Step outside

Step outside and look
Green grass, brown fence
Look closer
Dandelions, clover (it's time to mow)
Closer still, a whole world
Opens up, details explode

The moss at the roots
Dry grass stems from her last mowing
And bursting-with-life stems gone to seed
Baby dandelion leaves with fuzzy fluted edges
(Who knew dandelions were so pretty?)

A tiny moth
Irritant yesterday, iridescent wonder today,
Tucked tight against whatever's handy
Persistent fly
His discovery: a fluff of dryer lint
Ripe with proteins no doubt

And everywhere
Gossamer traces of spiders past or passing,
Or there still but hidden from view,
Winding, twining, shimmering in the sun
Trap for unwary victims and stray seeds
But oh, so vulnerable to human feet

Step outside and look

Friday fill-in

1. She had a great life, and she knew it.

2. My own resilience and wisdom and creativity are is by my side, always. (I do not defer my own strength to a higher power; it's mine. If there's a higher power, she can get her own.)

3. I know this: Being around unschoolers brings me a lot of joy. And it's addictive!

4. Vipassanā is the first type of meditation I've tried where I'm able to sit still. But I don't know if I could do it for 10 days!

5. These words apply to me: Seahawks Season Ticket Holder. Whoot!

6. When I married Frank, the sun was shining.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to arriving in Spokane, tomorrow my plans include relaxing in a hotel room, maybe working on the new Maier family cookbook, and going to cousin Nick's wedding, and Sunday, I want to go home again ('cause whoever said you can't had a really poor sense of direction)!

Score!

After two years on the waiting list, we are now season ticket holders for the Seattle Seahawks! I'm very excited and have been posting whoots all over the Internet. Here's another:

WHOOT!
Our seats are up in the nosebleed section, between the 20- and 30-yard lines on the west end of the stadium. But we're under the roof, the value of which can't be overestimated in the Pacific Northwet.

Angry (feet)

Warning: This video is not for everyone. It contains explicit language and conjures violent images. Laughter-induced injury may also occur.



Tim Minchin poem "Angry (feet)"

Inspiration

A caliber of performance The Greybeards can only hope to aspire to.



Whose Line Song Styles

It's all about the moment

Frank and I were at the library yesterday. A toddler was in the parking garage making all sorts of noises and listening to them echo. The adult he was with was encouraging and participating in this experimentation, and they were clearly having a fabulous time together. Frank and I, from the floor above, listened and smiled.

Such a little thing, that moment, but so huge in terms of acceptance.

I wish moments like those were the norm in our culture. Just imagine all those moments strung together in a child's life to make decades of interaction with adults who enjoy their exploration, join in on the fun, and put "life focus" on joy.

Gratitude spotlight

When MJ was little, I had a little conversation with our nephew-son, Jerry. "Do you think Marjie is happy?" I asked. I don't remember his exact reply, but it was much closer to "Not really" than "Of course!"

I think about that moment now and realize what a great gift he gave to MJ and me that day. If he had offered polite reassurances instead of his honesty, there's a chance I would have ignored the instincts that were telling me I had cause for concern. I might have continued blindly down the parenting path I was on, inflicting more and more damage. Instead, he offered a wake-up call that sent me in search of a better way.

Thank you, Jerry.

(Read more about my parenting journey here.)

Gratitude list

Lots of people recommend keeping a gratitude journal as a way of focusing on the positive in your life. Unschooling mom and life coach Rain Fordyce recommends putting at least 10 things on your daily gratitude list and making it in the morning to start your day off right. I'm giving it a try.

I am grateful for:

Wednesday
1. Sleep and our big bed.
2. Facebook and banter with my friends (even though Mindy is probably right that it has Facesucked up my blogging time).
3. The free time I am enjoying before I go back to work.
4. The washing machine that lets me have clean clothes so quickly even when I've let the dirty stuff pile up.
5. MJ having mowed the lawns yesterday, so they look tidy and she got a new CD out of it.
6. Emotional growth (even when it hurts).
7. Having someone to call (thanks, Mary!) with parenting conundrums.
8. Our amazingly rich and full summer 'lineup, even though it intimidates me a little.
9. Poison-green paint in the bathroom!
10. Frank, MJ, and Chloe (as always, every minute).

