Mindful learning conclusion

I have finally typed up my last few featured quotes from "The Power of Mindful Learning." You can view them here under myths 6 and 7. I highly recommend this book.

Friday fill-in

Today's edition: Name the dude, name the movie.

1. He was a bad mutha f****.

2. Watching the loons is what I look forward to most this time of year.

3. My best friend is a waste of f***ing life who doesn't know anything about boats.

4. I might give you eternal life, but I'm never going to be honest with you.

5. Appearances can be altered.

6. The last person I gave a hug to was my son.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to talking to my cornfield, tomorrow my plans include baptism, and Sunday, I want to go hunting for free-range rude!

(#7 is three dudes and three movies, in case you couldn't tell. )

My real answers:
1. He was a friend before I loved him.

2. NOT sending my kids to school is what I look forward to most this time of year.

3. My best friend is too far away.

4. It doesn't always seem polite to be honest with you.

5. Appearances are not every damn thing.

6. The last person I gave a hug to was Frank and earnest.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a hot date with my hubby, tomorrow my plans include a trip to Canada to be a sexy backup chick, and Sunday, I want to have a quiet day at home because it is practically our last chance for one til mid-September.

Because I said so

An article from Psychology Today went around (and around) on Facebook the other day. The article discusses Robert Epstein's book, The Case Against Adolescence: Rediscovering the Adult in Every Teen. But what really caught my eye was this quote (thanks, Idzie), which I have bullet-ized for clarity and impact:

In recent surveys I've found that American teens are subjected to:

• more than 10 times as many restrictions as mainstream adults,
• twice as many restrictions as active-duty U.S. Marines, and...
• twice as many [restrictions] as incarcerated felons.

And that, my friends, is why teenage rebellion is such a cliche in our culture. What choice do they have? If adolescence is real, it's main purpose is separation, and instead what our kids get is parents who clamp down, provide so-called tough love, and are ever ready to come up with new rules.

There is an alternative. We're living it. We have no rules. Our kids make their own choices. Our lives are peaceful and happy and fun. Our kids are interesting and adventurous and safe enough by their standards.

Shall I back up? Yes, I shall. "Safe enough by their standards," I said. Is that the same as "safe enough by Ronnie's standards"? Not always. Is that easy for me? Umm, let me think. NO.

Here's what it looks like:

The other night—the night before the dawn run to the train station and NBTSC—MJ headed out the door at approximately where-the-hell-do-you-think-you-are-going. When asked, she informed me that she'd be getting home at approximately and-just-how-do-you-expect-to-get-enough-sleep.

Do all you teens and former teens and parents of teens and parents of former teens recognize those hours? They are deeply ingrained in our minds, I think.

So, let's be clear here. What I wanted to say was, "No way. You're staying home. Why? Because I said so."

Instead, anticipating my concerns, she volunteered that she'd be alert on her walk home, with keys ready for jabbing. "And your cell phone pre-dialed to 9-1-1?" I asked. "Yes," she replied, with just the tiniest smirk. And then I indicated that I really wanted her to stay home, and she indicated that her desire to go was very strong.

And then I kissed her good-bye and went to bed. And I slept. I didn't worry. (I might have worried if I'd stayed awake, but I was able to sleep.) And when I woke up the next morning, she was home. In fact, she was already (still?) up, tired but on schedule.

So, what this way looks like is, they make their own choices. Period. While Mom sleeps. (Just kidding! Couldn't resist.) While Mom wrestles with the occasional bout of discomfort—and that's all it is, and all the attention it deserves. And then we all live with the consequences of their decisions, just like they live with the consequences of mine.

We cooperate to minimize or just handle consequences instead of having fights about whether something will lead to consequences. And when there are consequences, they stand on their own, without arbitrary punishments heaped on top of them in some misguided effort to drive the lesson home. (Where is the logic in that, by the way? If the consequences aren't bad enough on their own, why the hell are punishments necessary?)

Anyway, the result is no rebellion, having genuine closeness with our kids, and life in a house that is a place of happiness and trust and love.

Give it a try! Just because I said so.

Friday fill-in

1. I remember, I remember, I was just trying to pretend I don't.

2. Dear Buddha, I want you to know I'm still waiting for that pony and plastic rocket.

3. Is that my schedule!!???

4. I'm trying to resist the temptation of an all-night reading session.

5. I'm saving a hug just for you!

6. If I made a birthday list, budget calculations would definitely be on it!!!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to Psych and some time with my family, tomorrow my plans include a visit from unschoolers and our first Seahawks game as season-ticket holders, and Sunday, I want to rock'n'roll!

