassionate. Find a way to say "yes" to your kid.
  
  I know you want to climb, but that isn't allowed on grocery store shelves. Where can we go where climbing is okay?
  
  I wish I could buy you this toy. Let's write down the name of it and see if we can find it for less money on eBay.
  
  I want to talk to you about this, but there's no privacy here. Shall we step into the restroom?
  
  I highly recommend How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.


• Step 4: Follow through. "Follow through." It's very common parenting advice. But I am not a very common parent. I am not talking about discipline here. I am talking about being honest and honorable. As Don Miguel says, be impeccable with your word. If you say you are going to look something up on eBay, do it.

All those yeses and qualified yeses are another vital part of the process. They add up. All that honesty and trustworthiness adds up. When we listen to our kids, when we treat our kids with compassion and generosity, they respond with listening, and compassion, and generosity. They learn to trust us to be on their side and to help them get what they want.

What does it look like?

First, here's what it doesn't look like:
One time when my kids were little, we had promised them a new video. Something or other happened (I have no recollection of what, which tells you how exceedingly UNimportant it was really), and we ended up carrying two shrieking children out through the mall without the video. We didn't yell. We weren't even especially angry. But our "solution" that day stemmed from our belief that we were in charge, and the result was two very unhappy kids and two self-righteous-feeling parents.

(Actually, that's probably something to watch for: if you feel self-righteous, you're just wrong.)

In the exact same circumstances now, with our new belief system, not only would we have left with the video, but we would all have left laughing and happy. This is because Frank and I would have looked at whatever it was that our kids were doing or wanting as valid, as something that was worth our time to respond to and, if necessary, simply cope with.

I try to remember what they were doing that was so bad that I "had to" break a promise. What could it have been? Did they squabble in the video store? Did they touch something I didn't think they should touch? Whatever it was, it wasn't worth it.

Now, here's what it looks like:
At LIFE is Good last weekend, a little boy about 4 melted down in the swimming pool. My friend Shonna (mom to five) stepped in and had him laughing in minutes. It was remarkable. First, she bundled him up in extra towels. He was very nearly swaddled. It really struck me, because with my overdeveloped sense of social responsibility, I probably would have hesitated and felt too guilty to use the extra hotel towels. But it was SO the right thing to do. He was chilled, and she got him warm. So simple! But so important. She tuned into his needs in the moment. Next, she cuddled him close (more warmth, plus love, love, love) and murmured to him, and when he seemed ready, she began to play with him. She bounced his feet and he giggled. Then she got up and wandered around with him a bit, saying, "Has anyone seen Michael? I have this cool new toy that giggles when you bounce its feet, but I can't find Michael anywhere!"

I have seen similar situations around other swimming pools that ended much differently. They ended with recriminations, such as, "I told you not to stay in too long" or "Be a big boy. Stop crying!" They ended with angry parents dragging crying kids back into locker rooms or hotel rooms.

And worst of all, they ended with kids and parents as adversaries, and with kids feeling ashamed and wrong for needing what they needed.

Shonna's way is better.

Community evolution

First read this:
Robin Dunbar: we can only ever have 150 friends at most...
Evolutionary anthropologist Robin Dunbar tells Aleks Krotoski why even Facebook cannot expand our true social circle: our brains just aren't big enough to cope

Now allow me to disagree.

"...in the end, we actually have to get together to make a relationship work." And I want to completely disagree with this. I have online friendships that are so rich and fulfilling that I feel like we've lived next door for years.

But more than that, I think what Mr. Dunbar may not be considering is that in modern society our brains only have to "cope" with one community at a time.

After the friending frenzy that took place after LIFE is Good, I have 480 friends on Facebook. But even there, I'm only interacting on any given day with the subset of my friends that is posting that day. And that subset is further categorized into groups both on my page and in my brain: family, unschoolers, coworkers, etc.

Similarly, in real life, I have one community at home (immediate family), one in my neighborhood, one at work, various configurations of extended family, and various configurations at unschooler gatherings.