Thursday
1. Waking up before the alarm went off so I have time to write my gratitude list.
2. Having so many friends and family members who want to spend time with us that our schedule is overflowing.
3. The likelihood that I have a job to return to, even though it means juggling in all those visits is a little tricky.
4. Disposable income (and we'll leave for another day the debate about whether there is such a thing).
5. This here laptop I'm using.
6. The fearless Odyssey and the freedom (and stowage!) it provides.
7. Babies on the way. (No, I'm not pregnant. That would have been worth a blog post of its own.)
8. Hardware Sales in Bellingham where we found (FINALLY!) hula hoop supplies.
9. Having family members who like roadtrips as much as I do.
10. MJ, Chloe, and Frank (as always, every minute).

Right speech

I learned about the Buddhist concept of Right Speech today. In brief, it is the Eightfold Path practice of speaking truthfully, with kindness and mindfulness. In seeking to learn more about Right Speech, I found a nice article by Beth Roth that includes some creative ideas for improving communication with family members. Enjoy!

Right Speech Reconsidered

Friday fill-in

1. I grew up thinking I was never quite good enough.

2. CenterDownHome was the last website I was at before coming here.

3. Why don't you trust your kids? (Think about it! It probably has very little to do with them.)

4. Anything I do for fun helps me relax.

5. Thanks for the very cool birthday party, Zenmomma! I'm bummed that my actual day doesn't fall within the conference dates next year.

6. Traditional parenting, no matter how mild, is very off-putting.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to reading, drumming, playing guitar, and being with my family, tomorrow my plans include a possible trip up to Hardware Sales in Bellingham for hula hoop materials, followed by going to see Terminator with some friends, and Sunday, I want to go with the flow!

Unschooling meme

I imagine my answers will be somewhat similar to Frank's, but that's okay, since his answers are what inspired me to do this one anyway.

Unschooling versions provided by Linda Wyatt.

1. Original question: What time do you get up?
Unschooling version: What sleep schedules do people in your house have? Do you all have fairly similar schedules, or not? Are you the kind of people who wish things were open 24/7?

I am usually the first one awake. When I'm working, I get up about 8. When I'm not working, I wake up about that same time but might not actually get out of bed for a good while after that. Frank and MJ aren't far behind me. Chloe usually surfaces about noon or one but might be awake in her room for a while before that; she loves hanging out in her room.

I like the convenience of open-all-night businesses, but our hours tend to be more conventional than that. Except I tend to do our banking at about 10 p.m. Not sure why.

2. Original question: What do your children wear to school?
Unschooling version: Do you know any good sources for great stuff to wear? Some examples: vests with lots of pockets, good boots, lightweight jackets with a sleeve pocket for pens, comfortable cotton tees with interesting designs. Anything you have that you love that other people might not know about?

We shop at the thrift store when there's something in particular we're looking for. "Something in particular" ranges from jeans to cosplay supplies to just something new. Lately, MJ loves Wet Seal. I like finding things on the clearance rack at Target: cheap, comfortable, nothing I'm going to be too sad to find stained or worn out.

Significant portions of our wardrobes bear unschooling conference logos.

3. Original question: What curriculum have you tried and hated? What have you tried and loved?
Unschooling version: Any good references to suggest? Websites, catalogs, whatever? Any that you have found that tend to be suggested by folks, that you really didn't find useful? Favorite books?

I love Wikipedia. Everything is in there, and while it is generally pretty well researched, it inspires critical reading. The "Needs citation" notes are brilliant for that.

IMDB.com is really fun. (Did you know Kevin Pollack is one of the brownies in Willow? I've seen that movie dozens of times and didn't notice til Frank and the girls pointed it out the other night. Still disbelieving, I went straight to IMDB to confirm. Conversation and research all took place while the movie was rolling.)

Speaking of that, having a laptop is a FABULOUS resource. Portable information, entertainment, communication, networking, computing.

We go to the library about once a week, Half Price Books about once a month, other book stores and Amazon.com as needed.

Any video entertainment your kids want to watch is another fabulous resource. And I do mean Any. Video. Entertainment. I can't begin to list all the learning that has been inspired and/or reinforced by TV shows, movies, and video games. It's astonishing to me that the educational establishment is so completely missing the boat on this.

4. Original question: Who is your most inspirational homeschooling role model?
Unschooling version: How did you decide to unschool? Do you have any good sources of info to share? Anyone in particular who helped you make this choice?

The collected minds on unschooling.com were my primary inspiration. Actually, my first reaction was, "These people are really out there!" But as I read a lot (LOT) of information about homeschooling, those unschooling voices kept calling me. The seeds were planted, and I began to see in our lives—even while our kids were in school—what the people "out there" were talking about. By the time we officially pulled our kids out of school, I was 80% an unschooler. One math lesson after that, it was closer to 90%.

