Good advice

Remember that you only have to take one step at a time.
Breathe, baby.
Have fun!

In one IM conversation, these were the bits of advice I offered to a friend. Trite? Perhaps. Easy to say? Definitely. Bad advice? Not even close. Those are the Big Three for not only coping with but enjoying what life throws at you.

Here's one more: When things get stressful, remember the Big Three.

I think that's the hardest part.

Make a joyful light

I met a little girl in my dreams last night. Looking back on it now, I can theorize labels for this girl and know that she was probably on the Aspergers spectrum. Whatever. In my dream, she was simply my friend. She carried with her at all times one of those little keychain LED flashlights that you squeeze to light up. That flashlight was a cause for concern in her family, and I was caught up in the concern.

So, she and her siblings and I were hanging out together at the mall. We were having a blast and there were many distractions, and I was able to manipulate my little friend into giving me her flashlight for a while. But then we walked into THE toy store, the kind of toy store that kids fantasize about. FAO Schwartz on crack. My friend was suddenly a dancing ball of energy, hopping up and down and tugging manically on the pocket where I'd put her flashlight. I laughed and hugged her and promptly gave her back her light, which she proceeded to flash happily over and over again.

In the way of dreams, her dad appeared beside us and said something to her in that indulgent-scolding voice that all parents probably use from time to time. It's a voice that says, "I'm letting you do this just this once, but I find your need to do it amusing." I turned to him and said, "Steve, that's how she shows you her joy." And the light dawned for him, too, and we were all settling into enjoying the very pretty lights when my alarm went off and I woke up.

I think it is no accident that we use "light" words when we talk about joy, and no coincidence that a light symbolized joy in my dream. Our faces light up. We beam smiles. We glow with happiness. Joy dawns on our faces.

One of my favorite things about the unschooling community is that our friends amplify my kids' joy the way I amplified the little girl's joy in my dream. They do this all the time, not only by recognizing MJ's and Chloe's expressions of joy but by joining into it. At its roots, to enjoy means to put joy into, and our friends do that, too. MJ and Chloe have friends of all ages, all over the place, who are their friends in joy. They play and laugh together and trust each other. It is stunningly beautiful to watch.

And these friends help me see with better eyes. I can look back over our unschooling years and remember so many times when the words or simple presence of unschooling friends—people who habitually, deliberately, look for and find the best in people—showed me the path out of fear-based, critical parenting and into acceptance and fun and doing life together. Unschoolers remind me in a thousand ways to enjoy my kids, and my partnership, and my life. They show me the light.

Do you see it?

Funland

My 10yo unschooled niece, Emma, has a vision of a wonderful place to live. It's called "Funland." She dictated the following description to me and asked me to share it with you.

Instead of vegetables and fruits being healthy, it's the opposite way around, with the not-as-healthy stuff being more healthy than the healthy stuff.

There are no allergies of any kind at all. Unless somebody deserves it. Like, when people get in the animals' faces so the pets don't have any time to do anything, then they will get allergies.

People learn by unschooling; there's no school at all.

There is music and happiness all the time. Any kind of music – the people get to choose - and you only hear the kind of music that you want to hear. Rooms and areas can be soundproofed for people who want quiet time.

There would be no bullying and no rules like "no hugging" and stuff like that.

Things only cost $1 or less even though it was like a diamond or something, and nobody was poor. Food was free and nobody was homeless. Or if people were homeless they would at least have cooking places like soup kitchens to help them.

Government would give us money instead of us giving them money. Government would print up the money and hand it out. People would only work because they love to, and then when they have their own stuff to trade or money from selling stuff, they would get less money from the government. And the government could have all the money he wanted because he could make it himself.

The government is a king or queen. The king or queen is chosen because they are nice, by election and from a test that would show how good he or she would be at the job. As soon as someone gets the job, a magic spell takes hold that makes them be nice and not greedy, but the spell is just in case the other stuff wasn't enough.

People with $500 would be rich, because they'd be able to buy so much stuff. Just because stuff is cheap doesn't mean it's bad.

Animals could talk. They would tell us what they wanted and what they didn't. And then we could understand if they wanted to do something or not, like if they wanted to stay inside and play or if they have to go the bathroom.

It would be kind of like the future there, so there would be hovering cars and mini-trains that you could ride on to get places. Instead of scooters, they'd all be either motor scooters or hover scooters. Teleporters would let you be somewhere in one second.

Emma's house would be a big huge mansion, and houses would only be $1. There would be pools and hot tubs and skating rinks and ice skating rinks. If they had a wishing well, when they put a coin in it, the wish would come true. It would only be one penny. The movie area would be like a movie theater.