It is only at the last of these that nametags are provided, and I think we're all appreciative of those. So maybe our brains can't cope with that many names, but they certainly have no problem coping with that many connections. We thrive on the connections. We thrive on having so many familiar faces around us. And after a long weekend together, most of the faces are familiar. There were ~650 people at LIFE is Good; by Monday, they all felt like family.

Our brains have evolved slowly. Our comprehension of and capacity for community have not.

Hair today

At LIFE is Good, we collected a Hefty sack full of hair to send to Matter of Trust to help with the Gulf oil cleanup. All four of the Greybeards shaved their heads, but Scotty says my donation was bigger than theirs combined. :-)


Just some of the friends who went bald for the cause: Jon, Chris, Ginger, Scotty, Frank.


Frank and me at the picnic, enjoying the cool breezes.

Photo credits: I can't remember! I swiped these from Facebook. If they're yours, thank you!!!

Coping with traditional parenting - 2nd edition

In September 2009, Shonna Morgan and I hosted a circle chat at the Good Vibrations Unschooling Conference. We called it "Strangers in a Strange Land: Coping with Traditional Parenting." It went really well, and, since it was partially inspired by a conversation I had with LIFE is Good alum Renee' Cabatic (who was not able to attend GV), we decided to offer it again at LIFE is Good this year. The turnout was amazing, and our circle chat turned into a first-rate brainstorming session.

The question we tried to answer: "On a situation-by-situation basis, how can we improve the lives of children who are being parented traditionally (or worse)?"

To read the notes from the Good Vibrations chat, go here. The coping strategies suggested by the participants at LIFE is Good follow.

INTERVENING IN VIOLENT MOMENTS

• If it's safe, get close and look horrified. Be an obvious witness.
• If getting close is not safe, pre-dial your cellphone to 911 and inform the violent one that you have done so.

INTERVENING IN ANGRY MOMENTS

• Do something surprising or silly or distracting. Break the tension. Shake things up. Carry a little bottle of bubbles in your purse.
• In a timeout situation, act as if the timeout is a fun game and join in.
• Create a space for an overwhelmed child to express himself.
• Empathize with the parent.
• Offer to help.
• Pretend to be new to a peaceful parenting method—"Oh, I just found this technique that really helps"—and share it with the parent.
• Talk to the kid to talk to the parent. Amplify the kid's perspective. "Waiting in line is really hard, isn't it?" "Oh, look at all the candy. Don't you wish we could buy all of it?"
• Help the child find a solution. Usually the child will have to give in to the parent's demands, but you can show her that you understand the conflict. Amplify the parent's perspective—"I think your mom really wants to leave now"—and show that you understand the child's perspective, too—"but you're not ready to leave yet, are you?"
• Act oblivious to the tension of the moment. "What a cute little guy!"
• Counter negative messages by offering additonal perspectives.

HELPING WITH CHILD BOREDOM
(airplanes, lines, kids trapped in strollers)

• Be playful. Give the child clear permission to play so that both parent and child know it's okay.
• Bubbles (as mentioned above).
• Pipe cleaners, stickers, little toys.
• Goodie bags (keep one in purse, replace as needed).
• Ask your own kids to be emissaries. Other parents don't feel as threatened by kids, and kids tend to be fascinated by other kids.

WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS YOU SEE REGULARLY

• Any of the above.
• Model peaceful parenting every chance you get.
• Spanking is NOT allowed in your home. Don't be afraid to say so.

The Doings Report

That LIFE is Good writeup is still coming. Maybe. But right now I just feel like rambling. Aimlessly. Without purpose. Maybe this won't even be a Doings Report but a Lack-of-Doings Report.

I think—and I squirm as I write this out of fear of angering the schedule gods—that we have a completely commitment-free weekend ahead. Holy loose ends, Batman!

I have a cold, one of two variants of the Conference Crud that are going around. Boy, did I get lucky, because the other one involves vomit. I'll take my annoyingly drippy nose any day.

MJ came home for one day and then went back to Oregon. I think her at-home time is less than her away time these days. So far I'm doing okay with this transition. I spoke to Cherie (my friend and former stepmother) on the phone today, and she pointed out that these separations are the natural result of raising independent kids. "We reap what we sow," I said. "Yes." And perhaps that is why I'm doing okay with this transition. For our kids to have the confidence and connections and motivation to build their own lives has been one of our goals all along.