5. Original question: Abeka, Charlotte Mason, unschooling, or Classical?
Unschooling version: What kinds of ways do your family members learn about stuff these days?

Books and videos and the Internet. Personal interaction with other people.

But the biggie? Conversation. Conversation is what ties it all together.

6. Original question: Favorite response to “What about socialization?”
Unschooling version: How do you talk to people who ask clueless questions about unschooling? Any favorite stories? Suggestions for dealing with family members who are fearful or critical?

The main thing we get is that unschooling works for us because our kids are so bright. Countering that is tough, because, well, of course I think my kids are the most amazing people on the planet!

And it is true that our unschooling is tailored to their strengths. Our unschooling tends to be somewhat cerebral. We do a lot of things that are pleasing to the academically inclined: lots of words, lots of writing, lots of reading. And my kids actually enjoy their state-mandated standardized testing. They test well, producing lovely, academically reassuring annual test scores.

But I try to explain that unschooling works because all kids, regardless of their so-called intelligence quotients, thrive when they get to pursue what matters to them. I know a lot of unschoolers, and they are all bright and amazing. Most of the time, I have no idea—literally NONE—where those kids would rank in a classroom setting or how they would score on a standardized test. Who cares?

WHO CARES?

What matters is that they are bright, happy, interesting, accomplished, engaged and engaging. Unschooling doesn't only work for kids of "above-average intelligence," or kids whose parents are teachers, or kids who can recite the alphabet while twirling a baton, or any other limiting factor.

Unschooling works because the unschooled individual has the time and support to follow the interesting byways that lead to real learning.

7. Original question: Favorite subject?
Unschooling version: What are you guys up to these days? What are you doing that is so terrific that you think others should hear about it?

Hmm. Lots of music around here since about January. Actually, for MJ, music is a driving force and has been for years. But we're all playing with musical instruments lately. I can play "Sympathy for the Devil" on the guitar! And my love for African drumming continues.

I learned to hula hoop at LIFE is Good. I've never been able to do it before. My (adult) friend Dana said three words and *poof*, I could hula hoop. (The three words were "make smaller motions.")

I've been exploring the effects of shame on kids and am formulating a new unschooling presentation.

I have put out some feelers and am probably returning to work in July.

We're doing lots (LOTS) of socializing. Movies tomorrow. Gathering of unschoolers on Thursday. Maia is staying over Thursday night. And there's something this weekend, but I'm drawing a blank. Where'd I put my calendar?

Qacei and Chloe want to get together. Mental note: Find calendar. Find blank space on calendar.

8. Original question: Favorite field trip ever?
Unschooling version: Been anywhere cool? Where? Have any stories to share about adventures you've had? I'd be especially interested in hearing about adventures to places that few people know about. Pictures, too.

Frank got into some of our travels, so I'm going to think smaller (but no less precious).

When the Waynforths were here in May, we toured the Boeing facility here in Everett. Despite living no more than 15 minutes from this facility for most of my life, I had never been before. We got to see the first ever 787. We got to sit in the cockpit of a jet and flip all the switches we wanted to. Simon and Linnaea flew a simulator, and MJ blew up a bit of (simulated) desert with a (simulated) missile.

The next day, we stuck chewing gum on a very colorful wall in Post Alley near the Pike Place Market. And we visited the Seattle Aquarium, where MJ and Chloe looked at every creature in the place and played and laughed just like their younger counterparts.

Later, we ate Thai food, and then we visited the Fremont Troll and his pet VW bug, a gigantic but whimsical art installation under Highway 99. The kids took turns sitting on the troll's head.

For some quiet time, we watched "Firefly" and played a card game the name of which is escaping me right now. Munchkins? Is that it?

This is IT, folks. Exploring. Playing together. Talking about it all. Pretending to pull boogers out of a troll's nose. The good stuff!

9. Original question: Best thing about homeschooling?
Unschooling version: we can pretty much leave this one as-is. What have you found to be the most rewarding about how your family lives?

Being together. Knowing my kids. Opening up my own world by being open to theirs. Experiences.

Before LIFE is Good, I painted one window on our van with these words:

LIVE LOVE LAUGH LEARN

(See photo here)

That's the best thing about unschooling, having all of those L-words bundled up into one lovely lifestyle.

10. Original question: Sports, music, or art?
Unschooling version: I still don't know where to go with this question. Care to share any interesting things you've done or are doing in any of these fields? Anything you've had time to delve into that you might not have if you were busy doing schoolwork?