Time passages

I'm still marveling over this day. You know how you have those days where you wake up and then about two minutes later the day is over? Well, this wasn't one of those.

I got up at 8 and did my usual morning thing. Then I "made time" to trim my bangs. I was feeling rushed and like I ought to be leaving for work instead. But then it occurred to me that by spending five minutes trimming my own bangs I was saving about two hours, since the effort to first make and then keep an appointment at the salon would eat up at least that much.

So I went into my day feeling like I had two extra hours. And, boy howdy, did I use them. About five times!

I put air in the right rear tire of the MR2 (it has a slow leak and must be topped off regularly). Then I drove to work, 45 minutes down the freeway in traffic light enough to make the left-lane hogs really annoying. Then I worked for 10 hours, with only a 20-minute break to meditate in the sunshine. I worked really well, too. Then I drove home again. Then I had dinner with kids for company and a brief appearance by Frank. Then MJ and I went for a brisk walk in the dark neighborhood, chatting and lamenting the lack of stars in the city even on a clear night. Then I got on the Internet and got caught up enough on the doings of my friends and family. And now I'm listening to the Daily Show and blogging, with plans to get in a little reading time before I sleep.

Could it be that it is the mere perception of lack that drives my time stress?

MJ's sampler

The lovely page MJ left for me the other morning featured this quote from W.B. Yeats:

So great a sweetness flows into the breast

We must laugh and we must sing,

We are blest by everything,

Everything we look upon is blest.

I just looked up the whole poem, and the line that precedes that part is "When such as I cast out remorse." I like it in context, too. :-)

The Doings Report

Greetings, all!

Last week, I finished up my Monday meditation class, so I find myself with a little spare time tonight. How lovely! Let's blog.

The big announcement: The Maier family is experiencing a lull in their social calendar!! Shocking, I know. This lull is scheduled to last for four more days.

What preceded the lull was a visit from my dad and Renee'. It was a good time! I had to work during the days they were here, but they hung out with Frank and the girls and did a group trip to the Seattle Aquarium. In the evenings, we ate. We had too much Thai food one night and steaks the other. Yum!

On Friday, they headed off to visit my dad's best buddy from high school (also named Bill) and begin their reunion festivities. This meant that I was free to go to the all day meditation event that took place on Saturday, but instead...

I lazed about!

Wow! I haven't gotten to do that for a while. It was really nice. MJ was under the weather, so she and I sat together in the livingroom watching movies and reading and just generally being slug-like.

What else has been going on... MJ and Chloe are both involved in writing projects. MJ is writing fiction, but she won't say more than that. She has also been making these little signs that are really pretty. They are sort of like paper samplers, with art and a lovely quote. She left one tacked to the front door one night for me to discover when I left for work.

Chloe is writing a reference guide to plants with magical properties. She's been researching and organizing and cranking out content. I told her tonight that her process greatly resembles my own at work. She says she is not sure she would enjoy tech writing long term, but she seems to be having a pretty good time with it on a limited basis.

Frank has been sending out e-mail messages and otherwise brainstorming over the Greybeards lack of a drummer for their Good Vibrations performance. He got a very promising nibble today from an unschooler with five years' experience, so please keep your fingers crossed on that! In his spare time in and around his hosting duties, he's been practicing on the keyboard and keeping the house guest-ready.

Aaaand... We've been watching football!! Wahoo!! The Seahawks had their first preseason game yesterday. They looked relaxed and fit and reasonably competent, and they won, so we were happy. Their first home game is next Saturday. We're really looking forward to watching them from our very own seats.

Ruminations on meditation

The meditating I've been doing over the last couple of months is bringing up lots of stuff, but it's more emotion than coherent thought. I have draft posts sitting on my blog account with names like "Letting be" and "Finding quiet," but those simple phrases have seemed to be the extent of my words on it all.

Until now. :-)

Last week, I started a small writing contract at MS. So, my lovely long spell of "being free" came to an end, I started a new job, had a deadline, and had houseguests (my dad and stepmom, up from San Diego for his 50th high school reunion)—a confluence of transitions and family and activity and conflicting demands on my time that would normally have me strung tight with stress. Instead, I've been calm and happy and productive.

It's very strange.

But I like it.

At Live and Learn last fall, Caren told me I have a calm presence (or energy, sorry, Caren, can't remember your exact phrasing). And I said, "Me?!" Calm has definitely not been part of my self-identity, and I doubt my nearest and dearest would have been likely to describe me that way. But maybe what Caren sensed is having a chance now to come to the forefront.