Her bedroom would have a TV, and her bed could move around so she wouldn't have to get up. There would be a big porch outside her room with a nice view. The room would have a guest bed so she could have friends or sister stay there sometimes. She'd have a people mover that went through a wall and to all parts of the house. The kitchen would have food at all times, and she could have food in her room whenever she wanted to. There would be secret room under the stairs or something that would be only for her best friends.

Her parents' room would be a bigger room, obviously, and it would have the same kind of bed and TV as in her room. The beds would be adjustable, go up and down, with a massager built in. And the room would have a couch and whatever they wanted, and all the rooms could be divided in half so you could have your privacy, such as when a guest is over or you just want to be separate.

The yard would be a nice, big yard, especially if they had an animal or pet. It would have big toys in it, including a trampoline—the big kind—and a swing set. And there would be a tree with perfect branches for climbing, and there would be a tire swing on it and a tree house in it. An awesome one.

People never get sick. They are kind of like the elves in Lord of the Rings: they live forever unless they're killed. (Immortal but not invulnerable.) When you go to Funland, you become immortal, and if you leave Funland, you become mortal.

They have babies, but Funland never gets too crowded; you just keep adding on.

Unschoolers respond

The original Good Morning America piece
The follow-up interview with the Bieglers this morning

Unschooler responses to the GMA content and to the subsequent huge wave of negative comments about unschooling:

Good Morning America: Don't You Love Your Children?
Jeff addressing the "they're lazy" theme.

Unschooling on GMA
Child's Play point-by-point rundown on the original piece.

Unschooling Stephanopoulos: Good Morning America Fail
Heather explaining what unschooling is rather than what it isn't.

Unschooling: How Good Morning America Got It All Wrong
Filmmaker Lee Stranahan cuts through the hyperbole.

Inspired by the Good Morning America piece
Ren talks about her priorities.

Unschooling Gets Publicity...In a BIG Way
Idzie on what all this publicity might mean.

23 Facts About Unschooling
Brianna lays it all out.

Good Morning America - Featuring Unedited Unschoolers
Humans Being commentary on how the second piece today may have been too little too late, plus general commentary on the short attention span of your average American TV viewer.

Quote from unschooling mom and advocate Dayna Martin:
"[I have] been flooded with emails and phone calls since the GMA Unschooling episodes have aired! My YouTube Channel has been mega-blasted with subscribers and comments... My book is sold out at Borders and my publisher received a huge order from Amazon... I have had several requests for interviews and appearances also today...... Phew! What a trip! We're loud! - we're proud! - We're Radical Unschoolers!"

UPDATE WITH MORE LINKS 4/21
The Uproar Over Unschooling
Tara theorizes about why people are freaking the hell out.

My Thoughts on the Recent Unschooling Hub Bub
Amy writes about why quickie descriptions of unschooling don't cut it, and more.

Tori's response to the comments on the GMA feature
Grown unschooler Tori shares her opinions.

And my personal favorite ;-) ...
A Modest Proposal (a la Swift but not as draconian)
Frank suggests better use of the word "unparenting."

NEW LINKS 4/22
Bad Press
Holly talks about why unschoolers should speak out.

Wild Week
Sandra shares some quotes from the continuing flow of ooze and joy the GMA piece has spawned.

So Today I Hear I'm a Neglectful Parent
Kelly advises gentle discourse and keeping things in perspective.

Unschooling and Unjournalism
Media analyst and homeschooling dad Peter J. Orvetti critiques the original GMA piece

Moving along from religion to politics

"Things are not always as [the media] portrays them through highly
selective editing of reality... A fuller truth is found on the cutting room floor."
~ California Attorney General Jerry Brown

The most inflammatory clips from the so-called ACORN investigation were faked.

I think James O'Keefe and Hannah Giles' behavior is reprehensible in the extreme. Fox News' behavior in giving these scam artists an (eager) audience is even worse.

Rachel Maddow tears Breitbart's ACORN tapes apart

Changing my religion

Recent coverage of unschooling in the mainstream media has me once again thinking about starting the church of radical unschooling. When one holds beliefs as deeply as I hold my beliefs in RU, it can be rather frightening that it is possible for a government agency to interfere with how one lives. For the most part, this fear doesn't, well, worry me much: there is no provision in Washington state law for anyone to interfere, and even if there were, we have all our legal ducks in a row and could head them off at the pass (if you'll pardon the mixed metaphors). As a worst case, both our girls are old enough and academically competent enough to be graduated tomorrow if needed.

But that's us. Across the country, we have hundreds of friends who may not be in this same cozy position. Some of them have younger kids or less academically inclined kids, and some live in states where there are huge machines for state interference in homeschooler lives. Others, for reasons of their own, choose to fly under the legal radar, removed from all state requirements. As the bureaucrats and well intentioned but sadly ignorant do-gooders learn more about unschooling, I fear attacks on the peace and joy of all their unschooling lives.