MJ played volleyball for a while, sometimes with Frank. Chloe hates competitive sports. Frank and I are moderately avid football and baseball fans, and we've had some lovely family outings to Safeco Field, a cathedral to baseball. Chloe and I walk together occasionally. Frank has his sword arts.

Frank goes into some detail about our music. I'll just mention that I've learned guitar chords from all three of them, which I absolutely love. Building my guitar skills is a family project! :-)

Both girls draw, especially Chloe with her manga. She recently drew a whole set of Norse gods and goddesses in manga style, very detailed and clever drawings that reveal the depth of her knowledge of Norse mythology. MJ is a beautiful photographer (and she takes pretty pictures, too! ba-doom). I crochet scarves every now and then. We all take occasional advantage of our shelf of art supplies.

I don't know if school would have kept us from any of that, but there would have been a lot less of all of it.

11. Original question: Beautiful script handwriting, or lightning fast accurate typing?
Unschooling version: Don't know where to go with this question, either, since I don't really understand why it was even asked. Make something up.

MJ has the prettiest handwriting of all of us. She can write in italics. It's nifty!

Chloe and Frank write like typical Maiers. But both can do pretty when it matters. Chloe's captions on her art, for instance, are very flowing and artsy.

I touch type, except I look at the keyboard whenever I want to. Frank hunts and misses. The girls have developed their own keyboarding methods and are really fast.

12. Original question: Best one stop shopping for school books?
Unschooling version: Best place to get books? Or other things, too, like some of those fabulous websites that have all sorts of really cool toys and equipment. Where do you find cool stuff?

Our favorite stores to visit lately are those that sell musical instruments. And I love Fair Trade stores.

13. Original question: One subject you didn’t get to this week:
Unschooling version: What do you wish you had time for this week that you didn't fit in?

The important stuff always gets squeezed in. Time is usually not the problem: I often wish I had more willpower. Chloe (who loves burrowing into her room with books and her sketchpad and piles of dirty dishes) periodically laments the lack of long stretches of time without fun social stuff to do.

14. Original question: What will you do when you run out of kids to teach?
Unschooling version: What ways have you found to continue your own learning? What kinds of things have you gotten interested in since having kids? Do you have any particular plans once fewer people live in your house, whenever that may be?

I'm more open to my own learning than I was before unschooling. I've learned (ha!) to recognize all the learning I do.

New interests since unschooling: African drumming, guitar, blogging, public speaking, sexy backup singing, growing things until I get bored and everything dies, reading historical romance novels (I now know so much more about world history than I learned in school!), birdwatching, Tai Chi... Probably more.

Frank and I want to travel more. Maybe the girls will take over the nest and we'll go be fledglings.

15. Original question: Ever give school books as holiday or Birthday gifts?
Unschooling version: What's the best book gift you have ever given? Gotten?

We give books all the time. Chloe loves getting a box full of manga. I love getting gift certificates to book stores. Possibilities!

16. Original question: Better late or early (delay formal education at home, or start as young as possible?)
Unschooling version: (1) Are there some things you find you prefer a class structure for? (2) What alternatives have you found for learning things most people think can only happen in a class? (3) Do different members of your family have different learning styles, and if so, can you tell me a little about that and how it has affected how you do things?

First, the original question: Start early to strew wonderful things in your children's lives. Delay formal instruction until the kid asks for it (if he ever does).

(1) No.

(2) Fiction. Stories are amazing teachers. Videos, books, comic books, video games, funny pages, and whatever comes out of the imagination. They all lead to more, more, more.

Also, learning by snippets. Most people think you have to sit down for 50 minutes every day for three months and study subject X. Actually, humans are quite capable of connecting and sorting out snippets learned years apart in vastly different venues.

(3) I wrote about this here.

Good deal

Despite Blogging Without Obligation, I've been feeling guilty for not blogging. Fortunately, Laura over at CenterDownHome has written something wonderful so I don't have to. Thanks, Laura!

Okay, okay, she didn't write it (just) for me, and she wrote it more wonderfully than I could have hoped to, but it's a gift nevertheless.

The Long Reply

Friday fill-in

1. My family is my home. They travel with me wherever I go (even when we're apart).

2. My favorite thing for dinner lately has been whatever Chef Frank puts in front of me. When we're fending for ourselves, MJ and I have been enjoying veggies and cheese in a flour tortilla, zapped for about a minute.

3. With an exuberant "bark! bark! bark!" Obi expressed his joy at having his boys and a couple of spare girls playing in the lake. The kids were equally exuberant but perhaps a bit more creative in their vocabulary.