Two of my very favorite authors (Julia Quinn and Lisa Kleypas) had book releases on my birthday. I bought the books and then went to LIFE is Good. Not much reading time there. So, I've spent some of my sickie time this week reading them and am very pleased with both.

New books always run out of pages too fast.

I am still processing my LiG talk. I think it went well, but I am too close to it to know for sure. I wish I could have filmed the audience while I delivered it so that (now that I am out of the semi-fugue state I enter when I'm speaking publicly) I could go back and check out reactions.

I had a big deadline before LiG. Deadline, LiG, Conference Crud. That's my last few weeks in a nutshell.

I am thinking about writing a novel. I am often thinking about writing a novel. In fact, in my years on this planet, I have done WAY more thinking about writing a novel than actual writing of said novel. But there are intriguing chapters tucked here and there. And one of these times when I think about writing a novel I know I will actually do it.

"I know I will actually do it." That is true, but I did not know it until I typed it. Interesting.

I made a bazillion friends at the conference. That is a slight exaggeration. But I did. The tribe just keeps on growing...

Speaking of which, unschooling is back in the news. Nightline (with Juju again, ick) and The View. I haven't been able to bring myself to watch the hatchet jobs clips. I want the media to forget they ever heard of unschooling. They are making the traditionalists nervous. That is never a good thing.

Fear is the mother of morality. ~ Nietzsche

Ja.

Done rambling. Auf Wiedersehen.

The LiG list

I'm working on a writeup about our LIFE is Good experiences, but I am slow. In the meantime, here is my thank-you to Mary Gold:

Dear Mary,

Every year after LIFE is Good, I struggle with the need to tell you what this conference means to me. But every year it is so hard to put into words something that is pure (purest!) feeling. This year's attempt is simply a list of nouns.

What WE Found and Appreciated at LIFE is Good 2010
**A partial list from A to Z(ed)**

- Acceptance
- Activities
- Amy
- Art
- Authenticity
- Babies
- Bald heads
- Balloons
- Bananagrams
- Belonging
- Bionicles
- Birthdays
- Boppers
- Bounties
- Boys
- Brilliance
- Bubbles
- Canadians
- Captain Jack Sparrow
- Chess
- Circle Chats
- Color
- Compassion
- Connections
- Contribution
- Conversation
- Creativity
- Dads
- Dancing
- Discoveries
- Discussions
- Drum Circle
- Energy
- Entertainment
- Fairy Godparents
- Flags
- Friendship
- Fun
- Gaming
- Generosity
- Gifts
- Giggles
- Girls
- Gratitude
- Greybeards
- Hair dye
- Harmony
- Honoring
- Hope
- Hot Backup Chicks
- Hugs
- Hula hoops
- Ideas
- Inspiration
- Joy
- Jumping
- Kindness
- Kids
- Kimya
- Kindness
- Laughter
- Learning
- Life
- Light
- Lone Nuts
- Love
- Mamas
- Meaning
- Motivation
- Music
- Nightowls
- Nursing
- Opportunities
- Originality
- Patience
- Peace
- Perspective
- Pirate treasure
- Playfulness
- Pleasure
- Pokemon
- Presentations
- Questioning
- Quiet (really!)
- Rejuvenation
- Respect
- Restoration
- Romping
- Sharing
- Smiles
- Splashing
- Support
- Talking
- Teens
- Thinking
- Thoughtfulness
- Thriller
- Tie dye
- Time Warp
- Toddlers
- Trust
- Uniqueness
- Unity
- Validation
- Value
- Variety
- Vision
- Visionaries
- Volunteers
- Wii
- Will
- Wine
- Wisdom
- Wonder
- World of Warcraft
- Yes
- Zenmomma

Thank you, Mary, for making it happen once again. Our lives are immeasurably improved by this community.

(Updated 5:09 p.m. with additions from the LIFE is Good Yahoo! group. Thanks, Robin and Kim! Updated again 6/4 with additions from Shonna, Tammi, and Jinger.)