The meditation I'm doing is Vipassana, or insight, meditation. The class I took walked us through several approaches to meditation, or perhaps I should say layers of meditation. The starter meditation is to focus on the sensations of breathing: the air entering and leaving your nostrils, your chest and stomach moving with each breath. When you notice yourself thinking—when you "wake up" from thinking—you simply note that ("thinking, thinking") and then return to your breath.

Another pretty simple one is to focus on all the sensations in your body. You focus on whichever sensation is strongest—that tingle in your feet, the itch on your nose, the twinge in your lower back—and really experience that sensation. Lean into it. Notice how it changes or disappears, and when it's no longer the strongest, move on to the next.

And one I really love is focusing on the sounds around you. You listen, and then listen deeper. You hear each sound come and go, and you listen to the quiet spaces between the sounds.

There are more, but those are a good start if you want to try it. And if you want to get more detailed descriptions or otherwise learn more, I strongly recommend Tara Brach's book Radical Acceptance.

The Doings Report

After our trip to an unschooler party in British Columbia, we welcomed nephew-son Jerry, his wife, Cori, and their 2yo daughter, Molly. They were up from New Orleans and stayed with us for two weeks. It was SO FUN to live with a 2yo again. Molly and I played and played and played, and we looked at my collection of treasure boxes (many of which have something inside!!) about a million times. We also did a bunch of sightseeing (the beach house, the Children's Museum, Pacific Science Center, Twin Lakes), rested up some during the weekend they spent on the Peninsula, and then...

We welcomed niece Lori and her husband, Bobby, also up from New Orleans. The big group of us did more sightseeing (Pike Place Market, downtown, Space Needle, Mariners game) in the 100-degree weather with no air conditioning, and then...

We drove down to Manzanita, Oregon, a lovely little coastal town, for the long anticipated Maier Family Reunion. It was a long and busy weekend, but the weather was good, the people were convivial, and it mostly came off like it was supposed to. Each of the 8 branches of the family were represented, and we had the special treat of having almost all of Marty's (Frank's) branch up from New Orleans and Houston.

We got to pick up our copy of the Maier Family Cookbook, 2009 edition, which cousin Sonya and I have been working on (her for TWO YEARS, me for a few weeks), with some extra inning page-breaking relief from MJ. It turned out really nice, with lots of family stories and humor tucked in around the recipes, in addition to the more formal memory sections people contributed. And the photo section Sonya put together is GORGEOUS.

Sunday, we and our houseguests made our way north again. We had one last dinner together, and then went to bed in preparation for the 4 a.m. airport run. UGH.

Monday, I had a little phone interview; Tuesday, I signed a contract; and Thursday, I started work. It's a five- or six-week project, which means the final deadline will probably coincide with Good Vibrations. BUT... it's some work and some income.

Last night, MJ and Chloe and I went up to Randi and Kauleen's to finally (FINALLY!) meet baby Rudy. It was a lovely evening, and he is perfect.

Today, we head south again to Portland to visit Golds and Winklers and one Book. We'll also retrieve Chloe, who went from Manzanita to Corvallis to hang out with Qacei.

This week, our next wave of houseguests arrives, with my dad and his wife, Renee', coming up for his 50th high school reunion. We haven't seen them in more than a year, so it'll be good to get caught up.

Will I have more time for blogging after that? I only think so in my most optimistic moments...

Friday fill-in

Just a little late...

1. Sunshine is my favorite summertime thing.

2. My favorite John Hughes movies is "The Breakfast Club," with "Sixteen Candles" a close second. They are two very different movies, but both nicely represent my teen years.

3. A toddler's hair is something I love to touch.

4. The full moon has been hard to spot in our cloudy skies.

5. I'm sniffling right now. It's a small price to pay for visiting Rudy (and his kitties) last night!

6. When daylight fades I wake up.

7. And as for the weekend, last night I was looking forward to visiting Rudy and watching the season premiere of Psych, today my plans include another trip down I-5 (picking up Chloe and visiting the Winklers), and Sunday, I want to come home again and get ready for a VERY busy week!

I'm attempting to do as Kelly Lovejoy evidently does and be busy without being rushed. We'll see how I do.

Tired of this

Despite Lou Dobbs' continuing idiocy and statements on a certain private billboard in southwestern Washington (if you've ever traveled the I-5 corridor, you know the one), Barack Obama has a U.S. birth certificate.

How many people have to verify this before the right-wingnuts will shut up about it?