4. A nice long walk makes Ronnie a happier, healthier gal.

5. This site—recently featured in the Rolling Stone Hot List—is always there when you need some good news (for a change). And the founder is an unschooling mom!

6. When all is said and done, life is good.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to some good times, tomorrow my plans include a day ruled by impulse, and Sunday, I want to play it by ear!

LiG '09 report - Slice 6 - Party time, peace time

One of the highlights of the conference for me was definitely the after-parties in Ren's room. The first one was just a hoot, with twelve to twenty conversations going on at once, and the surprise arrival of Mercedes and Madelyn, and so much laughter. I loved every minute of it.

But the one the next night was good, too. For one thing, we were all really tired, including Ren's kids, and Frank and I arrived just in time for a little mishap involving burning food in the microwave and, separately, a hotel light that was in mortal danger due to creative use of a new Egggame.

I always like getting little glimpses into how unschooling parents handle those really tired moments. In this case, even though I should have known better, I found myself getting tense, waiting for traditional-parent-style snapping and punishment—you know, like "Stop that right now or I'm taking that game away from you!" Instead, Ren kept her cool, briefly explained her concern for the light, and helped Jalen find a safer spot to play. Problem solved, just like that, without threats or belittling or fights.

And then we partied.

LiG '09 report - Slice 5 - More presents

Each of the four unschooling conferences I've been to has included "Fairy Godparents" (secret pals). This is the first year I've participated, and it was *really* fun.

On the first day, we filled out a form with a little info about ourselves. Then all the forms went into a box, and we clambered wildly took turns drawing out forms. The person whose form I drew was my Fairy Godchild, and it was my job to leave anonymous surprises for this person all through the weekend. Likewise, someone was my Fairy Godparent. These surprises could be left in the lobby or at the appropriate hotel room door or delivered by a willing accomplice (aka MJ and Chloe).

I pulled Jenny's name. She's another unschooling mom. I left her a hand-lettered sign, a "Queen Jenny" over-the-shoulder banner, a fresh rose (stuck in a hastily converted Mike's bottle), some Junior Mints, and a little origami box purchased at the Untrepreneurial Fair.

Galen was my Godparent. He's about 10, I think. He left me some temp tattoos, some chocolate, a bouquet of lilacs, some glowsticks (which I wore at the dance), and something else I'm forgetting. I was pretty spoiled!

I'd be hard pressed to tell you whether I enjoyed the giving or the getting more. I think I'm hooked!

LiG '09 report - Slice 4 - Presents

I love going to the main presentations at an unschooling conference. I've never once failed to get something valuable out of a talk.

But the speakers I listened to at this year's LIFE is Good Conference were Really Special, and they tackled some of unschooling's meatier issues. Schuyler Waynforth talked about why TV is so valuable in an unschooling (or any) home. Biologist David Waynforth presented the science behind unrestricted food choices. Kevin Snavley told us about being an unschooler in public school. Ren Allen talked about unschoolers leaving the nest, and also about embracing life's messier moments. Gillian Mayer offered honesty about, and a foundation for, unschooling intense kids. Jeff Sabo talked about shifting between the controlled (and tidy) corporate world and the unfettered (and rarely tidy) unschooling home. And Rain Fordyce shared her story and tools for letting go of our school-inspired resistance to unschooling and life.

It was like Christmas! And the gifts these presenters offered will continue to enhance our lives for years to come. Thanks, guys!

Wordless Wednesday

Hippie unschoolers

LIFE is Good has spawned a comprehensive and entertaining flurry of activity on Facebook. On somebody's conference photos somewhere, I saw a comment about "all the hippie unschoolers." Hmmm. I don't recall seeing any hippies (with the exception of a couple former hippies like Frank), so I've been puzzling over this comment ever since I saw it.

All I can come up with is that unschoolers embrace an alternative culture. The thing is, our alternative culture is actually limited to our educational and parenting philosophies. Beyond that, our philosophies are varied and often pretty mainstream. Many of the moms stay home with the kids, and many of the working parents are part of corporate America. We drive minivans. We take the kids to soccer games and t-ball practice and ballet lessons and so on. Most of our kids use computers and play a lot of video games and have heaps of plastic toys.

Sure, some of us are into natural foods or Eastern philosophies or tie-dyed shirts or liberal politics, and most of us value creativity. But the same could be said of just about any cross-section of humans—at least on the West coast! To attach any label other than "unschoolers" to such a diverse group is shortsighted and seems rather dismissive (even to someone who admires hippies).

Maybe to some, "hippie" is synonymous with "alternative," and we qualify by the very act of keeping our kids home from school. I dunno.