At the risk of sounding like a Libertarian, I think the government should Butt Out. I also believe, passionately, that the government has less right to—pardon me—fuck with my children's minds than I do. (And I have no right at all.)

You could say it's a religion I live by. The tenets of this religion are simple but profoundly, deeply held:

1. "The basic right of all human beings is the right to choose what to learn and think." John Holt

2. "Children do not need to be made to learn to be better, told what to do or shown how. If they are given access to enough of the world, they will see clearly enough what things are truly important to themselves and to others, and they will make for themselves a better path into that world then anyone else could make for them." John Holt

3. "[True meaning is found] in families, in friends, in the passage of seasons, in nature, in simple ceremonies and rituals; in curiosity, generosity, compassion, and service to others, in a decent independence and privacy, in all the free and inexpensive things out of which real families, real friends and real communities are built." John Taylor Gatto

4. "[Schooling is] simply dragging a child's soul through the dirt.” George Bernard Shaw

or (if you prefer):

"School is prison. School is prison. School is prison." Peter Gray

5. "...Science, art and history [are] all the same 'subject,' and [it includes] people and language and music. [Realizing this provides] a feeling of expansiveness, of blossoming." Sandra Dodd

6. "If one thing makes you think of another thing, you form a connection between them in your mind. The more connections you have, the better access you have to cross-connections. The more things something can remind you of, the more you know about it, or are learning about it." Sandra Dodd

7. "Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school." Albert Einstein

8. "It is a very grave mistake to think that the enjoyment of seeing and searching can be promoted by means of coercion and a sense of duty." Albert Einstein

9. "When freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will be free." Tom Robbins

10. "Autodidacts are the shiznit." Chloe Maier

By pulling these tenets into an organized, government-recognized religion, and thanks to the First Amendment separation of church and state, we might spare our "followers" from any and all interference with these tenets.

Now I just need a name for the church. I'm thinking about "Sundance Temple of Free Unschoolers." You supply the acronym. ;-)

Of gorillas and unschoolers

I love this post, perhaps because Heather's family's trip to the zoo provides a microcosmic view of unschooling life. This is how unschooling (aka, learning) works, people. Pay attention!

How to Trust Children Who Stare at Gorillas

And here is one of my posts, on a related note.

A new service for unschooling bloggers

If you would like me to copyedit your blog posts, you can send them to me here. I will endeavor to get them back to you within a few hours (unless you're in Europe or an early riser on the East Coast). I will limit my edits to spelling and grammar, leaving your writing style intact, and you will of course have the final say on what gets published.

My motivation for doing this is simple: Good writers are not necessarily good editors. I'd like to minimize editorial issues that distract readers from the important themes being discussed on unschooling blogs.

This is a free service.

The "Must Learn" list

Is there anything you think kids must learn?

In this post last month, I said no:

It's that old question about whether there is anything that kids MUST learn. I think the answer is "no," because as soon as you put something on that list, you take away from the kids the unfettered, creative right to determine for themselves what has value in their lives. And learning *that* is the most important learning of all.

But this subject keeps coming up lately. Since I've been revisiting it mentally, I thought I'd revisit it publicly, too.

I suppose I really do have a few items on the Must Learn list. I think all people should learn how to:

• Listen actively even when bored
• Be kind even when _____ (fill in the blank)
• Read
• Use a calculator, or do simple calculations mentally, or some combination of these
• Add gas, oil, and tire pressure to the car
• Navigate a Web site and use a search engine
• Juggle funds and anticipate expenses so that the bills get paid mostly on time
• Do at least a few of the things on Neil Gaiman's list

There you have it. I've made a curriculum.

Now we come to the important question: What am I going to do with it?

I could package it up and try to make my living convincing parents that their kids will be abject failures and face hideous consequences if they don't learn these things. I could develop tests to go with my curriculum, and offer diplomas to people who score well enough on the tests. I could foster an entire industry of remedial instructional programs to "help" kids who aren't making the grade. All of that is what our education system does (and if you think their curriculum is any less arbitrary than mine, watch this slideshow).

Or I could be like your average school-at-home homeschooler and sit my kids down at a table every weekday morning (and sometimes on Sundays) and have them do worksheets and read dry texts about my chosen educational goals. If I were really enlightened, we'd go out and pop the hood on the car for a little variety.

I could spend hours agonizing over my kids' progress. I could infect them with worry and a feeling of inadequacy. I could tell them they need to work harder, buckle down, apply themselves, realize their potential, do better, be more like their siblings or cousins or neighbor kids, focus, shape up, measure up, pay attention, and above all stop fooling around. I could tell them that they are BEHIND, that they are WRONG, that they are RUINING THEIR LIVES, that they are WEIRD SPECIAL, or (gag me) that they just need a little more help than most people.

Oh! I know! I could punish my kids for not learning these things, or not learning them well enough. I could restrict their activities, and spy on them, and yell at them every day! Yeah! That's the ticket! I'm sure that will make their lives rich and full and successful!

NOT.

No, we're not going there. First off, I don't think we need to. Whatever my kids' Must Learns are (and I am fully prepared for their lists to look very different from mine), well, they will learn them! And even if they don't...

Suppose they don't learn some of the things on the list...

Then what?

The old Zen proverb goes like this: "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."

I think we can borrow from that wisdom. "Before the curriculum is created, live and learn. After the curriculum is created, live and learn."

What other choice do we really have?

Extra! Extra!

In this post, I labeled much of what we've been busy with the last few months as "extra," and I strongly implied that I have too much "extra" in my life. My Uncle Scott had this to say:

"Those aren't extras - that's your life. You wouldn't know what to do without all of those extras."

The first part of that thought had occurred to me as I was writing the post, but I went with it anyway because those activities feel like extra. I think this is mainly because our core lifestyle, the life the four of us have together, is so fun and rich and complete that I would be pretty damned content if that were all we had.

I am also kind of sensitive to outside input. Hmm, let's try that again: I am very sensitive to outside input. If I don't get lots of downtime, quiet spells with next-to-no outside input, I become anxious and depressed. And my mental state can turn on a dime. One minute, I'm "Yay! People! Let's party!" and the next, life sucks and I want to go home and I want to be alone and I cry and I snap at my family and even our core lifestyle seems terribly, ponderously difficult.

So, I try to find a balance. I love my friends and my extended family, I love spending time with them, and I receive SO much love and joy from them. Uncle Scott is right that I would be terribly sorry if I didn't have that. But my intention for 2010 is to remember to make the quiet times and our core lifestyle more of a priority.

Gamers are the future (and the future is now)

Grown unschooler Anna posted an interesting article about the benefits of video gaming. She links to some studies in which even mainstream scientists have acknowledged these benefits. Good points all.

But what the experts often overlook--even when they conclude that gaming has benefits--is the gaming industry itself. It is a multibillion-dollar Big Deal, growing all the time, with more and more jobs opening up, and broader and broader appeal. And in many ways, we non-gamers are the ones being left behind!

This weekend at SakuraCon, I was surrounded by gamers of every stripe. They were there for fun, certainly, but they were also there for work. As at any professional convention, they shared tips and techniques, they brainstormed, they sought out rumors and ideas. And these people are not fooling around! They move fast, they talk fast, they have their own language and inside jokes, and--I firmly believe--they are creating tomorrow's professional networks. Those of us on the outside will have a hard time breaking in!

The parallels to the budding movie and television industries are inescapable. Those who resisted the changes in our economy and society that these new industries represented eventually had to come around and accept the new reality. So will those who resist gaming. Sure, parents can shun any medium, and many do, often "for the good of the children." But I fail to see how shielding children from something that so dominates our culture does anything but harm. Poor little wolf-raised babes!

Embrace the future. Embrace the technology. It isn't going anywhere, and it is far better for your kids to grow up in the world where tech is natural, a no-brainer, a fact of life, than in one where tech is something to be feared and controlled.

The Doings Report

One of my intentions for 2010 is to beware of extra.

Um, yeaaaah. FAIL.

In January, I started a new job. I also rehearsed (in another country) and played (in another state) a gig. This was a joy, but... Extra!

In February, we welcomed niece and new unschooler Emma into our daily routine. This is a continuing joy, but... Extra!

Also in February, I presented a little intro to meditation to my grandma and some of her friends. This was a joy and a real learning experience, but... Extra!

In March, my grandma was hospitalized with a badly broken shoulder. Not a joy. I began visiting her several times per week, and then moved in with her for a week in hopes of helping her transition back to independent living. Glad to do it, but... Extra!

Also in March, we traveled to that other country again for a 5Rhythms workshop and more rehearsal, celebrated Chloe's 16th birthday, and welcomed beloved houseguests. More joy, and more and more and more, but... Extra!

And now it is April. I spent the entire weekend at SakuraCon with MJ, Chloe, and Emma. MJ's boyfriend, Sean, is arriving for a visit. We're headed back to Canada for more rehearsal. There's a Non-Con to attend and several birthdays to observe. I'm thinking about enrolling in another meditation class. Oh, yes, and the @#^&%! taxes are due.

EX-FREAKING-TRA!

But I'm sure May will be different.